New Galactic Solutions
by keiman and kei
Summary: For the very first time ever, Gallifrey and the 3WA have a liaison officer. Subaltern Allison V Prydonia is a youngish (130) time lady and the youngest Councilor. This tale tells of her very first combined 3WA/Gallifreyan mission aboard her new 'flagship' and her new TARDIS. This will be the final 'rift in time' sequel which began so many yrs back w/ 'Xmas w/ the Dirty Pair.
1. Ch1 'New Leader'Alley Cat'

NEW GALACTIC SOLUTIONS

Chapter 1 'New Leader' or 'Alley Cat'

This is the final sequel to the adventures of the 'rift in time' begun years ago in Christmas with the Dirty Pair. Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control, I must begin with Chapter 2. Chapter 1 will be added in later as a stand alone story intended solely to make a smooth transition from the previous ff.

DISCLAIMER: OK, Doctor #3. The floor is yours. Thank you, my dear child. First we wish to thank Mr Takachiho without whose lovely creations this saga could have never even been started! Likewise we say thankee to all of the other creators whose creations we have borrowed. Anyone may of course borrow any of our own creations so long as credit is given in like fashion to our own literary creator. I apologize but we seem to have lost the thread of this tale.

Therefore, we shall pick up during the waning weeks of our voyage to Gallifrey or Shimougou or whever the devil this fool girl is dragging us to! Sorry. I know that Miss Prydonia is our Commander but worse for me, she is my own cousin! Most distressing indeed not to recall where one is save somewhere near that blasted 'Neutral Zone' of the Federation and those pesky Romulans!

Aha! According to my wrist chromo's date indicator, tonight is Hall-o-we'en in AD 2255 and the young people are having a good old-fashioned fancy dress costumery party! There! Now get on with the tale, my dear girl or I will tell your 'Grandfather' Casterlein that you have been quite naughty!

Here begins this part of our tale.

Not sure where I left off but this is Chapter 2-

When I arrived at the masked soiree, all eyes turned to me. Despite the mask that I'd 'repped up' of old 'Witch Hazel' from those old cartoons I had watched on vid disk from ancient Terran TV, I was certain sure that everyone knew it was me. Why? Because I'm nowhere near as tall as the rest of the gang!

"May I have the pleasure of zees dahnce, bonita Senorita (Pretty miss in Spanish. Did I ever tell ya that I am fluent in all Terran languages and another few hundred galactic tongues?) or has another caballero claimed you for his own?" asked Zorro the Fox and I almost fainted.

"Of course, Senor Zorro. Your Spanish accent has slipped a bit. Is anything wrong, sir?" I asked in a concerned voice. A chuckle was my answer.

"I am not 'that' Zorro, Brigadier. My flying partner is over there. See 'Senorita Victoria Escalante' by the bar? (I nodded) You met her once way back in AD 2249. Me? You met me twice last year in the 'Citadel' but you probably don't remember. Who am I? Ah! That would be tellin', me darlin'! You will just have to wait for the unmasking at midnight. You dance divinely, Mistress Hazel! If you will excuse me, I believe that Maid Marian is calling me. Adios." said 'Zorro' and he touched his lips to mine in a brief kiss. I blushed scarlet!

"Would ze ugly hag care to dance with P-, I mean, with me, please?" asked 'Optimus Prime', the Autobot Transformer awkwardly. I smiled encouragingly and danced around the floor with- OK, I won't spoil the unmasking but I knew who my partner was and I guess most of you do as well, right?

"Senorita Hazel? You cannot be that hideous under your marvelous disguise, my dear lady. May I have the honour?" asked 'Batman' and again, I was almost certain sure that I was dancing with- wait for the witching hour, folks.

'Cinderella' and 'Rapunzel' were holding up each other at the bar while 'Count Dracula' and 'Dr Fu ManChu' were busily questioning the barkeeps for tonight, Jonathan Smith who was wearing devil's horns, tail and clutching a trident and Trish who was wearing a halo and a white robe of some flimsy material that left nothing to one's imagination! Jonathan was clad in long red flannel underwear!

"We just want the facts, ma'am. You say that the 'Batman' fella has a slight accent? Spanish? Unh huh. Thanks." said the King of Vampires.

"You think that 'Zorro' and 'Victoria' are related, sir. Brother and sister perhaps? Yeah, that's very helpful. Thankee." said the evil leader of the 'Council of Seven'.

Before 'King Kong' stepped on my tootsies a third time, I excused myself and went to the powder room, the ladies' powder room, not the arsenol. I had to check on the skeleton bridge crew. In there, my voice would have been a dead giveaway! I touched my comm badge and spoke quietly.

"Commander to bridge. Anyone there? Over." I trilled and the reply nearly deafened me!

"Roger that, Brig. Orphen here. Magic! Turn down that music, dammit! I'm talkin' to the 'Boss' here! Sorry about that, mum. Not much shakin' up here besides the light show. Over." trilled the sorcerer from a faroff world of magic.

"What 'light show', Orphie? Over." I trilled. The sorcerer nor his apprentice replied for several minutes. I was getting tired of waiting and mulling over scaring the bejesus outta them by showing up on their bridge when-

"Magic to 'Boss'. Sorry. I just got back from a trip to our 'star room'. Orph told me to check it out for ya. We got white chunky things whizzing past the ship and a few of them almost banged into us but they got zapped afore they could hit us. Orph said our shields are bouncing them back from us. But he said to tell ya that their strength is down to 15%, nope, make that 12%, mum. Anything wrong, Commader? Over." trilled the magical apprentice and I almost fell off the toilet seat!

The 'GekiGangar Dai Gurren' belt! How could I have been so baka stupid, man? The 'belt' was composed of chunks of dead 'dwarf stars' and other floating space junk. It protected my world from the brutal radiation rings of 'Da Vinci IV', one of 'Gallifrey's many moons. I think we have thirty-eight or forty.

"I'm coming up! Don't touch anything! Prydonia out!" I trilled or rather screamed into my comm badge. A minor problem which I was certain sure I could easily handle all by my lonesome. Why spoil the bash for Gene, Zoe and Han, eh? In a little while, I was gonna wish that I had called them!

I raced through the powder room's 'corridor' portal and flew for the lift stations. I rocketed up to the command deck and my sore feet in the pointed shoes pounded all the way up the hall to the bridge. I was in agony when I stumbled onto the bridge.

"Niki! Transfer 85% strength from aft shields to forward shields stat!" I screeched. Todd and Buzz had dogged my footsteps to the bridge and they looked comical as Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, the ancient Terrans' favourite comedy duo of all time! I didn't look my gift horses in the mouth either.

"Todd! Buzzy! Man those guns! Buzz, take the sonic cannons! Todd, the photon torpedoes, please! See those 'blips' on the screen? Pretend they're enemy spaceships in that 'Asteroids' vidgame you two love to play and blast the Hell outta them! If they penetrate our shield barriers, we are history! Hullo!

"This is Suba Prydonia in command of the 'Daedalus', 3WA! Patch me through to whoever the Hell is manning the comm centre in the 'Cit'! This is a priority order, Mister so move your rump! Hullo! Who's this? Leftenant Fullbring? What the Hell's a flight leftenant doing manning the comm? Oh, OK. I see. Yeah, we all gotta go when we gotta go, kid.

"Hullo? Who's this now? Ensign Galaxena? Galaxy? That you? It's Alley! Allison, Clan Prydonia? Yeah! Never mind. Tell ya tomorrow when we land there. The 'belt' just became active. We're OK now but it sapped 85% of my forward shields' power, had to borrow it from the aft ones. Point is that the ones that caromed off us may be headed for you.

"Call Commander Virgil, Imperial Guard. Get those sonic blasters manned. Even one of those chunks of 'dwarf star' could wipe out a good part of 'Galli'! Me? I'm commanding 'Daedalus' for the 3WA. Why? Didn't ya know that I'm 'Galli's new liaison officer for the 3WA and UG? Well, I am! Now get a wiggle on your tush, girl! Time's a-wastin', dammit! Prydonia out!" I shouted into my vidmike.

"OK, Hon. I'm on it! Galaxena out." said my old roomie from high school. She wasn't even 122 yet!

"Make that 'Hon, mum.' I'm a Subaltern now and I outrank ya, Galaxy." I chortled.

I turmed back to see how my gunners were doing. Believe it or not, Todd and Buzz were keeping score on their blasts!

"That's 55 for me, Todd! How many for you, old buddy?" howled Buzz Murdoch while Todd Stiles fumed and cursed.

"Dammit to Hell! Missed him! Damn you, Buzz! You're distractin' me! There! Gotcha! That's my 35th! Take that, you thing!" yelled Todd.

"Sorry, pal. I just bagged ten more. That makes it 65 to 38. No, make that 37. You just clipped that last big un so no score!" hooted Buzz while he knocked out five more chunks of 'dwarf stars'. Then I realized that Todd had 'missed a few'!

"How big were your misses, Todd?" I screeched hysterically.

"Just little ones, Boss. The size that Han and Gene said would burn out before they hit anything, Al. That last one-" explained Buzz and he hesitated. I do not like hesitation!

"That last one? What?" I prompted.

"About the size of my home state back home, Commander. No big deal. Dang it! Get that little one, Buzz! Thanks." replied Todd.

"No big deal, huh? Lady, Todd and me hail from New York! Here's what it looks like, kiddo." said Buzz and he dialed up a holographic image of the USA circa AD 1962 with 'New York' circled in red. I nearly upchucked! New York was bigger than the Boss Lady's favourite NFL team's state of Louisiana and then some! I grabbed the vidmike.

"Commander Prydonia of the 3WA calling 'Citadel Security Chief' Commander Virgil. Come in, Virge! Emergency!" I trilled.

"Virgil here. How ya been, Alley, me darlin'?" drawled the tall, rangy leader of the Gallifreyan 'Imperial Guard', our planet's chief of security, in his laid back laconic manner of speech.

"Look at the damned 'belt', Virgie! One of my gunners let a chuck slip past! It's thrice the size of the 'Dead Lands', man! See it yet? Over." I trilled and a few seconds later-

"Wow! You wasn't kiddin', Honey! Get that thing, Akeeler! Got it? Good! It's OK now, Lovey. Anton got it. 'Member him? Over." drawled Virgil. Anton Akeeler? Of course I 'membered him!

Besides being a young 'time lord', Anton was a dabbler in Alchemy! I well 'member when he 'accidentally' blew up one of Lord Kaloric's labouratories! I was with him at the time although I was a year his junior. He was in Form 10 while I was in Form 9, he was a sophmore while I was a freshman in high school.

I well 'member because both of us were punished for his antics! I did not even do anything wrong but I still got 16 extra hours of advanced history for a week same as he got! Now he was a gunner? Lord Rathelon save us all!

"Anything else, kiddo? I'm a mite busy down here what with your bringin' down all them big shots tomorrow and all, Al. Over." drawled Virgil when I did not reply.

"Negative. We are almost through the 'belt' and we will be making planetfall early tomorrow, Virge. Thanks. Prydonia out." I trilled and dropped my vidmike.

"Aw! No more targets, old buddy! Time to tally up. Lessee, that's a grand total of 575 for me and 417 and a half for you. I win! That means the drinks are on you tonight, pal!" chuckled Buzz while Todd, evidently a sore loser, fumed and ranted.

"I still say I got a full hit on number 399 so it should be 575 to 418! Wait until the next asteroid belt, Buzz!" shouted Todd.

"Fine, whatever. I still won and the drinks are still on you tonight, Todd." chortled Buzz.

"OK, but up here, everything's free, Buzz. Guess I'll let you buy dinner our first night back home. Deal?" asked Todd. Buzz nodded and the two 'Corvette drifters' 'high-fived' each other to seal the deal. I saw by the wall chromo it was a few seconds to midnight and time for the unmasking to begin.

Leaving Orphen in command with Magic on the bridge, Todd, Buzz and I made a hasty exit to the lift stations. We arrived just as the first stroke of midnight was striking.

The 'King of the Goblins' was calling for quiet. I knew that this was Lt Quicksilver/Mercury who was my morale officer.

Our charming 'Witch Hazel' will have the honour with myself of being the very last to unmask this evening. First, I simply must know whom is behind this lovely 'Masque of the Red Death' mask. Step forward, sir." said Sil and a tall dude in red floated over to us trailed by 'Wolfman Mac'.

The 'wolfman' was revealed to be none other than Light Yagami while the mysterious 'Red Death' was 'Death' himself, the horrible shinigami death god, Ryuuk! There was a thunder of applause!

Next. Will 'Sherlock Holmes' and 'Dr Watson' step up to the podium, please?" I said.

"Just like that 'List of Adrian Messenger' film, eh Holmes?" asked a very familiar sounding voice.

"Yup. They kept us all guessin' until the end, my dear Watson. The identity of the murderer, of course, was elementary." chuckled another very familiar seeming voice.

Behind the spectacles and mustache of the good doctor was the master of the 'Outlaw Star', Gene Starwind!

Under Holmes's 'deerstalker' cap and huge Calabash pipe and beneath a lot of 'pancake' make-up was the ex-pirate and ex-smuggler extraordinaire and lucky hubby of the new President of Kurestan, Han Solo!

More applause greeted each new mask and face behind it until there was a mere handful remaining.

'Optimus Prime' and 'Batman' were revealed as Pancho and Cisco respectively. 'Cinderella' was the blonde 'Dynamite Kiss Doll' Eve while her partner, the brunette, Blackie was the long tressed 'Rapunzel'. All heads turned when Charles Augustus Milverton Garner, the 3WA's Territorial Sector Chief puffed out his chest and lit a foul-smelling cigar!

"Ho! Ho there, I say! Is there nobody here that recognizes their commander-in-chief? I have been with all of you, well, almost all of you for many years! Even our Commander is well known to me. No guesses?" demanded the gruff voice which really sounded like our 'Uncle Chuckie'.

"Spike Steigel? Is that you under there?" asked the unmasked 'King Kong', Jett Black of the 'Bebop'.

"Not this time, Jett." said 'Jaffa', the evil grand vizier of 'Aladdin' and the 'Thief of Baghdad', Spike Steigel, cigarette in hand.

"I think it's 'Faye Faye' (Faye Valentine of the 'Bebop') under there!" yelped 'Underdog' who had been unmasked as the 'Bebop's own Ed Appledore. She had a death squeeze on both Ein the data dog and Luna, the poor neko (cat) of the 'Sailor Moon' gang.

"You only gotta say it once, Edward! Nope, not me, folks." admitted the final 'Bebop' crewman, Faye Valentine who had come to the party as 'Prince Achmed', the 'Thief of Baghdad'.

"Mr Garner? We give up. Please unmask, sir." laughed Sil.

Garner was wearing no mask. Instead, make-up and paints had been used to disguise, I did not believe it!- Angela de Roncesvalles herself!

The room exploded with thunderous clapping and Sil immediately announced that Angela's was the best male costume and crowned her with a tiara of daisies. Now who would win for best female costume?

'Count Dracula' and 'Dr Fu ManChu' were revealed as our two Terran LA detectives Sgt Joe Friday and Officer Billy Gannon, respectively.

"Moving right along as the hour grows late, will 'Zorro' and his own sweetheart, 'Victoria Escalante' step up here, please?" said Sil.

'Zorro' and his lady love stepped forward. He bowed to us while she curtseyed.

"The lovely Victoria will now unmask. Ladies first, you know." said 'Zorro' while 'Victoria' smiled at him. Then she spat out the rose she had held in her teeth all evening, yanked off her dark wig and wiped heavy 'pancake' from her fresh, young face.

"Many of you know me although I am from your futures as is my compadre over there. In a way, I am soon to be related to the Boss Lady herself. You see, 'Zorro' and I are to be married when we conclude this mission and return to our own time era. My own dear mother is a 3WA chief, Ella Hathaway. I am Annie Hathaway and the first female pilot in the 3WA to pilot a 'time ship'. However, they have yet to be invented in your time era. OK. Your turn, partner." she giggled.

'Zorro' pulled off his pencil mustache amd drew his Toledo blade which he used to sever the side of his mask. Pulling off both black hat and black wig, the boy before us was a smiling redhead. His blushing bride-to-be was also a redhead.

"Me? I'm from Annie's 'time era' and I was or will be the very first 3WA pilot ever to be assigned command of a soon to be invented 'time ship'. Now how can I be related to the 'Demon o' Dublin' I hear you asking? Well, I'm related to the 'Rose o' Tralee' as well. Another hint? I am probably the only person who ever pissed in the face of the Boss and got away with it too!" he chuckled.

'Cupid' Kome Sawaguchi snapped her fingers and pointed at him.

"It's KR! That's the 'Dirty Pair's godson, Keitarou Riff, 'Goblin King'! Too bad we already got a male costume eh?" cried Kome. More applause and now we were down to just a single masked figure besides us.

"Will 'Maid Marian' please reveal herself to the company?" I said and 'Robin Hood's sweetheart stepped up to the podium.

"I am the truly bethrothed of Robin of Locksley and Sherwood. As to my true persona, however, I have yelled at each and every one of you in this room at one time or another. Earlier, of course, 'Robin' was revealed as my dear friend, Fritz von Dekker, the 'Green Baron'. I will tell you right now that I am not his captain of the 'Emerald Queen', Emma Emeraldas! I am a stern taskmaster and I have my own ship which is safely tucked away back at the Academy. Come now. How about a guess?" said a very high pitched and definitely not female voice.

"It's Johnny Smith, master o' the 'Flying Dutchman', me hearties!" yelled 'Spiderman' Will, Edie's pilot on the 'Mary Celeste'. The 'Green Lantern' had been his trucker partner, Sonny.

"Nah! It's gotta be Lord Ivanhoe's fiancee, Rebecca. Unless it's Lord Ivy himself." roared Mark Gordon who had opted to come as 'Fireman Sam'.

"Everyone give up? OK. So be it. Best female costume is 'Maid Marian'! Unmask, me pretty!" said Sil.

Blonde curls and pretty face dropped to the ground and Jonathan Harlock was leering at us and guffawing with mirth!

"Thankee! Thankee! Never thought I'd doll up like a skirt, did ye now, Dynamo?" he chuckled and 'Godzilla' agreed.

"What about our host and hostess?" demanded Diana who had come as her mama, Aphrodite/Venus.

Finally, I reached up to remove my witch's hat but Sil arrested my movements. Instead he shook his head and the 'King of Goblins' was gone! In his place was my morale officer although he was much taller and far more handsome than he had been before!

"OK! Enough suspense already! Who's the wicked old witch?" yelled Leila the jungle girl who had come in the guise of the super heroine, Hawkgirl.

I dropped my wig and false nose along with my witch's hat and 'old lady gnarled hands' gloves. Then my mask hit the floor. My long tresses fell halfway to the floor, I smiled and took off my ankle length black cloak. Mouths dropped open in awe.

"Look at that, ya mangy wolf! Shippou was right after all! It was the Alley Cat under there!" howled InuYasha.

"I thought sure it was the other Briggy, Marlene Angel, ya dumb mutt! Son of a gun! It was Alley Cat!" replied Kouga. I winced at the 'Alley Cat' cracks but I maintained my composure and kept smiling.

'Maid Marian'/Jonny Harlock glanced at the wall chromo and sighed.

"It do be nigh on to 0100 hours or one AM for ye landlubbers. We got us an early day tomorry so let's get to our bunks, eh? That is, after our host and hostess have led us into the final dance of the evening. May I have the honour, Sir Periwinkle?" said Jonny Harlock and he swept the 'Knight Templar' gal up into his arms.

Sil offered me his hand. I took it and we danced a slow waltz to the tune of the 'Blue Danube Waltz'. When the music ended, we all applauded. Then, before any of us could head for our bunks-

"Hold up a moment, please. As this is unmasking time, I feel that I must reveal my true self to all of you. You took me in, accepted me and made me your friend so it is unfair of me not to enlighten you as to whom I truly am and why I am aboard this vessel. With your permission, Mr White?" asked Lt Quicksilver.

"By all means, my boy!" boomed out White's voice from everywhere in the ship!

"Go fer it, laddie!" agreed Mr Black in a much louder voice.

"Very well. I was asked by Mr White to come along for the ride. He decided I should travel incognito, my true identity known only to three people in the 3WA- Marshall O'Halloran, Admiral Donovan and Subaltern Prydonia. Therefore, it was agreed that I would come aboard as an advisor to the Commander. It was her idea to order 'Lt Quicksilver' to be your morale officer.

"I am really the 'messenger of the gods' of Mt Olympus. Hermes or, if you prefer, Mercury, is my true name. Hence, my alias of 'Quicksilver' which is another name for the chemical 'mercury'. Now, off to your bunks and pleasant dreams to all hands. We make planetfall tomorrow. Flight crew? Leave a wake-up call for 0600, 6 AM. G'Night, my dear friends." said Sil.

"You heard the man. Dismissed." I said and the room emptied quickly. Sil began to leave and I put my hand on his arm.

"That was a great speech you gave, Merc. Now tell me why you are on this mission with us. Well? I am waiting, kiddo." I demanded and the young boy god began to fidget. I began to tap my foot and he started sweating! Can gods sweat?

"I have been assigned to you, Milady Prydonia. Mr White and Mr Black needed a messenger to carry messages back and forth between you and the Guardians' gardens. I was supposed to tell you but-" he began and I prompted him with a jab in the arm.

"I wanted the guys and ladies here to think of me as just a normal boy. Sorry, Commander." he replied.

"Who else knows why you were sent to the 'Daedalus', Sil?" I asked quietly.

"Both of the 'Dirty P-', I mean both 'Lovely Angel' leaders know. Nobody else although after my speech tonight, probably the entire ship's company knows. After all, I am the 'Messenger of the Gods' and quite well known thanks to Mr Bullfinch." he answered.

"Why do we need a special messenger, Sil? We have the comm badges, comlinks and comm relays. What does my mission have to do with the Guardians anyway?" I demanded.

"You will be reclaiming your Type 40 traveling machine, Milady. The details of your mission are known to both Guardians, to the 3WA staff back home and to the 'High Council' of your home world but you will receive your instructions on the morrow at the 'Citadel'. The exact nature of your mission is unknown to me, Al. Any other queries? I am quite tired." yawned the kid.

"I thought that gods were immune to things like tiredness and sleepiness, Sil?" I joked.

"For the duration of this mission, I am a mortal boy and as such, susceptible to the same maladies and emotions, fears and boring things same as humans are such as weariness and hunger. That reminds me, my dear. I did not have any dinner tonight. I was kept busy arranging this party of ours all day and well into the early evening. Is it true that you have 'magic boxes' aboard that can make me any kind of food and drink that I might desire?" he asked and I grinned.

"Not only food and beverages, Sil. Our 'replicators' can create anything you want or need, provided what you want poses no danger to the ship or its inhabitants. For instance, a 'repper' will not 'rep up' arsenic or any other poison for you. The machines are found all over the ship. There are several in that suite of rooms you are billeted in for the voyage.

"I have several others that I am going to present to my friends and relatives on 'Gallifrey' after we conclude our business. Off you go now, Sil and pleasant dreams. See you in the morning. 0600, I mean 6 AM comes quickly aboard ship, my dear boy. Good night, kiddo." I said and he saluted me and left for his own chambers.

I strolled over to the bar and sat down. Our resident 'Angel', Jonny Smith set a mug in front of me and poured out some minty mocha java for me. Then he placed a platter of chocolate cream doughnuts beside the mug, all without being asked.

"Thanks, Jonny but how did you know what I wanted?" I asked curiously.

"I didn't but He did." he replied and pointed towards the ceiling.

"My boss, Alley. Up there." he added.

"Thanks for waiting. I think I'll take my goodies up to my cabin. Where's your partner?" I replied.

"Mark? He was playing racing vidgames with Todd and Buzz but I think he hit the sack." answered Jonny.

"I meant the 'flying nun', your barkeeper partner." I said, taking a sip of the delicious brew and munching away on a heavenly doughnut. Had I too missed dinner I wondered?

"Trish? I packed her off to bed after the unmasking. Way past that young lady's bedtime, Al. No, you didn't miss dinner, it just seems that way when you're up later than normal, especially up here." replied the 'Angel' who looked like anything but an Angel!

Who are we to talk? Look at our 'Angels'! Intergalactic cops and starship commanders. As far from the halo as an Angel could ever be, huh?

"G'Night. See ya tomorrow, Number One." I said and I waved good night to Jonny's salute. Half way to the lift stations, I bumped into Mark Gordon who insisted on carrying my platter of goodies up to my suite. I told lift control 'Commander's Quarters' and there we were as quick as a wink.

Mark carried my goodies inside and I invited him in for a nightcap. He accepted and I 'repped up' some deep, rich java for him just the way he liked it, black and hot. Do all police officers take their java that way?

Not in the 3WA anyway. Our 'Duchess' took hers with loads of cream and tons of sugar. Our 'Fearless Leader' aka the 'Boss' added cream, a few sugars and then she 'spiked' it with good Irish whiskey!

I offered Mark some of my goodies and he grabbed three doughnuts when I told the big guy to 'help himself'.

For some strange reason, every time the platter seemed about to become empty, it immediately became full up again!

Of course! Maybe having a god aboard would be a boon to us. I was remembering an old Greek fable myth that Auntie LaMasana used to read to me more than a century ago.

'Baucis and Philemon were kindly folk who always helped out strangers. One day Mercury and his dad, Zeus, the king of the Mt Olympus gods went down to the land of mortals incognito. They were in the guises of two wandering vagabonds or 'drifters' as Periwinkle Brown would have said. No matter where they went, they were turned away until they came to this very old farmhouse where the elderly couple shared what little they had with the strangers.

'Whenever the platter became empty, it became filled again and the same held true for the pitcher of wine! The two oldsters finally realized that their guests were really gods! Zeus told them that he was going to punish the selfish people of the valley but he said he would spare the farmer and his good wife.

'Then Mercury asked them if there was any other wish they could grant them. The old farmer thought a moment before replying.'

"We are both old and will soon join our ancestours. If we could both be taken together at the end so that the one will not be left behind to pine away until he or she is called upon by your brother, Hades, good sir, we would be forever grateful." said Baucis and Philemon agreed.

"So be it! We bid ye farewell and we leave ye with our thanks." said both gods and they left.

'The next day there was a torrential flood which destroyed every single structure and living thing in that valley save for the old farmer's house, barn and holdings. The couple prospered and their magic platter and pitcher were always full. They gave thanks to the gods at their temples and brought offerings every week.

'Finally came the final day for the good man and his good wife. Leaves began to sprout from both of their heads and roots replaced their legs and feet while bark formed over the rest of their bodies and they turned into trees. What kind? Sorry but I have forgotten that part of the tale because I was usually asleep by that time.'

"Ma'am? Milady? Commander? Alley? You was a million miles away, Honey. I said, do you need anything else? It's getting late and a gentleman should not be in a lady's sitting room this late with the door closed. OK, so I'm old-fashioned! If there is nothing else, I'll say good night and thanks for a very nice evening. See you tomorrow, ma'am." said Mark and he too saluted me.

"G'Night, Mark and thanks. No, I need nothing else. Just a good night's sleep. I gotta be up at six. See ya." I replied.

When the portals had slid shut behind the big guy, I extinguished all of the room's illuminators except for one which I kept lit for 'Whitey'.

I was asleep as soon as my head hit those pillows. Silence and peace at last claimed the 'Daedalus'.

"Will you please keep your voice down, my lord? It's well past midnight and the entire ship is asleep." whispered Lan Fan, soon to be Emporer of Xiang's Ninja bodyguard and friend.

"If everyone's in bed, who's running this big balloon, Auntie Lan?" asked a small nine or ten year old schoolgirl named May. She was half sister to Lin, the next in line to the throne of Xiang.

"They probably got George steering us, Dummy. That's what Blondie told me they do at night." replied Lin. He was trying to keep his voice low and failing miserably.

"Don't call your sister a dummy, you moron! Honey, the automatic pilot that keeps the ship on course is called 'George'. That's what the Boss told me they always do aboard these vessels at night.

"They still keep a skeleton crew on the bridge and since we have no idea where that is or where we are, please keep it down, guys." whispered Lan.

"Lan? Maysie? Lin? What the Hell are you guys doing here? Rukia, better call Dog Boy and Wolfie. We got any room left on the 'Flying Falcon'?" asked a teenaged boy in a dark flightsuit. His hair was a deep orange like Nami Richards's tresses.

"OK, Ichigo. Just how the devil did these three get here anyhow? We're 'lightys' away from the Academy and that's the last place I saw this bunch!" replied the soul reaper 'girl'.

Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kutschski had guard duty for this level until six in the morning.

"Rukia calling charge of quarters. Come in, please. Over." Rukia spoke into the air using her comm badge communicator.

"Hey! Answer that reaper gal, ya dumb mutt!" growled Kouga the wolf youkai demon, the assistant to the charge of quarters or sergeant of the guard who was the big inu hanyou (half dog demon/half human boy), InuYasha. Kouga hated being woke up even though he was supposed to stay awake.

"Why, ya mangy wolf? She's callin' the charge o' quarters, not me. Lemme sleep, dammit." grumbled the big guy angrily.

"You ARE the charge o' quarters, dumbass! That's sergeant o' the guard. I'm yer second in charge. Answer her or we'll never get any sleep, Dog Boy!" said the wolf and the big hanyou shouted into the comm badge he was wearing and succeeded in deafening the newcomers and the two soul reapers!

"Hi Rukie! What's ya want, dammit?" growled InuYasha and he yawned.

"Did I wake you, sir? You're supposed to stay awake, stupid! The Xiang gang's back. Should I rouse the Commander? Over." replied Rukia.

"Good Kami! No! Don't wake her up at this hour! She's as cranky as 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed'!" yelled Kouga from his comfy desk where he'd been sleeping.

"Nah. Ya got any room left on the pirate's plane?" asked InuYasha with a loud burp.

Being awake made these two chowhounds hungry and each one had repped up a 'small' snack of cheesesteaks, pizzas, fries, onion rings, garlic bread, pierogies, shakes and pies!

"I guess so, sir. Shall I get them bedded down for the night? Over." replied Rukia while Ichigo grinned like Alice Liddell's 'Cheshire Cat'.

"Yeah. Do that, reaper babe. Don't bother us unless it's a real emergency like World War whatever. G'Night." grumbled the never efficient CQ sergeant-at-arms.

"Roger that and willco, sir. Kutschski out." replied the always efficient soul reaper lieutenant. Her partner, Ichigo, had just made captain so he still outranked her.

"You take 'em home and get 'em into some bunks, Rukie. There's only an hour until the day watch takes over so why don't ya pack it in for the night. I'll do another turn around the decks and then it should be close to six. G'Night, kiddo." said Ichigo Kurosaki.

"Thanks. I'm bushed. I don't think I could make another turn around these decks without passing out, sir. G'Night. C'mon you three. Follow me. Our shuttle's belowdecks." replied Rukia Kutschski, stifling a yawn.

Lan Fan picked up a tired May and half dragged her lord and master behind her. The Ninja girl had taken off her 'Black Ops' fox mask and stowed it away in her rucksack. She was carrying everyone's gear because 'royalty ain't meant for menial labour' as Lin had told her. She had told Lin that he was just plain lazy and his sister was starting to pick up his bad habits.

A short lift ride brought them to the docking bays. Gaara, another Ninja lad, was on guard duty at the shuttle and allowed them to pass when Rukia gave the password 'Relief' to him. Gaara already knew the Xiangites (Xianites maybe? I forget whether it's 'Xiang' or 'Xian') and offered to carry sleepy May to their quarters.

"Allow me to take your luggage, ma'am." whispered Renji Abari, another soul reaper who had been playing 'Duel Monsters' with Soi Fon. Renji was an officer in the Soul Society's 13 Court Guard Squad as was Soi Fon. Renji was Squad 6's lieutenant. His captain was Byakuya Kutschski, Rukia's elder 'brother'. She had been adopted by the Kutschski clan.

Soi Fon was captain of Squad 2, the 'Punishment' squad. Some hulking ape named Omigosh or something was her lieutenant. However, while Soi Fon was fearless, Omi was far from brave!

"You never offered to carry my luggage, lieutenant. Evening, Miss, sir. Lower your voice, Renji. The little one's sleeping. Hurry back, Abari. I feel lucky. See ya tomorrow, guys." said the small but fierce captain.

"OK. No cheating, captain. I feel lucky myself. Let's go, guys." said the tall officer and he hefted Lan's overstuffed rucksack. He grimaced at the weight but said nothing.

"My master's junk and his sister's is in there along with my own things, sir. Thanks very much." said the tallish Ninja girl who was quite striking but just as fierce as Soi Fon.

Rukia threw open an inner portal and pointed to two empty bunks in the back of the room.

"The top one's Ichigo's. You take the bottom one, your lordship." whispered Rukia. They bade Lin good night and Rukia led the Ninja girl and Gaara to the opposite portal. It swished open and she pointed to several empty bunks just inside the portal.

"They're all vacant except that top one in the back left corner. That's mine. Jammies and stuff in that big armoire over there and there's fresh undies in the bureau. You guys want a snack? (Lan shook her weary head while Gaara gently laid May down on the bunk pointed out by Lan.) No? Well, I'm gonna rep up some warm milk for myself. G'Night. Sleep well." whispered the tired soul reaper girl.

Ichigo had just returned from his second tour of the decks on the same level as my quarters were situated. A huge guy with a black eyepatch and a devil-may-care grin strolled up to him and the wall chromo bonged six times, 6 AM.

"Hi there, Kenny. All's quiet now but we got three newbies sorta last night. Those three kids from Xiang or Xian are back. Rukie's got 'em in our section. Where's Yashi today? Sleep in?" chortled the substitute soul reaper and a pink headed kid popped up from behind Captain Zaraki's shoulder.

"Here I am, Ichi! I never oversleep, do I, Kenny-Sama?" answered the pink-haired lieutenant of Squad 11. Kenpachi Zaraki was the squad's huge captain. Although Yachiru Kusajishi looks like a 4 year old girl, in actuality, she is several lifetimes older than myself and I just turned 130!

"We'll take over now, kid. Where's the brat?" growled Zaraki.

"Rukia was beat so I sent her to her bunk when the newbies arrived. Don't forget that when we visit the 'Citadel' tomorrow, we have to leave our zampakutou swords behind. No weapons are permitted in the chambers of the 'High Council', remember? They'll take our sidearms and rifles away from us while we're in the 'Cit'. That goes for you too, Short Stuff." said Ichigo.

"Kenny! He called me 'Short Stuff'! Hit him!" yelled the captain's personal cheerleader. He shrugged his massive shoulders.

"Why? You are short, ain't ya? He was just tellin' the truth, Yachi." replied Zaraki reasonably.

"He insulted me, darn it! Pound him!" yelled the feisty 'kid' on the big guy's shoulder.

"Sorry! I apologize, Yachi. Cool your jets, girl!" chuckled Ichigo.

"You meant Lt Kusajishi, didn't you, reaper boy wanna-be?" she said very icily.

"Ichi's a captain now, Yachi. Same rank as me. He outranks ya same as me." whispered Kenpachi. She fumed but said nothing.

Ichigo headed for his bunk and Kenny began to patrol the decks while ignoring the prattle spewing out of Yachiru. He was used to her after all of those centuries, I guess.

I awakened at a quarter to six to a familiar pulsing sound coming from just outside my portals.

A TARDIS? Unusual. The Doctors all knew that they were to dock those things belowdecks in the bays! All seven of them knew this fact so why was this one parked outside of my quarters?

I showered and dressed quickly. Gene and Han had both assured me that we would be making planetfall touchdown around 0700, 7 AM.

Before I had finished pulling on my pants, my portal swished open and, of all people, 'Grandfather' entered. Behind him I saw a tall grey china closet! The TARDIS obviously but what was it doing here?

"Good morrow, dear Allison. I promised to deliver your TARDIS and so I have as you can see. Any chance of some hot tea and perhaps a biscuit, my dear child?" he asked and I repped up a pot of tea and a platter of buns and scones, his favourite as well as my own.

"Thank you, 'Grandfather' for the door to door service. However, all TARDISes are to be docked belowdecks in our docking bays. Why, then, have you delivered 'Maggie' (I had named my TARDIS after Mr Garner's Scottish assistant. She was a direct descendant of Doctor #2's Jamie MacCrimmon.) up here?" I demanded and his face became grave and stern.

"I had thought that I' would be picking her up at the 'Cit', sir?" I added and I was perplexed.

He frowned and began stuffing shag tobacco into his old briar pipe, a prezzie from Sir Denis Nayland Smith whom 'Grandfather' had once helped to subdue the villainous Dr Fu ManChu, fanatical leader of the 'Council of Seven' on ancient Terra.

He fired it up and was soon fouling my room's atmosphere with dark smelly smoke. 'Whitey' shot past him and through the open portal and into my TARDIS. 'Grandfather' had carelessly left the 'doors' open on it!

"Darn it, 'Whitey'! Get back in here, boy!" I called, snapping my fingers and whistling but the puppy stayed put.

"Oh, do leave the poor chap alone, 'Grand-daughter'. There's nothing on there for him to swipe. We have some serious matters to discuss. First, where is that idiot boy god of yours this morning?" asked my guardian and I shrugged my shoulders while I was buckling on my gunsash.

"Beats me. Probably on the bridge if I know Sil. Why?" I asked while I was slinging my stasis rifle across my back.

"The lovesick fool was supposed to have told you that you are not landing on 'Gallifrey', my dear girl. That is why I brought your 'Maggie' to you aboard the 'Daedalus', Allison." he replied mysteriously.

Ever notice how long-winded the older time lords tend to be? #3 was bad enough, I did not need another one!

"Just what the Hell are you yakking about, 'Gramps'?" I demanded and immediately regretted saying it!

"Stop blaspheming, young lady! You may be 130 but I can still put you across my knee, Missy! And stop calling me 'Gramps'!" he howled like a banshee and I hastened to apologize.

"That is better. You will be getting orders from your new chief, Mr Garner very soon. He will be briefing you and your crew. You will be needing 'Maggie' for your mission. Honestly, that is all I have been told. You had better acquaint your pilots with this change of plan because I overheard Miss Richards saying that the ship would be landing around seven of the clock." he warned me and pointed at my wall chromo which told us it was almost half past six.

"Very well, sir. How will you get back home, 'Grandfather'? You came in my TARDIS, you know." I replied while attaching my small kanai dagger and Panther derringer to my forearms. 'Grandfather' pointed to my small arsenol and frowned.

"Must you carry so many weapons, my love? You seem to be picking up some very bad habits from these 'tro-cons' you are, I believe the phrase is, 'hanging around' with these days. I came here in my TARDIS, Allison with your machine aboard my Type 40 so when I dematerialize, my machine will leave and yours will remain. Do you like the 'china cabinet'? You can always change it to whatever you prefer, my dear. Well, I must dash. Goodbye and good luck. Thank you for the continental breakfast." said my guardian and he hustled out the portal and onto the TARDISes.

There was a familiar pulsing sound as the pylon piledrove itself up and down while the white light atop the 'china closet' winked on and off and then- I saw a 'ghostly spectre' lift off and away from my TARDIS. Then I remembered!

"Hey! 'Grandfather'! 'Whitey' was on that machine, darn it!" I yelled to the empty corridor.

Then there was a slight movement from my TARDIS and the closet opened. 'Whitey' raced out yipping like mad. Then I saw the long trail of toilet tissue behind him! I giggled and picked up my puppy.

"Commander to Colonel Starwind. Come in, please. Over." I spoke into the aether using my comm badge communicator.

"What's up, Princess? We're a bit busy up here what with the pre-landing diagnostics and all. Over." trilled my pilot.

"That is what I needed to tell you, sir. (Sure, I was the ship's commander but a colonel still outranked a subaltern!) We will not be visiting 'Gallifrey' after all. Continue to orbit until I tell you different. Understood? Over." I trilled back.

"Repeat that, please. We are not making planetfall here on your home world, ma'am? Over." he trilled.

"That's a roger, Colonel. Keep on orbiting 'Galli' until further notice. Put us on 'George' and take a break if you like. Just leave someone on the bridge. OK? Over." I trilled back.

"Roger willco, ma'am. I'm leaving Warrant Officer Higurashi on comm. That's old Dog Boy's mistress, kiddo. Starwind out." he trilled.

"Thank you, sir. Prydonia out." I trilled back and then I began to reroll the toilet tissue.

How the little devil got into the TARDIS's restrooms was beyond me.

Of course! 'Grandfather' must have left the doors open!

I replaced the roll and holding onto 'Whitey', I grabbed my jacket and deck boots. I boarded 'Maggie' and dematerialized. Then I rematerialized as a 'chest of drawers' when I had reached the docking bays.

I had to duck my head when I exited the TARDIS and I bumped into Squad 4's Captain Unohana. Unlike my fellow time lords #'s 1 through 7, she was a real doctor! I helped her to retrieve her medical files which I had knocked galley west!

"Sorry, mum. Here you go." I apologized.

"No harm done, Hon. Just some med files. Today I am going to give the reapers their annual checkups while you folks are visiting 'Time Lords Land'." she chuckled.

"Afraid not, Cap. We are not landing here after all. I am awaiting a briefing signal from Mr Garner. Oh! How do you like 'Maggie'? She is my own personal TARDIS. Stop that, 'Whitey'! Behave yourself!" I scolded my puppy who was chewing on the captain's wristchromo.

"Lovely. It looks like a bureau to me but what do I know, eh?" she giggled.

"A Type 40 can resemble anything on the outside. Except for the Doctor's, of course. Their 'chameleon circuits' are broken so they are stuck as an old 'police box' for good. It is not going to be in your way, I trust?" I asked worriedly.

"Nah. You oughta see all the other junk strewn around down here, Boss." she replied and then she wandered off to find her first 'patient'.

I took the lift back up to the bridge and Nami confirmed that we were still orbiting 'Galli' and that we were on 'George'.

"Hi there, gorgeous. Lemme get rid of my kid sister and her auntie and I'll take you up to our 'star room'. The view is so cool from up there." invited a tall, rangy teenager whom I judged to be about seventeen or so.

"Milord! This lady is not just another 'pick-up' from the bar! She's a subaltern, a very high ranking officer. You must excuse my master, mum. He is always a little bit addled in the mornings. I am his bodyguard, Lan Fan. This is his younger sister, May. His name is Prince Lin of Xiang (Xian?). We arrived late last evening. We were looking for-" said a very tall and attractive girl garbed in black who resembled a Ninja!

"I'm hungry, Auntie Lanny! I want pancakes!" yelled the ten year old schoolgirl beside her.

"After breakfast, I'll look you up again, Sweetie. After I ditch these two." whispered Prince Lin.

"I am on my way to breakfast myself. I will show you the way. Incidentally, my name is Allison, Allison Prydonia. Please call me Alley." I said and I led the way to the lift stations.

"Commander's in the room! Ten-Hut!" shouted Gaara when I opened the portal to our dining room. Several new crew members stood, snapped to attention and saluted me. The rest kept on eating and ignored us. I returned the salutes and led my small party to the table.

Lan, Lin and May were open-mouthed. I quickly explained to them quietly that I was a Suba, a liaison officer for the 3WA and my own home world and the commander of this ship, the 'Daedalus'. Lan and Lin were impressed. May dug into the pile of flapjacks that the 'cute white doggie' had just brought to our table.

"No elbows on the table! Sit up straight! No lolling back either, kids! Next time, young lady, you will wash your hands and face before coming to the table! More java or do you prefer tea? Milk for the child, I think. I shall return." said Mr Peabody and how I came to have that male Chauvinist pig doggie aboard was beyond me!

"Stowaways, eh? If ye were on me own 'Flying Dutchman', I'd be a-keelhaulin' ya! John Smith, master o' the 'Flying Dutchman', lad, lasses. Welcome aboard!" said the old sea captain who had been cursed to wander Terran seas for all of eternity until he had accidentally found one of our 'rifts' in the 'space/time continuum' and had wound up with us.

May loved the captain's pipe which made pretty smoke rings above her head. Lan was wiping off her charge's syrupy fingers while her master asked me how much a ship like mine cost!

Ignorant! Conceited! Another male Chauvinist pig! That was Master Lin of Xiang or Xian, wherever the Dickens that place was situated!

Lan whispered to me and I pointed back up the hallway.

"Three doors up and to the left. You cannot miss it, Lan." I replied and she took May by the hand and strode swiftly towards the ladies' room.

I drank another mug o' java and ate my own breakfast. I had just finished and lit up a cheroot when the 'holovid screen' above the table lowered and we were staring into the bewhiskered countenance of Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner of the 3WA!

"I apologize for interruptin' the mornin' repast, Commander. This time you will be handling a small problem for your own people on the council. A rogue time lord named Azarog has swiped one of our new 'demon cruisers' from 'Elenore City'. He's headed into Corallian country, the 'Bad Lands' where we have no authority. However, some of those ruffians do recognize 'Gallifreyan Law'. That's why you'll be pursuing him in your TARDIS once you reach the 'Neutral Zone' where 3WA law ends.

"Aha! I see that our 'alkahestry' friends are aboard. That's good. You may need them. Your mission, my dear Victorine, is to apprehend Azarog and return him to justice at 'Alderaan'. Deliver his rear end to 'Kurestan' after the 'High Council' has finished with him and then report back home to the Academy.

"Sorry but tell Mr Solo that we have no time for furloughs and I don't give a damn if his wifey is the Supreme Prez of the district! If she wants to accompany you, that's fine so long as she realizes that the 3WA/UG are not responsible for her protection. If she brings her own bodyguards, limit the number to three.

"You, er, did get 'Maggie' aboard safely? (I nodded) Excellent. Change course for the Zone immediately. Best of luck and say 'howdy' to 'Gramps' for me when you see the old codger again, Miss Prydonia. Garner out."

The 'holovid screen' retracted upwards into the ceiling and the chief was gone as quickly as he had arrived.

"I heard the guy, Commander. Nami's changing course for the Zone. I'll break off orbit and lift off as soon as you gimme the order, Princess. Over." trilled Gene Starwind.

"Make it so, sir. Energize. Prydonia out." I trilled back through my comm badge communicator.

"Attention all hands! Attention all hands! We are lifting off. Find a seat and strap in tight. Commander's orders. No exceptions. Five minutes. That is all." said 'Nikita', my ship's very own computer programming unit.

"We have lifted off, kiddies. ETA to the Zone is three solar days. You may unstrap yourselves, move around, get loaded, whatever. Thankee fer flyin' the friendly skies o' Prydonia Space Lines." drawled Han Solo and we settled down for three more boring days!

Was I ever glad I had a morale officer aboard, folks! As if on cue-

"Everyone have a smooth liftoff? I let Jonathan the 'Angel' take the science officer job. I watched from upstairs in the 'star room'. Guess I'm gonna be a morale officer for awhile longer huh? The old geezer find ya, Al? He asked me where ya were, said he had a prezzie for ya. I sent him up to your quarters this morning. Might as well ditch the artillery, 'time lady'. We ain't takin' ya home after all. Oh yeah, I was supposed to tell ya that but I must've forgot. Ciao!" said Sil.

"Hold on there, pal o' mine. We are heading for the Klingon/Romulan 'Neutral Zone' in Corallian space. Then we are taking 'Maggie', my new TARDIS, into the 'Bad Lands ' beyond it. I think that calls for us to be armed and ready at all times. Do you not concur, Lt Quicksilver? Arm yourself and you may consider that a direct order, Merc." I replied and sent him off to the arsenol and armouries.

I walked into the navigations room next to the bridge. Nami was the only one there and she was playing vidgames.

"Who's supposed to be on the scanners this shift, Ensign Richards?" I demanded and the Terran pirate girl consulted her PDO unit.

"Ensign Rangiku Matsumoto and Sub-Ensign Toshiro Hitsagaya. I saw those two heading for the holodecks, ma'am." she replied. I was flabbergasted. Did not duty mean anything to these officers?

"Send Trish to find them and tell them to get up here immediately if not sooner. They do have the 'flash step', do they not? Now, Ensign, not next OctNov! That is an order, Nami!" I almost exploded at the poor girl. She hastened to comply.

"Permission to leave the bridge, ma'am? I am the only one on duty here." asked Nami Richards and I nodded.

"Go ahead but make it quick. I will hold down the fort for you. Hurry." I replied and she scooted off.

"Commander to all hands! I want my flight crew back pronto. Send Todd Stiles and Buzz Murdoch to be my gunners. I want Mark Gordon as well. He is my weapons officer. Lt Van Helsing, Colonel Starwind, Captain Solo, Commodore Harlock will also report to the bridge immediately. We are heading into dark territories and we do not know what to expect. That is all. Prydonia out." I said into my vidmike to the PA system.

"Any surprises out there, Han? Like asteroid belts?" I asked my co-pilot a few minutes later.

"Nope. Just the usual rabble. Pirates, smugglers, killers, convicts, cut-throats and so on, Princess. By the way, I asked Leia and she said she'd like to travel back home with us to the Academy. She'll bring only two protectors with her. If that's OK with you, ma'am? (I nodded) OK. We'll see if we can find ya any shortcuts to the Zone. Toodles." answered Solo and I grinned.

"Shall I send Mr Garner a signal that we are on our way at last, mum?" asked Sir Integra Van Helsing. My comm officer seemed to always have a cigar in her mouth!

"Yeah. No! Belay that order, Lt. Maintain comm relay silence until I tell you otherwise. This ship sat unattended for several days before I was given her to command. At the earliest opportunity, I will have Suba Von Dekker (You know him as the 'Green Baron'. He was our scientific officer aboard my 'Dae'.) run a tachyion particle beam sweep of the entire vessel. Better safe than sorry, as 'Grandfather' would say, people.

"Better make certain sure that all hands aboard know about that comm relay silence order, Lt. That goes for vidcellphone relays as well, Han. First person or whatever that tries to comm relay a signal off this craft, I will confiscate all communications devices except for our onboard comm badges and comlinks. Thank you, Integra. Carry on." I said and everyone seemed very impressed by the ease and efficiency I was showing in issuing commands.

Well, why should I not? After all, I am a hundred and thirty years old! OK! I know that on my own world, that is scarcely more than a teenaged girl but here things were very different!

I decided to take a stroll around the ship just to get myself some exercise. Things on the bridge were going smoothly. Rangiku and Toshie had arrived out of breath for their scanning duties. Did not these soul reapers know that we had turbolifts? Did their 'flash stepping' take that much energy?

After I had coached them on what to watch for, they settled down to watch for the 'blips' and listen for the 'beeps' that would mean trouble for us.

When I arrived back at my own quarters, I put 'Whitey' on the floor and he immediately began tearing up an old Teddy bear toy someone had given to him.

I was surprised to see smoke emanating from my sitting room and I was about to call security when someone coughed and retched followed by a volley of curses.

"Damn dad blasted crap! How can you humans smoke these foul things? Horrible!" grumbled Sil, taking an old Meerschaum pipe from his mouth and spitting into an ashtray. Talk about disgusting! Yucky!

"Where did you get that old thing? Let me guess. Captain Smith? (He nodded glumly.) How about the tobacco? Either Sir Denis or Mr Holmes, right?" I giggled while I was unzipping my flight jacket and kicking off my heavy deck boots.

I unlimbered my stasis rifle and dropped it on the settee. Then I unbuckled my gunsash and laid it on an occasional table with my arm dagger and derringer. Then I sat down on the sofa beside our mischievous boy god.

"It certainly feels good to get rid of that junk! Want some java? I'm famished after that stroll. I'm going to have a few Danishes. By the by, just how the Hell did you get in here? I thought I had locked the portals this morning." I said and he grinned.

"Locks mean zilch to a god, my dear child. Java sounds good, lots of milk and sugar, no substitute sweeteners though. I love blueberry Danishes! Oh and if you're a good little girl, I won't tell 'Grandfather' that you blasphemed. Never mind. I am your morale officer, remember? I'm picking the old noggin for new ideas to while away the next seventy odd hours or so, preferably without any activities that will remind our guests of our upcoming mission. Ever been to the 'Neutral Zone', Alley?" he asked and then proceeded to spoon sugar into his java on top of a huge dollop of clotted cream. I lost count after twelve spoonfuls!

The room felt warm so I pulled off my heavy turtleneck sweater, leaving me in a grey 3WA tee shirt over my uniform pants. Sil began whistling 'The Strip' and said 'Don't stop on my account, baby! Take it off! Take it all off!' Are all gods perverts?

"Do not forget, lieutenant, that I am still your commanding officer, you pervert. So? Any ideas pop into that old noggin despite that foul shag you got from Sherlock?" I asked, reaching for my fifth Danish. Eat your hearts out, all you weight conscious folks on ancient Terra! In space, it is almost an impossibility to gain excess weight!

"I got it from that British fop, Nayland Smith actually. Do you have any cigarettes around this place, Al?" he replied.

I pointed to several cigarette containers around my suite and he took a smoke from the closest one. I produced my lighter. He ignited his cigarette and nonchalantly pocketed my lighter. Well, he is the god of thieves, you know? I put my hand out.

"My lighter, please?" I demanded and he grinned sheepishly. He tossed it back to me and I pocketed it.

"Sorry, kiddo. Force o' habit, I guess. Anyway, how about a sporting match or two?" he asked and added yet more sugar to his java. What a sweet tooth!

"Football takes too much time to arrange a game. Basketball takes way too much energy out of my troops and I will need them at their peak when we find Azarog. Incidentally, he was one of my proctors in lower-middle school, Sil. I remember that he was very irked with me because I did not fully comprehend 'time strata delineation' although he went over it with me six times! I barely scraped by that semester! He gave me a C minus grade. I barely passed and 'Grandfather' and I made several trips to the woodshed. Ow! It still hurts to even think about those days!

"Wait a sec. How about a golfing tournament? No coaching needed. Hardly any prep time involved. We could use a holodeck for a course and I can have some golfing equipment and attire repped up for whoever wants to play. That will take care of one day at least, Sil. How about it?" I asked, flushed with excitement because I had never played the sport before.

"OK. However, we'll have to set some ground rules because of all the special powers our guests possess. No flying, no use of magic, Ninjutsu, kenjutsu, no cheating using any special powers. I think that about covers it, Alley. A 'Duel Monsters' tourney would be nice but it would take far too long. Croquet seems like a safe pasttime, wouldn't ya say? No special 'fuku' (clothing) required and we use another holodeck and rep up the necessary wooden balls, mallets and wickets. The sport does not require any strenuous activity so there's another day gone. How about tonight?" asked Sil and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Darts? We already have several dartboards in both the game rooms and the rec room. I know we have a plentiful supply of darts because Miss Rio is a terrible shot and the other day she kept whizzing them past me at the bar! She did hit me in the tushie with one and that was when I confiscated her darts and the board! They're in my study. Have you seen 'Whitey' since I came back? He is much too quiet to suit me." I said and Sil pointed towards my kitchen.

'Whitey' trotted out, his bowl flled with goodies he had apparently just repped up for himself!

"You march right back to the kitchen with that, young man! You know perfectly well that your feeding time is not until 1300 hours, an hour after my luncheon! Do not give me that look, boy. No, 'Maggie' is downstairs. Go and bring me your bowl after you put all that stuff in the fridge and I will give you something to tide you over until lunch.

"Sil? Please make arrangements to prep holodecks for golfing and croquet. Get someone busy repping up the stuff we will need. Put that 'Lothario' prince (Lin), his girlfriend (Lan) and sister (May) on that detail. Rio and Fllaysie (Allster) know how to use reppers so rope them in to help as well. They're probably online buying out ' ' and the 'Higurashi Mall' anyway. We will use the rec room for the dart matches this evening. You might as well take that board and those darts in my study with you now. Let us say tonight at twenty hundred hours, eight tonight for the festivities to begin. Got all that?" I asked and his fingers were flying across his PDO unit's keyboards.

"I'm a god, Honey. Remember? We gods never forget anything. (I grinned when I recalled that Sil 'forgot' to tell me that we were not going to 'Gallifrey' after all!) See you at lunch, my love?" chuckled Mercury.

"Get out of here, you nut. Save me a chair at first lunch, eh? Bye now." I laughed and he left with a bow in my direction. How he could bow so deeply despite having an armload of darts and a dartboard was past my understanding. I do not believe that I will ever understand gods!

I decided to check my PDO for messages.

The usual muck. Guard mount reports. Galley schedules. Babysitting duties.

Must remember to add Lanny and 'lover boy' Lin to that list.

Bridge reports.

Last report had us on course for the Zone with 65 solar hours' flight time remaining.

Lt Sawaguchi knocked three teeth out of Lt Abari's mouth when he had insisted that a 'zampakutou' sword was a much superior weapon to a Mark XII disruptor pistol.

Note to self. Kome Sawaguchi reduced in rank to Warrant Officer Third Class. Boring tripe!

Hullo! What is this? I spoke into the air.

"Commander to co-pilot. Come in, please. Over." I trilled.

"Yup? Ya wanted something, Princess? Over." trilled Han Solo.

"I see that you have managed to find us some sort of short cut. Is that correct, sir? Over." I trilled.

"Ye Haw, Sweetie! The 'MacAllan Nebula' will shave half a solar day off our time. Fifty-two hours instead of sixty-four. A bit risky but Gene and I have been through it oodles o' times without a scrape. Up to you, Lovey. Over." trilled my adventurous co-pilot, with a drawl in his voice that could have been sliced with a tante.

"You say it is safe but what is the, how do you say it, the 'catch', Commodore? Over." I trilled.

"Like any neb, once ye're inside o' the thing, yer visibility is almost nil and ya lose all comm relay signals. That means that ya can't send or receive. Even our comlinks and badges won't work. It'll take us about two hours to pass through 'MacAllan' but there won't be no surprises awaitin' us at the other end. Is it a 'go', kiddo or not? Over." trilled my veteran pilot, Gene Starwind, a starship master in his own right aboard his own vessel, the 'Outlaw Star' which was safely berthed back home at the Academy's spaceport. I bit my lip and decided.

"I am coming up. Put us on 'George' for the nonce. Prydonia out." I trilled.

I yanked on my deck boots, grabbed my jacket and gunsash and darted out the portals. I ran up the gantryway stairs three flights to the bridge, pulling on my jacket as I ran. Buckling on my gunsash took less than a minute. I arrived on the bridge panting like a 'Glethorgian Jacaronda' beast.

"Easy there! Come up for air, Princess! We won't reach 'MacAllan' until after lunch. That is, if we use it?" Gene Starwind let his question hover in the air, daring me to reply.

"I want to see this thing first, Colonel. Ships I have been aboard have used 'worm holes' safely but I recall that 'nebulae' contain toxic gases which are quite explosive and inflammable." I replied guardedly.

"Ya musta went through the 'Sagitarrian Neb', Love. That one was a real ball buster! The 'Mac's a simple little cloud that limits vision and restricts comm relays, that's all. There she is. That small greenish patch above my finger on the star vidcharts. See it? (I nodded and squinted at the tiny speck.) Your choice, Sweetheart. Make up yer mind before we lose our 'window'. If ya say 'yea', we have to yaw starboard (turn to the right) in the next two solar minutes. Yea or nae?" demanded Mr Solo. Gene's hands were poised over the controls. I nodded decisively.

"Do it. Take us through the 'Mac', me old boyos. Trill me when we reach it. I am going to remain on the bridge until we have passed safely through it. I will be in the break room for lunch. Shall I send up trays for your crew, Gene?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nah. Thankee anyhow but we can rep up something ourselves. We don't leave our posts when we're doing any tricky maneuvering, Al. You might ask the 'Grannies' if they'll bake me up an old-fashioned blackberry cobbler though. Repping just ain't the same as home baked! Hmmn hmnn! My mouth is a-waterin' already! We'll trill ya, Princess. Bye." said Starwind and I left the bridge after checking in with the gun crew (Todd, Buzz and Mark), the scanners (Rangiku and Toshie) and my 'navvy', Nami Richards. All seemed like smooth sailing all the way to the Zone and I breathed a mini-sigh of relief. We were not there yet, were we?

"Pilot to Commander. Come in, Princess. Over." trilled Gene Starwind as I was starting on my third dessert after my luncheon had finished.

I spoke as if he was right beside me which fascinated little Maysie to no end. She thought it was a form of alkahestry or alchemy! It was just our comm badge communicators.

"I read you, sir. Anything to report? Over." I trilled.

"You said you wanted to be on the bridge when we reached 'MacAllan', didn't ya, Sugar? We have arrived. You coming up? Over." trilled Gene.

"Affirmative. On my way. Prydonia out." I trilled and almost upset the table in my eagerness to be on my way to the bridge.

I apologized and asked Lin, Lan and Maysie if they would care to see the 'nebula' from the bridge. Maysie and Lanny were ecstatic and Prince Lin asked me if I was going to be there. I replied that I was going to stay on the bridge for next two hours until we had passed safely through the anomaly.

"I had best be with you, fair maiden, to hold your hand so you will not be afraid, my dear child." he replied and I hoped I was not going to be sick or burst out laughing or giggling.

Although Lin, at 18, was a year older than I, I only 'looked' like I was 17. In reality I was older than his great grandfather! A 'time lady' afraid of a tunnel in a space cloud? Give me a break!

"Then hurry along, guys. Follow me. We have to hustle or the skipper will miss his 'space window' and we will be traveling for another three solar days!" I said as I raced for the lift stations with Lin beside me and Lan and Maysie hard on our heels.

Out of breath, we arrived on the bridge. I looked at our forward bow vidcams and did a double take! The view was inky blackness as far as the eye could see!

"Is that 'MacAllan Nebula', old guy?" demanded Lin whose manners were virtually nonexistent.

"That it is, sonny. Princess? You do realize that the moment we enter that thing, that view is gonna be all we have for the next two solar hours, don't ya? There can be no comm relays, not even shipboard comms. Do you understand that? Come sit on me lap, lil darlin'." said a grinning Gene Starwind and he placed Maysie on his lap.

The kid was enthralled with all the controls and gadgetry. Her hand strayed towards the 'yaw' throttle bar.

"Don't touch that, Honey. That steers the ship, darlin'. Come sit with me." drawled our co-pilot, Han Solo.

"Maysie! No no! You mustn't touch anything on this vessel without permission. Bad girl!" scolded her Auntie Lanny, slapping her hand.

"No harm done, Miss Fan. Commander? If you are going to be on my bridge, you and your pals had better sit down and strap in securely. Han, make sure that lil miss on your lap is strapped in with you. Better make an announcement to the ship's company, Niki. Five minutes, then we go." said a suddenly intense sounding pilot.

"Attention all hands! We are entering the 'MacAllan Nebula' in five minutes. Sit down somewhere and strap in securely. When we enter, you will notice intense blackness outside. This will cut our views down to nil. There will be no comm relaying possible for the next two hours and that includes shipboard comms. We go in five solar minutes. That is all."

Nikita, our own computer programming unit, finished her announcement. By that time, Lan had strapped in Maysie with Han as well as her master, the lovesick idiot and I had strapped Lan Fan into an assistant gunner's seat. Then I sat down in my command chair and cinched my straps tight.

"All ready, children? And away we go!" growled the grizzled old veteran pilot and he yawed so far to port (left) that I thought the 'Daedalus' would turn upside down!

"Dead slow, old buddy. It's been eons since we came through the 'Mac' and we dunno what's in there this time." drawled Han Solo while Maysie strained her eyes and then rubbed them to see if that made the vision any better. It didn't!

"Han, send out a probe. Straight ahead of us about half a kilometre. Miss Fan? Those are photon torpedo controls to your right. You see anything moving out there, you fire one of 'em. Got it?" ordered Gene.

"Yes, sir! By the way Suba, I used to be a first lieutenant and master was a second lieutenant. Maysie was a subby. You OK with us keeping those ranks for the duration of this mission, mum? All clear ahead, Colonel Starwind." replied Lan Fan.

"What do these things do, old timer?" demanded his majestic highness haughtily, pointing at the disruptor cannons' firing levers.

"Those are for our disruptor guns, Lin. Do not play with them. Those could fracture the membrane of the nebula. Keep your hands to yourself, please." I answered.

"Buzz? Todd? Which one of you has our phasers? (Buzz Murdoch raised his hand.) Fine. Todd, that leaves you with the laser cannons. Be careful with both of those weapons, boys. Either of them could burn a hole in the cloud." I warned.

"So what? Then we could get out of this gasbag a little sooner, right?" chortled Todd Stiles.

"Nope. Then this vessel and anything within a few thousand 'lightys' of it would be vapourized in an instant." drawled our co-pilot. Little Maysie tugged at Han's sleeve and pointed.

"Hey, Mr Solo! What's that blue light way out there? Is that the way outta this dark closet?" she asked. Han's reaction was extraordinary!

"Lanny! Straight ahead! Set your detonators to go at a hundred kilometres! Fire three photons at that beam of light! Now, Sweetheart, not next Tuesday! Keep your head down, kid! Hurry up, girl! Time's a-wastin'!" yelled Han.

"Good Kami! Han, is that the 'Gobbler'? When I give the go ahead, fire at that thing with phasers and lasers, boys! Get ready, yer majesty! We may have to lay in some disruptor blasts too! Commander? Anyone in the 'ready room'?" shouted Gene.

"Just 'Kitten' and 'Cat' (Minnie Mae Hopkins and Rally Vincent, our own 'Gunsmith Cats' from ancient Terran Chicago). Why?" I asked reasonably and politely.

"We might need the 'rail guns', Princess. Hey Gene! The 'Blonde Bomber's in there! Want me to trill her?" drawled Solo.

"Ya can't, old pal. No comm signals. 'Member? Alley, you better go tell her. She knows where the controls are and how to use 'em! We'll have to relay firing instructions to her. Tell her to stand by and to wait for my orders. Got that, kid?" yelled Gene.

The roar of the photons, the zaps of the phasers and the crashing of the laser cannons almost deafened us!

"Get on them disruptor guns, boy! Fire on that pinpoint of greenish blue light! Keep firing! Shields up, Mark! Stand by on the 'rails'! That thing is still coming!" howled Gene and now the explosions of the disruptors were added to the mix.

"Yo! Gene! Han! What the devil is that darn blasted thing? Nami! Go out in the hallway and relay information to 'Blondie' when we feed it to ya! OK! What the Hell is it? An asteroid? A small battle moon? What?" I shrieked.

"The 'Gobbler World'! It's am entire planet and it consumes asteroids, stars, moons, black holes, anomalies and other planets! We cannot destroy it! If we hit it hard enough, it may be forced to move over a bit because it's blocking our exit hole outta this gasbag!

"Han! Tell 'Blondie' that thing's co-ordinates! Four shells straight into it and another eight into its port or starboard side! Yeah, better make it the port side o' that thing! I can see clear space behind its starboard side! Trish! Go! Tell Nami!" roared Gene Starwind and the poor guy sounded panic-stricken!

"Miss Richards? Tell Miss Hopkins to fire four 'rail shells' right into it and then eight more into its left hand side. Hurry!" said Trish and then she flew back to the bridge.

"Hey 'Blondie'! Ya get those co-ordinates we fed ya? OK. Four shells dead centre bull and eight more into its left side. Got it? Better strap in tight, cats! It's gonna get bumpy when we try to squeeze past that thing!" yelled our navigator to the 'Blonde Bomber' and 'Cat'.

"We heard ya, pirate! 'Kitten'! You about ready now? Steady! It's about seventy kilometres from us, sixty, fifty, forty, thirty, twenty-Fire! Now wait for it! Twenty, fifteen, ten, five and- Fire! Eight o' them babies right into its left rear end! Yay! It's turning to port! Nami! Tell Gene we'll be clear in thirty seconds! Go, girl!" howled 'Cat' Vincent.

"Trish! Clear sailing all the way to 'Neverland' in thirty seconds! First star on the right, straight on until 1400 (2 PM)! Go!" yelled Nami Richards and the 'flying nun' scooted off to the bridge where she told Gene what she had been told to say.

"The 'rail guns' done it, old pal! I owe those two young ladies a milkshake! Brace yourselves! It's gonna be a tight fit!" said Gene and he threaded the 'Daedalus' sideways along the right hand side of the 'Gobbler'!

"Ya ain't the only one, old buddy! And one o' them young fillies drinks stronger stuff than we do! (He unstrapped and set Maysie on the deck.) Somebody take this lil missy to the 'star room' so she can see the best view of her young life when we exit this cloud." drawled Han.

I detailed Rio DelCroix and Fllay Allster to take Maysie down to the 'star room' because Auntie Lanny and her big brother were still needed on the weapons. I had wanted to see the sight described by Han as well but duty called so I stayed in my chair.

"Ya hear all the firing, Rio? Right down the hall on your left, Sweetie." said Fllaysie and Rio nodded. Both of the girls were munching on 'Kersy' bars of chocolate and fruit.

"Did I ever! Sounded like they even used the 'rail guns' this time! Guess who'll have to clean those damned things?" grumbled Rio and Fllaysie Allster winced.

"Us, I'll bet!" she groaned and Rio nodded in agreement.

Maysie had dragged one of our big easy chairs to the 'star window' and had plopped herself down onto it. When Rio and Fllay came in, she pointed to the 'fireworks' outside. We saw it as well, albeit from a different angle and it was spectacular!

"What is it, Colonel?" asked a fascinated Lan Fan and Han laughed.

"The light show? That's the 'Seven Sisters' constellation, the 'Pleiades', basking in the reflected light of the 'Mac Neb'. Purty, ain't it?" drawled the ex-smuggler and even her master seemed enthralled by it all. I glanced at my wristchromo.

"1405. About five past two, gentlemen, ladies. ETA to the 'Neutral Zone', sir?" I asked and Han began calculating on his PDO unit. Gene took a deep swig of his java and lit up a cheroot.

"Better than we'd hoped for, Princess. Five more solar hours. Make it around 1900 hours, seven PM tonight. Ya shovin' off in 'Maggie' tonight?" he drawled and I nodded.

"The less time we are left in these 'Bad Lands', the better I shall like it, Mr Solo." I replied and I lit up a cigarette. Trish handed me a mug o' java with mint leaves and I thanked her for it. I took an appreciative sip and sighed.

"We all get to go along with ya in yer shoebox thing, Beautiful?" asked Prince Lin with a grin.

I grimaced but held my tongue. I had been trained well in diplomacy and tact. Guess that was why I was tagged to be a liaison officer, eh?

"No. I cannot leave the 'Daedalus' defenseless. I have no idea how long it will take to find this guy and drag him back here so I am leaving most of the crew behind. I am leaving all the kids behind with the exception of Maysie. Her alkahestry may prove useful as will her brother's. Yes, I know. You are your master's bodyguard, Lanny. You will come along as well. We will be having dinner at 1700 (5 PM) and that is when I will announce my TARDIS crew.

"What a marvelously kawaii (lovely) sight indeed. Mark, you had better detail a squad to clean and service our weapons. Make certain sure that they are all fully reloaded as soon as possible and that includes the 'rail guns'. We used a dozen shells and that is a quarter of our ammunition supply for them. If there is nothing else, gentlemen, I will excuse myself to work out my TARDIS crew roster. Well done, everyone. Have Niki tell the ship's company that the crisis has passed. See you at dinner." I said and I had an afterthought.

"Mark? Better find replacement gunners for the photons and disruptor guns. I will be taking Lan and Lin along with us in 'Maggie'. I'd better take one of the Doctors along as well. Probably #3 because he never seems to get out that much. All I will need him for is to advise me on how to manipulate my TARDIS anyway. Have a pleasant afternoon, guys. Bye." I said and I left the bridge for my own quarters.

A while later inside the big bore (inside of the barrel) of the 'Daedalus's 'God Gun'-

"Damn! How come we get detailed to clean this bloody thing? Just 'cause we're the youngest officers on this old tub, I'll bet!" groaned 'Subby' Rio DelCroix.

"Don't I know it, man! And 'Zamazon's havin' an early Kurisumasu (Christmas) sale today too!" wailed Ensign Second Class Fllay Allster. Major Naturle 'Nattie' Edwards nee Badgiruel looked annoyed as well! She was the weapons officer aboard the 'Dae'.

"How many times did they fire this blasted piece o' junk, DelCroix?" she moaned.

The blonde Major stripped off her third pair of work gloves and tossed them down the 'recycle chute' and began pulling on another pair.

"Just once I think." replied the young 'subby' (Sub-Ensign Third Class) while swabbing down the 'ceiling' of the gun with a mop.

"It got this filthy from just one shot? What'd she use? Blanks?" complained the Ensign from 'SEED' angrily. She was swabbing down the 'walls' with a mop in either fist.

"You wish! If she had used 'blanks' we'd be here until next Kurisumasu, kiddies!" growled their 'skipper' who was wiping down the 'ion generator' with 'Formula IV-0-XI' and sponges. Her once white coveralls were stained a repulsive grey and black.

"Careful 'Nattie'! Naruto and me just waxed that 'floor' you're standing on- Oops!" chuckled Sakura Haruna, the Ninja Chunin Shinobi girl when their boss went arse over tincups and hit her fanny on the 'floor'- hard!

"Darn it! Now my bottom's all greasy! Where are those two freeloaders? Jessie and James (Team Rocket of Pokemon fame) are supposed to be helping us!" The boss was livid with anger.

"I sent 'em to get us some grub and java, mum. Hey Saki! Ya missed a spot!" joked Naruto Uzimaki, the Ninja Chunin Shinobi teen boy with the 9 Tailed Kyune (Fox Demon) Chakra inside of him. Sakura was not very amused and threw a bucket of greasy soapy water at him.

"Here comes trouble!" said a redheaded teenaged girl who was trundling a huge overladen 'anti-grav trolley' full of goodies into the gun's innards.

"And make it double." piped in her brother whose hair was likewise as red as our fearless leader's coif. James was lugging two big urns of java and tea up the spiral staircase to the monstrous weapon.

"Food! I'm starvin' to death, Miss Jessie!" howled Naruto, grabbing a handful of burgers and handing one to Sakura.

"Gee! Thanks a lot, Piggy! Got any mustard?" replied the pink-headed Chunin gal.

"Just a little and no more ketchup either. Starfire ate all of it while we were waitin' for the java in the galleys." explained Sakura, wolfing down a burger and pouring tea for the major which Rio grabbed before 'Nattie' could get to it.

"Yo! Send somebody topside to open these damned gunports! I gotta lube 'em but good!" bellowed the big guy who loved to hunt for and then disrobe Elf maidens. Junpei and Ari were cleaning the 'business' end of the gun.

"Save us some Philly steak sannis, please." called the lithe actress/transporter captain through her cupped hands. Junpei sat down and lit up a cigarette. Soon smoke was billowing down the long gun's 'hallway', causing Jessie to cough and her pretty green 'aizu' (eyes) to tear up.

"You gotta smoke, huh?" yelled James. He had just run out of smokes. Jessie was a non-smoker and a tee-totaler. She wasn't a bit like her brother.

"OK! Everyone get down here and take a break! Grab some chow and drinks afore Naruto eats it all up! And I thought that Saiyaans and demons were hogs! Hand me a liverwurst and pickle on rye, please."

The major had shed her coveralls and gloves and seemed quite content to lunch in her cute orange sports brassiere and bikini briefs!

"Better not let Lance catch ya sittin' around like that, Nat. After all, you're a married woman ya know." chortled Sir Richard Burton who had been painting the faroff 'walls' with a sealant.

"How quaint, my dear major. Orange suits you well, my dear." laughed Alice (Wonderland/Looking Glass) Liddell who had been cleaning Dick's paint brushes and had now come to dine with this motley crew.

"What the old man don't know won't hurt him, 'Nattie'." giggled Fllaysie who was on her third hero sanni. Apparently the 'Zamazon' sale would be going on for quite a spell. At least, the ashy blonde didn't seem as upet as she had been.

"Your attention please! At 1900 hours (7 PM) tonight, the Commander of Prydonia (Me) will announce her crew for the away mission. She will be taking 'Maggie' (My brand spankin' new TARDIS) on her first maiden flight.

"It is at present 1645 hours (4:45 PM) and a quarter hour until Mr Goatie (Smith) will be ringing the dinner gong. Please be certain that you have washed or bathed before sitting down at my table. You may consider that an order. That is all. Colonel Peabody signing off." boomed out the white doggie's voice over the squawkboxes.

"He should have reminded you to be sure and 'dress' for dinner, Major Edwards, ma'am." guffawed Warrant Officer Third Class Kome Sawaguchi who had just arrived. She had smelled the food and besides, she had a 'signal' for Mrs Edwards.

"Careful, WO3 or you'll be a WO4." said the briefly clad major quietly. One never knew just when this lady was joking and when she was in deadly earnest.

"Give me the comm relay message, 'Pinky' and sit down and have some goodies." chuckled Nat.

"Hmmn. Unh huh. Looks like Allster, DelCroix, Stiles, Murdoch, Gordon and I will be going on 'Maggie's 'maiden voyage' later tonight. That was darn good, kids. Well done, everyone. If you'll excuse me, I must go down and 'dress for dinner'.

"After I have scrubbed off this grit and grime that is. See you in a bit, guys." said the taller officer, climbing into a clean set of coveralls and zipping them up. She grabbed her deck boots and disappeared down the stairwell.

"Hope that 'Zamazon' sale is still there whenever we get back to the 'Dae', Fllaysie." harped Rio.

"I think we could all do with a scrub and a wash up before din din, guys." said Ari and the 'Wrecking Crew' helped clean up from the 'feast' and lower the 'trolley' and urns down the stairs.

They all vamoosed for their rooms and a nice hot shower before putting on the feedbags.

Dinner was quite noisy as it usually was on these vessels. I declined a fourth dessert and took my java with me when I returned to the 'star room' for some peace and quiet. I still had my crew to choose to accompany me on 'Maggie' and I had to finish my roster before seven.

Unfortunately, I was not alone. Several of our 'ice roaders' had appropriated both the 'star room' and all of the recliners in the room. I shrugged my shoulders and chose a seat on a low shelf to the right of the 'window'. Then I took out my PDO and typed in the following data.

Pilot- Gene Starwind; Co-Pilot- Han Solo; Comm Relay- Sir Integra W Van Helsing; Executive Officer- Alucard; Security Chief- Seras Victoria; Weapons CO- Naturle B Edwards; Navigator- Zoe Morton; Scanning- Oranemia 'Nami' Richards, Rally 'Cat' Vincent and Minnie Mae 'Kitten'/'Blonde Bomber' Hopkins; Gunners- Rio DelCroix, Neko Olson, Fllay Allster, Todd Stiles, Buzz Murdoch, Mr Peabody (Sherman was left behind on the 'Daedalus') and Kome Sawaguchi; Chief Engineer- Dynamo; Space Tech Engineers- Blackfire, Junpei, Sarah Stryker, Mildred 'Stun Gun Millie' Thompson, Merrill 'Derringer Girl' Stryfe, Diana 'Wonder Girl' Prince; Commander of the Guard/Chief Fighter- InuYasha; Sergeant of the Guard/#2 Fighter- Kouga; Fighters- Goku Son, Vegeta Brief, Anne Hathaway, Keitarou 'KR' Riff, Ichigo Kurosaki, Rukia Kutschski (Her 'brother' the captain was in command of the reserve fighter units back aboard the 'Dae'), Renji Abari, Toshiro Hitsugaya, Rangiku Matsumoto, Kenpachi Zaraki (It goes w/o saying that Yachiru came w/ the package), Soi Fon, Kiske Uruhara and Fritz 'Green Baron' Von Dekker; Scientific Advisors- Doctors #3 and #7 (K-9 had been lent to me by #4 Doctor on condition that Sarah Jane Smith, Jamie MacCrimmon, Leila the Jungle Girl, Ace, Jo Grant and Liz Shaw all accompanied us. I agreed at once. Then Lin, Lan Fan and Maysie all volunteered as well as Spike Steigel, Jett Black and Ed Appledore who brought along Ein and Luna. Good companions for my doggie 'Whitey'); Dining Hall- Lance Edwards, Pinako 'Granny' Rockabelle, Winry Rockabelle, Esther 'Granny' Moses-Clampett, Ellie May Clampett, Daisy Duke (Her Uncle Jessie and cousins Bo and Luke as well as Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane and Deputy Enos Strait and 'Boss' Hogg had all volunteered but I needed them on the 'Dae') and Jane Huntley; I took along Edward and Alphonse Elric, Van Hohenheim, Deanna Troi as well as Izumi and Sig Curtis and Legato Bluesummers for alchemy work. As an afterthought, I chose Gaara the Ninja from the Village Hidden in the Sands but I left the other Ninja kiddies behind under the command of Kakashi Sensei. I needed some skysled and skycycle pilots so Sonny, Will, Hugh the 'Polar Bear', Eric, Alex the 'Minister', Drew, Rick and 'Bear', the 'ice road brigade' drivers were added to the mix. With Fritz along, I had to add both Jonathan Harlock and his niece, Emma Emeraldas for good measure. I was commanding my TARDIS and that was to be our crew!

"Whew! I am certainly glad that is over with at last!" I said to 'Whitey' who was busily employed in gobbling up all the goodies on the tables! I sighed and lit up a cheroot.

"Mum? What are those bright lights up ahead? A space 'truck stop' perhaps?" asked the handsome Eric de Grier and I got up to have a look. What I saw sent me racing over to a vidmike box on the bulkhead wall!

"Who the Dickens is piloting the 'Dae'? That is the Federation/Romulan 'Neutral Zone' dead ahead! Stop all engines and I mean now! Talk to me, dammit! This is Prydonia! I am coming down!" I shouted and I dropped the vidmike without bothering to replace it in its box!

I tore out the portals, dropping both java and smoke in my haste to reach the gantryway stairwell. I darned near fell down the stairs in my headlong flight to the bridge. 'Sharon' clattered noisily to the deck floor of the hallway but I paid it no heed and ran on until I had reached the bridge.

"Commander on the bridge! Ten-" someone shouted.

"Belay that crap! If we violate that Zone, Romular will declare war on Gallifrey because a Gallifreyan is commanding this craft! Stop! Halt! Cease this vessel's darned forward motion immediately!" I yelped.

"Hit the brakes, somebody!" howled Todd. Rio began throwing switches like mad!

"This vessel will self-destruct in five solar minutes." announced 'Nikita' in a solemn voice.

"DelCroix! What the Sam Hill were ya thinkin', girlie? Han! Commander! We need the recall codes and fast!" yelled Gene Starwind and I looked at pilot and co-pilot with a blank stare on my face.

"I-I-I d-d- do not know any recall codes, Colonel, sir." I stammered and the colonel's face went as white as a sheet. I was thrust aside roughly and fell into a gunner's chair.

"Nikita? Time? Tell me, Niki!" shouted Angela de Roncesvalles, dropping into my own commander's chair.

"Three solar minutes, sixteen solar seconds, Tribune de Roncesvalles. Please give me the recall codes while there is still time." said our computer programming unit.

"Very well. I only know the third code. It is 'Varan Mystical Antares'. Is that correct?" demanded the last female Templar Knight.

"Yes. Give me the other three. There are now two solar minutes to self-destruct." announced Nikita.

"Who knows the other three, Contessa?" yelped Han Solo and for once, he was not drawling like an ancient Terran Texan.

"Integra! Put a signal through to the Academy. Donovan and O'Halloran know the other codes. Quickly!" shrieked Angie.

"They are on the wire, Trib. Donovan says 'Alydar Epsom Lords' and the 'Boss' says hers is 'Elysian Hades Kalavala'.

Angela repeated those codes and Niki told us we had less than a single solar minute left!

"Who has the last code, Reds?" I roared and she pointed at me!

"You do, Commander." she replied and I went as pale as day old ale!

"There are now eight solar seconds left. Seven, Six-" Niki droned on until I finally got it!

"The final recall code is 'Gundams Are Great'!" I screamed and-

Three, Two- Self-destruct has been cancelled! All warp core engines have ceased to operate." said Nikita and we all breathed a huge sigh of relief!

Buzz was the first to break the awkward silence. He spun me around in the gunner's seat and almost shouted in my face.

"How?" he demanded breathlessly. I pointed to my PDO's vidscreen.

"I opened that file, Mr Murdoch. The one listed as 'For emergency use only'. 'Grandfather' said that Mr Galadriel had told him to place a certain phrase in my system but not to tell me what it was. I remembered that darned old file's title and-" I sobbed, tears streaming down both of my cheeks.

"Glad ya 'membered, Princess." said Starwind and Solo nodded in agreement.

"Just in the nick o' time, guys!" yelled Neko Olson and I realized just how close to the end we had come. Rio was crying and apologizing and then the waterworks dam burst its floodgates!

"DelCroix! Consider yourself under arrest and confine yourself to quarters. Get off the bridge and that is a direct order, Lance Corporal Third Class." growled Major Edwards.

Allster and Sawaguchi led the still bawling and whining teenaged girl down the corridor to the lift stations.

"OK with you, Brigadier Prydonia?" snapped 'Nattie' and I nodded dumbly.

"1900 hours. Everyone please report to the rec room unless you are on duty. That is all." announced Nikita and it hit me that I had called for a briefing at seven o'clock.

"C'mon, Sweetie. You'll feel better after a cuppa. Got your roster on here?" said Angie, picking up my PDO unit from the deck floor where I had dropped it.

She shoved it into my hands and lit up two cigarettes, sticking one of them in my mouth. We took the lift down to the rec room.

"Nervous?" she whispered and I nodded. Angie gave me a reassuring pat on the back and sat down at the bar. I was about to speak when-

"Commander in the room! Ten-Hutt!" shouted Kakashi Sensei and the place went as quiet as a tomb. Everyone was standing to attention and saluting me. I returned their salutes.

"At ease. Please be seated. It was a long and tough process but I have chosen the crew for my part of the mission. Accompanying 'Whitey' and myself on my 'Maggie' will be-" I almost screamed and then I began the long litany of names I had placed in my PDO unit an hour before our near catastrophe.

I won't bore you folks by repeating the roster which can be found about three dozen paragraphs back. There were sighs (relief?) and complaints (I wonder why? Did anyone really want to come on such a dangerous quest?) galore before Chief Poporo rapped his laser sword hilt on the bar top for silence.

"That will be enough of that crapola, people! Your commander has decided and that is all there is to that! Act your ages and behave yourselves with dignity and decorum as befits members of the 3WA! You may consider that an order and if there are any more disruptions, you will answer to yours truly, dammit! Anything to add, ma'am?" said Mr Popo but I shook my head.

"Very well. Ten-Shun! Dis- Wait for it, Missy! Dismissed!" he ordered and the lull was broken by the resumption of conversations and games and drinking at the bar and tables.

"Do they always get so upset when they are not chosen for a mission, Chief?" I asked.

He lit up a horrible smelling cigar while Chief Engineer Dynamo packed his pipe with foul smelling shag tobacco and ignited the mixture, causing me to cough and retch. Neither gentleman paid me the slightest bit of attention! So much for perks of rankings, I suppose.

"Always, Suba. Ya got yerself a damned loyal crew on my 'Daedalus', Alley." replied the big Triceratops 'Godzilla'-like lizard and he blew a huge smoke ring which Faye Valentine speared with her empty shot glass.

"Have one on the house, 'time lady'!" said Kagome Higurashi, tonight's barkeep. Her partner was Mr Naraku. He was, I had been told, some sort of demonic person. Of course, I did not believe a word of that malarkey! Probably just the alcohol speaking, I guessed.

I accepted the mocha java root beer ice cream soda 'float' and downed a big gulp which set me to choking.

"Take it easy there, Alley Cat! You'll choke to death on that thing!" yelled InuYasha while he and Wolfie began thumping me on the back so hard that it hurt!

I waved them away and thanked them for their concern. I would need a gallon of 'Frozee Toro' balm before my back stopped smarting and stinging! They meant well so I did not admonish them.

Dixie McCall touched my sore back and I winced. Despite my protests, Nurse McCall dragged me off to sick bay where she insisted on bathing my inflamed back and shoulders with cool water and some ointment she called 'Ben Guay' which did make my back stop hurting.

"Take one of these before you go to bed, Commander Al. You'll sleep like a log in the woods." said Mike Morton, the only real live 'doctor' aboard my vessel. I looked at the small white capsules dubiously. 'Samminexx' was printed on each one.

"Very mild sleeping pills, Honey." Dixie assured me.

"If you prefer, I can use the autohypo and give you a sedative that way, Al." joked the medical man but I deferred treatment and swallowed one of the capsules with a drink of water Then Dixie walked me back to my quarters where we shared a pizza before I began yawning all over the place.

Dix glanced at her wrist but her wristchromo was in'Whitey's mouth! I scolded the pup and retrieved Dix's timepiece from the naughty doggie. She patted his head and left for her own bunk or so I hoped. Then a sudden thought struck me and I called her back into my sitting room.

"Dix? How about coming along with me on 'Maggie' tomorrow? I could use a medic. I'd take Mike too but I would not wish to leave my 'Dae' without a doctor, a real doctor." I pleaded and she smiled.

"Sure. Meet you on the bridge at six. OK? (I nodded) Besides, Mike's an old 'fraidy cat. He'd hide under his bunk if you tried to drag him along on a mission, I'll bet." chuckled the nurse and she left.

I slept the sleep of the just and I awoke feeling very refreshed. After a quick breakfast, I strolled to the bridge and found my 'Maggie's crew were all assembled in the hallway.

"Miss Ari shooed us off her bridge, Al. Where's your 'police box' anyway?" asked Buzz Murdoch and I grinned. I pointed to a tall file cabinet standing across from the bridge room's portals.

"My 'chameleon circuitry' is not broken so I can make 'Maggie' resemble anything I like, Mr Murdoch." I replied and #3 Doctor grimaced as did #7.

"Unlike ours, Buzz. I am getting used to my 'box' though. How about you, Doctor?" asked #7.

"I have 'Bessie' so it's not so bad. Have you seen Jo and Liz, Ace?" asked #3 and the buxom teenaged girl pointed to a pair of brunettes in matching sundresses who were trundling an overladen 'anti-grav' trolley along the hallway towards 'Maggie'.

'Maggie's 'cabinet' popped open and the big Scotsman stuck his head out.

"Are ye gonna yak all the damned day or are we goin' after that skurly jackanapes?" he demanded in a very gruff voice.

"All ashore that's going ashore! Last call! All aboard!" giggled Zoe Morton from behind Jamie.

"Get aboard, everyone. Zoe, lay in a course for the 'Bad Lands' as soon as everyone has boarded. Hurry up, folks. Time she be a-wastin' ya know." I chortled and I boarded last of all. I put 'Whitey' on the console where he began to investigate Liz Shaw and Jo Grant's 'goodies cart'.

"Where the bloody Hell's the bridge, Commander?" drawled Han Solo and Gene Starwind chuckled.

"This seems to be the bridge, old buddy. Those must be the controls over there. Hey, Doc!" replied Gene and both #3 and #7 Doctors looked quite offended.

"My dear fellow, my name is Doctor. Kindly refrain from addressing me as 'Doc'!" said #3.

"That goes for myself as well, sir. What do you want anyway?" added #7, the 'Leprechaun' Doctor.

"If I'm gonna pilot this thing, I need to know how to fly it, don't I?" said Gene and Han nodded sagely.

"And I'm co-pilotin', Doctors." agreed Han Solo.

"Only authorized personnel are permitted to operate my TARDIS, sirs." snapped #3 haughtily.

"Your TARDIS, Doctor? You meant mine, didn't ye?" corrected #7 and I lost it!

"Yours? I believe that 'Maggie' is MY TARDIS, gentlemen!" I said and I was hot under the collar, that I most certainly was!

"I don't care who this craft belongs to, dammit! Who knows how to operate it besides me?" yelled Zoe Morton who had already laid in a course for the 'Bad Lands' beyond the 'Neutral Zone'.

"Aha! If this mere child can pilot it, anyone can." observed the 'Leprechaun'.

"The 'Little Fellow' taught me, sirs. However, I cannot navigate and fly the damned thing as well, can I?" she objected.

"Oh, very well. Pay attention, Colonel. This side of the console is for time travel only so don't touch these controls. Once Miss Morton has laid in the course, simply press the green pad to activate the dome light and the 'piledriver pylon'. At the same time, pull down on this grey switch to 'dematerialize' the TARDIS.

"When the buzzer sounds to signal our arrival, push the grey switch back up so that we will 'materialize'. Press the red panel to stop us. Check this gauge and this one beside it. The first measures the outside radiation level and that one tells us whether or not the atmosphere out there is breatheable.

"If all that checks out fine, pull down on this big red knob to open the inner portals and the outer 'doors'. That control above the door release knob is the 'chameleon circuit'. Our TARDISes don't have a working one of those things. With it, one can change the outward appearance of the craft. I suggest, my dear cousin, that you change that to something other than a stick of furniture before we 'rematerialize' at our destination.

"Not all that complicated, is it, sirs? Hello! Where has the snack cart gotten itself to, eh? I'm feeling a mite peckish." explained #3 and Gene had been taking notes on his PDO and so was everyone else it seemed to me.

"You forgot to tell them about the 'GC' indexes, Doctor." admonished #7, pointing out the huge tome under the console.

"Oh yes! I almost forgot. This is the 'Galactic Compendium'. It is sort of like an intergalactic 'Yellow Pages' telephone directory. You can find almost any time era and/or destination anywhere in the known Universes, ladies and gentlemen." explained #3.

"Liz? Jo? Please assign living and sleeping quarters to our ladies. Jamie? Leila? Will you please do the same for our gentlemen? Has anyone seen 'Whitey'? Zoe? We have a separate section for pets as you know. Please show our animals the way. No. You can assign Mr Peabody to quarters with the gentlemen. Sherman can stay in my own quarters with 'Whitey'.

"Doctors? Will one of you kindly show our chefs and cooks to the kitchens? (I glanced at the wall chromo which read 0730 hours or half past 7 AM) Goodness! We had best get a wiggle on if we want to reach our destination before lunch. Colonel, will you please do us the honours? The rest of you find a seat somewhere and strap in. Anyone remaining in the control room will just have to grab hold of the console and hang on very tightly while we launch. Ready when you are, sir." I said and I took a firm death grip on the edge of my console.

"Here we go, kiddies." said Gene. The familiar pulsing sound was heard, the lights flickered and the huge 'piledriver pylon' began going up and down like the piledriver on an oil drilling derrick. Outsie I knew that the dome light was winking on and off while my 'file cabinet' was slowly but surely dissipating into the aether of space and time.

We were tossed violently against each other and I heard Lance Edwards cursing savagely from the kitches where he had just dropped something he had been preparing for our luncheon! My fault. I should have warned him not to start cooking or baking during the launch cycle. The shaking subsided and I slowly released my hold as did the others.

"ETA to 'BL' territories will be 1350 hours. That's ten before two Terran solar time. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em." chortled my svelte 'navvy'. Zoe picked up Ein, Luna and K-9 from the floor and headed for our 'pet hostel' area. #3 and #7 had located the 'goodies cart' and they were feasting on sannis and baked goods. Gad! They ate almost as much as the Saiyaans did!

"Now what, Princess?" drawled Han and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Nothing, sir. A TARDIS automatically places itself on 'George' after a launch cycle has completed. Until the buzzer sounds, you need do nothing at all. I say! No more sandwiches? When's luncheon being served I wonder?" asked #3 while #7 wolfed down the last sanni and washed it down with mocha java. I was about to point out the food/beverage creating units when-

"I brunged a few 'reppers' along for us, ma'am." said Fllay Allster.

"Good thing too 'cause Lanny's cooking 'soap' for lunch! Yuck!" added Rio DelCroix who had spent the evening before confined to her quarters. I had debated whether to leave her behind or not. However, we had promised her Dad that we woild keep an eye on her and at least here she could not buy out the 'Higurashi Mall' on 'Zamazon' because I had insisted that only PDO units would be permitted aboard my 'Maggie'.

"Not 'soap', Dumbass! Mr Edwards is baking us a 'souflette'. That's a yummy eggy thing but ya gotta be real quiet when it's in the oven or it'll fall or somethin'." corrected Cagalli Yula Athna. She had been a last minute medical replacement for Reaper Cap of Squad 4 Athura who was doing some kind of experimenting with Squad 12's Cap back on the 'Dae'.

Caggie was a WO3 (Warrant Officer Third Class) and was very proficient with first aid. She also adored Ist Lt Dixie McCall who was the closest thing we had aboard to a real doctor.

Maysie and her older brother Lin and his 'bodyguard' Lan Fan had gone exploring. The Doctors had warned them not to stray beyond the corridors with yellow arrows on the walls because my TARDIS was a lot bigger than it looked owing to the fact that Type 40's existed in more than a single dimension!

I decided to check out my craft's 'zero room' which was the closest thing I had to a brig. Hopefully, on the way back home, the 'zero room' would be occupied by the renegade time lord Azarog whose capture was our current mission's assignment.

"You know what this chap looks like, my dear?" asked #3 Doctor whom I had found in the strange chamber aboard 'Maggie' called the 'zero room'. I handed him a vidphoto of a very evil looking guy with a long black beard and eyes that seemed to bore into your very soul! He looked to be about Gene's age- mid 40's.

"A nasty looking customer indeed! He certainly doesn't look like he did back in school on Gallifrey." he said.

"Yes, sir. He looked much younger when I had him in the ninth forms. Which 'regenn's he on now, #3?" I replied. He shrugged his shoulders and relatched the 'drawer' where we would be keeping Azarog when and if we ever found him.

"I imagine he's up to #3 or #4 'regenn', child. You forget that while you had him for an instructor, I was his fellow classmate. In fact, in the seventh form, we were 'roomies'. When the 'old man' (#1 Doctor looked a lot like 'Grandfather' Castelein) met him, he had yet to use his first 'regenn'. That was in the Terrans' 11th Century in Northumberland in merrie old England.

"Aza was going to defeat the Vikings for William of Orange, the Conqueror a few days earlier than the history books showed! It was AD 1066 and there would have never been a 'Battle of Hastings' at all! You can just imagine what meddling with time and history would have brought about for the later generations of all the Universes, my dear cousin. He looked like a Christian monk and his TARDIS was an ancient sarcophagus, of all things! The 'old man' 'marooned' the old fool in that time era of Terra.

"The 'little fellow' (#2 Doctor was even shorter than myself) took pity on Azarog and repaired his 'Mark IV' for him. He dropped out of sight after he left that time era. He was confined to the 'Matrix' on 'Galli' for a few centuries when the Council found out what he had been up to during #1's visit to Terra. Steven and Vickie know all about that. They'll tell you all about Mr Azarog and his antics. Of course, they only knew him as the 'monk', you understand.

"The Council released him about the turn of this century (The 23rd) and he's been a good boy. Then Lord Kalderanus had a signal from a friend of his on 'Minerva' that the scamp was up to his old tricks again. That's why you're being sent to get him, Al. He intends to stop the war between the Federation and the Romulans so there will never be a need for a 'Neutral Zone'. That would play merry Hell with the 'Bad lands', especially 'Corrallia'! The sooner you get this chap, the better.

"Almost noon and I'm hungry. By the way, have you seen Liz and Jo? They went 'exploring' with Vickie, Steven, Leila and Jamie. I hope that they haven't gotten lost again. Come, my dear cousin. A spot of lunch will do you a world of good. Hullo! There go Hansy and Grets (Hansel and Gretel were our resident 'witch hunters' and were as restless as the ice winds of 'Gar') with Miss Starfire." said #3 and I did a double take.

Starfire was not supposed to be aboard 'Maggie'. I had intentionally left her behind on the 'Daedalus' because her older sister Blackfire was one of my space techs aboard. The girls did not get along well together at all, it seemed.

Well, no sense sobbing over an overturned teapot, I suppose. #3 Doctor and I quickened our pace and decided to take the stairway down to the dining room. 'Maggie's lifts were not operating well and I decided that I would ask Dynamo to have them repaired after the mission had concluded.

"Who in the blue blazes are you two?" demanded UNIT Commander Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart. He had decided on a short stroll around 'Maggie' to allow his excellent luncheon to digest. He turned a corner at the top of the ornate stairwell and almost walked into two overgrown children!

"If you please, sir, my name is Gretel but you may call me Grets, sir. Everyone does." said the girl with a deep curtsey.

"Name's Hansel, Pops. Pleased ta meet ya." said the boy, resheathing his sword. The girl quickly reholstered her ion cannon.

"Say 'sorry' to the nice gentleman, Hansy. P'rhaps he would like to play with us, dear brother." suggested Grets.

"By amy chance, do you two know the 'Doctor'?" asked the older officer and Grets grinned.

"Which one, sir?" replied the girl while her brother looked bored and kept pulling on his sister's arm.

"Which one? How many have you seen, Miss Grets?" asked the poor Brigadier. After all, he knew only #3 and maybe #4.

"Seven. What's it to ya, old man?" snarled Hansy until Grets batted him across the head.

"Behave yourself, Hansy! I'll tell the Commander to make you swab the decks again! Forgive him, kind sir. My brother can get a bit addled, you see." apologized Grets. Stewart was busy counting on his fingers.

"Starfire! Star! Where the devil have you gotten to, girl?" shouted avoice that the Brigadier knew only too well.

"Benton? Sergeant Benton? What do they have you doing?" demanded the non-com's CO.

"Sir! I am babysitting, sir. However, I seem to have misplaced my charge." said the taller soldier with a snappy salute which Lethbridge Stewart returned just as crisply.

"Begging your pardon, Brigadier, sir but what is your assignment?" asked the CO's exec.

"Ssh! I am supposed to be on KP duty but a UNIT Commader does not do the dishes, Sergeant." replied Stewart.

"Is that a fact? If I have to do the washing up, you are gonna do the drying, Mr Brigadier! Here's your apron, sir." said a tall blonde teen wearing grey overalls.

"Hi Winry! Who is this old geezer anyway, Mr Benton?" asked Hansy and the Brigadier's face got quite red.

"Who are you calling an 'old geezer', you young scamp!" yelled the UNIT CO while Grets and Winry giggled and poor Benton stared at everyone.

"He works for the Doctor, Hansy. Get that apron on and come with me, Mr Stewart. Everybody has their chores to do on 'Maggie'. Mr Benton! What have you done with our Starfire? If she gets lost again, there's gonna be Hell to pay!" Winry called over her shoulder while she stiff marched the poor Lethbridge Stewart back downstairs to the kitchens.

"Miss Winry got that wrong, guys. The Doctor works for us at UNIT and the Brigadier is our Commander. You two kids better come with me and help me to find Miss Starfire. Let's try the holodecks and stop swinging that sword around, Hansy before you hurt someone." ordered benton.

"Yeah, don't stick yourself with it like you usually do, brother of mine." chuckled Grets.

"You had better keep that cannon in its holster, Miss Grets. We don't need any accidents." said the sergeant.

"Aha! Look, my dear Watson. I deduce that the sergeant is seeking his young ward, Miss Starfire." said Sherlock Holmes who was blowing smoke rings with his Calabash pipe.

"How on Earth did you know that, Holmes?" demanded Dr Watson. This guy must be really dense, folks!

"Because the chap has been bellowing the child's name all over this overgrown tool chest, my dear fellow."

"How absurdly simple, Mr H.!" cried Grets.

"That, my dear lady, is my line." grumbled Dr Watson.

"And here is mine, old boy. Elementary." chuckled the great detective.

"Anybody seen her?" yelled Mr Benton from the end of the corridor.

"Yes. I saw her heading towards that 'zero room' place, Senor Benton. That way, sir." answered the tall slight masked man dressed entirely in black. Zorro was pointing with his Toledo blade in the opposite direction.

"Muchas gracias, Senor Zorro. C'mon, kids. Let's go find her before she breaks something else." groaned Benton.

"Something else? Has the lovely Fraulein Star of Fire broken something, Mr Benton?" asked the 'Green Baron'. Fritz von Dekker had just finished clearing the table and refilling all the condiment bottles, sugar bowls and creamers. Like you ought to know by now, everyone works in the 3WA with no exceptions!

"She busted that big TV screen in the control room this morning. No big deal 'cause there weren't no shows on anyhow." explained Rio DelCroix.

"Starfire broke the vidscreen above the pylon on 'Maggie's bridge. There are no television shows playing on it anyway. That is the correct form of grammar and enunciation, Subby DelCroix." admonished Tribune Angela de Roncesvalles. Then she realized what Rio had just said!

"Does Alley know about that? That's the screen that tells us what is outside of the vessel. I had better get Dynamo to fix it. Excuse me." she said and dashed for the lift stations.

"Do I know what, pray tell?" I demanded. I had just left my 'zero room' and the errant child was definitely not there.

"Miss Star of Fire accidentally broke your television set on the bridge. Not to worry, mum. The Tribune Templar girl has gone to find Mr Dynamo to repair the damages. Would you care for one of my cigars, my dear?" asked the Baron. I bent my head and spoke into my comm badge.

"Niki? Alley. Could you please locate Starfire for me? Relay her location to Sergeant Benton. Thanks. Prydonia out." I trilled.

"Surely. I have just comm relayed Mr B. Starfire is playing in your garden near the big bell." trilled Nikita.

"How in the Dickens did the child get down there? Be sure you give Mr Benton precise directions. I do not want anyone getting lost on my 'Maggie', Niki. Thanks." I trilled.

"She is in my 'Cloister Bell Gardens'. That is on Lower Sub Level 17. I hope Niki tells Nr B to take the lift. It is quite a long way down. Excuse me. I need to find 'Whitey' before we dock. Make sure you're all on the bridge at two. I will brief everyone on our mission at that time. Oh and try not to get lost. 'Maggie' is much bigger than she looks." I warned and then I headed for my cabin.

"Hullo there, puppy. What are you doing on the bridge? No! Bring that back! Junpei! Blackfire! 'Whitey' just swiped my 14765 spanner! Don't let the young scalawag get away! Millie? Please bring me another DKG circuitry board. Star really done a number on this thing!" growled the huge Triceratops alien dinosaur-like creature who was my Chief Engineer.

My portal swished aside and 'Whitey' raced in and dropped a huge tool at my feet!

"Where did you find that thing, boy?" I yelped, moving my foot just before the spanner hit the floor.

"I'll take that, young man! Sorry, Boss. He swiped it from Mr D. He needs it to fix the bridge TV set. See ya later, mum." said Blackfire, one of our space technicians. She had retrieved the tool and disappeared down the hallway. I sighed and 'repped' myself a steaming mug of mocha cocoa java while 'Whitey' stole the sleeping Luna's ball of yarn.

I settled back and kicked off my boots. I tapped keys on my PDO quickly and efficiently until the wall chromo chimed twice. I gathered my junk together and pulled on my boots. Then I locked 'Whitey' in the kitchenette with a bowl of ceral and a bowl of milk. As an afterthought, I refilled Luna's milk bowl before I left for my very first briefing. The very first one that I had ever called anyway.

"May I have your attention, please? I said-" I shouted when I had reached Maggie's main control room or 'bridge' as they had all dubbed this room on my TARDIS.

"Yo! Shut the Hell up! Suba 'Alley Cat's got somethin' to tell us, guys!" roared the big hanyou teenaged kid from ancient Japan on Terra. I was grateful for the help but I hated that 'Alley Cat' crack. However, I let it go and said nothing.

"Thank you, Lt. Please make yourselves comfortable. I will not take up too much of your time." I said. Someone had thoughtfully 'repped up' some chairs for me. A sly wink from Mr Peabody told me that he had done the honours for me. I smiled at him and returned the wink. Then I strode over to my console and stood with my back to the controls.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our mission is quite straightforward and simple. Accomplishing it will be anything but simple. We have been charged with tracking down and then apprehending a rogue time lord from my home world of Gallifrey.

"Azarog is rumoured to be hiding somewhere in the 'Bad Lands.' Therefore-" I announced.

"You can't mean the 'Bad Lands' in 'Corrallian Space', Honey? They're akin to the 'Spanish Main's 'Tortuga' on ancient Terra, Missy 'Alley Cat'! they're damned dangerous worlds out there!" howled 'Brilliant Dynamite Neon' whom Lt Quicksilver/Mercury had urged me to add to my crew.

I had been told that this gentleman had been a gang leader of a group of toughs on planet Gunsmoke. Colonel Legato Bluesummers had tried to dissuade me from bringing along 'BDN' but I trusted Sil's judgment so here he was.

"Of course she means those 'Bad Lands', big guy. Azarog sure as Hell would not be hiding out in the 'Dead Lands' of Gallifrey, would he? That is precisely why I practically ordered Commander Prydonia to bring you and the 'Bad Lads' along on this little jaunt.

"You damned well know this sector of space better than anyone aboard with the possible exceptions of Captain Starwind and General Solo. Where do you suggest we start our search, Brill?" said Mercury quietly. Brill thought for a moment and then slapped his knee.

"Lexicol V! I heard tell that a lot of Khan's boys had gone to ground there. It's a haven from 'cowboys' (He meant intergalactic bounty hunters, not the same kind as Cisco and Pancho) and Azzy could easily lose himself in those hangouts. Let's start there, Sweetie." suggested Brill and several of his 'Lads' nodded in agreement.

"Zoe? Know how to find this Lexicol V?" I asked and our chief navigator shot a beam vidmap across the far bulkhead wall.

"See that winking green illuminator in the centre of the screen? That's us. See the blue blob way over there due West of us about 600 'lightys'? That's Lexy Five. At 25 Warp, we should reach it by 1800 (6 PM) tomorrow night. Shall I lay in a course, Commander? (I nodded) OK. Only don't look for any anomaly shortcuts because even if I found any, I sure as hell wouldn't want to start prowling around these 'Bad Lands' willy nilly, Boss.

"Nami? Go find Starfire and put her up in Alley's 'star room'. Tell her to watch for a star cluster that looks like a bird. That'll be 'Phoenix Trails'. The bird's beak will point the way to Seti. I will not land this thing on Lexy Five. We'll use Seti as a base of operations. It's one of Lexy's moons and pretty much deserted this time of year.

"Meanwhile I'll lay in our course. Everyone keep on your toes. Enjoy yourselves but stay off the holodecks. Al, can 'Maggie' 'cloak' herself?" asked Zoe Morton, flicking ash into a small ashtray she carried with her.

"I do not understand, 'Navvy'. What is 'cloak'?" I asked and everyone smirked or laughed. Even Rio giggled. I soon found out why.

"She means can this tub of yours make itself invisible, Princess?" drawled Han Solo.

"Not exactly but we can make 'Maggie' resemble whatever we like from the outside. Will that help?" I replied and Zoe grimaced and ignited another cheroot. She slowly shook her head.

"I was hoping that we could slip through these 'Bad Lands' undetected. However, I suppose if you made this thing look like an ancient Greygoran temple and we all got kitted out like monks and nuns we might not look too suspicious on Seti." reasoned the svelte Lt Commander.

"Seti? How about when we visit this here Lexy Five place, Z? Don't ya think that nuns and monks will look a little outta place with all them pirates and smuggler, not to mention murderers and thieves?" demanded Wolfie Kouga.

"Haw haw haw! Whassa matter? Ya scared, ya mangy wolf?" guffawed the big hanyou, InuYasha and Kouga bristled with anger.

"Who's scared, ya worthless dog? Hey Kaggie! Better 'sit' yer pooch afore he gets into trouble!" snarled the wolf youkai demon.

"Enough! When we start our searching on Lexy, we will disguise ourselves accordingly. You two will not need any disguises, of course." I said and I was staring at the dog and the wolf.

"Will it really be all that dangerous, mum?" asked Cagalli Yula Athna. Cag was a gunner and held the ranking of Warrant Officer First Class much to the chagrin of Fllaysie Allster whose ranking was still a mere Ensign although I had made her an acting second lieutenant. Her sidekick, Rio DelCroix I had wanted to promote but she made so many mistakes that I was forced to keep her as a Subby or Sub-Ensign but I did make her an acting ensign against my better judgment and Sil's advice.

"Never fear, milady. I, Prince Lin of Xiang will protect you from those ruffians." said Lin.

"And who will protect you, Dumbass?" chortled Lan Fan, his Ninja bodyguard. She and her master I had made second lieutenants but I had also made Lan an acting first lieutenant.

"I too will watch out for the bad guys for ya, my dear older brother!" said the feisty Alkahestry practitioner, nine year old Maysie. I felt that I had to put my foot down and I did.

"None of the children will be leaving 'Maggie' and that includes you, Maysie. Do not pout. You and the other children have a very special job to do. You must take care of our animals. I know that my 'Whitey' likes you, Sweetie." I said and the child brightened and wiped her eyes.

"Well? Give the orders, Suba Prydonia." said an impatient Zoe Morton. I realized that nobody did anything unless I authorized them to do it!

"Make it so, Lt Commander Morton. Energize all systems." I commanded and my chief navvy sighed and crushed out her cheroot.

"By your command, mum. C'mon Rio. You're my 'go fer it' gal, ya know." said Zoe and Rio hurried to catch her up.

"Any questions?" I said and I kept my fingers crossed that nobody had any to ask! I had no idea what half of the commands I had been giving even meant! I had heard the real Boss Lady use them before as well as the Brigadier.

"Ten-Shun!" shouted the big hanyou dog boy.

"You are dismissed. Thanks for coming." I said and I saluted my crew. Think anyone saluted back? Nope. I asked Brill if he had any vidmaps of Seti and Lexy Five and he said he would drop them off at my cabin. I thanked him and he headed for the bar trailed by his 'Bad Lads' gang.

"See this picture of a big red bird, Star? That's what you have to watch for and when ya see it, trill me or Miss Morton. OK?" instructed Oranamia Richards, another one of our 'navvies'.

"Yes! I watch for the pretty birdie out the window. When I see it, I yell for you or Miss Morton." replied Starfire.

"No. You don't yell for us. You use your comm badge and you trill us, Star. You do not leave this room and you do not take your eyes off that window. I'll send Rio up with your dinner. There's a 'repper' beside you if you get hungry or thirsty. Just watch for that bird. No playing!" ordered Nami.

"Can I sit in one of the big chair thingys, Miss Richards?" shouted Starfire and Nami nodded.

"So long as you keep your eyes glued to that window, you can sit on the ceiling, Star." said Nami on her way back downstairs to the 'bridge'.

"Star knows what to watch for? (Nami nodded) Good. I just laid in our course. Keep an eye on the scanners. I don't like surprises. Remember that we are not able to 'cloak', kiddo." said Zoe.

"Darn it! Doesn't Z know that I'm a navvy not a scanny? Hi 'Whitey'. Does your mistress know you're up here? Better keep everything locked up and nailed down, guys. The 'swiper' is on the ! Did you feed this guy yet? Rep him up some 'Ruffalo Red' and he needs some water." said Nami and Rio picked up the little furball and carried him off to the break area.

"OK if I put us on 'George', Z?" asked Gene but Zoe replied in the negative.

"Unh unh, Gene. I haven't been this deep into the 'Baddies' in more than a year. No telling who's out this far. We may have to dodge in a hurry. I wish I knew what to make this thing look like to everybody out here." grumbled the chief navvy.

"Make 'Maggie' look like the 'Millenium Falcon', Honey. Nobody'll give us a second glance. They'll think we're just on a run o' the mill smugglin' run." drawled Han and Gene chuckled.

"He's absolutely right, Z. Use the 'chameleon circuit' and make it so. I'll authorize it. Ya do know how to do that, don't ya?" replied Gene Starwind.

"Does Trish know how to fly without a jet pack and rocket boots? Not to worry, guys. The 'Little Fellow' showed me the TARDISean ropes a long time ago. Let me see. Han, I need a pix or a vid of your ship. Can you pull one up on the vidscreens for me? Great! That's perfect.

"Now I simply use 'Maggie' to trace the outline and press this gizmo twice. Done! We now look like a flying junkheap. Only don't open the doors and take a look because we are at Warp 30 at the present time. Anyone want some java or tea, sodas or goodies? I have to use the facilities." said Zoe and everyone shouted their orders which she noted in her PDO unit.

"Any company out there, Pirate Girl?" asked Gene, yawing to avoid a small moon.

"Nope. Just clear space and scattered moons. You just missed that last one so watch it, sir." yawned Nami Richards. She wanted a nap but duty was duty. She wondered how Captain Luffy, Sanji, Soro, Ussop, Nico Robbie, Chopper and the Frankie Family were making out on the new ship back home.

It was going on to five long years since she had been unceremoniously yanked from there and dumped on the 3WA flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2' and into the arms of Legato Bluesummers that long ago night.

"Double dollar for 'em, kid?" whispered 'Derringer' Merrill Stryfe into Nami's ear, startling the Hell out of the poor girl.

"Huh? You scared me, Merrie! My thoughts? Feeling a little homesick was all." she replied.

"Worrying about the old gang, eh? I'm lucky. I have Vash, Nickie, Millie and Legato with me. Want me to spell you for awhile? You look tired, Pirate." asked Merrie and Nami smiled.

"Thanks, Merrie. I sure could use a breather. Nothing so far. Gene almost found a moon awhile back but now it looks pretty clear for the next hundred K kilos or so. Oh and I never have to worry about Luffy and the gang as long as they got Sanji and Soro along with 'em. I do wonder sometimes if they have found 'OnePiece' yet or if we ever will find it." yawned Nami and she stretched and stood.

"Thanks again. I'll be back after dinner. Want anything? I'll bring ya up a platter if you want." asked the Terran pirate, draping her jacket around her slim shoulders which hid her tattoos from sight.

"Nah. When you come back, I'll eat. Plenty of junk food here that somebody left for us. Have a nice rest and don' worry about me. I'm an old hand at scanning. Anything to keep me off the babysitting detail suits me just fine." laughed Merrie and she tossed her jacket on a small table and kicked off her heavy deck boots.

Meanwhile, Brill, Sil and I were poring over the vidmaps of 'Lazarus City', the closest town to us on 'Lexicol V'.

"Not too damned much here, Cap. Taverns, fences, pawn shops, malls and food courts for the most part. A few churches but they're all mostly deserted. These kind of guys and gals ain't got much need of religionin'. Revy would have a ball in Laz. No bounty hunter in his right mind will come anywhere near this place." said Brill. He ignited a cigarette and took a pull from his 'doctored' cocoa.

"So where do you suggest we start, Brill?" asked Mercury, helping himself to more chokkies from the huge box he had given me for my birthday.

"Here. The 'Drunken Spaceman' pub. Everyone in these parts eventually ends up there and it's a good place for gossip and all kinds of illicit and illegal activities. I'm sure glad that somebody had the moxie good sense to change this tub's outward appearance." said Brill.

"Amen to that! One thing you will not find in the 'Bad Lands' is a luxury space liner! That would be like carrying coals to Newcastle." replied Sil.

"I never heard that expression before, Sil. What does it mean?" I asked.

"Damned if I know, Al. I heard Dr Watson using it with Sherlock." answered the 'Mary Celeste's exec. I think that I have three execs on my 'Daedalus' and one of them was in command of her during our mission. I had left the Baron in charge.

"Then we will divide ourselves into teams of three and canvass the city. We all have our comm badges so keeping in touch with each other will be easy." I said. Both Sil and Brill looked at me like I was insane!

"You can't use those things in the 'Baddies', Cap. The comm relay signals will be a dead giveaway that you're coppers. Better for us to use those comlink earrings. Hope your 'Tardy' has some good disguises, Honey. These dudes can smell the law a 'lighty' away from it!" said a suddenly worried Brilliant Dynamite Neon.

"Plenty of spare clothing and gear from many different worlds and time eras, guys. The earrings are OK for us ladies but what about you boys?" I asked. I seem to have a bad habit of acting like a real moron it seems!

"Al, these toughs almost all wear earrings. Even I, on occasion, have worn them for adornment." chortled Mercury.

"The ones that don't can use the ink pens. I suggest that you leave the toys behind as well." said Brill, placing my PDO unit on the table.

"They'll be lost without those things, Brill. You sure they'll have to go without 'em?" asked Sil.

"These fellas are old-fashioned, Sil. They hate progress. I doubt if you'd find anything like that thing anywhere within eighty 'lightys' of Laz City. They stay right here aboard 'Maggie' and that is final, Commander." said Brill.

"Weapons?" I said and bit my tongue.

"Sure. No ion cannons, stasis guns, laser swords or anything else that is standard issue for your cops. Disruptors and blasters and plasma rifles are the norm around these parts. Oh and he stays behind as well, Cap. Are you part of the away teams, Suba Prydonia?" replied Brill.

"Well, I always wanted to explore these infamous 'Bad Lands', gentlemen. (Brill shook his head) No? OK, I'll stay here and direct operations." I said morosely. I was not having any fun at all on my first mission.

"Don't fret, kiddo. I'll tell ya all about it when we bring Azarog back." joked Sil. Brill again shook his head.

"You can play ops director with her, Lt. You'd give away the whole damned game!" snapped Brill.

"Whom do you suggest I send, Mr Neon, sir?" I snapped back at him.

"For starters, me, my 'Lads', Solo, Starwind and the two demons. Your ladies would be a distraction. A hindrance rather than a help. Look! You damned well asked me for my advice, Missy P.! Do you want it or not?" roared Brill angrily and I caved in. A good leader knows when to listen and when to agree. 'Grandfather' told me that many years ago.

"Fine. You, one of your 'Lads' and 'Dog Boy' will be one team. Starwind, another of your lads and Wolfie will be a second. Solo and two of your lads will be the third. Wolfie and Dog Boy will not wear jewelry and I doubt if Mr Solo and Mr Starwind will either. I suppose that you and your 'Bad Lads' have no such objections, Brill?

"OK. Each of you will be equipped with a 'scouter' tracking device so we will know where every man on every team is at all times while you are off of my 'Maggie'. Make a quick sweep of the town and then report back here. Then we will move on to our next destination. Understood?" I ordered and they both nodded their heads.

"Questions?" I added.

"Just one, Princess. If your 'Tardy's staying on Seti, how are we supposed to get to Lexy Five?" asked Brill with a grin on his face.

That was a good one! Sure I could use my 'transmat beams' to drop them off but only Gallis used the darn things and only intergalactic patrols and the like used 'transporters'. I had not thought of bringing along any sky cycles or sky sleds. I did not even have an air car or a speeder aboard my TARDIS!

"Why not use one of the shuttles I repped up yesterday, Brill? Once you touch down, you can 'cloak' it and separate into teams. In a pinch, we could 'tractor' it back aboard 'Maggie' if there's any trouble over there." said Sil. Bless him! He came to my rescue in the nick of time- again!

"Then that is all settled, gentlemen? Good. Ah! I see that it is almost time for dinner. Please advise the teams and have them report to the docking bays at 1800 hours (6 PM) tomorrow evening. Sil will hve the shuttle prepped and awaiting them.

"Captain Neon will take charge of the three teams and command one of them. Colonel Starwind and General Solo will be the other two team leaders. Sil and Buzz will show you our wardrobe rooms. Integra will issue you all either comlink earrings or pens. Time for dinner. See you down in the dining room, gentlemen. Dismissed." I said and my two guests left for the dining room.

I was steamed but I understood why Brill and Sil had both nixed my going along with any of the teams. As Commander, my place was here directing the show, not down there endangering the mission!

OK. We 'Gallis' are trained in self defense but unarmed combat self defense. We are not taught the use of weapons unless we are chosen for the Imperial Guard. Down there I would be more of a hindrance than a help. How right Brill had been! I knew nothing of blasters, disruptors, laser swords, ion cannons and the like. I could not even wield a stasis gun correctly.

I sighed and slowly walked down the gantryway staircase to the dining rooms. I came in by way of the kitchens to avoid the inevitable 'Ten Hutt!' jazz. I succeeded and I chose a small table near the kitchens.

"Good evening, mum! Want a menu?" asked Winry Rockabelle a mite loudly and I signed to her to keep her voice down. I was lucky that nobody had heard her or if they had, they gave no signs.

"Menu? Since when do we have those, Winnie?" I asked. She reached above and behind me and tapped a panel on the wall. Instantly my table was alive with menu suggestions and pictures.

"Mr Rock (Obajime. He was some sort of computer teacher but he was back at the Academy or so I had been led to believe.) set it up for us. He's traveling 'in-cog-ni-to' so I ain't supposed to tell nobody, see? You won't tell, will ya? (I shook my head). Good. Just tap whatever ya want and the Grans will cook it up for ya. Then I'll bring it to ya, mum." replied Winry.

I chose Beef Wellington, mashed potatoes and gravy, peas and carrots, onion soup and minty mocha java. For dessert, I chose apple pie a la mode because it sounded suave. OK! I found out all a la mode meant was with ice cream on top! Still it was scrumptious and everything was very delish. Learned that word from Rio.

I managed to slip out through the kitchens unnoticed and went to the 'star room' where Mark Gordon insisted that I take his chair since all the others were occupied by the 'ice road brigade' and I accepted graciously.

His 'Angel' pal Jonny Smith was standing by the 'window' and staring thoughtfully out into space.

"A 'souchez' for them, Jon." I joked.

"Huh? Oh, is that what you Gallis call a penny? My thoughts? I was just thinking that somewhere out there is my Boss's domain- Heaven with the Peraly Gates and the Big Book and all. Wonder how far we are from it?" he replied wistfully.

"It ain't in yer 'Galactic Compendium' book thing either, Princess. I know 'cause I checked!" said Mark and I giggled.

"You probably did not have the proper permissions, Mr Gordon. Only senior level time lords are permitted to know certain locations in the Universes and I suppose that 'Heaven' is one of those places." I answered and then I shook my head at Mark.

"Do not look to me for assistance, sir. I am only a 'junior' Councillor and nowhere close to the required age minimum requirement of 600 years! Golly! I only just turned 130, guys!" I laughed.

"She's got you beaten by a mile, Jonathan!" chuckled Mark while Jonny frowned.

"I do wish that you'd stop telling everyone how old I am, Mark. After all, I don't go around telling anyone that you're a long since retired police officer from the Oakland Police Dept., do I?" growled the 'Angel' and in the next breath, he apologized for his anger.

"I'm sorry, Mark. Those remarks were uncalled for, dear friend. Please accept my apology? I beg your pardon as well, ma'am. I must remember my place. You are my CO and Mark's." he replied.

"Forget it, pal o' mine. I get steamed up sometimes too." said Mark.

"You probably are not getting angry, Jon. As we penetrate further into the 'Bad Lands', human emotions are affected. We Gallis are trained to control our emotions same as our 'cousins', the Vulcans. That is why I have not been affected. Please understand any emotional outbreaks in the rest of the guys and ladies. They cannot help it, you see." I explained and they both assured me that they would help as much as they could.

"Princess? Jonathan is, well, he's sort of already dead so how come-" asked Mark who was embarrassed by his question.

"The 'Baddies' affect all humans, the quick and the dead. Our soul reapers aboard are all deceased. Did you not know this?" I replied.

"Is there anyone normal on this tin can?" shouted Mark and everyone in the room was staring at us.

"Depends on what ya mean by 'normal', Gordon. We drove ice roads on Earth once upon a time. Now we drive space trucks instead. Hey! Couldn't help overhearing that bit about Jon's 'Heaven'. Wonder if Alex can find out for ya? He's a minister. Hey! Somebody grab my beer before Rick does!" yelled Hugh the 'Polar Bear' ice roader.

I do not know how many times I have told those guys that they can 'rep up' whatever they want. Somehow most of them did not get the message as you might say.

I reached below our 'window' and 'tuned in' my view to 100K magnification. I pointed to a tiny speck of yellow far off to the right.

"That is our destination. It is the moon 'Seti'. We will use it as a base of operations. We will send the teams over to 'Lexicol V' using skysleds and skycycles. (I yawned). I think I will retire to my rooms. Good night to all of you. Pleasant dreams." I said and I went down to my own cabin.

"OK. OK. I will feed you, 'Whitey'. Stop jumping all over me." I soothed my puppy and fed him some meat and dry cereal. Then I refilled his bowl with fresh milk. He gobbled and slurped happily while I sat down to watch some vidTV. I tuned into the 'Citadel' News Channel (CNC) from my own home world.

I was curious as to whether there was anything new about Azarog. There was! I increased the volume level and almost fell into the set!

"Acting Lord President Barusa has cautioned all citizens in and around the 'Citadel' to be extremely careful because the suspected rogue time lord, Lord Azarog, has been reported to be in the general area. Exercise extreme caution. If you spot this miscreant, please vidcell relay the station at '417 CNC', Extender 'xxxp'. Your identity will be protected and this is guaranteed by the 'High Council'. Azarog is wanted on several charges including-"

So! What the Dickens was Azarog doing back on 'Galli'? I wondered. I grabbed my vidcellphone and tapped out keys furiously.

"Hello? Whom is speaking please? I am very sorry, Madam Prydonia but it is against galactic law to allow ordinary citizens to speak to anyone in the 'Citadel'. Well! I never- If you will control yourself, Madam, I will inquire about Ensign Galaxina's wishes. Perhaps she will agree to speak to you. Please hold the relay line for a moment."

I listened to 'Wayward Wind' song lyrics sung by Lanny Annie, one of our newer pop stars until-

"Madam? Are you still there? Fine. Her Ladyship has agreed to speak with you. One moment, please." If I were of a temper akin to our Boss Lady's, I would have told Miss Fancy Drawers, our galactic relay operations clerk where to go and what to do on her arrival there!

"Yes? Who is this and what the Sam Hell do you want? Calling me at this hour! You need to have your brain examined dammit!" yelped Galaxy and I realized that back at the 'Cit', it was close to 3 in the morning! No wonder the ops clerk was so grumpy and Galaxy had asked not to be disturbed!

"I apologize for awakening you, Galaxy but I needed some information and I knew that if anyone had the real dope, pardon me, data is what I meant to say. In any case, you would know if anyone did." I said.

"OK. OK. What kind of 'dope' as you call it do you want, Alley? Lemme get a stylus and a fresh wax board! Damn! Knocked the illuminator thing on the floor! OK. Got it. Shoot! Unh huh. Yeah. Sure. OK. I'll check in the morning but I'm almost certain that it's all newspape hype. Nah. If that nutcase had've been spotted this close to the old geezers (High Councillors) digs, they would've evacuated the 'Cit' for sure! OK! Lemme get some clothes on, will ya! I know the 'Cit' files are open 37-9 (Gallifreyan days are 37 hours long and our weeks have 9 days.) so I'll drive down there and check this out for ya. Leave yer relay lines open. Huh? Why? Look Stupidass, you get paid a lot more than me! If I comm relay you back, I have to pay the freight and if you comm me back, I get charged half the freight! If the link stays open, you get to pay the piper entirely and not me! Oh and don't go to sleep on me, Al!" said my old school chum.

From the curses, crashes and the like, I figured that Galaxy was getting dressed, running down to the docks and claiming her holocar. Then she was speeding half way across town to our records centre and finding out what was what about Azarog. I waited with baited breath.

"You still there, Al? OK. Here 'tis. The CNC was ordered by the High Council of Gallifrey not to panic the citizens of the 'Citadel' because there is absolutely no basis in fact of the suspect Azarog being anywhere on Gallifrey.

"Of course, you know those idiots at CNC, Honey! They went ahead and released it anyway! Aha! Here's the last 'dope' on Azzy. 'Suspect spotted at 'Angel & Demon' pub in Lazarus City.' Hey! Ain't that place somewheres in the 'Baddies'? Huh? Lemme see.

"Looks like it's dated from yesterday. Yesterday, 'Cit' time. Dunno what that is on 'Lexy 5', Cat. Huh? Sure. Of course I'll ask Virgie to step up the patrols around the 'Cit'. Will he listen to me? Well, he was your date at prom, not mine! OK! Dammit all! I'll ask him! Anything else, Dumbass? Sorry! I meant to say 'Dumbass, mum.' OK! I do have to be at my desk by 0700 and that's like less than four hours away! If I get docked for this, Missy!

"Fine. You do that, Madam Liaison! Don't forget to comm relay Commodore Irondrawers (Lord O'Casey ws Galaxy's CO at the 'Cit' and a stern taskmaster who would make Simon LeGree look like Mother Goose!) and tell him that you think he should gimme a day off next week and a nice long weekend too!

"Does a Suba (Subaltern was my ranking.) outrank a Commodore, Al?" asked Galaxy with a yawn and I heard more swearing but not from her! I realized that Galaxy was comm relaying while flying, a no no even in the 23rd Century on Gallifrey!

"No but I'm also an acting Brigadier and a acting brig outranks a sitting commodore, Hon. I gotta get some sleep myself. Thanks a lot, Galaxy and I owe you one for this." I said.

"You mean you owe me another one, girl! Remember when I took the heat for that time you cracked up 'Gramps's brand new air speeder? Catch ya later, kiddo. Gotta comm off before that patroller catches me! Bye." said Galaxy and I made a mental note to suggest that Galaxy be promoted to Warrant Officer 5 next quarter. I would have to call 'Old irondrawers' tomorrow too.

I smiled to myself. 'Old Irondrawers' and the 'Boss Lady' O'Halloran would make a good pair! I then admonished myself for having such wicked thoughts about my superiors!

I picked up my 'Princess' style vidphone and comm relayed to Brill Neon. From the cracks and snaps coming over the line, Brill was shooting pool with someone. There was a volley of curses before he came onto the line.

"Yeah? Who is it, dammit? Huh? Oh, it's you, ma'am. Afraid there ain't anything more I can add to what I already told you and Sil but- What? Oh, you do, huh? Where? Yo! Shut up, guys! I can't hear the Princess! Thanks.

"Repeat that, Love. The 'Angel & Demon Pub' in Laz City? How tough a guy is this Azarog fella? Why? Because the 'A&D' is one of the roughest Hellholes in town, that's why. Nobody in their right mind will go anywhere near that place if they ain't known there unless they got a death wish, Honey!

"You have personal knowledge that he was last spotted in that place? For sure? For certin sure? Well, OK. However, GNN (Galactic News Network) is sayin' that he was last spotted near old Rathie's Tower on your home world, Lovey.

"Huh? OK. I'll meet you and Sil on the bridge tomorrow at 0600. Yeah, I know that's 6 o'clock in the morning, Princess. OK! I'll make this next drink my last one for tonight. I won't oversleep! Fine. I'll bring the teams with me.

"Level with me, Love. Are you really a member of the Galli 'High Council'? Yeah? The youngest ever? Really? 130? Honey, ya don't look a day over 90! Me? A little older than my toes and somewhat older than my teeth, Lovey. See ya, Boss Girl. 'Night. Neon out."

I said good night to a dead comm relay line and hung up the vidphone just as a crash came from my kitchenette followed by 'Whitey' racing for my bedroom!

"What did you do out there, boy?" I yelped to his retreating form. I walked into the other room and fell over something, banging my shins painfully.

"Niki! Switch on kitchenette illuminators, please!" I said and the room was flooded with light. I looked down at the pile of food boxes on the floor. I couldn't have barked my shins on those soft packets. Then I saw the overturned tureen of homemade tomato soup that Starfire had made for me yesterday!

I had taken one taste and set it on the counter and forgotten about it. Unfortunately, it was sitting in front of the big box of 'Woofy Treats' whose contents were scattered all over the floor!

Starfire's soup making method was simple. For tomato soup, one simply poured ketchup into a pot and added everything in sight including whatever liquids were around the place! Then one simply blasted it with energy in the oven which had been pre-heated to 600 Fahrenheit!

The result? A mess in the oven, the kitchens, an unpalatable concoction guaranteed to make you sicker than you were before you asked for the soup not to mention the blue murder shrieks from the Grannies when they saw their kitches afterwards!

The edge of the tureen pot, which was made of Kelvinite like everything else in the 3WA it seemed, was as sharp and keen as Senor Zorro's Toledo blade! Guess what my shins had hit hard on the way to the floor?

I was bleeding from a deep cut below the knee on each of my shins! I tried to stand and the pain was excruciating! I whimpered, then I sobbed and cried until finally I tried to stand up.

"Someone help me please? Help! Medic! Doctor? Mike? Dixie! #1! Ouch! Oh Auntie Vanna's bloomers, that hurts! Can anyone hear me?" I screeched to high heavens. I forgot that I was wearing a comm badge with a built-in vidmike!

Naturally, those were far from being the first exclamations that cane from my mouth but darn it all, even a time lady can be excused for swearing and cursing when she is in such terrible pain?

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Gadzooks! When will these people realize that portals have klaxons on them?

"Yo! Alley Cat! Open the damned bloody door already! OK! We're comin' in, Honey! Hey Wolf! Help me to bust this door down! One. Two. Three-" howled InuYasha and I tossed a can of something at the portal's release panel just as the two demonic forces burst into my sitting room's foyer.

They were followed by Kagome, Dixie, Mike, all the Doctors and his companions. Last to arrive were Mercury and Brill. Then while Dr Morton conferred with #2 to #4, #1, Kagome and Dixie rushed to my side and slapped dishtowels onto both of my legs.

"Keep pressure on these compresses, guys. You take the left leg, Wolfie and Dog Boy take the right one. Lots of pressure! We have got to stop this bleeding!" shouted Nurse McCall.

Obediently, Kouga sat on my left leg while InuYasha plopped down onto my right leg! The aether was blue for a week with the words I uttered over the next few minutes.

Then a strange looking pink-headed Ninja girl rushed in with Naruto. She placed her hands just above my still bleeding legs and then she pressed down on both shins as hard as she could!

I screamed the house down. I swear I saw a strange greenish light emanating from the child's gloved fingertips and then I passed out!

I found out later that Dr Morton had hit me with an autohypo charged with a few hundred cc's of 'Axileine 30', a powerful pain killer and sedative. Then #1, bless him, wrapped both of my now bare legs with some sort of medicinal bandages that speed up the healing processes.

Wounds heal very quickly in space but you also lose blood faster and can easily bleed out all of your life's blood in a few seconds!

For me, a Gallifreyan time lady who had yet to use her first of a dozen 'regenns', death would merely have been a new life cycle starting much earlier than the norm for my race. For others, death would mean the end forever!

I was grateful that I had been found in time and although I did miss moonfall in the morning, I was able to brief my away teams and wish them well. 'Whitey' was allowed to visit me in sick bay after Dixie and Mike had put away anything that could be swiped!

He jumped onto the bunk and licked my face. Guess he was saying sorry for the mess he had caused. The cleaner 'droids would clean up the mess anyhow. When Starfire heard that her soup had caused the incident, she insisted on making me up another batch!

Winry convinced her to 'rep' it rather than cook it this time and she helped the alien girl from 'Teen Titan' to prepare this tomato soup for me and it was very good indeed. Starfire had 'repped up' so much that the whole crew had tomato soup for their luncheons that day!

#1 Doctor insisted on checking on my progress and he announced that I would be 'all healed up admirably well' by next morning.

"My dear young lady. Why did you not simply stop the flow of blood to and from one of your hearts? That would have saved you considerable pain and suffering. You know we almost lost you when those two idiotic demonic creatures sat on your poor legs.

"However, thanks to my own quick thinking, we were able to save your life, my dear Allison. Well, I must be going now, my dear. I cannot be dilly dallying here all day. Are you going to stay in bed all day? Get Miss McCall to take you up to the star room where you will have a lovely view of this moon. As your doctor, that is my diagnosis." said #1 and I smiled at him.

"Pardon me, Doctor but the Commander is my patient, not yours, sir. I think she will need six weeks of bed rest and then we can begin her physical rehabilitation. She may even be up and walking on her own in less than a year." said Dr Mike Morton who just did not seem to understand the vast difference betwixt Terran medicine and medicine out here in deep space on other worlds!

"Quite right, old timer! Princess Prydonia! Get out of that bunk and come with me for a run around the TARDIS immediately!" said a pumped up #2 the 'Little Fellow'.

"The 'Little Fellow' is quite right and so is 'Old Grand-Dad' here. A nice relaxing swim in a pool on your holodecks is just the ticket. Jo and Vickie will take you there." said #4. Why he did not trip over that long scarf of his I will never know!

In turn, #5 through #7 Doctors arrived, gave their own diagnoses and then begin squabbling and bickering until #3 showed up and told everybody that he had just discovered a leak in my new 'zero room'. That sent the lot of 'em racing off to deal with the problem.

I made as if to rise before the pain hit me! #3 gently eased me back onto the bunk and sponged my face with cool water.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with your 'zero room', Allison. I merely thought that you looked as if you needed rescuing from all of those mother hens! Sorry, my dear but it was all i could think of on the spur of the moment." he chuckled and I giggled as well.

"There! You see? You are feeling better already, Cousin. Hmnn. Almost lunchtime. After lunch, I think a turn around the decks might be OK for you. In an anti-grav chair of course. While it is true that wounds heal more quickly up here than on a world's surface, wounds inside a Type 40 or a Mark IV TARDIS do take a bit longer, you know. Now, you eat up that tomato soup and drink your tea. Doctor's orders. I must hurry before they run out of that delightful soup." he said and he was gone.

I giggled when I thought of him hurrying not to miss his delightful soup! We would all probably be eating that stuff for the duration of the mission and on the way back home to Galli on my 'Daedalus'. We might even have some by the time we reached Alderaan!

Then Starfire and Miss Rockabelle would 'rep up' more for the voyage to my new home on Shimougou! Dixie brought me more tea and soup. Then she checked my bandages. She smiled and bathed my face again with cool water.

"Dix? (She hurried to my bedside.) How many stitches, I mean sutures did it take? Will there be any scars? Will I ever-" I began and then I started to whimper and whine like 'Whitey' I am sad to have to say.

"Damnedest thing I ever saw, Princess! That mumbo jumbo of Pink's coupled with the amazing healing powers of those magical bandages of Grand-Dad's and Dix's own quick thinking in getting direct pressure (I grimaced when I remembered how that had been accomplished!) on the lacerations did the trick.

"I didn't need to put any sutures or stitches into either leg. Grand-Dad and Miss Pink assured us that you would have no scars and everyone aboard says that you will be walking about unassisted by tomorrow! I will believe anything now! I doubt if Kell (Dr Kelly Bracken was his and Dixie's boss back home on Terra) would though! This soup is delish! Take over, Dix. I am going down to lunch!" said Mike Morton whose bedside manner was improving by leaps and bounds ever since he and Dixie had been catapulted from 20th Century Terran Los Angeles into the 23rd Century aboard the Boss lady's flagship, the 'Lovely Angel 2'.

I slept for awhile and then Starfire showed up and insisted on helping me to get dressed. She bawled all during my shower, dressing and didn' stop crying even after she and Rio had managed to manhandle me into a floating anti-grav chair unit.

Why? Because I wanted a last check on the bridge crew and a last look out the star window at Seti. Tomorrow I fully intended on taking 'Maggie' to 'Lexicol V' and parking her in the seedy pub district of 'Lazarus City'.

'Maggie's Place' public house with a 'Closed for Alterations' sign on its door would discourage anyone from trying to enter my TARDIS I reasoned. Of course I had not mentioned these plans to anyone aboard. If the Doctor found out, they would certainly try to dissuade me from such a 'foolhardy action' so I was taking no chances.

The bridge crew were relieved as were the scanners and navvies when I finally bade them good night and took my leave of them. Although it was very late or very early depending on one's preferences, there was still a full house in my star room!

Mark, Joe, Billy and Sherlock were swapping 'whoppers' about crimes they had solved when I came in. My anti-grav unit bumped into the outstretched leg of poor Dr Watson causing the poor dear to involuntarily kick Jonathan Smith in the small of his back.

"Easy there, Doc. Maybe I am already dead but I get twinges every now and them." chuckled ou resident Angel while the good doctor hastened to apologize. Then he noticed me.

"Your pardon, Milady. I should not have had my leg blocking the door. How are you feeling, my dear? Any more pain? I say! Holmes, a cuppa for the Commander. Allow me to trundle you to the window, my dear girl. There. Let me tuck this traveling blanket around you. Better?" said the good doctor.

"Fine. Please do not fuss over me so much, sir. Thank you, Sher. No more pain but I can feel that 'Ax 30' starting to kick in so I'll just finish my java and go to bed, gentlemen. You do understand that although we will be sending out away teams, none of you will be accompanying them?

"Brill will be in charge and I allowed him to choose his own teams. A bit rough in these 'Bad Lands', guys. I promise that we will stop off at 'Kagura' on our way home from Kurestan and everyone will be given, I believe the word is 'liberty'? (Joe Friday nodded) Anyway, thank you for understanding. That was delicious and quite satisfying, Sher.

"Now I am feeling a bit sleepy so I will bid you all good night. I just cannot seem to keep my eyes open." I yawned and Sherlock and Dr Watson insisted on accompanying me back to my cabin.

"Then there was the time I caught a bank robber in Oakland single-handedly-" boasted Mark Gordon as I left the others to their smoking, drinking and bragging.

"Did I ever tell you how Holmes and I once saved Queen Victoria from a very embarrassing situation-" said the good doctor and he launched into a long droll story but I dropped off to sleep I fear.

Apparently, the two Victorian gentlemen had trundled me home and then tucked me into my bunk. When I awakened next morning, 'Whitey' was snoring on my tummy. I stretched and gingerly tested my equilibrium by planting my feet onto the deck keeping a firm grip on the bunk rail.

"Already up, Alley? I scooted up here to warn you that Starfire's cooking breakfast for you. If I were you, mum, I'd get dressed and beat a retreat to the bridge. I'll bring you some real breakfast. How ya feelin', Cap?" said Sister Trish who was fluttering or orbiting my bunk.

"Good idea, kiddo. Thank you for the warning. Now clear out so I can get dressed. OK? I'll be back as soon as the teams leave. Then I have something else to do. Thanks again." I said and our resident 'flying nun' swooped down the hallway.

I wasted no time in kitting myself out in my flight togs. I slid my feet into deck boots and began to jog down the hallway. I spotted Dr Mike who was frowning at me and I quickly slowed down to a fast walk. I took the lift up to my bridge and I was just in time to catch the last of the three teams before they left on a skysled.

"Brill and Han's teams are already on their way, Al. Now I'm off. Have a nice rest, kid. I'll comm relay as often as I can. Hopefully we'll find Azarog today. I sure as Hell don't like hangin' around these 'Baddies' any longer than is absolutely necessary.

"I know what you're thinkin', Princess. My advice is don't do it. Sure, ya could disguise 'Maggie' like a pub or a tavern. Sure ya could hang out a 'Closed for Repairs' sign on the door but that would be an open invite to heist the place! Those brigands will steal anything!

"If Azzy's around and he spots a couple of yeggs who are unable to bust into a closed up pub, well, he is a time lord, ain't he, Sweetie? He'll put 2 and 2 together and you'll come up trumps and Bob's yer uncle! So stay put, Honey!" warned Gene Starwind.

"We goin' today or not, Pops?" yelled the 'Bad Lad' gang member who was piloting Gene's skysled. Gene saluted me. I returned his salute and he hopped into the craft and snapped shut the roof. Then off they roared for 'Lexi 5' and 'Laz City'.

"Good luck, sir. Come back safely." I breathed and I slowly walked down the gantryway stairs to the dining room. My legs, however, felt just great. When I had awakened this morning, I had carefully examined my legs for scar tissue or marks and they were both clean!

I knew I was going to catch Hell from the Doctors, Dr Mike, Dixie and the rest of the gang for pulling off the bandages but Hell! I was the Commander and I can do whatever I darned well please. Right? Suddenly my musings were interrupted.

"If you say so, Love. It is your vessel." chuckled Zoe. I was in shock until i recalled that the Plutonian navigator girl was also a Beta Zoid! In other words, a mind reader!

END of Chapter 1. Chapter 2 'Bad Patient' or 'Rogue's Gallery' coming soon. Have a nice and safe holiday season, my dear friends!- Alley & your friendship team.


	2. Ch 2 'Bad Patient'Rogues' Gallery'

NEW GALACTIC SOLUTIONS

Chapter 2 'Bad Patient' or 'Rogues' Gallery'

DISCLAIMER: How do you do, my friends? Allow me to introduce myself. I am your worst nightmare, a vampire who is a demon as well! Master! Miss Prydonia and Miss Van Helsing both told you not to scare anyone while we are on this space vessel! Perhaps I should perform these announcements, Master? Go and have some refreshment. Lord Nightroad has just repped up some nice fresh blood for us.

Sorry about that, folks. My Master, Lord Alucard, can be quite a handful at times. Pardon me, I am Seras Victoria although my Master does prefer to call me his 'Police Girl' because he knows it irks me, I think. Ah! Mr D (Walter is my pilot on the 'Nova Hellsing' which is back home at the Academy) has taken Master in tow so I may as well get on with this for him.

First off, we wish to thank all of the kind people whose creations we are using and we reciprocate in kind by allowing them or anyone else to use our own creations. We would appreciate it though if the users of our works would give us credit for them in a similar Disclaimer. A big thanks very much goes to Mr Takachiho for allowing us to use his Lovely Angelic creations and for allowing us the writer's license to name the 3WA 'Academy' on 'Shimougou' after him. A belated happy birthday, Mr Haruka-Chan, sir! Mr T celebrated his own natal day last month on 7 November and NO! I will NOT tell anyone his age! Some things should be private, Sir Integra Wingate Van Helsing! Any comm relay messages, mum? No. Thanks. Miss Van Helsing is our comm relays officer aboard both the 'Nova Hellsing' and the 'Daedalus' where we are now.

Now as to the story thus far. Chapter 2 which is really Chapter 1, oh, read the previous chapter's disclaimer for that story! OK, our leader, Miss Prydonia (I think she's a subaltern but I am not entirely certain of this fact) had had a small accident and was now on the mend.

She had sent out three teams to search 'Lazarus City' on the small moon of 'Seti' in the 'Bad Lands' of 'Corrallian' space for the rogue time lord, Azarog. He had escaped from our 'Matrix' on 'Gallifrey' and his intention was to regress the area of the 'Neutral Zone' back in time and prevent the war betwixt the 'Romulans' and the 'Federation' thus making the Zone non-existent and playing merry 'Rachma' ('Gallifrey's name for the bad place beginning with an 'H') with Miss P's home world!

Miss P had just mused to herself that Dr Mike and Nurse McCall would give her heck for not staying in her bunk until she had fully recovered and she had thought it within range of Miss Zoe Morton, one of our navigators who is also a Beta Zoid meaning she can read minds too!

Without further ado, here is our Commander herself.

"Did you say something, Lt Morton, mum?" I asked and Zoe Morton looked embarrassed.

"Sorry, Suba. Sometimes I forget that other folks don't realize that I can read minds because I'm a Beta Zoid. Please accept my apology, mum. I was merely observing that since you're the Commander, why should you have to obey Dr Morton or Miss McCall? How are you feeling now?" asked Zoe and I winced at a twinge of pain in my legs.

"Super. I am feeling much better now, Lt." I lied blissfully but Zoe did not miss the tears in my eyes.

"Allison Victorine Prydonia! What the Hell are you doing out of bed? Sorry, Honey. You look like you need another shot of 'Axileine 30X'. I'll get Mike. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere, Alley. Dr Morton!" said Dixie McCall, our resident nurse and she took off down the hallway at a dead run towards 'sick bay' and Dr Mike Morton. In a few seconds, they were back.

I was still sitting on my bunk with Lt Zoe Morton keeping me there. For a small lady, Zoe was incredibly strong! She did not relax her grip on my arms until Dr Mike' autohypo had hit home and I had felt the pain begin to lessen.

"Not to worry, Miss P. I didn't give you enough to knock you out, just to kill the pain. Dix, better change or rather replace those bandages. Our Commander has been a naughty little girl. Shame on you! We put those bandages on those wounds to keep them clean and sterile.

"OK. If you're a good girl, I'll let you return to the bridge so you can keep in contact with your away teams. However, those heavy boots have got to go! Your legs cannot handle dragging that much weight around just yet. Dix, get her some normal shoes to wear, please. If you need me, I will be in sick bay. Captain Unohana and I are conducting examinations today for the soul reapers. Whitey! Give me that autohypo right now! Good boy. I have no idea what that stuff does if it's taken internally! I'll see you back in the bay, Dixie. With your permission, madam? Good morning." said the Terran doctor, the only real medical man we had aboard.

Dixie McCall tied my sneakers' laces into double bows after she had finished taping and bandaging my legs. Then she helped me into a fresh flightsuit. I had, ahem. 'soiled' the other one! I was so ashamed of myself! I had not wet the bed since I had been a child of 29! OK, outwardly I looked like I was 4 year old girl!

"Yuck! Who messed themselves, Miss McCall? The suba? Maybe she should be put into nappies again?" chuckled Fllaysie Allster. A stern look from our nurse and Fllaysie grabbed my old coveralls and tossed them down the recycle chute. She wasted no time in leaving us.

"Nothing to be ashamed about, Honey. Happens to all of us at one time or another. You must remember that you are still only a child even if you are old enough to be one of my ancestral greats. You have breakfast yet? (I shook my head because if truth be told, I could not remember.) OK. First stop, the dining room. Let's get you into the anti-grav chair. No walking!" said Dixie.

"Doctor's orders?" I asked with a giggle.

"Nurse's orders, Miss P. Lean on me and shift your weight around. Gimme a hand here, Caggie!" called Dixie and Cagalli Yula Athna sat up in her bunk and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Somebody call me?" she asked. Then she saw me half out of my bunk and half of me almost on the floor! The brunette leaped from her bunk, naked as a jaybird and dashed over to help Dixie. As soon as I was settled into the chair, Dixie trundled me down the hallway.

"Wait for me!" yelped Caggie before she realized her own state of undress and blushed crimson.

"Save me a place! I'll be ready in two shakes, mums." replied my gunner's mate extraordinaire as the portal swished shut behind us. I had forgotten that Caggie and Fllaysie had insisted on staying with me after the accident but I was darn grateful nonetheless.

After a hurried breakfast in which I only had four of everything (I am getting to be quite the piggy you know!), I was trundled to the bridge where already Lt Van Helsing was fouling the atmosphere with her horrid cigars! To my query, Integra replied that there had been no further comm relays from the teams since Brilliant D Neon had reported a successful landing at Lazarus City on Seti.

"Brill sent the Texan's group to the North end of town and the old man's buch to the South end. He split his team up and sent O'Malley's gang East while he's leading his guys West. No word from anyone since then and that was at 0800 (8 AM) hours, mum. If Azarog's there, they'll flush him out. Especially since I sent my 'lap dog' and his trained seal down after them." chortled my comm relay officer and my pilot (Walter Dohmner) was staring at his boss lady in shock!

"Madam Integra! You didn't? Please tell me that you did not send him and Seras down there too. All Hell will break loose if you did, mum! Well? Miss Van H.?" he demanded and I must have looked like a fish out of its natural element!

"Solo, Starwind and BDN are OK in a pinch I suppose but nothing is as good in a fight as my Alucard and his own 'Police Girl'. Not to worry, Walter. Both of them are armed although you know as well as I do that neither of them really need weapons, now do they?" she replied with a mischievous wink. My pilot turned to face my chair which was hovering above him.

"Alucard and Seras Victoria are both agents of Miss Van Helsing's 'Hellsing' organization. They are both vampires, mum." he explained to me and I stared back at him like a moron.

"On 'Gallifrey', you would call them 'Wurdelaks', my dear girl." supplied Lt Van Helsing, blowing cigar smoke into my face. Do not these Terrans have any manners at all? Then the word she had used hit me like a dwarf star alloy!

"Did you say 'Wurdelaks'? The creatures whom are suckers of the life forces?" I shouted worriedly.

"Our vampires live on blood. Well, Seras does anyway. Alucard lives off blood and life itself because he is also part demon." explained Walter, avoiding a small asteroid as he glided in effortlessly to a perfect touchdown on the 'Moon of Chronos' where we would be unobserved by anyone on Seti or the main world whose name I have forgotten or so we all hoped anyhow.

"Madam Prydonia? We have made moonfall. Orders?" said my pilot.

"We wait until we hear back from Alucard and Seras, of course." snapped Sir Integra Wingate Van Helsing. I had been told that she was a direct descendant of Wilhelm Van Helsing, the thing hunter from Terran's Transylvania.

"I was not talking to you, mum." he replied in a frosty tone and I realized that Walter had been speaking to me!

"Nothing. I trust our away team leaders, Mr Dohmer, sir. As long as someone is here to man the comm relays, the rest of the bridge crew can take a break. Advise me if anything comes in. I will be in the 'star room'." I answered. I winced a bit when my right leg banged into the console.

"How very uncivil of me, Madam P.! You must be in pain! Alain! Take our Commander upstairs to the 'star room' and stay with her." ordered Walter.

"Sorry, my dear child. Does it still hurt you? Smoke?" asked Integra and I managed a wan smile and a shake of my head before the tall mercenary soldier from Terran France picked me and my AG chair up and began carrying it and me towards the lift stations.

"You just guide the damned thing, Frenchie. Use the remote thing. You don't have to carry it ya know!" yelped Integra.

Somehow we made it to the 'star room' where my escort insisted on regaling me with tales of heroics and derring-do that he and his 'Wild Geese' mercenary soldiers had performed back on Terra. These guys had even defended Terran Europe from a crazed maniac major and his trained soldier vampire ghouls! I hate to admit it but I fell sound asleep in the middle of 'Police Girl's classic gun battle!

"Ho! Ho! Ho! What do YOU want for Christmas, little girl?" asked some tall gentleman with a beard! He was wearing a red suit trimmed in white fur! Beside him on either side stood a girl with funny ears wearing a very brief micro-miniskirt! One looked a lot like a certain nekomata/trill/human/neko girl I knew very well while teh other one was a slightly taller blonde with a mischievous grin on her face!

I awakened slowly and I realized that I was seated on the older gentleman's lap in my pajamas! I glanced over to Alain or 'Frenchie' as Integra Van Helsing had called the devil-may-care mercenary assassin from ancient Terra. He was grinning and smoking one of Integra's foul smelling cigars.

"Santa asked you what you really want for Christmas, Allison. Why don't ya answer him, little girl?" giggled the blonde 'elf'.

"Yes, do answer him, Commander, I mean Allison Prydonia." said the brunette and I finally recognized this 'elf' as being my chief gunner's mate, Neko Olson!

"How about a nice Teddy bear, my dear child?" asked 'Santa Claus' in a gruff voice.

"Ask him for a bigger 'stasis' pistol, Alley." chuckled the blonde.

"Stop teasing her, Rosette! Are you feeling OK, Al?" said Neko. Suddenly I felt very embarrassed and a little strange. After all, I had fallen asleep listening to Alain yakking about a gun battle against Neo-Nazi vampires on ancient Terra in my AG chair and I recalled that I been in uniform. However, I had awakened on this guy's lap with these two 'elves' standing beside him and I had somehow ended up in my jammies!

"Santa? Elves? Where am I, sir? 'Neverland', 'Wonderland' or 'Oz'? OK, I will play along. What I would like most for Christmas is to have Lord Azarog safely confined to my 'zero room' on 'Maggie', my new TARDIS. Now will somebody please tell me what this is all about? Who is this other girl, Lt Olson? Well? Is someone going to answer me?" I replied, a trifle miffed.

"Old Azzy's down below, kiddo. He's in some kind of 'time corridor' or 'time loop' thingamajig in that there 'zero room' o' yours. He's been there ever since Brill and Han brought him aboard last night, Honey. Gene's still in 'Lazarus City' on 'Seti'. He's trying to track down the rest of his team who went bar-hoppin' yesterday." explained Alain the big Frenchman.

"Last night? I went to sleep before lunch right after I had seen the teams off in the skysleds. Now it's (I glanced at the wall chromo) only 1407 (Seven minutes past two in the afternoon) so I've only been asleep an hour or two." I said and they all began to laugh, even the big dude in red!

"You went to beddy-bye four days ago, Sweetheart. I took the liberty o' tellin' Zoe to change course and get us outta these here 'Bad Lands' tout sweet. We're headin' back to 'Gallifrey' as fast as this tub can get us there. I dunno what this Azarog character done but that Beta Zoid babe Troi (Deanna was aboard 'Maggie'?) said that the 'Neutral Zone' was fadin' away!

"Then this guy comes aboard in a funny lookin' blue phone booth that said 'London Police' on its doors. He told us that he was Santy Claus and he was here to check his list twice to make sure we'd all been good little boys and girls. Looky here, Boss. Dr Mike came in after ya fell asleep after I'd bored ya to tears with my 'war stories' and he hit ya with another jolt o' that 'Axy Lane 30 X' junk in yer jacksie!

"He brung along the blonde chick and Neko here insisted on dressin' up too. Near as I can make out from the bridge crew, we're about halfway home making good time at Warp 40, whatever the Hell that means, girlie. Oh yeah, it was Blondie here what put ya into yer jammies. Sorta like a joke, she said. Now-" explained the big Frenchman until 'Santa' interrupted him.

"Now I think this lil girlie needs some lunch, Alain duPrez so let's get her back down to her cabin to change into something warmer than those darling 'Ralphie' bunny pajamas and then we can-" said Santa.

"Put on the old feed bags, guys! I'm hungry as a Tryglordian rhino-dog!" interrupted the big Ice Roader, Mr Hugh. Gadzooks! Was the whole ship up here in my 'star room' I wondered?

That was when I hopped down off Santy's lap and found that I could now stand and move without pain! Four days? Had I really been asleep that long? First things first.

"I will meet all of you in the dining room after I have made myself more presentable for mixed company, ladies and gentlemen. If you will all excuse me- has anyone seen my 'Whitey'?" I asked just before the puppy in question leaped into my arms and almost bowled me over!

"Whitey! Hi there, boy. I sure missed you, Sweetie! Let's get us some lunch." I cooed to him and we rode the lift down to my cabin. Since everyone aboard seemed to think this wa sone of those ancient Twerran 'Casual Fridays' as far as dress was concerned, who was I to argue?

I threw on a big XXXL green sweatshirt, dark cut-off jeans, socks, white sneakers and and my new NFL Saints' warm-up jacket that the Boss Lady herself had given to me for a birthday prezzie. As an afterthought, I did slide 'Sharon' into my waistband in the small of my abck under the jacket.

I took the vidTV remote control away from Whitey and tossed it on one of the divans. Then I scooped him up and took the lift downstairs to the dining room and lunch. I was really feeling empty! Not surprising since I had not eaten for four whole days!

"Ten-Hutt! Commander's here!" snapped the blonde whom I later discovered was a real Catholic nun named Rosette Christopher. Beside her was a grinning kid of about sixteen Terran summers. He introduced himself as 'Chrono'. He seemed nice enough until someone whispered that he was a real devil! Literally!

"At ease and please sit down, my friends. What is on the menu today? Oh. Jamie? Could you please feed Whitey for me? Thanks." I said when the big gangling Scotsman guy scooped up my puppy and headed for the kitchens.

"And where ha' ye been, ye wee skurlie doggie? OK. I'll feed ye." chortled Jamie MacCrimmon and I laughed a bit.

Roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, green creamy peas, mashed potatoes, milk gravy and blackberry cobbler for dessert with my favourite minty mocha java for lunch. I had an extra helping for each day that I had been in Slumberland! I am becoming quite a big a pig as the Demons and Saiyaans it seemed!

"Steady as she goes, Zoe lass. We do want to get home in one piece, girlie. Hullo there, Alley! Excuse me. Nami! Anything on them scans, Honey? No? OK. Carry on and keep a weather eye open for trouble. Sit down, Sweetheart! You look as green as a sick gopher. Make too much of a pig o' yerself? Hey! Somebody 'rep up' a chair for the lady! I know she looks like an Apache slob but she's our boss all the same, guys!" said Alain duPrez and I stifled a giggle. I wasn't that lucky when 'Santa' walked onto the bridge. I laughed aloud. He did not seem to mind in the least!

I had a haunting feeling that I had seen this tall chubby guy somewhere but I just could not remember whom he was nor where I had last seen him. Very annoying not to recall simple memories you know? Ah well, it will come to me I told myself as I sat down in the chair shoved under my nether regions while two firm hands pushed me down onto the seat.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Little Allison does not seem to remember her 'Uncle Nick', does she?" chuckled the guy in red and all i could do was smile and shake my head like a moron! I glanced up at the exterior vidscreen which showed us what was outside 'Maggie' and I frowned.

So depressing just to see inky black emptiness as far as the vidcams could reach. Sister Trish swooped down and delivered a tray of goodies with a big urn of hot java which she placed on the console beside me. Everyone helped themselves while I poured out a mug of java for myself and nibbled on a blueberry muffin.

"How's my little patient today? Better check those bandages, Dix. I don't think she'll need any more painkillers." said Captain Dr Mike Morton who was once third surgeon at 'Rampart Energency Hospital' in downtown Los Angeles, California on ancient Terra once upon a time.

Warrant Officer First Class Nurse Dixie McCall obediently knelt down and began to unwrap the sticky bandages on my legs. Yuck! I thought I was going to be ill! She smiled at me and began to sponge off the blood and adhesives. Then she quickly and quite efficiently rebandaged both legs. Strangely the pain was all gone although even I could see that the wounds were far from being healed!

"That last booster shot of 'Axileine 30X' that Mike gave you after you fell asleep did the trick, Al. You don't feel any more pain, do you? (I shook my head.) Well, you keep those bandages on there for at least another few days anyway. Understand, young lady? (I managed an 'Unh hunh'.) Good. Back home on Earth, you'd have been in the ICU for at least three months. However, up here-" Dixie left the thought unfinished and I realized how lucky I had been to have injured myself in deep space rather than on a world's surface. Wounds heal much more quickly in deep space.

Weight gain is almost impossible up here even though down there I would have been the size of a TARDIS with all the goodies I had been shoveling into my maw! Zoe yawned and stretched. It was almost three by my wrist chromo when Alain and the others began a game of 'Duel Monsters' at a small table that someone had 'repped up' on the other side of the bridge.

I dozed off a little and came to abruptly when I felt a heavy thud against the bulkhead wall behind me!

"Asteroids? Where the Hell'd they come from, dammit? Alley? Are there any fields around 'Gallifrey'? Were heading SouthWest and we are almost to the 'Dead Lands'. I can just espy Rathie's 'Tower' on the scans' perimeter." Zoe was maneuvering us expertly through what I belatedly realized must be the 'GekiGangar Dai Gurren' belt!

"Those are not asteroids, Zoe! They are chunks of 'dwarf stars'! Shields up, girl! Waht's our shield strength, dammit? Answer me!" I howled like a banshee. Everyone was staring at me. I had stood and I was leaning over poor Zoe Morton's shoulders and straining to see into the murky depths of the belt.

"Ninety-seven point twelve per cent, mum." she replied worriedly. 'Dwarf star' has that effect on most people.

"That's good. When the 'Daedalus' hit this thing on the way out, I had to transfer power from the back shields. Blast that thing, Olson! Blondie! Set yer keester down there beside her and man those quad guns! If even a pice of that junk the size of a pack o' smokes hits 'Maggie', we are history!" I shouted.

"Mon Dieu! What are those things?" yelped Alain but I shoved him roughly aside and grabbed my vidmike to the PA system.

"Sit down and strap in tight! It is going to be a bit of a bumpy ride! Any sign of Mr Starwind yet?" I demanded.

"Gene arrived ten minutes ago. He's on his way up here, Al." answered 'Santa'. Damn! Who was this guy? I had more on my plate than my poor memory at the moment! Just then Captain Starwind rushed in.

"Fire a photon torpedo salvo into the centre o' that mess somebody! Cut us a path through it! I know a shortcut!" yelled Gene Starwind, taking the command seat behind us. I did not object of course! He had the experience while I was still a novice pilot.

FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! The photons lit up the darkness like tracer rounds fired from an ancient machine gun! Then I saw light, real light at the end of a tunnel from one of our several suns above 'Gallifrey'! Hooray! Safety was in sight!

"Captain Starwind? Would you care to pilot us through this mess, sir?" asked Zoe and she vacated her pilot's chair for the grizzled old veteran who immediately slipped into it and began barking orders like am amcient Terran US Marines' drill sergeant.

"Sonic blast to port! Quads to starboard! Now Honey, not tomorrow! More photons directly in front of us! Hundred K kilo fuses! Fire! Two more, dammit to Hell! Hold on! That last photon missed by a whole centimetre! I'm gonna have to ram her through, folks! Hang onto yer undies! Here we go!" shouted Gene. Han was beside him reading off gauges like crazy.

Then we felt the shockwave caused by Mr Starwind's near miss of a small chunk of 'dwarf star alloy' about the size of 'Neptune'!

Whoosh! Sister Patricia's flight was stopped short when she hit the far bulkhead wall- almost! At the very last possible nano-second, Alain's huge mitts yanked her to the deck, almost depantsing her in the process! However, our 'flying nun' was safe albeit a bit bruised and in an undignified and unladylike position with her jeans halfway down her legs!

"We're through the belt! Ya can all relax now." drawled Major Solo with his familiar Texas twang. No voice had ever sounded so good to me before! Gene turned to me.

"Where's the spaceport, Alley? Where do I make planetfall, Honey?" asked Mr Starwind.

"That is a very good question indeed." said 'Santa'.

"And what's the answer, Commander?" demanded Gene. We were descended much too rapidly to land in the 'Dead Lands' I soon came to realize. I began to panic I am ashamed to admit!

"What about that lovely meadow where you and your grandfather used to ave those picnics, Allison? That would easily accommodate 'Maggie'." suggested 'Santa'. What had happened to my 'Daedalus' shuttle ship was all I could think of for some idiotic reason! Then his words sunk in!

"Gene! Turn her about ninety degrees Nor'Nor'East and point 'Maggie's doors (She still resembled a tavern you will recall) at that big 'Elmarondaoak' tree. There is a small glen just beyond it on the hillside. Put us down in that ravine. Zoe! Cut the speed to nil or we will be plastered all across the grasslands! Change course at once! That is an order!" I yelled and I felt 'maggie' turning on her side as Gene maneuvered us into landing position. A soft 'clump' and we were down and safe. I think that I was not the only one of us that breathed a big sigh of relief!

"Allison Prydonia! Do you or do you not know how to pilot this TARDIS? That last jolt spilled my sackful of toys for the good little kiddies all over the floor in the rec room! Really! You simply must be more careful, tiny poppet!" scolded 'Santa' and suddenly I knew whom this big galloot was for real!

"I apologize for that last big jolt, old Mr Know-All. Not to worry. I will not give away your game, cousin." I whispered into 'Santa's ear and he grinned that big toothy grin that always brought back fond memories of my childhood.

No, I will not be letting the neko out of Santa's sack just yet, dear readers! However, there is no way that I can halt you from deducing and guessing, is there? You have all the clues and any Gallifreyan would need no further hints to identify this fine fellow! Even Galaxia would know whom this 'Santy Claus' really was, that she most certain surely would!

I stood up and cleared my throat.

"Yo! Pay attention! Commander P wants to tell us something! Shut up and sit down somewhere! That's an order!" shouted the ever alert Mr Poporo. I favoured him with a grateful smile and cleared my pipes again.

"Anyone accompanying us to the 'Citadel' to turn Lord Azarog to the 'High Council' by necessity must be armed. However, be advised that upon entering the presence of our Gallifreyan Councilors, you will be required to surrender your arms to our sergeant-at-arms for the duration of your stay in Council chambers.

"Anyone who is not comfortable with being unarmed and trusting their security to our 'Imperial Guard' would be better off remaining behind. As a junior councillor, my TARDIS is not permitted inside Council chambers. Therefore, we will travel to the 'Citadel' via skysleds. 'Beaming' or 'Transporting' directly to the 'Citadel' is no longer permitted. Poor Lord Nagorian and Lady Glorianus almost had hearts attacks (Galli Time Lords and Time Ladies have two hearts you may recall) the last time the 'Angels' used that improper method of arrival.

"Is there anyone here who is not willing to surrender all of their weapons when so ordered? A show of hands if you please?" I announced and several hands shot up. Amongst them were Major Edwards and both of her 'Archangel' 'gunners', Cagalli Yula Athna and Fllay Allster. Of course, Kome Sawaguchi and Neko Olson objected and had raised both hands!

"If it please the court, mum? I have a question." said Captain Seras Victoria, Lord Alucard's 'police girl' and I nodded for her to continue.

"My Master and I would be more than willing to surrender our weapons at the door. However, we are vampires, mum. What about our 'natural' weapons such as magic and sorcery? Master can shapeshift and destroy at will. We would both like to visit your 'Citadel', mum but it will be quite impossible for us to completely disarm ourselves." explained the commander of the 'Nova Hellsing' starship cruiser.

"If both yourself and your Master and the rest of your 'Hellsing' party (Walter Doehm, Sir Integra Wingate Van Helsing, Alain duPrez and his 'Wild Geese' mercenary group) will give me their words that everyone will surrender their 'material' arms and swear on their honour (Lord Alucard laughed aloud and so did the 'Wild Geese') that they will cause no person on Gallifrey any harm, you may all enter our 'Citadel'." I replied. For what followed, I was not prepared!

"Count me out, little girl! A Van Helsing never surrenders arms to anyone! I never even appeared before our own Queen of Britain unarmed and I will certainly not bow down to a group of old fuddy-duddies! I will be remaining aboard. Walter, Alain and his men may do as they wish." snapped Sir Integra and she dashed her lighted foul-smelling stogie cigar onto my nice clean TARDIS's deck floor!

"Since my 'Wild Geese' and I were hired to assist and protect Seras, Al and Walter, our place is by their sides. We will accede to your Councillors' request." said Alain duPrez quietly.

"Madam Van Helsing? With your kind permission, I too wish to accompany milord Alucard and young Lady Seras to this 'Citadel' of yours. I will, of course, disarm myself when requested. I too give you my solemn oath not to use my own 'extra' powers against anyone on your planet." said Walter. Sir Integra nodded curtly and he clicked his heels together and bowed first to her and than to me.

"Very well. Anyone who wishes to visit our 'Citadel' go and pack up your kits and meet me in the afterdeck bays in twenty minutes. Warrant Officer Vash the Stampede and Captain Nicholas D Wolfwood will be in charge of transporting our prisoner. Do not be late. We will be leaving at 1530 hours exactly. That is half past three PM if you do not understand military time.

"Our own guard mount unit have received permission to enter the 'Citadel' armed. However, they will be permitted to carry non-lethal 'stasis' weapons only. They will, of course, be required to surrender any other arms before entering our Council chambers.

"That will be all unless there are further questions? No? Thank you for your attention. You are dismissed." I said and I sure as the Dickens sounded pretty darned important even if I do say so myself!

"How did that nitwit time lord manage to get himself captured? You couldn't find his Type 40 anywhere on 'Seti', O'Hara?" complained a tall and ominous looking evil fellow who was hiding behind some boxes in one of 'Maggie's storerooms. The big Irishman beside him looked glum while he was shaking his head in the negative.

"We looked ever'where, yer honour. That thing jest warn't nowheres to be seen." added Jock McMurdo, another evil-doer.

"I even used that locator thingamabob that you forced that damend blue-haired bimbo to build for you, sir. If that TARDIS had been anywhere on that moon, we would have found it no matter what it looked like!" said the megalomaniac from Remus.

OK! OK! Then the stupid thing must be aboard this tub since Finn (MacChumail was another baddie henchman) reports that it ain't aboard her 'Daedalus' ship. Better tell him to take the 'Dae' back to 'Andvari VI' along with the 'Lady Foucault', O'Hara." said their leader who was not a very happy camper today.

"As soon as they take off with old Azzy in tow in those sleds, we'll search this tub for his TARDIS! Had he not betrayed me, he could have remained hidden on 'Gysymeo' until the spring! Betray Khan, will he? He had better hope that the Council confines him to their Matrix again! If I get a hold of him-" fumed the most evil of all space pirates.

"They won't do that, sir! After he has been judged here at Galli, he's to be taken to Kurestan which is ruled by Solo's old lady!" shouted Lord Zoron Oakenshield whose ongoing quest was to rule the Universes from Remus and Romulan.

"If I may suggest, Lord Khan? Perhaps he has 'cloaked' his TARDIS? Why not have Lord Oakenshield use Miss Brief's 'locator' to scan this vessel?" asked an oily-voiced elderly villain from the shadows.

"Doesn't that old fool know that there's an 'energy damper' activated on all 3WA ships and now that includes this TARDIS we are aboard?" snapped an impatient McMurdo.

"TARDISes cannot 'cloak', my friends. Nor can they be easily detected using any kind of devices. However, this 'key' which I took the liberty of lifting from Azarog many years ago should be all we meed to find his TARDIS." explained a hooded figure who had just materialized in the darkness.

"Hush up, all of ya! I jest heared that big dumbarse Scots kid! Him and that wee lassie navvygater is right ootside the door!" whispered Hamish Campbell-Stuart who had only recently left the employ of the 'Emerald Queen' at the request of her skipper, Emma 'Queen' Emeraldas.

"What is it, Jamie?" asked Leila the 'Seva Team' jungle girl. She and the big Scotsman were hurrying to grab their gear so as not to miss one of the skysleds which were taking anyone who wanted 'liberty' to the 'Citadel' or the outer Gallifreyan districts. Jamie MacCrimmon and his pal Leila were eager to explore the latter since daggers were legal to carry outside the capitol and both of them were not carrying any other weapons.

"Och! I thought sartain sure I heared me summat but noo it be gone. Must be that me ears be a-playin' wee tricks on old Jamie Mac today, lassie! Let's be a goo-in', Love. We dinna wanna miss our ride noo, do we?" replied Jamie.

"Fine. I didn't hear anything which is unusual since I have exceptional hearing and intuition. Never mind though and stop calling me 'Lassie'! I am not your pet Collie dog, boyo!" she snapped and Jamies almost laughed but held his tongue.

"OK. They musta left, Cap. Leastaways I don't hear 'em out there no more. Want I should take a look, Chief?" asked Hamish.

"Nah. Give 'em a few more minutes to clear outta those bays. It's a quarter past 1500 (3:15 PM) and the Commander chick said they'd be leaving sharp at 1530 (3:30 PM) and she never says something she doesn't mean, Khan. Best wait until a quarter to four just to be on the safe side, huh?" suggested Zoron Oakenshield and Khan nodded.

"Yeah. That should give 'em enough time to head for the 'Cit' and almost everyone jumped at the chance of a 'liberty' from this tub! Did ya know that ootside it looks like a gin mill under repairs?" chuckled McMurdo.

We had best be silent while we wait, gentlemen." whispered Ming. Everyone took the hint and shut up.

"Everyone gone now, Walter?" asked the chain-smoking blonde Van Helsing descendant.

"Her Nibs just lifted off in the last sled, mum. Where have Seras and her 'Master' gotten to, I wonder? We are the only ones left aboard this 'flying box', you know?" said Walter Doehm cautiously. Sir Itegra Wingate Van Helsing caught the slight hesitancy in the pilot's speech.

"You think that we are not alone, Walter? (He nodded grimly) I had the same feeling. That is why I ahve sent Alucard and his 'Police Girl' to take a turn on the decks and look for any stragglers. (Walter looked upset) Calm down. I told him to apprehend, not kill. Seras has more sense so I did not see any reason to give her the same orders. Hullo! What's this?

"Yes? Suba I mean First Leftenant Van Helsing here. Whom is comm relaying, sir? Ah, so it is you, Mr Garner. No, I am afraid that most of the crew and passengers including the Commander, Subaltern Prydonia, have already left for the 'Citadel', sir. I have been ordered to maintain comm relay silence, Mr Garner.

"Yes, we did manage to ensnare Lord Azarog and he has been taken to the Gallis for 'judgment'. Then we have orders to transport the fool to Kurestan before we return back home. Eh? What do you mean, sir? His TARDIS? That is to be left with Acting Lord President Barusa, sir? That, sir, is an impossibility.

"I said we nabbed him, Azarog! They found no traces of one of those idiot 'travel boxes'! No, I did not realize that 'it' can resemble whatever it likes on the outside, sir. If that is so, why do the Doctors' always look like blue police call boxes from my Britain on Earth?

"Oh, I see! Defective 'chameleon circuitry', eh? Makes sense I suppose. Yes, that does mean that 'it' might be somewhere on this vessel. Sir, have you ever seen the inside of a TARDIS? Well, it's infinite! Not even Alucard could wander around this thing without getting lost!

"He and Seras Victoria are checking the ship for strays, sir. Yes, as soon as they return, the four of us will look for anything that should not be here. If we find something, I will be certain to comm relay you on Alderaan, sir. Yeah, that sounds plausible. I will have 'Nikita' do a scan for any extra 'stowaways'. Yes, I do realize the havoc that any of those idiots could wreak if they managed to lay hands on one of those Type 40's or Mark V's. Bad connection, sir. We will be in touch soon. Van Helsing out."

"Gad! Does that fool ever shut the Hell up, Walter? Now we have to take Alucard and Seras and split up into teams. We are to search this tub for a TARDIS and it can look like anything. How we are to be expected to find something with that kind of a description makes absolutely no sense to me." said Integra, slamming down her vidmike.

"He means that we look for something unusual and it may be this TARDIS thing. By the by mum, we happen to be aboard one of those TARDIS things, you know?" replied Walter quietly. This guy hardly ever raises his voice! The other trio? They are another kettle o' fish entirely!

"Walter? (Integra had lowered her voice to a whisper) 'Nikita' reports that she has found several heat traces in one of the aft storerooms near the bays downstairs. Ah, Alucard and Seras have returned! Get up here, Walter. Now!" snapped Integra.

"I am here, my Master. What are your orders, mum?" asked Alucard anxiously.

"Command us, Milady!" shouted an overly eager 'Police Girl' and, like her 'master', she too was feeling the blood lust.

"The storeroom downstairs closest to the launching bays. Bring back whoever you find in there and do not kill anyone. Is that understood, Alucard? That goes for you as well, Seras." ordered Al's 'Master' and her 'pet doggie' campire laughed aloud.

"As you wish, my Master! No killing! However, you have said nothing about harming them a mite, Madam?" replied Al.

"As long as they are still breathing when you bring them up here, I do not care what you do to the bastards! Now go! That is an order, Alucard!" snapped Integra. Seras Victoria turned towards the lift stations.

"Where are you off to, young lady?" demanded Walter.

"To get my new assault rifle, of course." she answered.

"Did you not hear your 'Mistress', Seras? No killing. That means no weapons. Have you not yet learned that you need no weapons against mere human beings? Your 'Master' prefers to attack without weapons, do you not, my Lord?" chuckled Walter and Al laughed again.

"Come, 'Police Girl'! Before they decide to make a run for it and deprive us of our fun!" shouted Alucard and his eyes were ravenous with hunder for human flesh. Seras unbuckled her gunsash and tossed it and her weapons aside. Then she hitched up her jeans and raced for the gantryway stairs. Her 'Master' had simply leaped the three floors down to the lowest deck. Poor Seras had yet to learn how to fly without her rocket boots and jet pack! These lessons would come very soon.

"I hear summat ootside, sair!" whispered Hamish just a nano-second before the portal shattered in his face!

"Peek-A-Boo! I see you! Will you come quietly and deny my 'Master' his pleasures or can we have our fun, sir?" snapped out a wild-eyed blonde girl with eyes as red as blood. She was dwarfed by the monster beside her! Alucard seemed to be made of nothing but eyes and every one of them was wide open and a deep crimson while the mouth looked to be as wide as the room and then some!

"Holy Mother o' God Almighty! What be that thing, lass?" breathed Hamish Campbell-Stuart in wonderment and fear.

"Your worst nightmare if you try and oppose us, sir." replied Seras, holding up her clawed right hand which began to drip blood all over the deck! Hamish's cutlass and pistols rang on the Kelvinite floor as did Jock McMurdo's and Ming's quill pens! Oakbrain was trying to hide behind Khan.

Khan alone stood unbowed and fearless before these two holy terrors. He slowly lit a cigarette and offered one to Seras who declined as did 'it'. He lit up and blew out a smoke ring which encircled Seras like a wreath. Then he laughed.

"I thought that Hall-o-we'en ended months ago? What's he supposed to be, Shenron, the Eternal Dragon, Missy? Careful with those talons, kid. Don't want to cut yourself with 'em, do ya?" chuckled the tall and fearsome space pirate.

"Damn you, vermin! You are fortunate that I am under orders from my 'Master' not to kill any of you dogs of animals! However, we can do anything else we like to you, you foolish braggart! Your friends have all surrendered to us! You seem intelligent so why not prove it to me? Do you yield to the mighty Alucard or can I have my jollies with you, Lord Khan?" roared out Alucard and he seemed to have now filled almost all of the room! Khan's eyebrows raised a fraction of a centimetre.

"Seras! Take those other prize specimens back to your 'Mistress'! I will deal with this remaining fool! Go! Leave us, girl!" Alucard's voice was a clap of thunder in the small confines of the storeroom.

"You idiots heard my 'Master', didn't ya? Get moving! While I am still in a good mood, dammit!" snapped out the small blonde girl whom none of the tough guys seemed to be inclined to disobey! Ming cringed and ran for the doorway. McMurdo and Hamish followed him and the others brought up the rear. Seras took a quck count on her gloved fingers.

"I seem to be missing one, my 'Master'." she said and Khan hurled Zoron Oakenshield straight at her.

"You forgot this pig, Milady! Take him and go! I mean to test this fine fellow's meddle. Go!" said Khan and he smiled.

"Your move, Lord Khan." invited Alucard after Seras Victoria had departed with her haul. Khan grinned evilly and drew his brace of pistols or rather disruptor blasters and in the same fluid movement, he began peppering the monster with energy blasts. An evil sounding laugh answered him and Khan seized up a Mark XXXV long-barrelled ion sonic energy cannon which he fired at and through Alucard!

"Is that all you have, foolish mortal? I have lived even longer than the time lords' founders themselves! It will take more than the likes of you to bring down the King of the Vampires!" screamed a frenzied Alucard and with one mighty swing of his arm, he cut the Mark in half! Another swipe and Khan screamed in pain and clutched his left arm which had been all but severed from his body!

Khan's right hand flashed down and ignited a laser sword which he plunged into and through the roaring demonic vampire! Khan screamed in agony when his right fingers began to burn when they came into contact with Alucard's flaming body! The sword was absorbed into the demon thing! Khan dropped to his knees, screaming in sheer terror.

"Enough! Enough! I yield, my Lord Alucard, sir! No more! Please! I surrender!" screamed the space pirate while Alucard laughed and laughed. Finally, the demonic vampire tired of his game and returned to his more or less 'normal' human form. He grabbed the cringing crime lord and tucked him over his shoulder and flew back up three levels to his 'Master'.

The others had been clapped in 'force beam cuffs' and clapped into the 'zero room' since 'Maggie' sported no 'brigs' yet. Al slammed the still screaming Khan into his 'Police Girl's waiting arms. The starved for blood Seras began to lick his wounds and savour the fresh sweet blood of the pirate king until-

"Seras! Behave yourself! I know that you are a vampiress but you are still English so watch your damned manners! Proper English ladies do not suck blood from their guests! Alucard! Leave that fellow alone! That goes for you as well! Walter! Help Seras to lock him up in that blasted 'zero room' back there! If these hounds are aboard, then so must Azarog's TARDIS! Otherwise, why take such a risk in sneaking aboard 'Maggie'?" snapped Integra angrily. She knew that she had to call Territorial Sector Chief Garner and she was not relishing the comm relay call at all.

"If it is any help, Madam Van Helsing, Vicious did not find it aboard the 'Daedalus'. Hence, our visit to you. Ouch! That stings, little doggie!" complained Khan.

"That means that it is doing you some good, Mr Khan. Hold still while I cauterize those nasty wounds." said Mr Peabody who was performing first aid in the absence of Dixie McCall and Dr Mike who had both opted for shore leave. A good wallop of 'Axileine 30X' would have killed all the pain in an instant but perhaps the white doggie did not know about it, but, then again, maybe he did! Khan had yelled at his boy, Sherman a lot during their last encounter and turnabout is fair play, ya know?

"Van Helsing to Garner. Come in please? Ah. Yes, sir. No, we did not find the TARDIS. However, it must be here somewhere. We found and arrested Khan and a number of his villainous henchmen who were hiding on 'Maggie'. He did tell us that Vicious searched the 'Dae' and found nothing. That means the 'Dae' must be under his control so a rescue may be in order? No, we do not know anything about piloting this 'flying box', sir. No. We have had no time to search this vessel for it. Yes. As soon as I have something to report, you will be the first one to know. Van Helsing out." snapped Integra and slammed down her vidmike.

"Walter! Take Al and Seras and meet me in the Commander's 'ready room'. No, the force beam barriers should be enough to hold them inside that 'time corridor' within that 'time loop' inside that 'zero room'. Mr Garner still wants us to find that TARDIS! Why? Do you want to ask him, Walter? No? I thought not. Five minutes. Thanks." smapped Integra into her comm badge.

"Walter and I will search this level and the level below us. Alucard and Seras will search the two levels below that. Be careful and don't get lost. We are looking for anything that does not look like it should be there. According to Doctor #4 who is already searching the rest of 'Maggie's many levels, a TARDIS can look like anything on the outside.

"Brill Neon said that there was no key found on Azarog so the Doctor thinks that, in all likelihood, he didn't get a chance to lock up behind himself. Anything you find, try and open it. If it won't open, it is not a TARDIS. If it opens and it is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, you have found the TARDIS.

"Off you go. Come along, Walter. I trust we are all armed? Excellent. We will meet back here in an hour. Good hunting" said Integra and Walter loped along in her wake.

"Shall we go, 'Police Girl'? Fine job for vampires, eh? Looking for a damned box on another damned box!" snarled Alucard.

"Ours is not to reason why, my 'Master'. We have our orders. Come." said Seras Victoria. Alucard grumbled but led the way belowdecks.

"Closet. Storeroom. Ladies' boudoirs. Bathroom. How many rooms does this thing have, Milady?" asked an astonished Walter.

"Who knows? We will search this deck and the one below. Some sort of extra control room. Another bedroom. Huh? Nothing in here but all kinds of clothes from other time eras and other worlds, Walter. This is asinine!" snapped Integra, slamming back portal after portal.

"Old junk. Paintings. Hullo! That's the Mona Lisa or I am an orangatang, Seras! Think that Allison would miss-" chortled the tall vampire demon and his ward frowned at him.

"We are here to search, not pilfer, 'Master'. Put that back right now!" admonished the former police constable and Alucard reluctantly laid down an old grimoire book of magic spells.

"Have a heart, girl! So you know how many centuries I have been seeking the 'Necronomicon' in the original Latin?" wailed her 'Master' and he slammed shut the portal he had just opened.

"My 'Master'! Come and help me with this portal behind this bookcase. It's stuck." complained Vickie and the taller demon vampire king easily shoved aside a case of books, causing them all to topple to the deck with a resounding crash! Seras jumped involuntarily and glared daggers at him.

"Thank you. Next time just move the damned thing, don't break it!" she shouted. Alucard paid her no heed and, reaching the hidden portal, he pulled and pulled to no avail. Then he had a brainstorm and shoved instead and the 'door' receded into the bulkhead wall!

"Seras! Come here! Look!" he yelled excitedly and she slipped inside with him. They both did a double take.

"It's the size of 'Wemnley Football Stadium', my 'Master'! This must be Lord Azarog's TARDIS!" shouted Seras just as excitedly.

"Ooh! Look at that silver sable white fox fur coat! Think the Commander would get mad if I just- tried it on for size?" cooed his young vampiress ward and he chuckled.

"Why the Hell not? This ain't her 'Maggie', this is Azzy's pad. Probably stolen from some poor female human who has a whole closetful of the damned things, kiddo. Hey! That looks stunning on you, my dear child. Keep it! I say! An original manuscript! This is one of Willy Shakespeare's unpublished plays! No! I cannot mess up history! There it will stay for all time.

"Best let my 'Master' and your 'Mistress' know she can call off the search. My 'Master', are you reading me? Good. We are on Level Three, two floors below the control room deck. We found it! Looks like an ordinary hidden room's door. How can you find us, mum?" reported Alucard and Seras grinned and shouted.

"Just follow the trail of damage down here, my 'Mistress'. The trail's pretty easy to find, mum." she giggled and now it was her 'Master's turn to glower at his young ward.

"Lord Alucard! This is no way to treat treasures from Alexander's great library! Integra! Some of these manuscripts have been lost for thousands of years! Oho! So there you are! Seras Alicia Victoria Grunewald! Where on Earth did you find that fur coat? In here, Miss Van Helsing! Mind the books on the floor!" trilled Walter through his comm badge.

"Alucard! You and Seras help Walter to pick up those books and papers! Yes, you may keep it, Seras. Walter! Put that right back where you found it! We are protectors, not vandals and thieves! Yes, it is a lovely Rembrandt but Azarog more than likely stole it from the Louvre Museum! Lucky for us that Lupin III and his gang stayed behind on the 'Daedalus'! Seras! Stop shopping for jewelry to match the coat! We had best be thinking about dinner. It's almost 1800 (6 PM) and I'm famished!" said the cigar smoking chief of the 'Hellsing Group'.

"Yes, Mr Garner. We did find the damned box. (Integra covered her vidmike with a gloved hand) Seras! Put that fur away somewhere in your room! Mr Garner is furious because some idiot was asleep at the switch and allowed Vicious to take over the 'Daedalus'! It's OK now. Commander Raven of the 'ISSP' has arrested him and his thugs and sent them to Seto Kaiba. What's that, sir? It's on Level Three behind the works from the Great Library of Alexandria in Egypt on Terra. How the Hell would I know how Azarog managed to swipe something lost for centuries?

"We cannot move it to the 'Citadel'! Why? Because it's somehow part of this TARDIS, that's why! Permission to lift comm relay silence, sir? So I can get Suba Prydonia back here with her gramps, of course! Betwixt the pair of 'em, maybe they can get the damned box thing off of 'Maggie' and into the capitol. What? You are coming here to take charge personally, sir? Very well. We'll be waiting for you, sir. Van Helsing out." snapped an angry Integra, slamming down her vidmike.

"I hid it under the pretty tapestries in my footlocker, mum." said Seras and Integra glared at her own assistant.

"What pretty tapestries? Alucard! What did I just tell you about swiping stuff from history?" howled Miss Van Helsing.

"It will go quite nicely on that are wall in your bedchamber back at the manor house, mum. I made certain that it's really just an imitation piece before I 'borrowed' it from the TARDIS. It's a fake." explained Walter and his 'Mistress' sighed.

"OK. I suppose that, in that case, it's OK to keep it. Thank you, Walter. What have you got in that sack, Alucard?" replied the chief of the vampire hunter-slayers.

"Some old cookery books is all, mum. Walter said they were forgeries made by Christopher Morley from some of Anne Hathaway's receipts, recipes I guess you call them now." answered the smug vampire demon king.

"Fine but that is IT! No more treasure hunting! Put all that junk away before Mr Garner arrives and takes it away from us! Hark! I just heard a tap at the tavern door. Scoot! Just a moment, Chief. I'm new with these controls, sir. There! Try the door again, please. Welcome aboard the 'Maggie', Mr Garner. Curtsey to the gentleman, girl! Ten-Hutt!" snapped Integra but the 'gentleman' waved away the rituals from merrie old England.

"At ease, everyone. Well done, all of you. Now where is this TARDIS you've found, Captain?" asked Garner quietly.

"You have made a mistake, sir. My 'Mistress' is only a first leftenant, sir." corrected Seras Victoria. He smiled and chuckled.

"She Who WILL Be Obeyed is not the only one in the 3WA who is permitted to promote underlings, my dear child. 'God' (Vittorio Xavier Galadriel was the self styled 'God' of the 3WA and Garner's boss) himself all but ordered me to promote you, dear lady and it's high time as well for you to be a captain. Lt. Grunewald? (Seras brightened up when she heard that because her ranking was only Warrant Officer One) Pin these 'railroad tracks' on your 'Mistress', please and here are your own new silver bars (First Leftenant). Sorry but nothing was said about Lord Alucard and Pilot Doehm by Mr Galadriel." said Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner who had sat down beside the pile-driver console.

Seras pinned on Integra's new bars and then her 'Mistress' did her the same honours. Pointing to the lifts, Integra lit another of her foul-smelling 'stogies' and handed one to Garner while Walter lit it for him. Then the unlikely quintet rode down to see the hidden treasure room.

"Good Kami in Heaven! Did this idiot steal anything in sight from wherever and whenever he happened to be?" asked Garner incredulously.

"Did any of you happen to find a key anywhere? Aha! Thank you, Leftenant. We will lock the portals and await the 'Casterlein' and the Subaltern. I trust they are on their way back here, Captain Van Helsing?" he added.

"Yes, sir. However, there's a snowstorm threatening the capitol so the going will be slow for the skysleds. Acting Lord President Barusa has already given Azarog a good dressing down and then he turned him over to the Commander. He is being transported under heavy guard back here. Their ETA is twenty hundred hours, eight o'clock this evening. If you are quite satisfied, sir, we were just about to have dinner. You must be hungry after such a long voyage?" invited Integra and Garner beamed at her.

"Capital! Permit me to escort you two lovely ladies upstairs to the dining room. Coming, Lord Alucard, Pilot Doehm?" replied their boss from Alderaan. Walter clicked his heels together.

"Sir! Yes, sir!" cried Walter, saluting smartly.

"Smartass." breathed Alucard and he too followed the rest of them to the lift stations.

After a 'repped' dinner where Mr Garner had insisted he 'wasn't very hungry' but had still had four helpings of everything including dessert and a gallon of liquor, Integra answered a rap on the 'tavern door' and admitted the Commander and her 'gramps', the Casterlein.

"I took the liberty of having our errant time lord brought through the TARDIS's 'emergency' entrance. No, Madam Van Helsing, I will not tell you where it is located. By now, Lord Azarog should be safely tucked away in Allison's 'zero room'. Do not ask. I know what you will be wanting to know, Lord Alucard.

"The answer is simplicity itself. I will pilot Lord Azarog's TARDIS myself. I will dematerialize it and fly it to the capitol where I will rematerialize it again. Lord Barusa has commanded that it be placed under heavy guard at the Tower of Rathelon while all of Lord Azarog's 'treasures' are sorted out and arrangements made to return them to their proper spaces and time eras in the various Universes from which they were 'borrowed' by him.

"You need not be concerned about the fur coat and tapestry that Miss Grunewald and Lord Doehm have appropriated already. (Mr Garner's eyebrows raised a fraction of a millimetre) The tapestry is a cheap copy from Terra's Italy. The fur coat is part of Lady Millicent Mayover's collection and she has already been reimbursed for it by Lloyd's of London Insurance Company in Victorian Britain. I personally visited both places and times. I have been reassured by Her Ladyship and the original weavers that neither item is necessary to be returned.

"Of course, Mr Garner will be shortly receiving two very small invoices for both of these items. However, the 'High Council of Gallifrey' insists on reimbursing the 3WA, sir." explained 'Grandfather' Casterlein. In reality, he was the original founder of the Order of the Knights Templar from 9th Century Terran Britain. He and the other eight co-founders were time lords. The only known surviving descendant was Subaltern Angela Theresa de Roncesvalles, our own Angie.

"Thank Kami for that, milord! I just got through paying off the mess made at 'Sharvelan' (Shar-veh-lon) by 'you know whom'! Mr Galadriel is pretty sore at me and at Chief Gooley for that one, I can tell you! Suffice it to say that the Great Cathedral in that small moon's capitol city will soon have a beautiful stained-glass window in its belfry! A hundred thousand credits for a church window? They used to be a damned bit less expensive! Pardon my French, ladies.

"You will not have to make the entire trip back to Kurestan on Alderaan. The 'Maggie' will be flown back to the 'Daedalus' where your prisoner will be transferred to a waiting starship, the 'Zargon' under the command of Johnny Raven. He's been transferred from Ganymede to Alderaan for a few months. He just happened to be in the area of the 'Neutral Zone' so I asked him to wait for us there.

"He will ferry Azarog back to Kurestan and I will tag along as an extra passenger. As soon as you offload your cargo to him, the 'Maggie' and the 'Dae' will return home to Shimougou. Hopefully, that firebrand Hellcat Amazon and that dipstick minx vixen will have arrived with the 'Lovely Angel 2'. Allison, where are the rest of your crew and passengers?" demanded Garner.

"She gave everybody else 'shore leave', Chief. Good luck in rounding up that lot anytime soon." chuckled Integra. I began to cough. Would I ever get used to those darned stogies of hers? Then I realized that Mr Garner was waiting for an answer.

"Come along, 'Police Girl'. Do not worry, my dear children. We will find everyone and bring them back here. May I assume that you do not wish to depart this world until the morrow, Uncle Chuck?" asked Alucard and now it was Mr Garner's turn to start coughing. Alucard did not usually crack jokes.

"Seras, please try and keep your 'Master' out of trouble." said a grim-faced Integra.

"Please leave the 'Citadel' in one piece and be sure that our great tower is still standing when you leave Gallifrey." begged the Casterlein and I giggled. From the looks I got from the others, this was not a jesting matter!

"Aren't you going to open the portals for them, Madam?" asked Mr Garner. By then, the vampire demon king and his young ward had vanished into the aether!

"No need, sir. As you can see for yourself, Alucard is no ordinary vampire or demon for that matter." said Walter Doehm.

"Seras, ask that fellow there if he can direct us to the closest tavern. I imagine we will find most of our missing away teams in one of them." laughed Alucard.

"Please sir, where is the closest pub?" asked Seras Victoria Grunewald, hastily wiping the blood from her face with a gloved hand. The poor Gallifreyan guy hesitated and then pointed.

"The 'Bloody Sparrow's that way, miss. I was about to say that it's a bit of a rough place for you but now I see that you'll fit right in there! Good evenin' to ye." he replied and then he took to his heels. Alucard and Seras have that effect on some people.

Three bars later and they had found everyone except for the guard mount that had Lord Azarog in tow and a few stragglers. Seras and Al turned their steps towards the capitol and the 'Citadel'.

"Halt! No visitors are permitted in Council Chambers after dark, sir, mum. No exceptions." said Sgt Palomar of the Imperial Guard. This poor soul had the misfortune of being the gate guard at the 'Cit' this evening. The vampire demon king flexed his talons and began to get very nasty looking indeed! Seras to the rescue.

"We are from the 3WA, sergeant. (Seras flashed her green ID vidcard and the fellow's eyes popped) We are here to collect the 'shore leave' parties from the 'Maggie', Commander Prydonia's TARDIS. If you check with Captain Tallon-Whyte, I am sure he will vouch for us. I am Leftenant Seras Grunewald and this is Captain Alucard Smith-Jones. We just want to pop in and collect our people. Then we will depart the capitol." explained the young vampiress, using a gloved hand to cover the blood on her tunic jacket. Alucard, however, was impatient.

"Either you let us in there or I will tear down the gate portals." he said quietly.

"I'd like to see you try it, pal! That gate's set in stone and Kelvinite!" laughed Tommy Palomar. Seras looked worried.

"Please do not tempt him, sir. Take my word for it. Captain Smith-Jones can easily do what he said he would do." said Seras, trying to pour oil on troubled seas.

"Aw, the Hell with it! Go ahead. You have ten minutes. Then I'll call the captain and Lord Allenby too!" snapped Tommy.

"Tell me Seras, are all humans this stupid? Perhaps a small demonstration of my power is necessary?" growled the tall vampire, grinning an evil grin.

"He said we had ten minutes, my "Master'. Let us find our wayward souls and leave this place." soothed Seras.

Eight minutes later and they had shooed along all but one of the 'shore leave' party goers.

"That's everyone but Sister Trish, 'Master'." said Seras and Alucard grumbled.

"We have looked everywhere for the brat but she is nowhere in sight, girl! I am getting hungry again, are you not feeling the same emptiness in your gut?" he snarled. His ward felt her own stomach and grimaced.

"Here comes someone. I will ask him." said Seras. The elderly Lord Kolorkang bowed to the young vampiress and then pointed behind him at a huge edifice at the end of the square. Seras thanked him and curtseyed.

"She is in that building, 'Master'. I will bring her back. You wait here." said his ward. Alucard guffawed at her.

"That I would truly love to see, 'Police Girl'! You cannot cross that threshold any more than can I do so! It is a cathedral! Our kind are not welcome there!" chortled Alucard. Seras spoke aloud into her comm badge.

"Trish? This is Seras. My 'Master' and I are out here in the square. We depart this world tomorrow. The Commander has sent us to bring you back. Please come out of that terrible place, my dear girl. Two minutes." trilled Seras.

"Be right out, mum. I'm on the toilet." trilled the 'flying nun' who could fly without rocket boots or jet pack.

"I hope the brat washes her damned hands before she leaves that horrid structure." growled Alucard and Seras giggled. The huge portals slammed open and then crashed shut again. The short nun came flying out to hover above their heads.

"God bless you both for coming to get me, sir, mum. I must have missed the last sled back home. There are no cabs in this place. I was going to walk back to 'Maggie' in the morning. God bless you both again." said the grateful nun.

"If you are so damned grateful, kid, stop blaspheming and using that forbidden name in my presence!" snapped Alucard, encircling Seras and Trish within his voluminous dark red cloak. Then he leaped straight up and flew over the gates nuch to the watching Tommy Palomar's astonishment! He waved at them and shook his fists.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish! I sure hope the Council ain't gonna make a habit outta invitin' these freaks to visit!" said Tommy to nobody in particular. A small crowd had gathered at the gates to watch the trio winging their way towards the big meadow and home.

"That's the last of them, Alley! I am starving and so is Seras! My 'Master', have you 'repped' us up any 'you know what' for our dinners?" demanded Alcucard, licking his lips greedily. Integra tossed him and Seras a glassine bag full of freshly 'repped' blood!

Seras took hers to her rooms to consume but her 'Master' had torn his open and was pouring it down his gullet!

"How disgusting!" said Diana Prince aka 'Wonder Girl'.

"Gross indeed!" agreed Allison Prydonia, trying hard not to retch.

"You'll get used to it, kids." chuckled Integra Van Helsing while Walter Doehm merely smiled. 'Uncle Chuckie' Garner had already run for the restrooms! Integra answered a trilling on her console. Then she replaced the vidmike after a soft hurried conversation.

"Lord Barusa has given us clearance for an immediate liftoff, sir and he seemed like he wants us gone as soon as possible. All hands are back aboard and we have our cargo quarry belowdecks and secured. There is no reason why we-" said the cigar-smoking blonde.

"Make it so, Captain. Pilot Doehm, please lift off and head us for home. That's an order. With your permission, Subaltern?" said Garner and I nodded quickly. The pile-driver began to go up and down while the console pulsated with power and then-

"We have departed your home world, Milady Allison. Shall I place us on 'George'?" asked my pilot and I nodded again.

"When do we eat aboard this damned tub? I ain't had nuttin' for ten whole minutes, Cap!" roared my captain of the guard, the big hanyou doggie demon-human boy, InuYasha. Wolfie Kouga was not far behind him. I sighed and asked who wanted to help rep up dinner.

"Besides the Saiyaans and the demons, I meant." I added when Dog Boy and Wolfie began fighting with Goku Son and Vegeta Brief. Finally Seras and Trish began to help while Fllay and Cagalli set the table for me.

"Has anyone seen to our charge down there?" asked Mr Garner, his mouth full of his sixth dinner helping but he 'was not very hungry tonight'! I would hate to have to feed him when he was 'very hungry'! Just then Neko Olson and Kome Sawaguchi came up in the lift and announced that they had 'fed the dog downstairs'. Whitey!

"Has anyone fed my doggie? Whitey?" I cried and Doctor #4 chuckled.

"Not to worry. Jamie and Leila fed him around 1700 (5 PM) and now he's having his 'walkies' with them on the holodecks. I say, has anyone seen my Sarah Jane Smith? She's bound to get into some sort of hot water if she's left on her own too much, you know?" chuckled the Doctor.

"She's filing for us on Level Three in that room that contained Azarog's TARDIS until 'Gramps' took it away a few hours ago. You would not believe the shambles that Khan and his cronies made of those files while they were looking for that TARDIS." said Sir Integra Wyngate Van Helsing, lighting up yet another cigar.

"Ah! That should keep her out of trouble for the nonce. Imagine the mess we would be in had Khan actually found that TARDIS, eh? Any more blueberry trifle or has the 'Mad Hatter' (Doctor #6) eaten it all? Thank you, dear lady. Sister? I don't think there is really any flying room in here. Be careful, child! Mind the chandelier! Duck!" yelled Doctor #4 and he covered me with his coat and muffler an instant before the heavy fixture crashed onto the table where I had been seated!

"You are not injured, dear cousin? No? In that case, I have a few choice words for that little scamp. Patricia DellaPorta, where are you, you naughty girl?" called the Doctor who was strolling swiftly down the corridor that led to our sleeping quarters. I was sure that a spanking was not out of the question and like Sgt Schultz on that ancient Terran war TV show 'I see nothing'!

The cleaning 'droids cleared away the broken fragments of the chandelier while Kagome Higurashi repped up a replacement. Then Doctor #6 and Dr Watson rehung the lighting unit while Mr Holmes and Doctor #3 took care of the wiring installation. Soon we had light through the gloominess of my dining room.

"This hurts me more than it is hurting you, my dear child. You simply must learn discipline, Patricia." Doctor #4's voice filtered back to us through the ventilators from Trish's rooms where an old-fashioned spanking looked to be in progress.

"God will forgive you, sir but I will not! Not ever, darn it!" sobbed the young novice nun.

"You will thank me for this one day, my dear. You have had your dinner already? Good. Off to bed with you. What? OK. I suppose I could tell you a story although you do not really deserve one, you know? Once upon a time there was a very bad time lord-" began the Doctor but then he was drowned out by Alain's bragging about the barfight he had broken up single-handedly while they had been visiting a pub in the capitol of Gallifrey.

"Alain probably started the fight in the first place, Alley." whispered Integra through a plume of acrid cigar smoke. I nodded and smiled wanly. I was tired and I really wanted my bunk but it was not yet nine of the clock so I persevered and stifled a yawn. Then Walter strolled in and signed to me to join him outside in the hallway. I excused myself to Integra and walked over to the open portals and followed my pilot back to the control room.

"I was monitoring the comm relay radio thingy and there is a call for you from a Mr John Raven, mum. 'Mistress' seemed to be enjoying herself for once and after all, Mr Raven did ask for his 'princess' so I came for you instead. Here you are. If you need ne, I will be in the galleys." said Walter Doehm and I accepted the vidmike.

"Prydonia here. Did you need something, Mr Raven? Over." I said.

"So formal, Princess Allison? Please call me Johnny like everyone else. No big deal, kiddo. I just wanted you to now that I am waiting for your TARDIS here at the Zone. The 'Daedalus' is in great shape and the entire crew is fine. I have sent Vicious and his gang to Seto Kaiba. What's your ETA? Over." replied the always humourous 'ISSP' officer.

Walter was mouthing the ETA time to me from the doorway and I waved to him. He disappeared back into the galleys.

"Midnight. Sorry but I do not know what that is in military time, Johnny. Three more hours. Over." I answered.

"We'll be here, Lovey. Keep a wary eye on that snake in your brig, kiddo. Raven out." he said, terminating our call.

"Prydonia out." I said needlessly since he had already blanked the screen. I switched off mine and yawned.

"Tired, Commander? Why not hit the hay? I will be happy to cover for you should anyone ask. Good night, my dear." said Walter and I thanked him with a smile and said good night to him. I must have been more weary than I had thought because I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows. The last thing I heard was the end of Trish's bedtime story filtering through the ventilator by my bunk.

"-And the good, kind time lady arrested the big, bad rogue time lord and he was put into gaol for a very long time. Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks! Go to sleep now, Poppet. See you in the morning and no more flying aboard this TARDIS. Night night." said the tall time lord and I drifted off to Dreamland. The next time I opened my eyes was when Zoe Morton was roughly shaking my shoulders.

"Will you wake up already, dammit? We have arrived at the Zone. We've offloaded Azarog and turned the pest over to Johnny but he has papers you gotta sign for him, Alley! Throw something on and meet us in the dining room! Hurry up! Just five minutes, then you can come back and finish your dream, girl. Let's go!" Zoe whispered fiercely and I mumbled something like I didn't wanna go to school today.

"I'm not your Auntie V, Lovey. Get up and get your kimono on. Now, Allison!" she yelped and I was roughly thrust into a dressing gown and slippers and then I was almost dragged down the hall to our dining room where a smiling Johnny Raven was waiting. His exec was a green-haired Eloisian named Ensign Kellmer. She told me that her sister was serving aboard the 'Liberator' for Admiral Zero.

"I marked all the places for you to sign, Suba. Sorry we had to wake you up, Sweetie but there's always gonna be paperwork and more paperwork and more red tape these days! Here. That's the last one. These are your vidcopies, mum. Now you go back and finish that dream of yours. All finished, sir." said Miss Kellmer, handing the vid-docs over to her superior. Then she saluted him and stood to attention beside the portals.

"Parting is such sweet sorrow, Your Majesty. Perhaps I'll see you in MayJuno? I will be on Shimougou by then. Maybe I'll look up you and Diana in your new digs, huh? Good night and pleasant dreams, Princess. Let's motor, Kelly baby. Farewell to all this loveliness. OK! I'm coming already! Sheesh! I thought all girls were romantic?" said Johnny and then he and Kelly were gone.

"Have someone file these vid-docs somewhere and have copies vid-faxed to Mr Gooley, Mr Galadriel and Mr Garner. I am going to take the lovely ensign's advice and go back to that dream. See all of you in the morning. That was a nifty bedtime story, #4. Good night everyone." I said with another yawn and I went back to my rooms where I collapsed onto my bunk without even bothering to remove my kimono or slippers. This time when I awakened, I felt completely refreshed and well rested.

"Where are we, Miss Allster?" I asked, zipping up my flightsuit and sitting down to a hearty breakfast in our dining room.

"I dunno. Hey stupid! Where the Hell are we? Alley Cat want to know." replied Fllaysie.

"Don't call me stupid, ya little brat! Zoe said that we passed through some 'outer markers' of 'Shimmyjamjars' at three. She said we'd spot the 'inner ones' at noon. It's eight now so we'll get there in four more hours. Hey! That was my prune Danish, Doggie Boy!" said Sarah Jane Smith, resplendent in a daring grey micro-mini-skirted suit.

"Yuck! Tastes like shit! Want it back, Sarah?" asked InuYasha, spitting out prune bits all over the table. I really must have Miss Higurashi teach them some table manners!

"No! Keep it! Stop spitting! You two are gross!" replied Sarah, her own mouth full of pancakes.

"I didn't do nuttin', did I?" asked Kouga, the wolf youkai demon who was busily swiping food from Walter's plate.

"I killed men in the war for doing things like that, animal thing." said Walter Doehm quietly. My new pilot was a lot like our own 'fearless leader'. He spoke softly when he was angry and ready to strike. Integra had told me that was also true of Lord Alucard.

I finished my breakfast and took my java mug with me up to the 'bridge' as Walter called my main control room on 'Maggie'. I hit the 'exterior view' toggle and stared out into inky blackness with a tiny winking star far, far away in the distance.

"What is that, Mr D?" I asked and Walter Doehm grunted.

"According to Miss Morton, those are the 'inner markers' for some world she called 'Shimougou', mum." he replied.

"That's your new home, Honey. You'll be stationed in Furool (Foo-Lon) City with us. That's on the Eastern side of the planet. Raven's gonna be stationed at Elenore City in the West when he gets there in MayJuno, Alley. We'll be there in a few more hours or so I was told by Solo and Starwind when they went offduty at six." explained Integra, another cigar in her mouth and more ashes on my clean deck floor.

"Can I have fun when we get home, my 'Master'?" Lord Alucard was champing at the bit for something. His 'Master' frowned and shook her blonde head at her 'pet dog'.

"No. I told you that before, Alucard. We are only going after enemies of our new homeland until we can get back home ourselves. What have you done with Seras this morning?" replied Integra.

"Stuffing herself in the dining room. She will be sick all day again. How much longer will it be before she realizes that vampiresses like her can only digest the 'water of life' as you wish me to call our sustenance fluid?" growled Alucard.

Before Integra could frame a reply to him, the young ward in question streaked past the doorway, retching and desperately trying to be ladylike and not upchuck in the corridors!

"Serves ya right, Grunewald! Making a pig of yourself again!" shouted her 'Master' down the hallways or should I say bellowed?

"A field of stars ahead. Should I go around it, Miss Zoe?" called Walter when 'Bjorn Corners' hove into view.

"Roger that, Walt. Yaw hard a-starboard (steer to the right) for three clicks (300 thousand kilometres) and then put us back on your present course. Not to fet. That's 'Bjorn Corners', a squared off asteroid belt. It does drift but it's so bloody slow that we don't gotta worry about it. Can somebody please bring me a Jidelian Latte with lots of whipped cream on it? Some blueberry muffins would be yummy too." Zoe Morton almost always seemed to be thinking of her tummy but she still managed to stay trim and svelte. I told ya that it's really hard to gain weight in space, did I not?

"Almost home now. Empty space all the way once we leave 'Bjorn' behind us, Commander." advised Kome Sawaguchi from beside my chair where she was standing. She and Neko Olson were as quiet as neko (cats) when they wanted to be. They were two of our best 'guerilla fighter' warriors but Leila was our very best jungle style warrior by far!

"Ahem! May I speak with you and Miss Prince in my office, Madam Prydonia?" asked Mr Peabody. I was not yet used to talking doggies especially this male Chauvinist mutt! I wondered where his 'office' was on 'Maggie'? I soon discovered that his 'office' was really my 'ready room'! I fumed but said nothing. Diana 'Wonder Girl' Prince' was sitting at the huge oval conference table and Mr P pulled out a chair for me beside her. I sat and he walked around the room and took his seat at my desk!

"I won't keep you ladies very long. I was aked by Mr Garner to set up a few things for you ladies in Furool City. This is your five years' lease for a small flat in 'Greenhalgh Acres' and the first three months' security deposit rents of 900 credits has been paid by Mr Galadriel for you.

"Of course, beginning in MarAprio, you two will be responsible for the 300 credits a month rental payments. This is a three years' sales agreement for a used AD 2251 'Galaxy 4' air speeder. We got you a good deal on it. 500 credits payable in monthly installments of 55 credits and 15 sondemes per month.

"The power, water and other utilities will be activated by your own vidcode keys (He held up two odd-looking pencils!) when you move in. The flat is furnished and as there will be two of you, the owners are fitting it out with two 'replicator' units in all of the rooms for you.

"You each have accounts set up in most of the malls and shopping complexes, beauty parlours, pizzerias, etc. and all of those details are in this vidfolder I will be handing over to you just as soon as you have signed the necessary forms. If there are no questions, we will begin." said the smug white doggie and Diana glared at him.

An hour later, the 'very few' vid-documents had been signed in triplicate, we had been given a 'small' vid-folder which was almost as thick as my own 'Galactic Compendium' directory and we each had one of the 'sonic pencils' as I called our new flat 'keys' which very closely resembled the Doctor's 'sonic screwdriver'!

Diana and I 'high-fived' each other as she called this strange human ritual which she said was used to denote a successful venture's conclusion. I lugged the vid-folder back to our suite of rooms and began to read everything in it much to Di's amazement. It seems that on Terra such details were always ignored!

I read the vid-documents through a few times and they did not seem all that complicated to me! Diana read the lease over and tossed it down in frustration.

"I still say it's all gobbledeygook, Allison! If you're that concerned about 'em, how come ya signed 'em all before ya read through 'em, huh? As soon as we signed 'em, we agreed with everything in the damned things, ya know?" giggled Diana.

I frowned at my soon to be new roomie and then I shrugged my shoulders and tossed down the vid-folder.

"Fine. We signed them and so we are bound by them, right? (Di nodded) No use sobbing over upturned mead goblets, eh?" I chortled, confusing the heck out of poor 'Wonder Girl'! OK, so I am not used to non-Gallifreyan expressions yet! Blast me with an ion cannon, OK?

At noon, while I was pigging out yet again, Zoe announced that we had just sighted Shim's 'inner markers'. I dashed to the 'bridge' fully prepared to land 'Maggie'. I was a little miffed when Mr Solo told me that all planetfall landings were auto-controlled from the Furool City's spaceport tower!

"Relax, Alley. We just sit back and wait our turn to be landed. They'll let us know when we are down and safe. If you like, you can change our outward appearance. The sight of a taproom from Lazarus City suddenly appearing out of the stars might be a little unnerving. Might I suggest a 3WA K-Class patrol starship named the 'Maggie'?" suggested Han with his adorable Texas drawl and I manipulated my 'chameleon circuitry unit'.

"You mean something like this, Mr Solo?" I asked and pointed to the ship I had drawn an outline of on the vidscreen. Zoe nodded her approval and made the three ring OK sign to me. I activated the 'change' controls.

"Thanks. Go and finish your lunch, Alley. Better change your pants first though unless you want everyone thinking that you had an accident." joked Zoe, pointing at the spilled java on my trousers. I blushed a little and took my leave. For some idiotic reason, I decided to try on my new dress 3WA subaltern's uniform.

"Ten-Hutt! Admiral in the room!" shouted Mr Popo (Chief Poporo's cute nickname we had given the poor guy) when I walked back into the dining room to resume my lunch. Of course nobody moved but InuYasha and Kouga looked up and grinned at Mr Popo.

"Admiral huh? It's just our Alley Cat in her new fancy threads, Dumbass. Pass the mashed taters afore Vegeta gets 'em!" burped the big inu dog hanyou half demon/half human teenaged boy.

"Kouga! Stop throwing dinner rolls at Sango! Watch that hand or lose it, Miroku! Language, InuYasha! Do you want me to use the word again? You look very distinguished and dignified, Commander Prydonia." said Kagome, slapping Shippou's paw when the young kitsune youkai fox demon stuck his fist into the bowl of candied yams!

"Didn't the Boss and the Duchess warn you about the 'pig squad' at mealtimes, Princess?" chuckled Gene Starwind.

Suddenly the table shook and then we felt a soft thump.

"Sorry about that, folks. We just landed and they have a new girl handling the landings down there. Sit tight for now. We have to remain aboard until we are cleared by FC spaceport's security. I can't wait to see their faces when they beam aboard us." chortled Mr Solo. I wiped my mouth daintily with my napkin causing everyone to stare at me!

"Huh? Something wrong with the tablecloth, Al?" Goku Son wanted to know. Really! These people were something else! I stood up and announced that I would be on the 'bridge' if I was needed. I strolled swiftly up the corridor to my control room where my appearance was greeted by whistles and catcalls. Honestly! Did not these 3WA personnel ever wear clean uniforms?

"We're waitin' on a Major Stryker to do a tour of 'Maggie' and check for contraband items, Commander." said Walter and I nodded my thanks. I sat down in my command seat and sipped the java handed to me by Nami Richards who was scanning officer for this shift.

"Ten-Hutt! Major Stryker has arrived. Someone open the portals for him and his party." said Integra, laying down her vidmike. Walter hit the portals release toggle switch and the outer and inner 'doors' opened.

I snapped to attention as did Diana Prince but the rest of the bridge crew remained seated. Walter saluted the major and apologized because he had been unable to 'beam' him aboard. 'Maggie's transport controls were not yet tied into this new planet's power systems!

"At ease! Apology excepted, Captain Doehm. Greetings, Subaltern Prydonia. I trust you had no difficulties on your voyage home?" barked out Major Stryker.

"Sir! No, sir! Thank you, sir!" I barked right back at him. Did not all officers yell at one another I wondered? I was still a novice at being a liaison officer.

"Relax, Love. We aren't really that damned formal around here. Captain Myles? Conduct your search and report back here. Understood?" snapped the major and a shorter Klingon officer saluted him and departed with a few other guys and girls in strange uniforms.

"Do be careful not to get lost, please. 'Maggie' is much bigger on the inside than she is on the outside!" I called to the searchers.

"This then is a 'TARDIS', Suba?" asked the major's exec, a very tall blonde girl whose hair was streaked with red and green highlights. Ensign Rogers had once been a member of a certain John Berringer's crew aboard his 'Starcrusher' starship according to Neko Olson who was whispering into my ear.

"Yes it is, mum. Sorry, I meant Ensign Rogers. You have never been aboard a Type 40 or a Mark V before, sir?" I asked, turning to the major who shook his head.

"Nope. I was not allowed aboard the Doctor's blue police box phone booth, Commander." replied the tall officer.

"Where are my manners? Would anyone like some refreshments? Trish? A tray of pastries and some java and tea for our guests." ordered my chief navigator, Zoe Morton. Our 'flying nun' started to 'lift off', saw #4's frown and thought better of it. Instead, she scooted off as fast as she could jog. She was back in record time with goodies for all of us.

Han 'repped up' some chairs and the major and his ensign sat down to enjoy their repast. She assured me that Captain Myles was an alchemist as well as a Klingon and he had been aboard the 'police boxes' many times in the past. He was here at 3WA Eastern HQ to attend the Academy for a refresher course in computers. Until his term started in JanFeb, however, he had been assigned as a security officer for the spaceport tower.

"Nothing illegal aboard, sir. We searched her from stem to stern on the top four decks. No sense in getting lost, what? Ah, thank you, Harry. I could use a nice strong cup of tea and a bagel." said Myles.

"Harry?" asked Gene Starwind. The ensign laughed.

"Harriet Rogers at your service, sir. Harry for short. More java, sir?" asked the svelte officer.

Meanwhile, having been off duty for less than two short hours, both Rally 'Cat' Vincent and her partner Minnie Mae 'Kitten'/'Blonde Bomber' Hopkins who were affectionately known as the 'Gunsmith Cats' owing to their origins as ancient Terran 'bounty hunters' in the American metropolis of Chicago in the state of Illinois were sleeping fitfully in their bunks.

Suddenly 'Cat' shot bolt upright and whacked her brunette noggin on the underside of 'Kitten's bunk.

"OW! Dammit! That bloody dream I just had was so real! Dream? More like a nightmare! Hey! Mae! Kitten? You awake up there?" shouted the older (By a few years only- Mae was 15 and Rally was all of 18 summers) 'Gunsmith Cat', kicking the underside of her blonde partner's bed with her bare feet.

"I'm awake now, Rally! Ooh! I was having such a nice dreamy dream too. Ichigo had just swept me up into his arms and Rukie was off on an assignment-" Mae Hopkins was an incureable romantic. Their third 'GC' girl, Becky Smith, was bunking in with Sarah Jane Smith and Gina Phillips so she could be closer to her filing workplace.

"Can it, shrimpie! I just deamed that Natasha Radowitz was standing right beside me in this very room and-" stammered Rally until a raucous laugh cut her off in mid-sentence!

"And it was no dream, Rally Vincent. Hello there, little one. We have unfinished business, children. You and Natasha." said the shadowy figure wrapped in a voluminous black cloak who had twin .45 calibre automatic pistols levelled on the two bunkies. Rally's mouth was open in shock while Mae was hiding under her blankets. If you can't see something, it isn't there and it won't hurt ya! At least that was what Becky had told her about the boogey man in the closet back home!

"Y-Y-You're dead, dammit! I k-k-killed you myself, Radowitz! I damned well emptied a full clip into your black heart, dammit!" screamed the brunette, plunging her hand under her pillow for the pistol that- was not there! Natasha laughed and fished a small Mark IV blaster cannon out of her pocket.

"Looking for this, perhaps? I took the liberty of taking it before you awakened, girl. I have also purloined Mae's 'toys' for good measure. To answer your question, Vincent- Yes, you did indeed kill me that day on those courthouse steps so long, long ago. What am I doing back from the dead? That I cannot tell you. It is as much a mystery to you as it was to me, children. I have heard that restless spirits cannot rest until they have finished something that they failed to finish before their deaths.

"I certainly qualify for that category, do I not, Rally Vincent? A pity that I was forced to kill Mr Black and that I missed on Phil Collins. I heard that former Senator Haines did get a very long prison term for his part in that mess. However, I also heard that he was elected representative of his prison's cell block. And now- to business." said the tall former KGB Russian killer for hire and she cocked the hammers on both of her automatics.

Suddenly someone behind her began clapping their hands!

"Bravo, Madame Radowitz. Bravo. A very pretty speech indeed. Relax, kiddies. You have forgotten all about our 'energy dampener circuitry nets'. Just because this is a TARDIS and not a starship does not mean that we neglected to take the usual 3WA precautions ya know.

"Those ancient hand cannons will not operate here nor will Natasha's 'blade launcher' pneumatic knives. However, this is a Mark XIII hand held sonic beam ion cannon and it will function quite well, Miss Radowitz so I suggest that you stand down. Mae! Get your keester up and reclaim your 'toys' while Rally disarms Natasha! Now, not tomorrow, girls!" snarled an angry Angela de Roncesvalles who had entered the room quietly to inform the 'Cats' that the 'Maggie' had just docked at the 'FC' Tower spaceport and they would be disembarking after lunch.

"I hate to burst your bubble, Honey but you were not 'brought back to life' to finish your assignment. Your 'body' mysteriously 'vanished' from the gurney it was on in the Chicago Police Morgue back on 20th Century Terra. You simply traveled through another space/time continuum 'rift' and got dumped off here.

"Why? Your strongest thoughts at the point of your own death were apparently concentrated on both Rally and Mae here so you were auto routed to their bedsides. You should be thanking me, Natasha. Had I not shown up when I did, these two would probably have torn you apart when those guns of yours failed to fire. The last fellow they tangled with we just offloaded to 'Huntley Emergency Hospital' where he'll stay for a few weeks before we send him to Seto Kaiba, a penal colony in the Libram Galaxy.

"As long as you two are awake, wrap up your prize here and get yourselves dressed. As soon as Alley has all the red tape taken care of, we will be going to the debriefing sessions. Then I guess you two will be given a few days off. I strongly suggest you use them to rest up at home because I have a gut feeling that we will be sent out again very soon. It is close to lunchtime so you three had better have some food before we go. See you in ten minutes, kiddies." said the last human descendant of the Knights Templar.

Rally was sorely tempted but held her temper and force-deam cuffed Natasha while Mae settled for kicking the tall Russian in the shins with her stockinged feet until Natasha pointed out to them that the pair of them were still in their 'skivvies'. Rally shackled Natasha's left foot to the heavy chiffonier leg and then the two 'Cats' pulled on flightsuits and deck boots, not forgetting their cannons and mae's exploding 'toys'. Rally smiled at the Russian while pulling on her deck boots.

"Up here they let Mae play with real bombs, not just the kind that make smoke like she used back home. Count yourself lucky that Mae didn't use the ones she was holding in her hot little fists all of this time." chuckled Rally and the Russian's face was turning a ghastly grey colour.

Mae finished dressing and waited impatiently while Rally unshackled Natasha Radowitz and then propelled her out the door by administering a boot to the older woman's rear end. Lunch was a cross betwixt 'Animal House' and a 'Three Stooges' comedic short from ancient Terra's early 20th Century. Natasha ate with alacrity as befitted a doomed convict. Angie was almost certain sure that the Russian assassin would be given a choice betwixt being returned to her own time era and last location in which case she would almost surely either die or be executed for murder or receive a long prison term, perhaps even a life term or she would be retrained by the 3WA and used as an intergalactic agent whenever we needed her expertise.

Lunch over, I ordered all hands to report to the huge auditorium hall at Takachiho Academy for the debriefing sessions. Mae held up her hand when I asked if there were any questions. Did she think we were running a schoolroom here? Anyway she wanted to know what they should do with 'Dumbass' Natasha'Ratbag'? I told her to turn the Russian over to Vash and InuYasha and Kouga who would escort her to 3WA HQ. There the big cheeses like Mr Garner would decide her fate. Natasha remained smiling throughout the entire discourse. Perhaps she really did understand only Russian? No, Rally had said that she only pretended not to understand Universal or English. I suppose she was hoping for what Mr Mason had called 'plea bargaining' at her trial. If so, she was in for a rude awakening!

If she was charged with multiple offworld nurders, she would face the same penalties as if she had committed murder up here! No plea bargaining meaning no pleading guilty to a lesser offense for Ms Radowitz I fear. Angela whispered to her that if Mr Galadriel was in a good mood and offered her a deal (work for the 3WA) the foolish woman should accept it. The alternative was too dire to think about she assured her.

Natasha did not believe us so she asked an authority figure instead.

"Well, if you get the death nod, it won't be pretty nor will it be painless, Sweetheart. You could be dropped into Mt Ziggauraut on Pluto, an active volcano; you could be marooned on an ice world like Gysymeo forever; you could be strapped into a pod and locked on course to one of Shimougou's triple suns; you could-" explained John Raven until the staunch stout Russian babe upchucked!

"I will throw myself upon the mercy of your court, Mr Raven! I leave behind nobody and nothing on Earth! I wish to make a fresh start here or wherever I am sent by these good people." said Natasha in perfect Universal. So much for my theories, eh? I had been told not to release anyone from 'Maggie' until I received a comm relay signal from a Mr Gustav. I found ou later that four of the five big cheeses of the 3WA had names beginning witht he letter 'G'- Garner, Galadriel, Gooley and Gustav. Number five guy was Mr Popo or Poporo to give him his proper name.

That signal came at 1402 or two minutes past two in the afternoon. Sir Integra Wyngate Van Helsing shouted the news across the room to me where I was dozing in my command chair.

"Yo! Alley Cat! 'God' says we are all to report for a dbriefing in the Academy's lecture hall on Level Seven at 1430, half past two this afternoon. Full dress uniforms for all hands and there ain't no exceptions, Dr Mikey." she said or rather bellowed.

"Understood. Thanks, Inegra. You all heard that? Full dress magenta and blacks for all hands. We leave at a quarter past, 1415 hours. Don't pack up any gear yet. Word from above is we may be going out again very soon. Dismissed." I announced and my control room 'bridge' emptied out fast.

The 'debriefing' seemed to go on forever! Dinner was served to us in the lecture hall and then a snack. Finally at 2100 hours, nine of the clock PM, the short, jolly-looking roly poly man stood up and pointed towards the security gates in the side of the hall.

"Bring Miss Natasha Valentina Radowitz forward, please." he ordered and the lady in question shook off the arms of Dog Boy and Kouga, shouldered Vash the Stampede and Nick Wolfwood aside and stood before the 3WA's High Council boldly.

"I am Comrade Radowitz, sirs. Do with me what you will. I confess to all crimes that will be brought against me. I ask only for a quick and painless death, sirs." she said and the little man's eyes popped. He blinked several times while conferring with the other four councilors before he spoke.

"Well said, Miss Radowitz. However, we do have an alternative solution to suggest that is not anywhere near as dire as all that you have been led to believe. (He glanced at a grinning John Raven) If you will be willing to forego your evil ways then all charges against you at present will be dropped.

"In return, we ask that you agree to be enrolled in this Academy to be trained as a 3WA 'trouble consultant' and pilot for our spacecrafts. If you agree, you wil be placed under probation for one solar year. Your 'probation officers' will be Warrant Officer First Class Vincent (Rally spit java all over Neko's spiffy starched uniform while Mae giggled) and Warrant Officer Third Class Hopkins (Mae spilled tea all down the front of her own uniform trousers and all over Kome's pink hair).

"You will room with them, take meals together with them, in short my dear, you three will be inseparable for the first year of your four year enrollment. From time to time, certain cadets, you three amongst them, will be assigned to missions or used in other jobs as we may see fit. Are these terms agreeable to you, Cadet Lance Corporal Radowitz?" Mr Galadriel, the 'God' of the 3WA finished his speech and sat down. Natasha fainted and had to be revived.

"We wanted the 'G Boys' to give you a commission but they decided otherwise. By the way, a lance corporal still makes close to 5 thousand credits a quarter and that's nothing to sneeze at, baby." chortled John Raven, holding his pocket flask to the girl's trembling lips. She raised a hand and waved.

"We will take that as a 'yes' then, Cadet Radowitz?" said Mr Garner.

"She says that will be swell, Charlie." yelled back Raven who was clearly smitten by the tough Terran Russian from the late 20th Century.

I sent her new 'jailors' to change their uniforms and report to me aboard the 'Daedalus' which had arrived home while we were being debriefed. I had new orders awaiting me and they included this newly formed trio. Apparently, as per usual, Mr Galadriel had been certain sure that Natasha V Radowitz would agree to his suggestions!

New 'refurbishings' kept the 'Dae' in dry dock for the rest of the night which gave me lots of time to read over my ultra-secret orders before we departed on the morrow.

The 'debriefing sessions' ended dramatically with several oher promotions. However, aboard the 'Daedalus', only two were of any real surprise. With the recall of my 'exec', Mercury to Mt Olympus and the Garden of the Guardians, I was assigned Subaltern de Roncesvalles.

Two 'subas' on the same craft? Hardly. After only a very few months in the 3WA as a subaltern, I was now a major and still in command of both the 'Daedalus' and my own beloved 'Maggie' who had been loaded aboard after someone had changed her to resemble a wood-burning stove in our kitchens!

I had 'Maggie' flown aboard the 'Daedalus' and I moved most of my personal things from 'Maggie' back into my Commander's suite of rooms aboard the 'Dae'. Then I settled in to read my vid-documents' orders. I had already told 'Cat' and 'Kitten' to make damned sure that they did not let 'Val' (Natasha Valentina Radowitz) out of their sight for even a moment.

On the first page of my orders I found a good reason that I had made the right call! Both of my new warrant officers and my brand new Cadet Lance Corporal were to accompany me and my crew aboard the 'Dae' on my new mission. What was that mission? I began to read the vid-doc orders I had loaded onto my PDO which I had hooked up to my big monitor screen 'TV set'. Suddenly I was interrupted by a thumping on my portals!

END OF Chapter 2. Chapter 3 'Ring In the New!' or 'Welcome to AD 2257!' will be posted as soon as I have written them up. Been a mite busy this holiday season what with the saga itself and the new anime on TV lineups to post etc. However, I did promise as new 'Carol' rendition and I did get that posted before the New Year of 2015, ours, not the sagas of AD 2257! Happy New Year to everyone- Me and Alley P.

ALLISON'S STRANGE DREAM' (Standalone story which falls betwixt Chapters 2 and 3 of 'New Galactic Solutions' ff) is posted separately.


	3. Ch 2 continued 'Allison's Strange Dream'

ALLISON'S STRANGE DREAM'

(Standalone story which falls betwixt Chapters 2 and 3 of 'New Galactic Solutions' ff)'

STAVE THE FIRST (Sorry but I have half a dozen Staves here, one more than Mr Dickens used but I have more to blather on about than that learned gentleman did)!

I was resting in my cabin when a loud tattoo of rapping began on my portals! I jumped a mite but called out for the visitor to 'Come In.' The portal swished aside and-

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas, Major Cousin!" chortled 'Santa Claus' who was holding out a big peppermint stick and a bag of 'jelly babies' to me. I yawned a bit and waved #4 Doctor to a seat beside me on the divan. Those 'jelly babies' and that peppermint stick were a dead giveaway just as much as the 'Major Cousin' greeting had been to me.

He sat down and tossed his 'sack of goodies' on the deck floor. Then he peeled off false whiskers, beard, mustache and white hair along with the red/white fur trimmed cap and grinned at me under his curly locks. My 'cousin' never seemed to age at all! Of course, at the age of 765, that was strange. For me though; at 130, I would keep my girlish looks and trim figure until I was at least 275.

I offered him a cup of hot cocoa which he accepted and a tray of cookies which he declined. Instead he fished an apple out of his pocket and took a huge bite out of it before he began to chat with me. He tapped my PDO unit and frowned.

"You haven't read your new orders yet, have you, Poppet?" he accused and I admitted I had only had time to read the first 20 screens in the few seconds I had had since I had boarded. We time folks have minds vastly superior and speedier than ordinary humans or even Beta Zoids!

Perhaps it would be best to mention that I was aboard the 'Daedalus' with 'Maggie', my new TARDIS traveling machine time and space craft in my bedroom masquerading as a tall armoire wardrobe closet.

"Then permit me to paraphrase them for you, Allison. Know this before I begin. Before you became Gallifrey's liaison with the 3WA and the UG, the 'space/time continuum' had been breached several times since it had first been damaged in AD 2140. Many of the displaced persons and things have since been returned to their own time eras and spacial locations.

"However, many others remain and will never ever be returned either because of extenuating circumstances beyond their control or because they have chosen to remain here with their new friends and fellow passengers and crews. The problem is that there is just not enough room in the Aquarian Galaxy for everyone.

"Mr Galadriel who runs both the Federation of Galaxies known as the UG and the Worlds' Welfare Works Association better known as the 3WA has known these dire facts and has wrestled with them long and hard before he laid his plans before his other chiefs and our own High Council on our home world of Gallifrey. (I began to intercede but he shushed me with a wave and I shut up again).

"He has decided that the displaced persons who are to remain behind and whom cannot be filtered into the 3WA itself must be relocated to a new world to continue their lives and make a fresh start. Therefore, they will be 'colonizing' a new world. Your task, Poppet, will be to find that world for them." explained my dear cousin to me and I leaped to my feet, stepping on poor Whitey's tail. He yelped and ran out to the kitchenette.

"You have got to be kidding, Cousin Doctor!" I cried but he did not smile or grin this time. His face had become wooden.

"What I am about to tell you is something that was told to me in confidence by Lord Barusa. You were not to be told this until after you had located a new world for us. I feel, however, that you do need to know this fact, Allison.

"The main reason why the 'Daedalus' is in dry dock is to install aboard her an item known as 'Project Genesis' which has been used once before to 'terraform' a planet or a moon. This 'item' is a small projectile which is to be dropped onto a completely barren world which is devoid of any and all lifeforms because it will bring new life to that world.

"When that has been done, you will map out the co-ordinates on the star vidcharts and return home to the Academy on 'Shimougou', your new home world, my dear. When it is judged that their new 'home' is safe to colonize, you or someone else will be assigned the task of ferrying the new inhabitants out to this new world.

"By that time, Poppet, you will have been schooled in your new liaison duties enough so that you will be ready to be appointed Ambassador to this new UG colony. Whether or not your duties will require you and your cadre to relocate to this new world is unknown at this time, dear cousin.

"It goes without saying that if either your UG and/or 3WA superiors or Lord Barusa finds out that I betrayed their confidences, I will be in big trouble, Poppet. (Like that worried my cousin? The Doctor was always in hot water with the High Council, was he not?) Regardless of what you think, Allison, please keep your big mouth shut about this. Now, get ready to go exploring tomorrow unless you decide you want to leave sooner?" finished my cousin who had picked up Luna and had begun to stroke her white fur.

Whitey walked back into the sitting room and, with a hasty glance around the room, jumped up onto one of the other sofas and stared daggers at me. Every time I went towards him, he cringed until I finally gave up trying. I went to the kitchenette and baked his favourite doggie cookies with lots of peanut butter in them.

When I walked into the sitting room with them, Whitey's ears perked up. Suddenly, my cousin grabbed one and popped it into his mouth before I could say a darned thing! I tossed two to Whitey and he scarfed them down greedily and waited for more. He ended up eating five before he fell asleep and he seemed quite content. I had been forgiven!

"Poppet! These are delicious! You simply must give me the recipe for Sarah Jane! Yummy! Have one yourself, cousin." said my dear cousin. I did not have the heart to tell him that he was munching happily away on dog biscuits! Well, they were sorta like 'cookies' except that they had lots more corn meal in them than flour. I tried one and- he was right! These were darned good indeed!

He fished around in his sack until he found a small wrapped parcel which he tossed onto my lap.

"A belated birthday gift or an early Kurisumasu (Christmas) prezzie, Poppet. (I picked it up and shook it carefully because my cousin was not averse to pulling practical jokes!) Go ahead and open it. I promise it won't explode this time. Honest!" he said.

"Scout's honour!" he added, placing his first two right hand fingers against his right temple and grinning like an imp. I shrugged my shoulders and slid off the ribbon and the wrapping paper which was covered with question marks. In my hands was a small tome or book of less than a hundred pages.

I opened it and on the flyleaf the author had written these lines:-

'For my dear friend the Doctor who inspired me at Christmastide to write this little treatise on fellowship and good will towards men everywhere in all of the Universes.'

Then I saw that it been signed 'C Dickens, Esquire' in a spidery handwriting! A first edition of what book? I turned back to the title page and read:-

'A Christmas Carol'.

A memory began gnawing at my mind. Then I had it! Our own 'fearless leader' had read this book as a vid-novel some years back and had had a very bad series of dreams or had they been nightmares? In any case, 'Duchess' Donovan had been forbidden from telling anyone about those dreams way back when aboard the 'Lovely Angel 2'.

I had never gotten around to reading this book although I had read all of the other Dickensian literature I could find in 'Grandfather's libraries. Once I had even tried writing my own version of 'Dorset House' but that tale really is dry and boring! I had given it up after persevering for a whole month with it.

"Well, I have other stops to make, Poppet. Perhaps we'll have ourselves a merry little Christmas when you return in a few months, eh? (I nodded abstractedly at him because I had started to read my prezzie.) I may even drop in on you for the holidays if I am not too busy, Alley. Have a nice voyage, kiddo." he said and I glanced up to see that he had resumed his 'Father Christmas' disguise and had tossed Luna back onto the sofa. He grinned, laid his finger aside of his nose and 'vanished' into the aether! How he manages that I have never been able to fathom!

STAVE TWO

"Old M- was dead-" I read and then I began to read in earnest until I started to doze off.

"Miss Prydonia! Why have you increased the heating unit's temperature again? Thirty-five Kelvin is quite a comfortable temperature for me, my dear child. Heat costs U-Credits! Get back to your PDO unit and stop worrying about the room temp!" admonished Mr Eugene Starwind O'Scrooge.

I sighed and noted that the wall chromo read 1830 hours (Half past six in the evening) when the klaxon on the door shrieked and a jolly tall and slender figure of a man of 35 human years strolled in with a big holly wreath in his hands.

"Hello there, Alley! Merry Christmas, Lovey! Gimme a big smooch! I've brought my own mistletoe, Sweetie!"

Freddie Solo O'Manley was my employer's 'young scamp' nephew and he was always happy and jolly whenever he came to see his beloved Uncle Scrooge! He kissed me twice (It's OK! I know it's ancient Terran London in AD 1860 but I am a widow with twins, a boy and a girl so this was not improper especially at Christmastide anyway!) before I shoved him away so that I could finish checking the shipping manifests for O'Scrooge & McMartin Space Shipping Industries before I got what for from the Boss Man.

"You have those damned bills of lading checked yet, Miss P? Oh, it's here, eh? What do you want, nephew?" said his uncle and I saw Freddie follow Uncle Gene into his cramped office. I quickly began tapping keys on my PDO unit.

"Come and eat at your flat? For Christmas? Bah! Humbuggery! You know that I do not care for that holiday, nephew! You keep the holiday your way and allow me to keep it in mine, sir!" snapped my mean old employer. Think that shut up Freddie? Think again, folks!

"Huh? You don't keep it, Uncle Gene. I even saved enough to import some Romulan Ale, the blue stuff like you adore, baby! Diana and me are having all the in-laws over. Even Shadow Daddy and Mama Apphrodite will be there tomorrow! I told them all about you, Uncle Gene and (He dropped his voice a mite) my mother-in-law has brought Lady Athena all the way from Paradise Island just to see you. She's single, ya know?" chuckled Freddie.

"Good afternoon, sir! I have work to do! And take that blasted wreath with you! Every fool that goes about-" snapped O'Scrooge. Freddie had heard all of this palaver before so he hung up the wreath on our portal and slipped a bottle of bubbly into the pocket of my cloak that was hanging on the wall.

"Is that young idiot gone at last, Miss Prydonia? (I nodded and tried to sneak a peek at my wristchromo. Thank Kami! Almost 1900! The old fool always closed up at seven no matter what day it was because anyone who stayed open any later in Londonium on 'Seti' had to pay an extra twenty U-Creds a month!) Aha! I see he did leave that twig he was carrying here. Well, let it stay there then. I will need those 'Alderaan Ltd' vid-contracts in triplicate before we close up shop so the sooner you finish-" said my employer and I shoved the requested vid-docs into his hands.

"I guess we can close up at seven after all, my dear. I suppose you will be a-wantin' the whole day off tomorry?" he added.

"Only if it be quite convenient, sir. After all, I do take the extra vid-contracts and bills of lading home with me over the weekends and holidays to do for you and I do not charge you for them in addition to my wages, sir." I pointed out.

"OK. OK. Just be sure you get here before ten hundred on the day after with those vid-docs finished, understand? Well, off you go, child! What are you waitin' for? Christmas?" he chuckled which was a rarity for him!

"You owe me this month's vid-pay, sir. Here's my vid-pay voucher unit, sir." I replied and handed him my vid-unit which was how we used Universal credits in AD 2256 out here in the Aquarian Galaxy. He grunted, added the fifty U-creds to my unit and I grabbed it back before he could see that I was investing on my own in his other companies!

"Merry Chris- I mean good night, sir. Pleasant dreams." I said and swirled my ankle length white and silver cloak around my slender but rather short form. I think that Cousin Angie de Roncesvalles must have a closetful of these cloaks because everyone in the family has one! Heck, she even made 'em for Pitch (my son) and Teeny Tilly (my daughter). They are twins of seven solar summers now.

My flat in 'Tomlinson Mews' was crowded with people. Sometimes I thought that I was running an ancient Terran beatnik's pad!

Dog Boy and Kouga were drummers with some space rock band whom Pitch had brought home one day and they helped pay the rental on the place. Goku, Vegeta and Bulma lived here too along with their own kids. Chi Chi was Goku Son's wife but she was away visiting her Dad on Pluto.

They were spending the holidays with the Mortons and Saiyaans are not welcome there! Bulma would not leave Vegeta on his own so she was helping me around the flat. She flew occasional space time runs for various companies, S&M's amongst them.

Bra and Trunks (V&B's kids) along with Gohan and Goten and Panny (G&CC's kids although Panny was a waif we were watching for Sesshomaru who was Dog Boy's older brother along with Rinny, his other ward) and my own two kiddies were out 'caroling' somewhere down near the shopping district.

That reminded me that I must remember to tell my old 'boss lady' from the Academy on 'Shimmy' that she was still black-balled from both Londonium's 'Higurashi Mall' and 'Grendel Mall' besides the 'Beowulf Tavern'. Firing off ion cannons inside public places is annoying as well as being illegal! You would think that an intergalactic police officer would be more ladylike!

"Here! Lemme help ya with those parcels, Alley Cat!" yelled Kouga, taking a small box out of my overladen arms while Dog Boy cleared the table by the simple expedient of sweeping everything placed on it onto the floor! I was furious but these guys are like family so I held my tongue. I was still a lot better off than my curmudgeon of a boss man or so I thought at the time.

Meanwhile- On Threadneedle Lane by the 'Templar Yards', the gentleman in question had a second business which he was now pursuing on his way home from the office.

"Merry Christmas, sir! Want to buy some nice, hot, roasted Gazzarkanuts? Only three double-cennys a kilo." chortled a tall, skinny wretch smoking an old briar stuffed with shag tobacco. Gene Scrooge waved away the smoke and accepted his payment for the stall which he had financed instead. He was a 'credits dealer' or what you folks would have called a 'loan shark' on ancient Terra!

"Got any of that Halazian Gruel you had last week? Good. Gimme a pint o' it and put a lid on the container. I'll take it home with me, Mr Tupper. OK, next week I'll knock five U-Creds off yer payment. What? Any fool that goes about with a Merr-" It seemed that my poor employer had a one-track mind. When he came up with a zinger of a quote, he shared it with everybody, man!

By giving either extra time or lower payments to his 'customers', he had soon amassed his holiday dinner and a bottle to go with the bubbly champagne he had filched from my cloak's pocket at the office! Now he turned his steps towards home. Home was a decrepit old flats complex standing a mere twenty levels tall!

Suddenly Eugene O'Scrooge recalled that it was a score of years minus three this very night that old Seamus McMartin had bought it and breathed his last. O'Scrooge swore that he had not yet taken a dram of synthenol beverage before he went inside his house but-

"Eugene Starwind O'Scrooge, Esquire! I warned ye ta mend yer ways and now ye're gonna git the what for tonight! Beware!" said the klaxon push on his front portals!

He swore he was cold sober, folks!

Anyway he used his usual 'Bah! Humbuggery!' to frighten away any evil 'yuyu' (spirits) that may have been hanging around before he climbed the nine flights of gantryway stairs to his suite of rooms. The cheapskate had never bothered to have the lifts repaired!

Eugene O'Scrooge claimed climbing those stairs was as good as exercising at a gymnasium and a lot cheaper! One of these days his heart was going to have its own say!

Just as he arrived at his inner sanctum and triple locked and barred the portal and activated the six 'energy barriers', his vidphone trilled. He ignored it as per usual.

"Hiya Uncle Gene! Diana here, your niece-in-law! Just wanted ta tell ya that Auntie Athena cannot wait to meet ya tomorrow! She's available and her Daddy's got lots o' scratch, man! She's a real looker too. Hope ya can make it to Christmas dinner at 1500, I mean, three o'clock in the afternoon. He said what, Honey? Good afternoon at half past six at night? What an idiot! What a moron! What a- Dang! Somebody's cut into our comm relay vid lines, Uncle Gene! Well, see ya soon. We got ya a nice prezzie besides Auntie A I mean! (Giggle). Bye now."

"Why did Freddie marry that dingbat jackass I wonder?" mused O'Scrooge. There was a tremendous crash followed by a series of rattlings, crashes, booms, bangs and 'Holy Mary Mother o' Christ Almighty Dammit all!' came from the lift shaft's direction.

Then the bolted, triple locked and energy barrier protected portal slid aside with a Swoosh!

STAVE THREE

Standing there was an elderly Gaelic gent in old-fashioned 21st Century attire. He had a monocle in his eye and he was consulting a big turnip of an antique gold Hunter pocket watch. Wrapped around his middle was a longish 'chain of Fate'. One end was attached to a ring in his chest and the other end vanished into the aether of the room!

Suspended by the chain were boxes, chests, safes, bank vaults, vid-credits machines, in short, every device capable of holding U-Creds! He returned the watch to his pocket and quipped 'My time here is short.'

"That's my line, dammit! Read yer script, ya dumbass Mick!" roared an unseen voice and Gene O'Scrooge looked up from his sonically powered 'fireside' and observed that he had not realized that he had forgotten to bar the portals to 'keep out the riffraff'.

"Ahem! Because he fell in love with the dear lady, Starry Night." said the 'yuyu' or ghost or spirit or whatever the Dickens it was!

"I hope that ye didn't scuff up the paint out there draggin' all that junk up here! If ye did, I'll be a-callin' me attorney, that I surely will be a-doin', laddie!" snapped the old miser while Seamus McMartin shook his chains and yelled his head off!

"What are ye blatherin' on about now? Fell in love? That fool woman that Freddie married is tryin' to hook me up with her Auntie! Look! Say yer peice and go, Seamus!" thundered Scrooge.

"How'd ye know it was me, Eugene?" asked the spectre who was clearly amazed.

"Duh! Who else always called me 'Starry Night' all the time?" replied his still living partner.

"Rise and walk with me. Bear but a touch o' me hand and ye shall be upheld-" began Seamus who was very absent-minded even after he had passed on to Lord Varran's realm of darkness.

"Will you read yer script, Shay! That is MY line you just butchered! That line comes later and I get to say it, not you!" roared another and much higher pitched voice.

"Aha! I knew you stole that PDO unit from my desk, Seamus! Oh, keep the damned thing! What the devil are you doin' here anyway? That was you outside in the klaxon pull's handle, wasn't it? (Seamus nodded) Well, park it somewheres if ye kin! I ain't got all the blessed night, ye know, old boy?" snapped O'Scrooge.

"O' course I kin sits down!" yelped Seamus, pulling out a chair and promptly sitting on the floor with a thump! Eugene laughed aloud.

"I meant in the chair, not on the floor! Upsa Daisy!" chuckled O'Scrooge, helping his former partner to his feet and then guiding him to a chair. He got him a dollop of Irish whiskey in a tumbler and then sat down at his 'fireside'. Belatedly, he did offer Seamus some gruel which he declined and drained his liquor in one pull.

"I'm here to give ye a chance and a hope o' escapin' me own horrible Fate, SN! A chance I done got fer ya, I might add!" explained the ghostly apparition, waiting for the applause.

"Ye was always a good friend ta me, in fact, me only friend so thankee so much. Another?" replied O'Scrooge and his already tipsy 'guest' put away another tankard o' 'Mother's Ruin' and he began to slur his speech.

"There's gonna be three million, thousand, hundred, thirty, would ya believe- three? Yeah, that's it. Three. Ye'll be a-visited tonight by three spirits, well they start tonight anyhow. Expect the first when the chromo trills one tonight or rather tomorry. The next idjit will shows up tomorry er no the next night after tomorry's at the same time and the last 'un well he'll be along directly atter the other two have had their way with ye! Look to see me no more unless I need some money-" explained Seamus.

"Better leave that line alone, boyo! He's got some high-powered lawyers on his side!" said a sombre voice from nowhere.

"Ye're sartain sure that I canna have 'em all at once and cut out the middle men? No? So be it then! Well, dinna let me be a-keepin' ya, pal o' mine! G'Night." yawned Scrooge. Seamus scratched his sparse locks and pursed his lips in thought. Then he snapped his fingers and they sounded as loud as an ion cannon blast!

"Damn me for an Orangeman! I almost forgot! Ye gotta jump outta the winder with me, SN!" he said and he began dragging poor Mr O'Scrooge towards the windows! Remember please that this room is on the ninth level of the building!

"Are ye baka nuts? I be a mortal and liable to fall! Lemme get me rocket boots and jet pack first!" snapped O'Scrooge, shaking off the inebriated moron's hand. Then he glanced out the window and saw a bunch of other loaded idiots floating through the aether!

"Friends o' yourn, old boy? Come to pick ye up eh? Well, let me toss ye out the window to 'em!" said Eugene.

"We gotta fly around all the time now and we canna help out the wee gossoons (children in Gaelic) and poor folks like we shoulda done in life so we gotta do it atter we shuffles off this here mortal coil! Oh and wait'll ye see the size o' yer own 'chain o' Fate' and all the junk ye got on yer own fetters, pal o' mine! It was this big when I bought it ten years ago-" explained Seamus McMartin.

"Seven. Ye've been gone seven years now, not ten. Ye never could do yer sums right!" corrected O'Scrooge.

"Well, yer own chain's a lot bigger'n mine is and ye got four big vaults on yer own chains and it's a-waitin' fer ye down there where ye'll be a-goin' soon! Ol' Lukey's got a special job fer ye too! Oh and if ye do manage to survive, please say 'How d'ye do' to Miss Allison fer me. I always liked her but I never told her so! Not too late fer ye though, ya know?" chuckled the shade of Seamus and he vanished.

STAVE FOUR

There was another tremendous crash and a volley of curses from below and then it got all quiet once more. O'Scrooge finished the Irish golden elixir and then he went to his bunk. He was dozing when-

"0100 hours and all be well! Merry Christmas to all!" blared out the automatic night watch 'droid's voice from the street below.

"Come along there, young man! Get up now! I have my TARDIS double parked you know?" said the tall elderly gentleman who was poking Mr Scrooge in his posterior with his cane.

"Who the Hell are you and how did you get past my security alarms, dammit?" howled a very upset and not scared in the slightest O'Scrooge. The first Doctor pointed to the windows and beckoned for my poor employer to follow him.

"Wait a mo'! Are you the spirit that idiot partner of mine, McMartin, told me would be coming along tonight or rather today?" demanded O'Scrooge, covering him with his Mark IV disruptor blaster pistol. The 'spirit' turned his back on Mr O'Scrooge and stood by the window, waiting impatiently and checking his huge pocket watch.

"Yes, yes, yes! I am he. Now please hurry along, young man. Follow me." he replied , placing his left foot on the window sill.

"But, but I am a mortal and liable to fall!" objected O'Scrooge. The old man held out his cane to him.

"Do not worry, sir. I cannot fly either. However, my TARDIS traveling machine is just on the other side of this window. Allow me to help you up." said the older man and gingerly O'Scrooge accepted the cane tip and stepped through the draperies and- into a strange looking room predominated by a pile-driving piston assemblage attached to some sort of hexagonal table or counter!

There was a pulsing sound, the lights flickered and-

"Here we are, Mr O'Scrooge. Please follow me outside. Oh, I say! Where are my manners? I am the Spectre of Christmas Past!" said the spirit, extending his gloved hand which O'Scrooge shook while staring out the open 'doors' at a snowy scene from many moons ago!

"I say! Christmas Past? Long past?" breathed Eugene Starwind O'Scrooge and his companion shook his white head.

"Of course not! Your past, sir. Each one of us spirits has been charged with looking after a different individual's life. Lucky me! I got yours. Look around. Don't bother waving or yelling. These are shadows from long ago, my boy! They are not conscious of us. Do you know this place?" asked the guide, pointing at the old castle on the grassy hilloch in the distance.

"Why, it is my old school and there's Seamus flying those renote starship toys when he should have been paying attention to Headmaster Yagami! We met here and then we were apprenticed together at Pollywoggle's Tea Emporium. I wonder if that kid of his ever found a hubby? He tried to palm Becky off on me you know? What? Did I say something out of place?"

STAVE FIVE

"Time grows short and I just had a comm relay vidmessage to hurry up so #2 spirit can take over your teaching. Back to the TARDIS!" snapped the oldster but when O'Scrooge had entered the 'doors' again, the elderly chap had departed and the machine was being piloted by 'Santa Claus'!

"Father Christmas?" cried the hapless miscreant and the other guy put a finger to his lips and grinned.

"I prefer 'Santa' if it's all the same to you, Gene. I am the Spectre of Christmas Here and Now or Present if you prefer. Aha! There's that packet of 'jelly babies' I thought I had lost! Have one? How about a 'humbug'? Yes, there is such a thing! It's a small sweet for children made of noughat and flavoured with anise so it tastes like licorice. See?" explained the new tall guy who sounded like the fourth Doctor and acted just as childishly as he did.

"Who lives here in this den of iniquity and squalour? When does the charwoman put in her appearance?" demanded O'Scrooge. BOP! O'Scrooge massaged the huge lump on his noggin caused by my tenant, Dog Boy, bashing him with a roll of salami!

"You watch that mouth, pal o' mine! Alley Cat lets us stay here fer free when we're between gigs, Pops! Hey ever'body! We got us a 'toff' here what mouths off about our Kitty's 'friends' and relatives! He called our home a 'den of iniquity' and something called 'squalour'! Yo Wolfie! Get the Saiyaans fer me, will ya? This dude needs ta have a lesson in manners!" howled Dog Boy.

I arrived on the scene just in time to force Vegeta to 'power down' his 'spirit bomb' and in time to stop Goku's 'Kamehameha Wave'! Their 'keeper', Bulma Brief, was egging them on instead of trying to keep the peace! I grabbed a bowl from one of the kids who had just come home from caroling. I had to tread carefully so as not to step on my Teeny Tilly who was almost always underfoot somewhere.

"Nuts, sir? Welcome to my humble home." I said and do not ask me what I was doing in my own dream! He stared at me over his pince-nez eyeglasses and frowned.

"Miss Prydonia? Allison? This is your home? I apologize for my uncouth and callow remarks. Your home is quite er quaint indeed. You seem to have a rather large family, my dear." said my employer and I curtseyed to him.

"Yes, sir. I do have a rather large family, however, most of these people are not relatives. They are my friends. Pitch, Honey. Did you finally manage to get our old 'repper' fixed yet?" I asked my son who had his sister on his lap, thank goodness.

"Nah but Uncle Tomoh (Tomoh Jordan was a dear friend and brother to my first commanding officer in the 3WA, Brigadier Edna Jordan) used Uncle Doc's sonic screwdriver and it was a piece o' pie, Mums!" answered my lad.

"Cake." corrected my employer automatically and my son ignored the correction, of course.

"Great! Rep up a nice comfy armchair and ottoman for Mr O'Scrooge and another for Uncle Doctor. (I lowered my voice and whispered into Pitch's ear). Don't let on to the other kids but he's playing 'Father Christmas' again, OK? (Pitch grinned and nodded). Some wine, sir?" I replied.

Poof! Poof! Hey presto! A couple of 'capsules' tossed by Goku Son and two armschairs and ottomans popped into view on my hearth by my fireside.

"Never mind, Pitch. What do you have there, sonny?" asked Santa, snatching a wallet out of the young boy's fingers.

"I say, sir! We had best be on our way. Is this yours, Gene?" said Here & Now Spectre, tossing my boss his own wallet! I thought that Pitch had finished going through that phase?

We had dinner and then Mr O'Scrooge and my dear cousin had to go and visit Auntie Diana and Uncle Freddie across town.

"Think the old skinflint will show up this year, son?" asked Shadow Daddy, Fred's father-in-law.

"LaMont! Shame on you! That is no way to talk about our son-in-law's relatives! Thanks, Mercury. Just a small cocktail, please. I have already had five." giggled Fred's mother-in-law, the gorgeous noddess, Apphrodite.

"Six but who's countin', Honey?" chuckled a thoroughly soused messenger of the gods of Mt Olympus, almost spilling champagne all over Diana's mum.

"So! That's the way they talk about me huh? I'll disown the lot of 'em, dammit! I'm takin' 'em outta me will, that I am!" shouted O'Scrooge until 'Santa' shoved a tankard of some heady brew into his hands and told him to drink it and shut up.

"Very good. I have never tasted its likes before!" replied O'Scrooge, smacking his lips and holding out his flagon for more.

"Of course you haven't. It's the 'milk of human kindness' and by the by, you cannot disown anyone because you are not leaving them a senny anyway! Neither are any of them in your will, Gene. Now be quiet. Time for the 'Dance of the Hours' and Diana's mum's going to sing it for us." answered my cousin, pouring out more 'milk' for all hands.

How comes it that both guide and sinner are visible to everyone? Dunno but when I dream, it's a real doozey!

"Hello Muddah! Hello Fath-" sang Apphrodie in a very off key croak which was her norm when she was smashed!

"Time we were jogging along, Gene. Will you benefit from these lessons or is it time to bring up the heavy hitters?" yawned 'St Nicky' back aboard his TARDIS. Mr O'Scrooge thought a minute and then snapped his fingers as an idea came to him.

"Will Teeny Tilly die, Santy?" he demanded. My cousin looked at him like he had just escaped from 'Antares 8', the lunatic colony near 'Dantoonine'. Then he grinned and laughed. It's hard to keep my fourth cousin unhappy, guys!

"So long as nobody steps on her, she'll be fine. However, my cousin does need 'bread' to take care of the rest of her family and all of those 'adoptees' like 'Dog Boy', 'Wolfie', those two Saiyaan kooks and like that. (He smote his temple) Oh yeah, I almost forgot these dudes!" said Nicholas the Good and he lifted his long white cloak trimmed with silver (Angie must order them by the gross!) to reveal two small goblins or orcs.

"I thought you were single! Allison never mentioned any nieces or nephews to me! (He had not mentioned them to Auntie Theodosia either and they sort of had a 'thing' going betwixt them if you get my drift as Fllaysie would say?) Well, explain yourself, sir? This is not an 'R' or 'X' rated dream!" snapped my employer sounding very noble indeed!

"Huh? They aren't mine! Theodosia would spend several of my regenerations if she ever caught me cheating on her, Gene! No! They are Man's or whatever they call the denizens of this world we happen to be on at this time! The lad's name is 'I don't want to know' and his sister's name is 'I need everything, so gimme'. Beware them both but most of all, beware of him rather than her! Got it?" cautioned my cousin.

"Have they got nobody to look after 'em, fella?" demanded O'Scrooge. My cousin had apparently been waiting for that one!

"Are there no penal colonies? Have all of the 'No Creds R Us' facilities closed up?" snarled my angry cousin as he swirled his cloak the same way that Merlin had taught him to back on the 'Lovely Angel 2' and he was gone!

STAVE SIX

Suddenly a huge shape with numerous sets of angry red eyes materialized beside poor old O'Scrooge.

The Spectre of Christmas Not Yet Here or Future or Yet To Show Up, take your pick, however, the first one was what was written on the big card hung around his neck and on the vid-card ID in the blonde girl's gloved fingers who stood beside him.

"Master cannot talk because he drank some rotten blood the other day. I am his interpreter, sir. Please call me Seras." said the girl, motioning my employer to open the outer 'doors' on the TARDIS. Her 'Master' lunged for O'Scrooge and Seras slapped his fingers.

"No! Bad 'Master'! It is too soon after your last meal and besides we promised not to suck Mr O'Scrooge's blood! Sorry about that but old habits are hard to break, sir. I see there's a parade going on. Well, go ahead, Mr O'Scrooge. This is for your benefit, my dear sir, not ours! We are already dead, well, actually undead is a better word. Don't worry. They- well, I dunno whether or not anyone can see us- guess not because otherwise they'd be screaming their fool heads off if they saw my 'Master'." said Seras and off they trooped.

"When did he die?" quipped a fat tub of a man in green flight togs.

"No idea but I was sure the blighter was gonna outlive us all! Going to the planting anyone?" replied a slight fellow in the uniform of a high placed police official.

"Well, I'll go if lunch is provided, free of charge, of course!" laughed the first guy.

"Drinks gonna be on the house too?" asked a third guy wrapped in a black cloak who was licking his chops. My smaller guide grabbed her 'Master' and propelled him up the street.

"I say, Miss Seras? Whom is the poor chap whose decease is so hilarious to these gentlemen? I say! They fly my ships and make my deliveries! You wouldn't have a spot of 'milk of human kindness', would you, me dear?" asked O'Scrooge.

"Can you not guess, sir? No, we have nothing to drink, sir." said Seras, pulling up Mr O'Scrooge's collar.

Now they stood above a 'stiff' covered by the flag of the UG. What does this banner resemble?

All of the colours of the rainbow. It looks like someone made a patchwork quilt from whatever was handy.

Seras beckoned my employer and pointed.

"Pull off the banner if you have the guts, sir." she snapped and I am sad to say, Mr O'Scrooge dove under the table in fear.

If he ever gets a look at Seras's 'Master' under that cloak, he will really be afraid!

However, he chickened out so Seras sighed and led the way to my place where someone had accidentally trod on my Teeny Tilly. She had a broken collarbone and after several autohypos of 'Axileine 30X', the child was sleeping peacefully while Joe and Bill were arguing with Sherlock and John about whose jurisdiction my flat fell under or in other words, who should be in charge of the investigation?

The arrival of the 'KP Patrol Police' chief, Roy Mustang and the visiting police commissioner, Ms Riza Hawkeye soon shut up the lot of them.

The chief began looking for clues while Ms Hawkeye, who was running for mayor again, was kissing everyone and everything in sight!

She did not wish to miss impressing a single solitary voter. She even smooched Whitey, Luna, Artemis, K-9, Ein and poor Mr Peabody!

"I see long blonde hairs are clinging to Mr Cisco's boot. An accident but there is your culprit, Chief Mustang." said Mr Holmes.

"Amazing, Holmes!" shouted Dr Watson.

"Elementary, my dear fellow." said the great detective modestly.

"Might I point out that the child has greenish blue hair?" contradicted Chief Mustang but Sher and John had already headed for a pub.

"The fact remains, Chief, that Cisco did indeed get those blonde hairs from somewhere." said Joe Friday.

Bill Gannon was writing industriously in his notebook PDO unit. I never did find out what he wrote in that thing nor why.

"Seesco! You have Loco's horsey hairs all over you! You must have brushed against him." scolded Pancho and Cisco laughed.

"So much for that theory." whispered Bill to Scrooge.

Just then Pitch (my son and Tilly's 7 year old twin) came in with his haul of 'liberated' items. My cousin would, of course, return them to their rightful owners as soon as possible.

"Tilly OK now, Mums?" asked Pitch, emptying a whole platter of scones into his rucksack. Three bottles of 'Planet Doe' iced java and 'groggy noggy' followed the other goodies and I grabbed his arm and shook him.

"What do you know about Tilly, young man?" I demanded.

I shook him so hard that all of the purloined silverware pieces fell out from under his jackets and made such a din that my daughter rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed!

She looked around and then pulled up the covers to her tiny chest.

"Can't a lady get some privacy around here? Mums! Has 'Pere Noel' been here yet?" she cried.

This month she was learning ancient Terran French so Santy or St Nicky was 'Pere Noel' which was 'Father Christmas' in French or so I had been told by Auntie Diana.

"Are you well, my child?" asked Ms Hawkeye, giving her a big kiss when she saw the vidcam crews across the room.

Dr Watson and Dr Mike Morton were both examining their 'patient' and pronounced her 'sound as a dollar' (Dr W) and 'not a damned thing wrong with the brat' (Dr M).

"I told ya not to eat all six o' them dragonberry pies, Sis! I knew you'd get sick on 'em! You'd've been a lot worse off if Doc Mike and Doc John had really injected ya with real medicines, Tilly!"

My son seemed to be a fountainhead of knowledge about his sister tonight!

"I emptied out all them autohypos when Doc Johnny and Doc Mikey wasn't lookin', Mums! Don't be mad, OK?" he pleaded.

"Then what did we inject into her, boy?" yelped Dr Mike while Dr John stood by looking worried.

"Some o' that funny water stuff in them bags over there. I found'em in Dr John's bag. Did I do wrong?" he whimpered.

My son was a consummate actor, folks!

"Good heavens! Had we given her any real sedatives when she did not need them, it could have been disastrous, Michael!" said Dr John Watson and Dr Mike Morton agreed with him. All was forgiven and Tilly was fine.

"Sorry but 'Master' needs to replenish his blood supply before dawn, Mr O'Scrooge! OK, let's make this quick. Go read the epitaph on that big Kelvinite statue over there, sir. No chickening out this time! Hurry because it is almost cock crow or whatever bird wakes up the people of this world!" said Seras and my big brave employer crawled like a ferret over to the base of the statue and read these words:-

'Here lieth the meanest son of a bitch ever born here on 'Seti' or anywhere else for that matter!'

'R I P O'SCROOGE, EUGENE STARWIND, ESQUIRE' 'MAY HE STAY DOWN THERE FOR ALL TIME!'

Then the crying and howling and the gnashing of teeth began in earnest!

You probably know the 'jive' like Rally Vincent would call it, right?

Uncle Gene swore he would be a good boy, keep Christmas, help out the poor, be nice to Fred's in-laws and he even promised to 'give that old battle axe', Auntie Athena, 'a chance'!

So- That was when Chi Chi and her Daddy, the Ox King showed up for tea and crumpets by her Daddy's bashing in my portal with an axe handle!

It woke me up and I assume that Mr Dickens ended up by making his Mr Scrooge see the error of his ways because I do recall the last line in the book's final stave-

"And so as Tiny Tim observed 'God bless us everyone!' "

THE END.

Hey guys and ladies? Is this gonna be an annual request now? Like a tradition? Every Christmastide ye're gonna want another 'Carol' version? Fine with yours truly. Well a belated Meri Kurisumasu and Happy 2015 to everyone who reads this!- Me and all of our Friendship Team especially Edie J and Allie P.


	4. Ch3 'RingInThe New'Welcome To AD2257'

'NEW GALACTIC SOLUTIONS'

Chapter 3 'Ring In the New!' or 'Welcome To AD 2257!'

DISCLAIMER: This time my 'son' Pitch will do the honours! Go ahead, kiddo. Great! Thanks a heap Mr Takachiho fer lettin' Mama and the rest of the writin' staff here use yer creations of them 'Lovely Angels'! We sure do appreciate it and we thanks all of them other folks whose creations we are a-usin'! 'Course anyone who wants kin use our creations and that means Mama and me and my twin sister 'Teeny Tilly' and any other OC's, places, things, whatever so long as they gives us the credit fer 'em, OK? Well, we left ya up in the air like Auntie Firebrand- OW! That hurt, Mama! OK, I apologizes, Auntie Kei! Anywhichways, here's how we left ya last time-

"Come on in while I still have a portal there!" I shouted when someone began beating on my cabin's outer portals.

In trooped Chi Chi, Bra, Trunks and her Papa, the Ox King. He quickly tried to hide the long axe handle he had been banging on my portals with before I could see it!

Relax, folks! No harm done! Takes more than a wooden stick to dent a Kelvinite panel!

I pretended not to notice Goku Son's father-in-law's toy and I invited everyone to sit down. Papa sat down at the other end of the same sofa I was seated on and up in the air I went! Did I forget to mention that this guy was close to thirty stone? A 'stone' is the equivalent of 14 pounds so you do the mathematical calculations!

"Dad, maybe you should sit over there with 'Whitey' so that the Commander can be more comfortable?" suggested Chi Chi Son. Her Papa shrugged, apologized to me and took a seat on one of my other divans. Whitey hopped up on his lap and began exploring Papa's pockets!

Bra and Trunks kept eying my bowls of candy and other goodies and I offered them some of their contents a mite belatedly. I was not used to entertaining yet. Bra, the daughter, took a small handful of candies while Trunks, her brother, began loading up his school satchel!

I repped up tea and something that Mr Peabody had called 'crumpets' for Chi Chi and Mr Son. Like Vegeta had done when he had married Bulma Brief, Goku had adopted his wife's family name for his own because Saiyaans had no family names. In fact, Vegeta had been named for his father and he had been named after the Saiyaans' old home world!

Sadly, the planet 'Vegeta' had been vapourized into dust by a nasty fellow named Freeza many years ago! The remaining inhabitants who had been offworld at the time of the planet's destruction had since settled on Terra, Namek, Gallifrey and Shimougou as well as other diverse worlds and moons.

"I'm hungry, Ma! Can we send out for pizza?" asked Trunks, his mouth full of chokky bars.

"Yeah! Ain't it lunchtime or dinnertime yet, Mommy?" agreed Bra.

Chi Chi was not their mother, of course. She had two boys of her own. Goten and Gohan were off exploring the 'Daedalus' with their Uncle Sess's new adopted ward, Panny. Bra and Trunks were Vegeta and Bulma's children.

I had lost all sense of time but the wall chromo said it was close to one and the kids were getting restless anyway so I repped up pizzas for all hands. Silly me!

I had forgotten how hungry even half-Saiyaans could get! Not to mention Papa Son and his daughter who seemed to eat almost as much as her hubby did! In retrospect, I really should have sent out for pizzas! After all, Miss Donovan's favourite pizza palace was on one of Shim's many moons and seemed never to close!

"Sorry, Major but 'Mario's place doesn't deliver out this far after midnight and it's well past 0100 hours, mum." advised my BetaZoid navvie, Zoe Morton who had just arrived with the nightly reports for me to sign. Will I ever get used to her mind reading abilities I wondered to myself?

"I doubt it very much, Commander. Welcome back, Chi Chi, Mr Son. Hi there, Bra, Trunks. Ya been good kids this year? I just saw Santa upstairs. He was holding court with his 'elves' so why don't we go up and you can tell him what you want him to bring for you? If it's OK with Mom and Pop here?" chortled Zoe.

"Thanks a bunch, Hon. I'm whacked out from that time ship voyage. Could you drop them off at our digs after they have seen Santy? I'm gonna chat with Alley a bit before I hit the hay. Thanks again, dear." replied a grateful Chi Chi.

"Coming, Mr Son?" asked Zoe who had finally managed to separate Trunks from his third bowl of candy. Bra curtseyed to her gramps-in-law or whatever the big guy was to her and her brother. Zoe took Luna from the girl and tossed the white neko (cat) onto my lap.

"I've got a touch of 'space lag' myself, Lt Morton. Think I'll turn in early too. That is, after some more of this marvelous grog and a few more pizzas. You kids be good for your Auntie Zoe or I'll tan your hides, you hear me?" said the Ox King. Both kids nodded. Taking each child by the hand, my navigator headed for the lift stations.

"If we have come at a bad time, Hon-" said Chi Chi and I suddenly realized that I was still staring at my orders on my big vid-screen! I quickly blanked it and began to pet Luna.

"Not at all, Chi Chi! Just a little work. Checking out my new mission's details was all. I imagine that Pluto is lovely this time of the year?" I asked before I realized that Pluto in winter is an arctic deep freeze!

Papa frowned and Chi Chi giggled so much that she coughed on her tea. I thumped the poor woman on the back before her father did so. She signed to me that she was fine and I handed her a tissue.

"Eighty below freezing point Kelvin! Solar winds whippin' around at more than three hundred kilos an hour! Delightful! Sorry. I guess you are unfamiliar with that part of the Terran Galaxy, Allison? (I nodded and he chuckled) Pluto is very frigid around the holidays which is why we decided we'd rather celebrate back here on Shimmy." he replied.

"New mission? Good heavens! They are surely not sending you out again this soon? This close to Kurisumasu (Christmas)? You poor thing! Perhaps if Papa or Goku spoke to the 'Boss Lady', she'd reconsider?" suggested Chi Chi and I had a horrible vision of the Marshall on the warpath again!

"This is an order from 'God' himself. I mean, Mr Galadriel. We call him the 'God of the 3WA', my dear. Anyway, this mission is very, very important. Otherwise I would certainly welcome any help your Dad or your hubby might do for me. Thanks all the same, Chi Chi." I responded. Mr Son frowned again and began firing up his old briar pipe that Sir Hiram MacDougal had given him for his birthday.

"What is this here mission, Alley? If ya don't mind my askin', o' course?" asked Papa Son but I shook my head.

"Sorry. That's a secret right now. Need to know basis. I am not permitted to discuss it at all. I say! Is that one of the latest fashions, Chi Chi? Looks like a 'Moravian City' original. I thought I would be here at least long enough to do some shopping but such is not to be." I replied sadly.

"When do ya leave, Lovey?" asked Mrs Son.

"Tomorrow around ten. I am afraid that your husband and your brother-in-law and sister-in-law will be coming along with me. By the by, who piloted the 'Lady Foucault' on your return trip?" I asked.

"I did, Alley. Need an extra hand?" answered the big guy and I pursed my lips in thought. I glanced at his daughter.

"Don't look at me, Honey. I am staying at the Academy with the kids. Dad's perfectly capable of flying the 'Lady' all by himself. You can take him with my blessings. He's good to have around in a fight too." yawned Chi Chi. She took her leave and left me alone with Papa Son.

"You really want to come along with us, sir? I could sure use the 'Lady F' for this mission. She is a 'time ship' and would be useful along with my 'Maggie'. Better get some rest if you're going, sir. I want to be gone before 1100 hours tomorrow. Have you docked belowdecks? (He nodded and blew a smoke ring) Very good. (I stood up) Until tomorrow then. There's an extra bunk in the suite next door. Just knock on the portals and tell Lord Ivy I said you can bunk in with his gang. G'Night." I said and he shook my hand and smiled at me.

After he had left, I too returned to my bunk. I slept until 0600 when my portal's klaxon sounded.

"Whozit?" I asked with a yawn.

"It's me, Major." roared my chief engineer.

"It is open, Dy. Come in." I said and the huge triceratops dinosaur alien ducked his head and came inside.

"We finally finished installing the 'Genesis Seed' release catapult on the 'Dae', mum. Zoe said you want to lift off before 1100 hours tomorrow? (I nodded) How's 1015 hours sound? That'll give us 15 minutes to warm up the warp core." he explained.

"Fine. I will have my briefing after we have cleared Shimmy's 'outer markers'. It looks like a long jaunt this time, Dynamo." I said and he nodded sagely.

"Perhaps I'll see ya at breakfast, Alley. G'Day." he replied and saluted. I waved bye bye and the portal slid shut. I quickly showered and dressed. Before I went to breakfast, I visited the bridge and had Zoe set a course for 'Zarana', a small world just beyond Shim's 'outer markers'.

My orders had been explicit. Nobody was to be told of our mission until we had cleared Shimougouan space!

Then I told Gene and Han we would be leaving at 1015 so they had best do a full diagnostics check as soon as possible. My last stop was Engineering where I observed Junpei firing up the warp core while 'Stun Gun' Millie Anderson was busily turning on our impulse engines. 'Derringer' Merrill Stryfe was checking the fuel mixture ratios for our afterburners.

Dynamo was barking orders like a Terran US Marines drill sergeant. As usual, everything was humming along just great. Dy left Merrill in charge and accompanied me to breakfast.

"All hands are aboard as per instructions, ma'am." said my exec 'Angel', Jonathan Smith. I thanked him and looked up when his partner, Mark Gordon stomped into the room madder than a wet hen! Our 'Grannies' had unceremoniously banned him from their kitchens!

"I tried to show the old biddies the right way to make flapjacks and I got booted out! Can't ya put 'em under house arrest or somethin', Major?" sulked Mark.

"Sorry, Mr Gordon. Even I am banned from the Grannies' kitchens. The only other person they will tolerate in there is Lance Edwards and he has been assigned to Gene's 'Outlaw Star' which Jimbo Hawking is commanding for the time being. Those look tasty. Why not try one of those blueberry ones, Mr Gordon." I suggested.

"Only if you'll call me Mark, Alley." chuckled the bearded gentleman while Jonathan Smith laughed. My newest exec seemed to never ever get upset or be without a smile or a grin on his Angelic face! Well, he was a real 'Angel', whatever those things were! I must remember to ask Mr Gordon, I mean Mark.

You see, our own fearless leader and her partner were called 'Angels' as well but the 'Boss Lady' seemed to have been banned from most of the shopping malls, department stores, casinos, gambling halls, bars, taverns and restaurants on several galaxies and she scowled a lot as well yet she was called an 'Angel'?

My comm badge trilled and I spoke into it softly.

"Yes? Prydonia here. Speak, please." I whispered.

"Didn't mean to interrupt your feedbag time, Princess. Dynamo just called and we are good to go right now unless you want to wait, Love? Over." drawled Han Solo, my co-pilot.

"No, I suppose we had best lift off for 'Zarana' now since all hands are aboard. Give me five minutes to clear out our visitors, Han. Stand by, please. I will trill you as soon as our guests have left the craft. Prydonia out." I said and I turned to my exec and his buddy.

"Jonny, would you and Mark please do me a favour and make an announcement that all visitors have five minutes to clear the 'Daedalus'? Please advise me when all of our visitors have left the ship. We will be lifting off as soon as they have cleared out. Thanks." I said. Jonny smiled and poked Mark in the forearm.

"Of course. No problem at all, ma'am. Let's go, Mark. You can finish stuffing yourself later." chuckled Jonny and he dragged a protesting Mark Gordon towards a nearby vidmike.

"Attention all hands! We must lift off immediately. Will all visitors not accompanying us on this mission please depart the 'Daedalus' now? You have five minutes. That is all. Smith out." he announced and Mark grabbed the vidmike.

"That means get off this tub quickly, folks unless you want to take a long space voyage to-" announced Mark before Jonathan's hand was slapped across his big mouth!

"A long space voyage to the place where we have been ordered to go, folks. Hope we get back in time for the holidays but don't bank on that happening, my friends. Merry Christmas to everyone and Happy 2257 in case we miss the holidays. Please make haste so we can get a wiggle on, folks. Goodbye. Smith out." announced my ever prepared executive officer, returning the vidmike to its bulkhead wall cradle.

Mark grinned and began stuffing Danishes into his pockets while Fllaysie and Trish were trying to clear the table. I giggled and Jonathan Smith laughed. Mark shoved a blueberry muffin into Jonny's mouth and another into my own. That's us, just one big happy family!

"Exec to transport officer. Please come in, Neko. Over." said Jonny into his comm badge.

"Olson here. Over." trilled Neko Olson who was doing extra duty this trip as our transport officer meaning she was in charge of getting our visitors off the craft.

"How's it going, kiddo? Please let me know when we're clear to lift off. OK? Over." trilled Jonny.

"Roger that, sir. I'll call ya back when the last straggler is gone. Olson out, sir." trilled the nekomata/neko/cat/trill/human whatever the Dickens this girl really was and my exec grinned. I glanced at my wristchromo. 0730 hours, still early. By this time, I had reached the bridge and confirmed with Zoe Morton that our course had been laid in for 'Zarana'. My comm badge began softly vibrating on my chest.

"Prydonia here. Over." I said automatically while peering into the vidscreen at the still dark spaceport docking bays.

"Olson, Commander. All clear. We're good to go. I have turned on the 'strap down' signs and we are ready down here, mum. Olson out, mum." trilled Neko and I sat down in my command chair and strapped myself in firmly.

"Everyone's almost set to go, ma'am. Over. Oh yeah, this is Mark Gordon." trilled the big guy. Why was I worried?

"Almost? Over." I replied.

"Jonathan's trying to pull our 'flying nun' down from the ceiling. Got her, Jonny? OK. He's got the little pest now. She's strapped in and now I'm ready too. Jonny's coming up, Honey. Gordon out." trilled Mark and my exec ran in, dropped into a vacant gunner's chair and strapped himself in. Then he gave the 'thumbs up' A-OK signal. I pointed at my pilot.

"Lift off, Colonel. Engage. Make it so. Energize. Let's go." I ordered. Do you notice that I am sort of new at this stuff, guys?

"Here we go! Hold onto yer shorts, folks!" chortled Gene Starwind and we suddenly accellerated to 5 Warp while the ship lifted smoothly up and out of the spaceport. The sudden change from Stygian blackness to the brilliant sunlight of 'Shimougou's triple suns blinded me and it hurt my eyes! I think I cried or yelled!

"Activate sunglare shields, Niki. Sorry about that, ma'am. My fault." drawled Han Solo and the light was gone as quickly as it had appeared, almost as if someone had turned on a rheostat control.

"Ooh! Look, Caggie! Mr Higurashi has had the atrium and the roof fixed at long last! Darn! I was lookin' forwards to doing a little shopping at his mall! Think we'll be back home before Christmas, mum?" asked Fllay Allster wistfully. What she meant about the roof and the atrium repairs was beyond me. I bit my tongue before I blurted out what our mission really was all about! Instead I smiled at the child.

"We will have to see about that, Ensign Allster." I said which did not seem to imbue her with confidence at all.

"That means no, Fllaysie." said Cagalli Yula Athna smugly. I thought that the blonde was going to cry! She didn't. Instead she asked me if she could be excused to got to the lavatory?

"Of course. Pardon me. Please turn off the 'strap in' signs, Warrant Officer Olson." I ordered and the illuminated panels above our heads slowly dimmed to greyness. Fllay Allster made a beeline for the hallway.

"Five minutes, ladies!" shouted Jonathan Smith when several of our other female officers unstrapped themselves and ran for the portals. Dr Watson and Mr Holmes strolled in with Joe Friday and Billy Gannon. They asked if the 'smoking lamps' were lit by which I assumed they meant 'May we smoke?' and I nodded to them.

"About damned time, mum! I've been dying for a smoke!" growled my comm relay officer, Captain Van Helsing. Her pet 'dog', Lt Commander Alucard ignited her foul smelling stogie cigar with his fingertips! Then he fired up his own cigarette. His ward, Captain Seras Victoria coughed discreetly and waved the smoke away when she had returned from her 'coffin nap' and why she and her 'Master' could not sleep in soft comfortable bunks and instead opted for hard dirty caskets was beyond my scope of understanding!

"Well? When are you going to tell us where we are bound for, my child?" demanded my 'strategy officer' whom I had been ordered to bring along with me whether I liked it or not! The small white doggie was wearing a well worn tweed suit and what Margo Lane had called 'spats'. In one of his forepaws he twirled a cane while the other one fiddled with his monocle!

"I am waiting for an answer, madam and so are the rest of these good people." added Mr Peabody a trifle crossly.

"Lt Commander Morton? How soon until we reach our destination's 'outer markers'?" I called to my navigator.

"ETA is 1430 hours (2:30 PM), Commander." replied Zoe and I pointed towards a vid star chart on the far bulkhead wall.

"Our first port of call is 'Zarana'. I am not permitted to reveal our mission until we reach that world's 'outer markers'. As our 'navvie' has just told us, that will not occur until well past luncheon. Until then, you may amuse yourseleves in whatever way that strikes your fancy. In any case, sir, I will not answer your question before that time. Oh yes, in future, sir, you will refer to me as 'Commander', 'Major Prydonia', 'Allison' or 'Allie'. You will not, however, refer to me as your child. Is that quite clear, Colonel Peabody?" I snapped back at the adorable little doggie, shocking the devil out of the poor fellow.

"So noted. I stand corrected, Commander. If you will excuse me, I believe I will take a nap. Gentlemen. Ladies. Mum." he replied and then he left the bridge in a huff. I could hear his cane tapping the decks all the way down the hallway to the lift stations.

I must have dozed off in my chair because I awakened from a lovely dream in which Johnny Raven had just rescued me from a dragon of some sort when Angie jostled my arm. I blinked a few times and accepted the mug of warm cocoa with a spring of mint in it from her.

"Sorry to wake you up, Sweetie but it's time for lunch. You did not have a very good breakfast today, Allison so I have taken the liberty to have the Grannies cook us up a hot and nourishing luncheon. Trish will bring it up here as soon as it's ready and I expect you to eat all of it, Allie. Ah, here she is now. Bon appetit." said the last Templar girl in the Universes.

After lunch, I composed my report for Mr Garner. That is, I dictated and Sub-Ensign Sarah Jane Smith tapped it out on a PDO unit. I stopped and rubbed my eyes and frowned. Sarah looked up at me expectantly, her fingers poised over the keyboard.

"What was that last item, Miss Smith?" I asked and the Terran 'journalist' read back the last few lines.

"...I have not yet broken comm relay silence nor have I even hinted at our delicate mission as of 1400 hours (2 PM), sir. We are now little more than thirty solar minutes from a planetfall touch down on 'Zarana' at which time I will brief all hands on our mission." was what Miss Smith had read back to me.

"Good job, Sarah Jane. That will be all for now. I wonder where #4 has gotten to?" I mused aloud. She laughed.

"Knowing the Doctor, mum, he is probably in Engineering making suggestions for better performance of this ship to Mr Dynamo. It's twenty-five past two, mum. Miss Morton? Zoe! Is that 'Zarana' below us?" shouted Sarah Jane and several heads jerked around towards the 'windows'.

"Did you say 'Zarana', Sarah? No wonder things have been so damned 'hush hush' around here!" grumbled our pilot and Gene Starwind ignited his new pipe. At least he seemed to prefer sweet smelling tobacco rather than that awful shag that Mr Holmes preferred!

"Why? Why should 'Zarana' be such a big secret, Colonel?" Sarah wanted to know.

"I'll tell you why, Sarah. This place is a safe haven for anyone hiding from bounty hunters or the law in these parts." replied Doctor #4, pointing towards our destination. I had merely chosen this place out of the blue as it were.

"Aye and our 3WA 'tro-cons' have nae authority here neither. Might I be so bold, mum, as to suggest that we find another world or moon to use for our base?" suggested Captain Jonathan Harlock, my chief of security and Warrant Officer Neko Olson hurriedly agreed.

"Like 'Dariabar XII' maybe? It's only a few hundred 'lightys' farther on, mum and it'd be a lot safer too." she added.

"The kiddies are right, Allie. I ain't making planetfall here unless you give me a direct order, ma'am!" growled my pilot and my co-pilot, Han Solo, looked grimly at me. He too was nodding his head. I threw up my hands in surrender.

"Zoe? Change course for 'Dariabar XII' and feed the new co-ordinates to Gene and Han. Make it so. Number One? (Jonathan Smith suddenly realized that I meant him!) I want to see all control room cadre and my 'navvie' in my 'ready room' as soon as 'George' has been set. Someone please find Mr Peabody and have him report there as well. Thanks." I said.

"I'll go and find pain-in-the-paws for ya, ma'am. Back in five." said Mark Gordon and he jogged down the hallway.

A few moments later my 'ready room' portals swished aside and Gene, Han, Jonny, Mark, Mr Peabody, Zoe, Nami, Jon Harlock, Neko and Dynamo trooped in followed by #4 and Sarah Jane. Trish swooped in behind them but I pointed at the open portals behind her.

"I said 'control room' cadre, navigation, Engineering chief and strategy officers only, Subby. You will be briefed with the rest of the crew later this evening. Thank you." I commanded and our 'flying nun' pouted and left us. The portals swished shut behind her and I sealed the room. Since this area was sound-proof and had already been 'swept' for 'bugs' by Neko and Kome prior to my entering it, I was pretty certain sure that this would be a private meeting session.

"Thanks for coming. Please find seats and quiet down. No, Mr Popo. You need not shout the house down this time. Will you please stop tapping that cane, Mr Peabody? Jonathan? I have a strange feeling that you know more about my orders than even I do. Am I correct in this assumption, Number One?" I asked and my exec nodded.

"Then perhaps it might be best and save us all a lot of time if you began this briefing session. Thank you." I said and the 'Angel' stood and pointed to a floating vid star chart above the big oval conference table.

"Our mission is twofold. First, we are to locate and map a new barren world for colonization. Second, we are to use a 'Project Genesis' seed to 'terraform' it and make it capable of sustaining life. When these things have been accomplished, we will be free to return back home. That is how it was explained to me last evening by my 'boss', Commander. Do you have anything to add, ma'am?" Jonny finished speaking and sat down again.

"Only that I am leaving this search in the capable hands of our navigators and our strategy officer here." I said. Nami Richards beamed at me and Mr Peabody removed his monocle and began to polish it with a huge handkerchief. He returned it to his eye and lit up a Panatella cigar that he had bought in a small shoppe the last time we had visted 'Moravian City' on Mars.

"What exactly does a strategy officer have to do with looking for lost planets, my dear child?" he asked quietly.

"Watch your mouth, Doggie Boyo! Ye ha'e been warned aboot yer insolence afore! Ye'll treat the lassie wih the proper respect due her rankings or ye will answer to meself, that ye will, sir!" thundered Jon Harlock angrily. #4 Doctor pressed him gently but firmly back into his seat and grinned like a big Cheshire cat.

"Sounds like great fun, dear cousin. Can I play too?" he asked with a chuckle and I nodded my head wearily.

"How far out are we allowed to go on our search, Commander? Beyond 'Alpha Centauri'? Past 'Warrior's Gate'? Beyond the already explored sectors of this Universe? Into other Universes or are we just supposed to report the first lifeless world or moon we stumble across to the 'Big Cheeses' back on 'Alderaan'?" asked my enigmatic cousin. Would I ever understand him?

"I doubt it, Major P. I seriously doubt it." answered Zoe Morton even though I had not spoken aloud!

"You are to find a lifeless world as quickly as you can and convert it for colonization, my children. Why must ye always make such a production case out of a simple set of orders? Yer pardon fer the interruption, Milady." said Rathelon.

The floating head of the original founder of the Gallifreyan time lords had materialized beside Angela de Roncesvalles's own head while the poor Templar girl had been pouring java for Mr Peabody!

"Careful! Be careful, you useless slut! You almost spilled coffee on my jacket!" shouted the cute white doggie who was also a male Chauvinist pig! Why had Mr Garner and Mr Galadriel both insisted that I had to bring him along?

"For the remaining part of your mission, my dear. You are to arrest Emporer Ming the Merciless and bring him before the High Council of Gallifrey where he will be judged and punished for his crimes against time itself." replied the head.

"Yes and I don't imagine that he'll go without a fight, Cousin Allison. Mr P? Ming is our part of this mission. Pack your kit and meet Sarah, Leila, Jamie, Jo, Liz and myself at my old blue police box belowdecks in ten minutes. Dog Boy, Wolfie, Neko, Kome, Shippou, Kagome and a few of the soul reapers are coming along as well as Lord Alucard and Captain Victoria. Did I miss anyone, Milord?" asked my cousin and the head looked around the assemblage with baleful eyes.

"Take the 'Little Fellow' along with you, Doctor. He may prove himself useful, who knows? Well, I must be floating along so good luck and perhaps you will make it back home before Christmas after all. As to your main mission, my dear? (I glanced at the floating head) Seek your quarry in the interstices betwixt the stars. Pleasant voyages to everyone. Farewell."

He left as quickly and as mysteriously as he had arrived! Lord Rathie always seems to do that. I suddenly realized that everyone was awaiting my orders! So difficult to be in command you see? I stood up again and pointed at my dear cousin.

"Off you go then and keep in touch. That is a direct order, Doctor. Zoe and Nami? We will continue on this same course to 'Dariabar XII' where we will make planetfall and then plot our next moves. An announcement will be made to the rest of our crew that there will be a general briefing this evening after dinner at 1800 hours, 6 PM, in the 'rec room' and all hands will be in attendance. There will be no exceptions so someone please inform Dr Mike of these orders. Jonny? Can I count on you to make that announcement? (My exec nodded) Then if there are no other questions-" I said and Mark Gordon raised his meathook of a hand.

"If it's OK with you, ma'am, I'd like to go on the blue box with the Doc and the dog? I want to see some action! Not that I ain't been having a swell time with you and the rest of the crew, it's just that-" stammered Mark.

"No need to explain, Mark. You had better hurry and pack your kit before my cousin leaves you behind." I laughed.

"If you want to come, get a wiggle on, Mr Gordon. You are more than welcome. See you back home, Cousin Al." chuckled #4.

Mark took off at a dead run for his quarters. Zoe gave Gene his orders and I felt the huge ship accellerate while Dynamo observed that 'we must be doing at least 30 Warp'. A few minutes later I heard the pulsing whine when my cousin's TARDIS left for 'Mongo' and Ming. I said a small prayer for him and his crew to be guided safely by the good Shenron, the patron saint guardian of all travellers.

"We won't reach 'Dariabar XII' until well past nightfall tomorrow evening, you know?" observed #6 Doctor whom, for once, was not wearing his 'Mad Hatter' getup. Instead he wore a simple flightsuit and I saw by his rankings marks that he had promoted himself to Colonel!

I was beginning to realize that, in the 3WA at least, rankings really did not mean as much to 'tro-cons' as they did in other services.

"Very true, Al. Very true, indeed." chortled my Beta Zoid 'navvie' from her room next door to the bridge. On we flew. At 1600 hours (4 PM) Dynamo announced that we had just engaged 'warp drive supreme velocity' (a new gadget the crew had bought on 'Dantoonine' last month and had been dying to test out) and we were now cruising along at 39.008 Warp! Mr D advised me that he would not risk going any faster than 41 Warp maximum thrust. I agreed because I had not the slightest inkling as to what the Dickens he was yakking about!

At six, I briefed the crew on our missions (I had not been told by any of my superiors to withhold any details so everyone knew why the big blue box was no longer aboard the 'Daedalus') and then dismissed everyone to amuse themselves however they saw fit so to do. With the ship on 'George' again, we really had no need of a flight crew! However, Zoe and Nami insisted on staying at their navigational vidscreens and scanning vidscreens posts respectively. To each his own.

I had no intention of staying up all night at any rate! I gave up trying to complete my report about ten. I had never before realized how helpful it was to have a 'secretary' until now when I no longer had one! Sarah Jane had, of course, gone with my cousin to arrest Lord Ming on 'Mongo' or wherever he was hiding out. I said another prayer to Shenron and then I shared my Nachos & Cheese with Whitey while I tried to watch an old 'Scroogie' film from ancient Terran on the vidscreen.

I brewed, not repped up, 'brewed' myself a nice steamy mug of Swiss cocoa with gooey marshmallows and pulverized, crystallized mint leaves topped with clotted cream and tons of sugar, real sugar, not repped stuff! I felt guilty when I saw Whitey staring at my mug and pushing his empty water bowl along the carpeting towards my feet!

I know that Mr Peabody had told me that chokky was not good for doggies but the 'carob' alternative did not taste too good and besides, this was not really chokky, it was plain old cocoa so where's the harm? The upshot is that I fed Whitey some cocoa with milk and sugar in it. He lapped it all up greedily and then spent the rest of the night belching, burping and crying! Man, am I really that baka stupid? I was glad that this was thought out of Zoe's earshot!

"You say something, Zoey?" yawned Oranamia Richards who was bored to death with staring at a blank blip-less vidscreen in front of her in the scanning portion of the nav room.

"Huh? I just said yeah to Alley Cat. She was thinking how much of a dumbass she had been tonight. Imagine! Feeding hot cocoa to a doggie! How stupid can somebody be?" chortled Zoe Morton who was also bored with watching for worlds or moons or even asteroids that were not there.

"How far ya think we'll have to go to find some world to use, Zoey?" asked Nami, repping up her sixth milkshake.

"I sure as Hell hope that we can find one in the 'PisceanCancerian Galaxy'. That's where 'Dariabar's situated. Hey, that sounds like a comm relay signal coming in. From Mr Gooley. Wants birthday gift suggestions for our 'fearless leader'. Ya know, the daffy redheaded lunatic?" chuckled Zoe.

"Ya gonna wake up the Alley Cat to tell her?" asked Nami.

"Nope. Not me. She's been as jumpy as a 'jacaronda' ever since she had that 'Carolly' nightmare last month! Besides, what can we get for the 'Boss's birthday that she won't just throw at her ass or pawn at the closest hock shop?" giggled Zoe.

"How about a companion for lil 'Kashi'?" asked Nami with a laugh. Even Zoe had a good chuckle at that one! Lil 'Kashi' was Keirran O'Halloran's pet python and he was more than 6 metres long! A metre is equal to 36.39 inches or a shade over a Terran solar yard so you do the mathematical calculations!

However, they were right. The 'Boss's natal day of 27 NovDec was fast approaching and even if she would not use whatever we got her for it, we would catch unholy jigoku (Hell) from her if we skipped her birthday and did not give her a prezzie or a party!

Barring an unforeseen miracle, we definitely were not going to make it back home for her birthday this year! Hopefully, we would make it home for Kurisumasu Ibu (Christmas Eve) but 'Never tally up one's livestock before it has been corralled' is what Grandfather always told me!

I slept fitfully through this entire mess quite blissfully. Anyway, we could always buy the Boss a prezzie at one of the 'shopping worlds' on the way back home after we had completed our mission. That is what I thought anyhow! However, as Lord Kolodius always said 'Fate is a fickle mistress' and this time he was to be proven to have been quite correct!

While we rocket on towards our own quest for the elusive 'ready to use' world or moon or whatever, why do we not check in on good old #4 Cousin Doctor and his zany crew? If you recall, his own mission was to locate and apprehend 'Ming the Merciless' whose HQ were on a distant world in the 'LibranVirgo Galaxy' known as 'Mongo'.

"Hey Doc! I'm bored. When do we get to this 'Mango' place? Can't this tub go any faster? I wish Jonathan was here. When do we eat? Where's your rec room? I need a drink. Where's the bar? Yo Scotty! Got any more 'jelly babies' left in your purse?" grumbled Mark Gordon and everyone wished that he'd stayed behind on the 'Daedalus' with me!

"That be nae 'purse', Tubby! That be me 'sporrin', me pouch on me kilt! Here, finish the lot!" replied an angry Jamie MacCrimmon.

"That's 'cause kilts don't come with pockets, Mark!" giggled Sarah Jane and the Scot's face got quite red indeed.

"It's 'Mongo', Mr Gordon, not 'Mango'. We are doing close to a hundred 'lightys' now." said Liz Shaw abstractedly without looking up from the console gauges she was checking.

"This is a TARDIS, sir, not a starship. I have no 'rec rooms', 'bars', 'holodecks' and all those other luxuries to which you seem to have become accustomed, Mr Gordon." said Doctor #4 as patiently as he could although his temper was beginning to flare.

"I too wish Mr Smith was here, Mr Gordon. However, he had the good sense to choose to remain aboard that very dependable spacecraft instead of trusting his Fate to this particular piece of 'Type 40' junk!" snapped Doctor #2.

"Let's go find the galley or the kitchen or whatever the Doctor calls it, Mr Gordon. Sarah? Want to help?" called Jo Grant, shoving Mark in front of her towards the back 'portals'.

"I'm a journalist, not a bloody short order cook, Josephine!" yelped Sarah Jane Smith who was trying to read the latest issue of 'Cosmo Worlds', a popular vidmag in this time era.

"Sarah! That's no way to speak to a friend. Go and apologize to Jo. Right now, young lady!" squeaked #2, stomping his foot.

"Sarah, please do what the 'Little Fellow' asked you to do." said a weary #4 who was thumbing his way through the 'Galactic Compendium' looking for a 'short cut' to 'Mongo'. I thought I had reminded him about the 'Gemini Anomaly' but perhaps I had forgotten to tell him about it.

"Aha! Just as I thought. We can use the 'Gemini' wormhole and be at 'Mongo' in another hour! Zoe! Change course for-" shouted Doctor #4.

"Zoe's with your cousin, Doctor. Never mind, I just set the proper co-ordinates for us. We are locked on 'automatic drive' and I think the girls could use some help. May I be excused, Doctor?" said Liz Shaw who was navigating the big blue box for my dear cousin. He waved her away and nodded curtly to the girl.

"Where the Dickens does that guy keep his 'reppers', kids?" shouted Mark Gordon who was making a shambles out of Zoe's neat and orderly kitchenette.

"What's a 'repper', Beard Man?" asked a heavy-set blonde teenaged Terran girl who was stuffing crisps into her mouth like they were her first meal in months. Ace Jackson had insisted on accompanying the group because as she put it-

"Major P's got the 'Blonde Bomber' so you'll probably need the 'Ace Blaster' on this mission."

Ace was rummaging through her rucksack and tossing various explosives all over the place until-

"This what ya meant, Beard Man?" she asked, hauling out a battery-powered portable sanni maker, a loaf of bread, a wrapped parcel of beef burger meat, condiments and a big 3 litre bottle of root beer soda.

"It'll have to do, Baby Huey! Now where the devil's an outlet to plug it in?" howled Mark Gordon. Sarah sighed, took the appliance from him and flipped the switch to 'on'. A red light began to glow as the device heated up.

"It runs on batteries, stupid!" growled Jo who was still burning from Sarah's earlier slur even though the brunette had apologized to her half a dozen times.

"Everyone just simmer down, dammit! I know that we are all used to cleaner 'droids, 'reppers', 'holodecks', 'rec rooms', bars and of course, 'Nikita' but we have none of them on this ship. We will just have to make the best of things while we are on this old antiquated piece of junk!" snarled Ace, tossing some 'nitroglycine' blocks into the fridge beside Mae's stock of 'C4' explosives.

"Does the Doctor know that you are keeping bombs in his fridge, Fatso?" demanded Jo Grant who was making what she called an omelet. What the others would call it was another story!

"I dunno, Joey Roo. Who cares? I never saw such an old-fashioned TARDIS before in my whole life." chuckled Ace. Ace was really the companion of #6 Doctor (The 'Mad Hatter') and #7 Doctor (The' Leprechaun'). The rest hoped that none of the other TARDIS 'owners' had overheard any of these insults.

"Hmmn! That smells great, Joey! I'll be back for some later. Where's the tanning salon rooms? (Blank looks) Turkish baths? How about a sauna? This sucks! OK, where's the bath rooms? You know, the water closets? I gotta pee, dammit!" yelped Peri Winkle Brown, companion of #6 Doctor and #5 (The 'Cricketer) Doctor.

"C'mon. I'll show you the way, Peri. Watch those burgers in the oven somebody. Jo, better lower the heat or you'll have black scrambled eggs instead af an omelet! Mark! Your sannis are on fire! Coming, Peri!" said Liz, jogging to catch up with a sprinting Peri.

"I just came back for a bottle of 'Grape Knee-High' soda pop. No sweat. I can get it myself. Ah! That's good! What are these? Candy of some kind?" asked #4 Doctor, juggling a block of 'nitroglycine' in his hand and tossing it in the air and catching it.

Ace dove over the countertop and grabbed it from him just before it hit the deck which would have surely sent everyone to glory and back again! She carefully replaced it on the fridge's top shelf and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

"Is that what I think it is, young lady? I don't care what the 'Mad Hatter' and that fool 'Leprechaun' allow you to do on their TARDISes but on mine, we do not keep bombs in the fridge! Suppose some tom fool idiot like the Brigadier (Lethbridge Stewart) went in there and thought it was some sort of rations food? What then? Please put those things in the 'zero room' if you have to keep those playthings!" thundered #4 and my cousin sounded quite agitated indeed.

"Tom fool idiot? Really, Doctor! Is that how all of you think of me, dammit?" roared Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge Stewart, UNIT's (United Nations Intelligence Taskforce) leader who had just comm releayed the TARDIS to check on the Doctor and his mission. Jo came rushing into the control room, frying pan with some eggy mess burning in it in her hands.

"Sir! The Doctor didn't mean you, sir! He was talking about some other tom fool idiot, sir!" she yelled at the vidscreen image of her Boss.

"Hi there, Mr Benton, sir." she added.

"Nice to see you again, Miss Grant. What on Earth do you have in that skillet, woman?" asked Warrant Officer John Benton.

"Don't ask. Jo, get rid of that muck and open some tins instead. Good evening, sir. How are things going on the 'Daedalus'?" asked Liz. Sarah was waving at the screen and big Jamie MacCrimmon was grinning like a Cheshire cat. He was holding Miss Jordan's puppy, Nosey in his big hands. Apparently he had been in the act of 'feeding the beasties' as he called our pets.

"Never mind, Mr Benton. Now why the devil did I call them in the first place? Oh yes. I need to talk to Leftenant Sullivan. Could someone please fetch him to the vidmike for me, please?" asked the UNIT chief.

"Harry? He isn't here, Briggy." said Sarah Jane in between munching on her burger.

"Wait a second! I just comm releayed the 'Daedalus' and they said he was with your lot, Doctor. Where is he?" demanded the Brigadier and he did not sound like a very happy camper.

Liz calmly picked up a vidmike and comm relayed to the 'Dae'.

"Yes, Warrant Officer Shaw here. Fine, thanks. Is Mr Smith there, please? Not the sea captain, I need the 'Angel', your exec, Sir Integra. Suba Smith? Jonathan, could you do us a teensy weensy little favour, please? Where is Harry? Leftenant Sullivan from UNIT? Huh? Couldn't you ask your 'Boss', Jon? The Brigadier is furious and we thought he was with you guys and-"

Liz's voice trailed off and Jonathan's voice was coming out of our PA system's squawkboxes both on the 'Dae' and aboard the 'Maggie' as well.

"Mr Lethbridge Stewart, sir? I was ordered by my 'Boss' to 'send' Harry Sullivan and Captain Hitsugaya to Gallifrey."

"Very well. No help for it then I suppose. When will he arrive there, Mr Smith? Over." said the UNIT commander, belatedly remembering his military comm relay courtesy.

"I thought I just told you, sir. I 'sent' Harry to Gallifrey. I sort of 'transported' both of them directly there. They have been there for several hours now. Over." said my exec.

"I see. Why did you send them, Suba? Over." said the Brigadier as calmly as he could manage under the circumstances.

"Orders, sir. I did as I was told. I was not made privy to the why, sir. My 'Boss' is funny that way as Mr Gordon could attest to, sir. Over." said Jonathan.

"Never mind. Thank you, Mr Smith. I will just have to contact him there. Could you have someone there or on the 'Maggie' patch me through to Gallifrey? Over." said the harried officer from his new office on 'Alderaan' where he had just been assigned with all of his UNIT cadre.

"He's on the wire for you, Commander. Line X22, Alistair." said Sir Integra Wyngate Van Helsing from the 'Daedalus' where she was comm relay officer. The UNIT chief fumed inwardly. Would he ever manage to get used to the lack of discipline amongst this group of idiots?

"Thank you very much, Teggie Baby. Out." he snapped angrily. Alistair indeed! If he thought he had insulted the leader of 'Hellsing' on Terra, he was sadly mistaken. She idly went back to ogling the latest 'Cannons in AD 2257' vidmag.

"Yes, sir? Sullivan speaking. Yes, sir. Mr Smith said he had been ordered to send me and Toshie here. You know, that kid soul reaper captain. Yeah, the brat. Why? Beats me, sir. Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do or die and all that, sir. Yes, sir. As soon as I know, I will comm relay you on 'Alderaan', sir. Eh? Maybe just one more, Love. Yes, I would like another cuppa, me dear. Very well, sir. Anything else, sir? Then cheerio to you, sir. Sullivan out."

"Now Sullivan is getting soft, Mr Benton! Damned strange. Dash it all! I want a ship, Mr Benton! Big enough for the whole of UNIT. We are going to back up Mr Sullivan on Gallifrey! I'll meet you and the company in the bays. Dismissed!" snapped the Brigadier and his newest Warrant Officer snapped off a salute and dashed for the portals.

Had the UNIT chief guessed correctly why Harry and Toshie had been sent to my home world? We shall see what we shall see, folks!

"Anybody know what's on TV tonight? I couldn't make heads nor tails outta the Doc's program schedule and I looked on every screen in the thing! Bunch of jazz about planets and moons and stuff was all it said. I love them guys who tool around in that cool old Corvette convertible!" sulked Mark Gordon.

"Mr Murdoch and Mr Stiles you mean? They were left behind on the 'Dae', Mr Gordon." said Jo Grant.

"And the Doctor has nae television sets aboard neither, laddie." chortled the big Scotsman.

"That 'program schedule' is the 'Galactic Compendium', Mark. It's like the intergalactic 'Yellow Pages' reference book. That's how we found our 'Gemini Anomaly' shortcut to 'Mongo'." added Liz Shaw who was making sure they were still on course for 'Gemini'.

"Dunno about the guy who thinks it's always winter whose TARDIS we're on but the 'Mad Hatter' and the 'Leprechaun' won't let nobody monkey around with that compendium thingamajig, Beard Man." said Ace Johnson who was busily making 'Molotov cocktail' bombs using bottles of Dom Perignon champagne (A few hundred U-Creds apiece!) and fulminate of mercury detonators!

"Which one of you people has absconded with my 'GC' guide? Sarah? You haven't been using it to find pizzerias that deliver to the TARDIS again, have you?" accused #4 Doctor who seemed to be in a bit of a temper this evening despite his sumptuous dinner of burgers, fries, yams and a milkshake with a big cherry tartlet for dessert and all cooked or baked, not 'repped'!

"Huh? Me? Not after the last time you yelled at me for it, Doctor. Mark thought it was the TV listings for tonight." replied Sarah Jane Smith who was deep into an old Terran romance vidnovel.

"Tattle tale!" giggled Liz Shaw, pointing out something on the vidchart in her hand to UNIT's 'scientific advisor'. He nodded his approval and told her not to miss the turnoff in ten minutes.

"Well, Mr Gordon? Where is my compendium unit?" demanded the Doctor and Mark threw up his arms in despair.

"Sorry, Doc but I don't remember where I put it down. You really need it again tonight? I thought that this 'Gem' thing is our next turnoff? Right, Liz?" whined the big guy and Liz nodded.

"Yes, Mark but I need the 'GC' for the exact co-ordinates at each end of it or we could come out of it lightyears away from our target. Jo? Sarah? Please help me to find it, will you? No, Acey. You just keep on making whatever the Dickens you're making for us. Where were you the last time you had it, Mark?" asked Liz and her small party of seekers left through the back portals.

The Doctor idly picked up one of the bottles that Ace had been 'doctoring up' and started to shake it.

"Hey! Don't do that, Dumbhead! Those mercury detonators are super sensitive! One shake and BOOM! Once the fulminate of mercury and the hydrochloric acid mix together, they become the catalyst and detonate the synthenol in the booze bottle. Be careful, Doc!" snapped Ace Johnson angrily. Then it was his turn to spout off.

"Miss Johnson! These were a present to me from the new 'Keeper of Trakken'! They are very valuable and quite expensive! How many of them have you turned into bombs?" shouted the Doctor.

"Dunno exactly, Doc. Five or six? Why?" replied Ace, starting on her seventh 'cocktail'.

"I want you to 'defuse' all of them! If you want to play, use that rotgut crapola 'El Presidente' that the 'Boss' gave to us last winter! That stuff is pure dynamite as is!" he answered. Then Ace gently told him that once set up, there was no way to deactivate her 'cocktails'!

He snatched away her latest bottle before she could ruin it. Then he announced that he was going to put it away with the other 17 jeroboams of this expensive sparkling wine and hide them where she couldn't find them. My cousin usually shares everything but I guess U-Creds are U-Creds after all.

"Have you idiots found my 'GC' yet? That turnoff is in two more solar minutes you know, Miss Shaw?" he called out testily.

"I have it, Doctor. Not to worry. Key in, let me see, GC-4-XX295872YY for the entry point and, um, GC-5-YY459778XW for the exit point. Got those, Doctor?" asked Liz, shoving the 'GC' unit 'book' into the closest console cabinet. Then she raced around to the controls and yawed hard to starboard in a NNW by SSW direction. She only just managed to slide his ugly blue police call box into the smallish 'space tunnel' and reset the controls to 'George'.

"There! Now that's done, thank heavens. ETA will be at 0330 hours (3:30 AM) Doctor. I estimate we will make moonfall on 'Mongo's forest moon 'Arcadia' around 0600 hours (6 AM). You don't want to announce our arrival to Ming by making a planetfall touchdown right smack dab in his own territory, do you?" said Liz and the Doctor clapped her on the back.

"No, of course not. Good girl, Liz. Sarah? You'll be in charge of one away team and Mark will take charge of the other one. No arguments, please. Me? I am going to get us some help at the castle. Prince Varran and Flash Gordon owe me a few favours and it's time to call in a few of them." said the Doctor with a yawn. Yup! Even time lords and ladies get fatigued eventually.

"Ye're nae goin' there alone, Doctor! I'll be comin' along with ye." said Jamie MacCrimmon, fingering his huge Claymore blade.

"No. You are going with Sarah and Mark, laddie." corrected the Doctor.

"But ye said ye were nae goin' alone? Ye're nae gonna be a-takin' our 'Bomb Blimp' with ye, are ye?" demanded a worried Scotsman.

"Of course I'm not, Jamie. She'll be with Mark's party. If you two want to know why we need two away teams, it's because Ming's no fool. He may have his forces on 'Arcadia'. After all, the Prince and Flash are two of his biggest enemies, you know. Never fear. I am not going to the castle alone. K-9 is coming along with me. Isn't that so, K-9?" chuckled the Doctor.

"Of course, Master (Although he made it sound like 'Mah-ster'). Someone must keep you out of trouble, Master." replied the small data doggie computerized unit, trundling into the room.

"I never get into trouble!" objected the Doctor. They all looked daggers at the time lord.

"Well, maybe every now and then I might." he admitted.

"Try every time we go anyplace. We have still not gone home to UNIT HQ on Earth, Doctor and you promised!" argued Sarah Jane, stomping her foot on Mark's which caused him to howl like a banshee and hop around on one foot!

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mark. It's just that he gets me so mad sometimes! Anyway, I am going with you and K-9, Doctor and that is final!" she said with determination.

"Fine. Jamie, you will lead the second away team. #6 will accompany your group and #7 will go with Mr Gordon's group." replied the #4 Doctor.

"What about me? What am I supposed to do? Twiddle me thumbs while you are all out having your jollies?" snapped #2, the 'Little Fellow' Doctor.

"No, of course not, old chum. You will remain aboard with the others in reserve. Keep a sharp eye open at all times. We cannot 'cloak' like my cousin's 'Daedalus' can and I don't trust Ming one iota. Make no mistake, Doctor. He may whine like a babe in arms but he is just as ruthless and evil as the others we have met. Oh yes and he has quite a space fleet at his command and every man jack of 'em is dedicated to the little popinjay! Yours may well turn out to be the most important job of all!" explained #4. My cousin could persuade Lucifer into surrendering 'Jigoku' to us if he was of a mind!

"Assemble your teams tonight. We leave at first light. When we reach 'Arcadia', you had better use some of the local flora and fauna to disguise the TARDIS as best you can. He turned to face the 'Mad Hatter' Doctor #6.

"You were the last one to tangle with Ming here in this system. Get the away teams and Sarah Jane kitted out in the local finery so they'll blend in better. Flash and Varran know me by sight. I met them at the last Kurestan gathering on Alderaan and they know K-9 as well." said #4 Doctor.

"How did I miss that one, Doctor? I am a member of UNIT and your assistant, right?" demanded Sarah with a frown on her pretty face.

"Not officially, Sarah. The Brigadier allows you to accompany me as my assistant. However, only Jo and Liz were ever official members of UNIT. Besides you would have been bored to tears amongst all those 'stuffed shirt' diplomats. (He chuckled) I just cannot wait to see you in the local Arcadian garb for maidens, dear child." he laughed and Sarah, Jo and Liz looked daggers at him. Liz was accompanying Jamie while Jo was going with Mark. My cousin had pointed out to Liz that no navvy was needed aboard because #2 was perfectly capable of navigating and piloting the TARDIS, should the need arise.

"Ye look like 'Little John' and Sarah Janey looks like 'Maid Marian'!" howled Jamie MacCrimmon when he got a glimpse of the others in the local Arcadian attire.

"Well! You look like 'Robin o' Locksley' yerself, Scotty!" snapped Jo Grant.

"Except for the skirt! I never heard of 'Robin Hood' wearing a kilt!" giggled Liz Shaw.

"I won't wear this damned thing, Doctor! It's not my style at all!" shouted Sarah, jumping up and down angrily.

"Me neither! Why can't we be warrior maidens, Doc?" sulked Ace Johnson, holding her skirts and petticoats up above her waist!

"I see England! I see France! I see Huey's underpants!" chortled #6 Doctor while #2 and #7 tried to pull her clothing back into a more dignified and ladylike position.

"And what about my sack o' goodies? I can't very well hide 'em in this outfit!" yelped our demo expert.

"Rent a dog cart or pony and trap. Ladies of 'Arcadia' do not walk anyway. They either ride in coaches or carts or on horses. Sidesaddle, of course. Understand, Sarah? Hatter? What can we do about poor K-9? There are no robotoc doggies in these worlds. Perfect! He can be my pet doggie on a leash after you wrap him up in that burlap sacking!" chortled #4 Doctor.

K-9 looked none too pleased with the idea but being good-natured, he never complains about anything. Suddenly the squawkboxes crackled.

"Van Helsing here. Alley Cat wanted me to let ya know that ya won't be able to comm relay us anymore. We are entering 'Dark Territory' and our signals cannot penetrate it. Neither can yours, folks. Zoe and Nami have you within the 'Gemini' tunnel about halfway through it. We assume you are landing on 'Arcadia' rather than 'Mongo'. Only an idiot like the 'Little Guy' (#2 Doctor fumed) would announce his presence to Ming by landing on his own planet. Here's the 'Boss' for ya, Doc."

"Prydonia here, Doctor. I would advise you to split into three groups. Two to canvass the area for hostile troops of Ming and the third to visit Prince Varran and Mr Gordon in the castle. Our own Mr Gordon should lead one away team and our Scottish laddie Jamie should lead the other one. You, dear cousin, along with K-9 and Miss Smith should visit the castle for allies. #6 should go with Jamie while #7 should accompany Mr Gordon's group." trilled our Commander. Her cousin was visibly impressed.

"Amazing! Quite a piece of strategy, Allison! I commend you for it. That is exactly the way I have just distributed my own forces. You are getting to be quite a planner and leader." replied #4 Doctor.

"Thank you, dear cousin but that was not my strategy. It was Mr Peabody's plan, not mine. Of course, it's a good one!" trilled Major Prydonia from the 'Daedalus'. Whatever else she was going to say, however, we were not destined to hear because just then they entered the 'Dark Territory' area of space and we could neither receive nor transmit any more transmissions.

"There! We have approval from on high! Are you sure that #7 and I look OK dressed like carnival clowns? Stop sniggering, #2! #4, you aren't changing out of that ratty old coat and that ridiculous scarf? That battered Trilby has got to go!" complained #6, the 'Mad Hatter' although now 'Bozo the Clown' might suit him and the 'Leprechaun' much better.

The wall chromo chimed three times, waking up Mark Gordon.

"Time to eat?" he shouted and we all laughed.

"0300 hours and we have reached the end of 'Gemini', Doctor. I am turning off for 'Arcadia'. We'll be there in three hours. Brace yourselves. This is gonna be a tight turn." yelled Liz from the control room. Mark threw Jo, Ace, Sarah and me onto the sofa and then covered us with his massive frame!

"Braced! Go ahead, Honey!" he shouted. The others were not quite as dramatic in assuming braced positions. Only Jamie MacCrimmon stood rooted to the deck like a big oak tree!

"I defy anything to move our Jamie!" squeaked #2 Doctor who was hanging onto the kitchenette's countertop with both hands. The 'clowns' were stretched out prone on the floor!

"Oh my goodness!" squeaked #2 as Liz turned sharply, yawing to port (left) causing the two 'clowns' to slide across the deck until they bumped into the stalwart Scot!

"Ye big bairns (babies)! 'Twas only a wee turn the lassie made! Get up from there and act like men!" guffawed Jamie.

"I was not frightened in the least. Mr Gordon? I believe you may safely release the ladies now, sir." said #2, dusting himself off. It did not make the seedy and threadbare frock coat and trousers he was wearing look any better.

"I wonder how our Princess Al is making out. I hope Jonathan is OK. I sure miss that guy." mumbled Mark.

"What the devil is this thing we are inside, Zoe?" I asked. Jonny Smith was standing at the viewing 'window' of our 'star room' looking slightly worried.

"Nami told me this is some sort of 'nebulae' we are within. That's why we can't 'phone home' from here, Commander." he replied. Zoe nodded in agreement.

"The 'Thoraxian Nebulae' and we'll be inside of it until tomorrow afternoon, Boss. However, look on the bright side. We are shaving several hundred thousand 'lightys' off our voyage. I still don't see why we couldn't use that new terratormed world near 'Talaxia' for our colonizing." said my chief navvy.

"Because it's already being used by those displaced people from that other supernova disaster, lass." answered Professor Sir Hiram MacDougal sagely. Why we needed an archaeologist aboard was beyond my scope of reasoning.

"Hi is along with us to confirm that the world or moon we choose is totally bereft of all life, Boss." replied Zoe Morton to my unspoken thought.

"She's right, Poppet. It would be sheer disaster to use the EDEN 'seed' on a world or moon that sustained even the slightest form of living organisms. We'd have those kooks from Gallifrey down on us afore ye knew what was happening!' replied Hi, puffing out clouds of black smoke from his ever present Calabash smoking pipe. I coughed discreetly but he ignored me as per usual.

"I do hope that those travelers took my advice, Milady Allie. 'Arcadia' seemed quite dangerous the last time that Sherman and I visited the place. That Ming fellow is nobody to underestimate." said Mr Peabody who was smoking one of Teggie's foul stogie cigars and scattering ash all over our nice clean floor although several ashtrays were with easy reach!

"My cousin had already done that very same thing as you had suggested, Colonel. They will be on 'Arcadia' by tomorrow morning. We can only sit here and hope for the best. I will comm relay him as soon as we leave this 'pea souper' place." I said. Mr P continued to smoke and pour himself Martinis.

"I hope that Mark hasn't gotten himself into any trouble, ma'am. I worry about the big lug." said my exec.

"Miss Prydonia? Pardon me for asking but what have you converted 'Maggie' into for this trip?" asked my other navvy, Nyssa.

"It's downstairs in my cabin. See for yourself if you can find it, kid." I chuckled and off she went towards the lift stations.

"OK. Are you going to tell them or not?" chortled Jonny Smith, my new Angelic exec. I had no doubt that he already knew what 'Maggie' resembled. I pointed to the room's portals.

"Let's all go see, shall we?" I laughed and our little parade reconvened in my quarters a few minutes later.

"It is in my sitting room. That's the only hint I am giving to you." I giggled. I looked around for Whitey but he was not there. I had come very close to allowing Jo Grant to take him along with the Doctor on his mission to get Ming but I realiazed that I had really grown quite fond of the little klepto puppy.

Yip! I looked up just in time to catch Whitey in my arms. I cooed and stroked his fur. Buzz Murdoch snapped his fingers.

"I got it! It's Whitey! He's really 'Maggie', ain't he?" said the Corvette dude triumphantly but I smiled and shook my head.

"Dumbass! She's a time lady. They wouldn't be so cruel as to disguise anything to look like a living organism!" admonished Todd Stiles, the Corvette's owner and Buzz's partner.

"I deduce that 'Maggie' must resemble something not already in the room. If, however, 'Maggie' did resemble something that had already been present in this room before, there would have to be two of the same thing. This young lady would never make such an error in judgment despite her tender years." observed Sherlock Holmes, tapping out the dottle from his old Briar pipe into my fireplace and I looked worried.

"Aha! This bold fellow has not been here before, I'll warrant! Ergo, this is 'Maggie'! Am I correct, Madam P?" asked Mr Holmes, pointing to the carved wooden cigar store Indian chief "Kaw-Lija' standing beside my hearth.

"Got it in one, sir. Very astute of you, Mr Holmes." I congratulated him on his keen acumen.

"I believe that you have earned one of the chief's cigars, old boy." said Dr Watson, pulling a cigar from the chief's outstretched fist. I belatedly realized my Emily Post hostess manners!

"Do help yourselves, people. Java anyone?" I asked, hastily repping up a snack and libations for everyone. Nyssa came in shame-faced because she had not located a thing in my bedroom that even looked like it might be new. She leaned against 'Kaw-Lija' and fell through him!

Darn! I thought for certain sure that I had locked 'Maggie's 'door' when I had 'chameleoned' the ancient Terran Western cigar store Indian chief to conceal 'Maggie'!

"How do I open this thing, Major? It's dark in here!" Nyssa's small voice squeaked from within the statue.

"See the console in the middle of the room, Nyssa?" I called out.

"Yeah. Why?" came her tinny voice out to us.

"Big red knob on top. Flip the toggle below it and and the 'door' will open for you." I called to her. A moment later she stepped through 'KJ's tummy and into the room again.

"I wish I'd been able to go with the others. This sucks, man!" sulked Nyssa until I placed Whitey on her lap and he looked up at her with those soulful eyes of his and she began to laugh. She told me she did not want anything but she still ate half a tray of scones and drank four milkshakes!

At 0600 hours or six in the AM for those of you whom still do not know military time, Zoe announced that we would be exiting the 'Thoraxian Nebulae' a mite earlier, at 1300 hours (1 PM), right after we had had our luncheon.

Good news indeed since this meant that we would reach 'Dariabar XII' an hour earlier at 2000 hours (8 PM) tonight!

"Lunchtime! Oh drat! Yes? what do you want, dammit?" demanded Sir Integra Wyngate Van Helsing when her comm relay console chirped.

"We just thought that my cousin might like to know that we just landed on 'Arcadia' and I am deploying the troops. Hope I didn't call at a bad time, Teggie?" chuckled #4 Doctor.

"Oh no, Doc. Now please let me get some chow before the 'pigs' scarf it all up? Excellent. I'll tell the Alley Cat. Out." said my comm relay officer. She found me at lunch and quickly whispered the good news to me. The 'pigs' who were Kouga, InuYasha, Vegeta Brief and Goku Son had already collected their luncheon trays and trundled off with them to the holodecks to eat while they played 'Duel Monsters'.

"That is good news, Teggie. Attention everyone! My cousin has reached 'Arcadia' and he is putting his plan into operation as I speak. We will be exiting 'Thoraxian' in a quarter of an hour and if all goes well, we will make planetfall on 'Dariabar XII' at eight o'clock this evening. Mr Peabody will be in charge of things after that happens." I said and the pompous twit stood and took a bow!

"We will keep the 'Daedalus' on 'D 12' and the Commander will remain aboard with 'Maggie' in reserve. The rest of us with a few exceptions- check your PDO units for whom- will load up onto the other transports aboard this vessel and begin canvassing this sector of the galaxy. You are seeking a barren world, moon, atoll or even a bloody asteroid.

"When you find one, you will land there and comm relay Sir Hiram who will remain aboard the 'Dae' to analyze whatever you can send him back via the vidscreens. You will collect soil samples and anything else unusual from its surface and return here with it after you have very carefully noted your position on the star vidcharts.

"We will remain in this galaxy and explore it as much as the Major deems to be necessary before we move on to 'Calley', our next port o' call within the 'AriesCancerian Galaxy'. I estimate that we will be here using 'D 12' for our HQ for the next few months at least." explained my strategy officer, the cute white doggie.

"Unless we get lucky, eh?" put in the 'Fop' whom we all knew as #3 Doctor.

He had pleaded for so long to be allowed to bring his pride and joy 'Betsy' along that I had at last relented and allowed him to drag that horrid looking yellow autocar along with us! Now he spent every spare moment down in the bays polishing the blasted thing!

Buzz and Todd did likewise on their Corvette convertible and I imagined that Mr Gordon was doing the same thing on my cousin's TARDIS with his own Ford Torino motorcar. My Angelic exec was down there a lot with them checking over our myriad of other transports and keeping them all in tip-top shape.

I thought wistfully of my cousin and his party on 'Arcadia' where the only 'transport' would be whatever they found on Var's world and if memory served, that would be limited to horses, oxen, carts, traps and coaches! Wait! Liz Shaw ahd borrowed Brigadier Marlene Angel's new air car 'Mario' which she had named after an ancient Terran racing car driver from Terra's American state of Pennsylvania.

She had tweaked up her speed to almost one and a half Warp hence the 'Mario' nomenclature!

Mark's Torino had also been kicked up a notch to almost a full half Warp!

Of course, if he ever tried those speeds back home in Terra's grav pull, he would burn to a crisp in a brief nano-second! Just then Buzz Murdoch rushed into the dining room, flushed with excitement.

"A whole three-quarters of a Warp, Princess! Imagine that! Dynamo (My chief engineer was a huge raptor-like dinosaur alien) said that would be the equivalent of a thousand mph on Earth! Todd and I are fightin' over who gets to test her out first! (He grabbed a burger off my plate and Teggie's milkshake) Don't mind, do ya, ladies? I'm starved! C'mon down and we'll be puttin' her through her paces! Maybe Todd'll even let ya steer!" yelped Buzz who seemed to be as excited as a kid in a toy shoppe on GizaDanna Blvd back on my world!

"Somebody please bring the Major another jumbo burger and me another chocolate shake with a little Skotch in it!" yelled Teggie Van Helsing to anyone within earshot. I was already missing our 'flying nun' Trish and the 'Mooneyites' whom we had been using as waitresses.

The former was, of course, on my cousin's TARDIS while the latter, at Mr Garner's strict orders, had been left behind with Mrs MacCrimmon, Jamie's great-great-great something descendant. She just happened to be Mr Garner's office assistant as well.

"Burger for this Poppet and a loaded shake for her Auntie Teg." chuckled Professor Sir Hiram Angus MacDougal, plunking a burger in front of me and a shake in front of my comm relay officer. He winked at us and then sat down across from us and began twiddling knobs on his PDO unit until the vidscreen showed us a desert-like planet's surface under twin suns and multiple moons.

"That's the light side of 'Dariabar XII', kiddies. She's got two suns and five moons. Mr P will be having those moons explored first. The suns and other stars we can discount because they already contain life albeit very microsopic life. This galaxy has six systems with numerous worlds and moons.

"However, most of these are inhabited and I have Zoe and Nami marking those already inhabited worlds and moons and atolls off the star vidcharts. I am feeling peckish meself all of a sudden so I think I too will have some lunch before I go back to my boring studies. If you will excuse me, ladies?" he said politely before strolling off to the galleys.

"I want to take my guys and your guys and go that way, Scotty!" howled Mark Gordon, pointing West into a small grove of trees.

"And I say we take both our parties that way, ye bearded hooligan!" yelled Jamie MacCrimmon, pointing East into a wooded glade.

"I have been here before and I say that Jamie's group take the North road that way and Mark's guys take the South road and go that way!" shouted my upset cousin, #4 Doctor angrily.

"Why do ye dinna want us to go East, Doctor? That's a bonny glen o'er that way." objected Jamie.

"Well, those trees could lead to a nice cool lake if we go West, Doc!" pointed out Mark.

"Did you not look at the maps on your PDO units, Masters? 'Arcadia' is a very small planet which has settlements in the North and South. Go just a few hundred metres to the East and you will fall off a cliff several kilometres in height. Too far to the West will lead you to an endless sea. Why can you two never learn to compromise. Now do as Master Doctor has ordered you, please. No, Master! The castle is Northwest from here, not Northeast." observed K-9 matter-of-factly.

"Well? Get a wiggle on, me boyos! Come along, K-9, like a good little dog." said the Doctor.

"Coming, Master." replied the steadfast data doggie, trundling along the path in his Master's shadow.

"Where has Sarah gotten herself to, I wonder? Sarah!" called my cousin sharply.

"Coming!" shouted Sarah Jane who soon appeared in the TARDIS's police box doorway holding up two outfits on hangers. She frowned at the Doctor and stepped outside into the fresh keen atmosphere of the forest moon. Everyone sniggered because Sarah was wearing a slip over several petticoats and a bustle, a grey cloak, a horrid looking hat, hob-nailed boots and nothing else!

"I can't decide on the green gown or the yellow silk ensemble. Which one do you like better?" she asked, blissfully unaware of her state of undress!

"Either one, Sarah. They are both very nice. Choose one and put it on before you catch your death in those fancy knickers." replied the Doctor and Sarah abruptly disappeared back inside, slamming the portals shut. She soon reappeared, red-faced and sullen.

The green dress had won and she did look very pretty in it with the lacey parthingale and pointed white coronet hat and veil. The boots were hidden under layers of silk, muslin and wool. It was very cold indeed on this moon! Mark and Jamie had already left going South and North respectively.

"Oh, do wait up for me, Doctor! Damned cold out here! I forgot to bring my fur coat and toque! You didn't say it was going to be so bloody windy either!" yelped Sarah, holding her skirts up to her thighs in a most unladylike fashion!

"Oh gad! It's all mud this way! Sure glad I wore these boots instead of those shoes I wore during that 'Sutek' adventure in Victorian London, Doctor! K-9! Beep your nose or something so I can find you guys! Eeek! What a disgusting looking pig!" cried Sarah, side-stepping to avoid a wild boar creature which grinned at her and then winked!

"Disgusting? A matter of opinion, me dear lady! I must say that green dress is much nicer than that yellow monstrosity you were waving about! However, in my own humble opinion, I preferred you in the knickers!" chuckled the boar.

"Just what I need! A talking pig thing that cracks stale jokes and insults me! Doc-Tor!" screamed Sarah Jane Smith, racing through the gloomy forest, almost stepping on poor K-9 in her haste to catch up.

"There you are at last! Try and keep up, me girl! Oh, did I mention that the forest creatures on 'Arcadia' can speak? Well, they can so try not to insult any of them, please. Looks like we have reached the drawbridge, K-9. I say! Anyone to home up there?" called the Doctor, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting.

"Halt! Who goeth there? Advance and be recognized!" was the reply from a crossbowman archer on guard patrol atop the ancient grey castle's battlements. The Doctor waved his Trilby hat and did his 'jack-in-the-box' impression by leaping up and down.

"May we please come in? It's freezing cold out here, kind sir!" called Sarah very sweetly.

"Who is it, Yeoman Jenkins? The prince is resting! He was up half the night with that sick nag of his you know?" snapped the sergeant of the guard to his underling.

"Some moron who thinks he's a scarecow and he's got some daffy dame with him and his dog or at least it looks like it could be a dog, Sarge!" answered the stout yeoman. Unlike our usage as a secretary or clerk, this yeoman was a fighter!

"Do be good enough to come down and open the gates, lower the drawbridge and send someone for my old friend Prince Varran, will you, please? Just tell him it's the Doctor. He'll know who I am. Oh dear! You'd better take my coat, Sarah. You're shivering, girl! Stupid child! Not bringing along warmer outerwear was quite silly! Wrap it around you, child. Well? Go and get him already, man! It's cold out here!" shouted my cousin and the sergeant trotted off to find the captain.

"Better let them in, Jenkins. They do not look intelligent enough to be any of Ming's troublemakers anyway! Hurry up, man! That girl's cold! Where is your chivalry, sir?" shouted the sergeant from the keep.

"Stand back while I lower the drawbridge, sir, mum. Harrison! Step lively, laddie and raise the portcullis down there! Be just a minute more, sir! There she goes. Look out below!" yelled Yeoman Jenkins as the heavy drawbridge crashed down to span the deep moat filled with crocodiles and snakes.

"Come right in, sir, madam. Sapper Harrison at yer service. Sergeant O'Casey's gone to get the prince. Please follow me. Mistress Agatha! Could you get some warmer clothes for this young lady, please? This way, sir. The mistress will take good care of your lady. Pardon but do I know ye, sir?" said the young guardsman with long yellow hair. The Doctor's eyes twinkled merrily.

"Aha! Private Freddy Harrison, is it? No, Sapper now eh? I was here some years ago, my boyo. I'm the Doctor. This is my dog, K-9. Say hello to our old friend, K-9 like a good little dog." replied the Doctor.

"Good morning, young Master." said K-9, wagging his mechanical tail.

"O' course, how are ye, Doctor? Who be the fair maiden with shining dark hair that is with the mistress?" asked Freddy, clearly smitten with Sarah Jane.

"Fine. I am here on urgent business involving Prince Varran. The enchanting young maid with me is my new companion, Sarah Jane Smith. She hails from the same world as Flash. Is he here by any chance, Freddy?" asked my cousin.

"Someone mention my name? Ah, Doctor! It's been ages since I last saw you! Dale (Arden) and I were talking about you with Varry and Alana just last evening. What a surprise! Let's get inside. It's colder than the day I played against the Chicago Bears on Soldier Field in Chicago!" said a tall young lad of some 30 summers whose hair was almost as long and blonde as Freddy's.

"His royal highness and true king of 'Mongo', Prince Varran Skychaser of 'Arcadia'. Show some respect, ye dogs!" cried a short fussy self-important little guy only a shade taller than me! Lucius Camembert was chief advisor to the prince.

"Hello there, Varran. How nice of you to see us on such short notice." said the Doctor, dropping to one knee.

"Oh, do get up everyone, please! You are my friends as well as my subjects! Lucius, be a good fellow and get our guests some refreshments. Come and stand by the fire! You look to be as frozen as 'Friggia' in the springtime! Lose your coat or did someone toss it in the ragbag, Doctor?" chortled the very tall and very dark visaged young man of 30 or so summers wearing full armour and carrying a 'morning glory' in one hand and his helmet in the other.

"Ah! Here is Lucius with some excellent port for us and I see Lady Aggie's made us some sandwiches too! Dig in! Please do not stand on ceremony on my account." added the prince, tossing both weapon and helmet on the huge table in his trophy room.

"His highness bagged that big fellow last year, Lady Sarah. A single crossbow bolt right betwixt the eyes!" explained Lucius Camembert to Sarah who looked just as becoming and much warmer in singlet, hose, breeches and white fur cloak all provided by Varran's Auntie Agatha. She reminded Sarah of Mr Garner's office assistant, Mrs MacCrimmon albeit not quite as stout as the cheery Scotswoman.

"Lucius! Do stop boring Sarah with those old hunting tales! Where's Dale, Flash? Alana would pick this beastly day to go snipe hunting, would she not?" said the good-natured royal, pouring more port for everyone. Sarah giggled.

"How long until she realizes that there's no such thing as a snipe, Your Highness?" she laughed and drained her third tankard.

"Sarah, on 'Arcadia', there is such a thing as a snipe, isn't there, Varry?" chortled the Doctor. The prince looked up from poking at the fire embers. He nodded and pointed at the head of a vicious looking brute mounted above the fireplace.

"Yonder is a snipe, my dear Sarah. Flash and Alana bagged that brute. That was just before last Eastertide, was it not, old friend?" said the prince, helping himself to a large mutton sandwich. Flash had been admiring Sarah and switched his eyes off her just before his own bride of a year and a half, Dale Arden Gordon came into the room, respelendent in a dazzling white trouser-suit. Swirled around her dainty form was a sky-blue cloak trimmed with gold while a circlet of Adamite (Diamond) was sitting atop her auburn tresses.

"Good afternoon, my friends. Doctor? We were speaking of you and Miss Morton (Zoe) and young Jimmy Mac (Jamie MacCrimmon) only last night! How nice to see you. Oh, and you must be Sarah! Welcome to 'Arcadia'. You simply must come and see our garden!" bubbled Dale, dragging a protesting Sarah Jane Smith up the stairs.

"In this weather, Mrs Gordon? It's frigid out there and it looks like rain or snow! Maybe some other time?" said Sarah, tactfully for a change. Dale smiled and pointed to a huge conservatory just visible at the top of the stairwell.

"It's inside, silly! See? Now come on, Miss Smith. I insist and I'm sort of like a princess, ain't I, Flashie Poo?" said the stunning redhead who was half a head taller than Sarah because of her high heels. Even in flats, she would still be several inches above Sarah's head. The two girls disappeared up the stairs together and the Doctor quickly drew Varran and Flash to one side and whispered urgently to them.

CRASH! The stacatto crunch of wood against metal heralded the frantic fooetsteps of the two huntsmen who had accompanied Milady Alana Skychaser on her snipe hunt. The first rushed in and hastily cleared off a sofa just as the second staggered in with a groom. They were supporting a tallish woman between them and her tunic and torn breeches were splattered with blood!

"Her Highness has been gored by 'Old Samuel' but good! Help me with her someone! Send for Doc Maggert!" shouted William Orangeman. The Doctor and Varran were by his side in an instant and his lovely wife was quickly laid on the divan. The poor girl was breathing heavily and crying and cursing with gusto.

"I-I-I almost had that brute, dammit! Varry! Are you there, darling? Ooh! My head hurts like Hell! Lukey! Bring me a large brandy! Quick! I feel giddy!" murmurred Alana, dropping into a deep sleep when Doc Maggert's autohypo hit home.

"I dinna wanna think what would have happened if that bearded giant had not appeared out of nowhere at the last moment and dragged that brute off Milady Alana and strangled 'Old Samuel' to death! George? Did he and his friends follow us here like I asked?" said William anxiously.

"Yes! He saved my dear one's life! He must be rewarded, Willy! George! Go and bring the fellow here immediately!" yelled the prince, hugging his wife in a death clench grip until they finally separated the pair long enough for Doc Maggert and my dear cousin to staunch the blood flow and bandage the deep and almost fatal wound.

Then Dale, Sarah and Aggie had the poor girl carried up to her rooms where they had soon gotten the princess into her nightdress and tucked into bed.

"She'll sleep until tomorrow so don't worry, Highness. Stroke of luck that fellow showed up when he did. Same name as our Flash too. Wonder if he's a relative? Well, I'll look in on Princess Alana tomorrow. Lucius, could you pack me some sandwiches and a flask of that excellent wine to take with me? I am afraid I won't get home for lunch again today. Mistress Patella's having triplets again! A man may work from sun to sun but a physician's work is never done! Thankee! Send for me if she awakens tonight, Varry. Nice to meet you, Miss Smith. Good to see you and old K-9 again, Doctor." said Doc Maggert and he left on his rounds.

"My niece is sleeping fitfully, nephew. Thank you, Sarah, Dale. Has anyone found the hero for us yet?" demanded Agatha.

"Same name as- Sarah! They must mean Mark Gordon, our Mr Gordon!" shouted the Doctor.

"How's Her Ladyship doing? We came as quickly as we could but I thought that Liz had said the castle was in the North, not the South!" yelled big Mark, rushing pell mell into the trophy room where the servants were throwing fresh rushes on the stone flagged floor to cover the blood spores.

"You saved my Lambie Poo, Mr Gordon! You saved our little Lanny!" cried Agatha Skychaser, giving poor Mark a big kiss!

"You're welcome, lady! Sorry I had to kill that poor creature though! Jonathan will have a fit when he finds out! All life is precious, even them poor dumb beasties as our Jamie calls 'em!" replied Mark Gordon.

"Good thing you got yourselves lost, Mark. The poor lady would have been a goner otherwise." whispered the Doctor.

"Aye! Good thing ye dinna go too far South, laddie! General Storg and his Sontarrans have moved into 'Lomond Village' down that way." said William Orangeman and the Doctor was suddenly galvanized into action! Even Sarah looked sick!

"Sontarrans! Are you sure, man? That's all we need! Ming in cahoots with those lunatics!" snapped Sarah, buckling on a swordbelt and trying to heft a heavy broadsword hanging on the wall! CLANG!

"Are ye daft, girl? That thing weighs close to twenty stone (280 pounds)! Ye'll pull summat outta joint if ye try to wield yon bonny blade!" yelled Jamie from the doorway. Behind him poured both his and Mark's away teams.

"Doctor! Them ugly knights with sunken in heads are all over the place! I think I seen their flying thing by that big lake ye warned us about! I planted some o' these here 'Claymore' mines all over the fields around the lake. I dinna think any o' them beastie boys saw me so then I come here and brung along me own team and the stragglers from Mark's as well." said Jamie.

"Not to worry! Ace is planting mines all around this old castle. I told her to scarper if she sees those Sontarrans and nip up here quick! Aha! Here she comes now!" said the 'Leprechaun' #7 Doctor just as Ace dashed into the room and slammed the door behind her. Then she and Jamie manhandled a huge oak beam across it.

"I told Tommy (Jenkins) and Freddy (Harrison) to raise the drawbridge and lower the iron gate with the spikes (portcullis). I'm going up on the roof to stoke the cannons!

That would be a good trick since 'Arcadia' had no cannons, only small arms firearms- flintlocks and muskets! Poor fodder against Storg's 'powerswords' and disruptor blasters!

"Ace! Varry's got no cannons, just flintlocks, muskets and pistols." said a crestfallen 'Mad Hatter' #6 Doctor.

"And catapaults and ballistas! We have hot lead soup and boiling oil casseroles, ain't we?" snapped Dale Arden.

"That nice young man is a football player, is he not? Perhaps Ace could make some bombs that look like footballs and he could throw them a few kilometres at those ruffians?" The voice of the 'Little Fellow' #2 Doctor seemed to come from everywhere at once.

"Oh, Doctor? Since you want to help, how about bringing my TARDIS over here and materializing it inside Varry's castle? Bring Lord Alucard, Captain Seras Vicky, Alain and Teggie along too. Walter? Why not? You had best get a wiggle on before Storg's 'tracers' find you or you won't be moving my machine anywhere, old boy. See you in five." replied my cousin.

Suddenly there was a loud wheezing sound and the room began vibrating causing Varran and his men to draw steel!

"Since when can Ming's morons use a 'trans mat beam' machine?" demanded Dale Arden, drawing a small derringer from beneath her skirts.

"Relax. It's just the 'Little Fellow' bringing the Doctor's TARDIS. See the light up there?" reassured Liz Shaw.

"Come out of that thing, whoever ye be!" shouted Freddy, pounding on the outer doors of the 'police box' with the pommel of his broadsword. The doors parted and a tall, thin dude wearing sporting attire and a long tan coat with a sprig of celery in its lapel stepped into the room with his arms raised in surrender.

"Do please call off your dogs, Madam. If you don't, the 'Little Fellow' will not come out. Where are my manners? I am the Doctor. I am pleased to meet you, one and all." said #5 the 'Cricketer' Doctor.

"I thought you were the Doctor, old friend? Now he says he is the Doctor! Which is it?" snapped Prince Varran with drawn blade.

"Oh boy! Here we go again!" yelped Sarah Jane Smith, helping herself to more cake.

"Well, he is right, you know? However, so am I, Varry. We are both the Doctor." laughed #4.

"Quite correct, Master." agreed K-9, trundling over and accidentally rolling across Jo Grant's feet.

"Ow! Watch where you're going, doggie!" she yelled.

"Two different doctors?" suggested Auntie Agatha brightly.

"No, the same one actually. He is the 4th Doctor and I am the fifth." explained the tall 'Cricketer', confusing everyone.

"How many o' them are ye?" inquired William, fingering his crossbow which was pointing at the newcomer.

"The same entity as he said. However, we can be 'reborn' a total of a dozen times." said my cousin, the fourth Doctor.

"Only we call them 'regenerations' or 'regenns' for short. Any chance I can have some of that cake and a cup of tea? I am feeling a bit peckish, you know? I forgot how stuffy that thing can be." said #5 Doctor.

"Who's stuffy? And I am not a thing, sir! As you very well know, I am the second you and him. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I am the Doctor." said the 'Little Fellow', gingerly stepping from the TARDIS followed by head soul reaper Captain Yamamoto and several other reaper officers, amongst them Lt Rangiku Matsumoto whose own captain was with Harry Sullivan on Gallifrey with UNIT Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart and his cadre.

"What a joint, sir! The kid would be right at home here. Stop pushing, Renji!" said a voluptuous redhead wearing widow's weeds and trousers.

"Ooh! Look Kenny, candy and cookies and goodies! Grab me some cake!" squealed a very small pink-headed tyke riding atop a very tall and very angry looking guy who was wielding a tremendous blade!

"Are we allowed to kill anyone here, Head Captain? I'm gettin' damned bloody bored ridin' around in that damned thing! Hey Ichigo! Rukie! Renji! Get a load of the antiques in this dump! Siddown Shorty unless you're growin'!" roared Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, setting down Lt Yashiru, the little tyke, on the nearest chair.

"You promised me that you would be on yoir best behaviour, captains and lieutenants of the 'Seretai'! Remember that you are representing the 'Soul Society' here in this magnificent castle! Captain Zaraki! There will be no killing without my permission. Now, where is this Ming fellow whom we have been sent to fetch for the Federation (UG)? Thank you. I take lemon and sugar in my tea, Miss Smith. Ah, Doctor! I see a couple of you are here already! What's become of the 'Little Fellow'?" asked the tall bearded gentleman who looked to be in his 90's but was, like the other reapers, much, much older.

"I do wish you would all stop calling me that! Well? What's the plan to be, gentlemen? Jamie, pull out a chair for Miss Leila. This looks very good. I suppose we shoud all eat first. I say! Who's in charge here?" asked the small time lord.

"I used to think I was, sir. Now I am not quite so sure. Doctor?" said Prince Varran, sitting down at the head of the table.

"Yes?" asked my cousin along with #1, #2, #5, #6 and #7 simultaneously. The fussy one #3 was aboard the 'Daedalus' with Al you will all remember?

"Forget it. Let's just eat. Bring in dinner,Gladys." ordered the prince whose poor wife was sleeping peacefully in her room upstairs.

"Are you sure you know how to run this stupid thing, Joe? Maybe we should have awakened someone who can fly this thingamajig." asked a worried Billy Gannon.

"According to these here screens, it seems to handle just like a car, Sarge.' piped up Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane of Hazard County in the American state of Georgia back on Terra.

"Step on it, suh! I want to see if there be any property here I can buy and develop! I'm sure glad we left Deputy Enos (Strait) back on them holly-decks! He would be certain to tell me that I was takin' advantage o' this Mr Merciless when I buy some o' 'Monkey' from him!" guffawed Jefferson Davis 'Boss' Hogg who ran Hazard County.

"We are going to this 'Mongo' place to arrest a desperate criminal, Mr Hogg. Just give me the facts, sir. Darn! Did I miss that last turn, Bill?" asked the LA Terran police detective. Bill looked at his vidmap of the system and frowned.

"Mebbe ya got it downside up, Officer?" suggested the sheriff.

"That must be Mr Ming's spread, Sarge. See that big castle up yonder?" added Boss.

Joe Friday coasted to a stop and 'parked' the air car just inside the grounds of the palace. He, Roscoe and Billy got the big tarpaulin sheet from 'Mario's boot and covered it so that it looked as if there was just a big lump under a blanket. Joe sprinted across the lawn and was just in time to stop Boss Hogg from ringing the doorbell!

"Sneakin' around like them Duke boys ain't my idea o' honesty, suh!" snapped the overweight politician.

"Look who's talkin', Flash!" whispered Roscoe to his hound which was too lazy to walk and had to be carried everywhere.

"Say summat, Roscoe?" whispered Boss and the sheriff shook his head.

"Joe! I found an open window back here! What's this guy look like?" whispered Billy Gannon and Joe pointed to one of the myriad of portraits on the walls. Ming the Merciless resembled a very small version of Dr FuManchu complete with long thin mustaches and a pointed goatee beard.

Seated at a table with his back to the window was the subject of the portraits! Joe drew out his 'stasis' pistol and fired point blank at the figure which slumped forward and collapsed across his table.

"Good shootin', suh! You plugged him good and proper, Sarge!" shouted big Boss Hogg.

"Bill, you and the marshall go get him. I'll hold the pup for ya. Mr Hogg? Go and get the car started. We'll be right there." whispered Joe. Boss saluted and waddled off towards the air car. Bill clambered through the window unknowingly setting off alarms galore! Joe took Flash and Roscoe clumsily fell through the window. A roar let them know that Boss was rarin' to go.

Billy snapped the force beam cuffs on Ming's thin wrists and Roscoe yanked down the bell pull cord and tied his legs together. They had barely gotten the little despot out the window and into the air car before all Hell broke loose in the castle! Klaxons brayed like jackasses and Joe tossed Flash into the backseat with Roscoe and Bill before hopping into the front seat beside Boss Hogg.

"Go! Go! Go! Hit the gas, Pop!" yelled Joe and with a deafening roar the air car shot upwards sixy metres before it leveled out and tore Hell bent for election back to 'Arcadia'.

"Where's that damned blue box thing, Joe? It ain't where it was when we left! Now what?" demanded Billy Gannon who was chloroforming a very groggy Ming.

"I never did trust furriners, suh! I do not think that he would have sold me anything, Sarge." thundered Boss Hogg.

"Hmmn. The Doc said he and Sarah were taking that metal pooch (K-9) and heading for Prince Varran's digs. That must be this place up North on that mountaintop. Turn right here, Pop. Whoa! That was close! Better take us up another thirty feet to clear those trees, I think they're trees. Steady as she goes, sir." instructed Joe Froday and Boss Hogg deftly steered the air car along the forest roof. After all, he and Jessie Duke were old hands at 'ridge running' their 'moonshine' liquor back home.

"Is that the place, Sarge? Flash is sure gettin' hungry again." said the sheriff.

"I hope so! I'm almost out of this chloroform stuff and our passenger's waking up, Joe!" yelped Billy Gannon.

"Cut the motor, sir and we'll coast in quietly." whispered Joe. Boss nodded and the air car dropped down onto the roof of the castle's keep with a crash.

"What place is this, Lord Trask?" mumbled Ming in a squeaky voice.

"Gag him, suh! He will give us away to the authorities! Roscoe, get the booze out o' the trunk o' the car and I'll see if there be any Reveooers about!" whispered the heavyset Boss Hogg, forgetting that he was not 'moonshining' anymore!

Billy stuffed an old rag in Ming's mouth and secured it with electrical tape much to the poor guy's surprise.

"Pass them taters, please! I declare that Gladys is a danged good cook, Yer Highness." said William.

CRASH! BUMP! SCREECH!

They all looked towards the dining hall's ceiling.

"Now what?" yipped Dale, spilling gravy on Flash's tunic.

"Offhand I would say that we have more visitors, my dear child. Doctor, did you leave anyone behind on my TARDIS?" said my dear cousin, #4 Doctor.

"That fat jackanapes from Georgia and his law officers and their dog. Those two Californian cops stayed behind as well. Why?" asked the 'Little Fellow', #2 Doctor, finishing the last of the Yorkshire pudding.

"Well, if nobody else wants to see whom that is, I will! Coming with me, Liz? Jo?" said Sarah Jane Smith, leaping to her feet and promptly tripping over her long skirts. She hated being made to 'dress' for dinner! Dale Arden had drawn a small dirk and her derringer and was already halfway up the stairwell.

Flash sighed, dropped his napkin and followed her with Prince Varran right behind him. Halfway to the third landing, Dale stopped, mouth wide open.

"Well? Anyone gonna give us a hand with this here feller?" shouted Boss Hogg.

He and Billy were half supporting, half carrying Ming the Merciless who was cuffed and gagged so much that he looked like a trussed-up chicken on Sunday!

"Ming? How the Dickens did you four subdue him by yourselves?" demanded a puzzled #4 Doctor.

"Who gave you fools permission to leave the TARDIS? If there's so much as a scratch on that finish, Brigadier Angel will have our guts fer garters!" whined #2 Doctor who had reached the roof ahead of the others and seen the air car in which they had arrived.

"Lock that thing up in the dungeons, William. Freddy, help him if you will be so kind. Gladys! Four more plates and bring us some more food. Thank you, dear." shouted Varran, shoving the trussed-up despot megalomaniac into his huntsman's arms.

"With the greatest o' pleasure, Yer Highness. Come along, ye scurvy knave! Open that door, Freddy! Go doon and open up a cell in the dungeons for our guest!" growled William.

When they had gone, Joe gave them all the bare 'facts' of the case and he praised everyone's efforts.

"I must say, Doc, that I had my doubts that this 'stasis' gun of yours was any use. I got him on the first try! He went down like a pole-axed steer, that he did!" said an excited Joe Friday.

"The Sarge and me gotta get in some huntin' when we get back home! Plugged him with his first shot!" said an admiring Jefferson Davis Hogg, clapping Joe on the back.

"I helped too, me and Flash." said Roscoe, his 'pup' on his lap was lapping up wine greedily from a goblet of silver.

Billy Gannon smiled and sat down betwixt Liz and Jo. He accepted everything offered to him and told them his role in the kidnapping. Suddenly Dale blanched white and grabbed Joe's shoulder.

"Mr Friday? Did you guys set off any alarms at the palace when you grabbed the emporer?" she asked anxiously.

Before Joe could reply, a shout came from the battlements!

"Highness! Lord Trask is headed this way with a hundred men! He'll be here within the hour!" yelled Tully Bascomb, a crossbow in either fist. He was captain of the royal guard and devoted to his regent, body and soul.

"William, bring Ming up here again! Varry, get everyone into the TARDIS! I know but it's bigger on the inside, my friend! Quick as you can! Captain Bascomb! Gather your forces and evacuate everyone in the castle. Get them all aboard my TARDIS, that blue box in the great hall!

"Hurry, man! Time is precious! Sarah! Get Auntie Aggie and Her Highness! Get Ming inside my TARDIS, Freddy. You and your huntsmen too, Willy! Boss! Roscoe! Billy Boy! Joe! Get aboard! The Hell with Marlene's air car! I'll buy her a new one! Everyone in yet, 'Hatter', 'Leprechaun', 'Cricketer', 'Little Fellow'?

"Wait! Where's the 'Old Man' and the reapers? In the gardens upstairs! Haloo! Old Man Yama! Get your soul gang aboard! Bring Gramps too! We leave in thirty seconds! Liz, start her up! I'm coming! Gadzooks! Trask is at the gates!" shouted my dear cousin, scooping up K-9 and Allison, Alana's kitty cat and leaping through the portals just in the nick of time!

He hit the toggle switch which closed the inner portals and the outer TARDIS doors. There was the familiar 'whoosh' and the 'pile driver pylon' pulsated as the TARDIS de-materialized into the aether.

Lord Trask's mouth dropped open in awe as he saw the blue box disintegrate! The end of that little toad, Ming? He hoped so anyhow!

"We searched everywhere, Milord! There's naebody left in the whole place! Orders, Milord?" asked his minion, the Earl of Susserahn who was Trask's own 'Number One'. Trask pursed his lips in thought.

"Back to 'Mongo', me old boyos! Looks like we are to have a new leader and soon, I hope! Everyone back to the 'Narcissus', me hearties! Fresh mead for all hands! Well done, Gerald!" said Ming's 'Number One', resheathing his broadsword.

"Just you wait! You cannot do this to me! I am Ming! Ming the Merciless! Ouch! That hurt, darn you! Wait until Lord Trask hears of this outrage! Wait until Lord Vicious is told that I am beimg held against my will in my own kingdom! Wait-" whined the diminutive fool until Spike Steigel who had just collected Ming's dishes, rounded on the little pest, fire in both his brown and blue eyes!

"Vicious! Is there even the slightest chance that he will come here, Mingo baby?" demanded the tall Martian 'cowboy' bounty hunter, his eyes aflame like twin suns. Poor Ming misinterpreted his words for fear.

"Thought that would scare you, you coward! Yes! Lord Vicious and I are just like that! As soon as Trask and Torg learn of my capture by you buffoons-" snapped Ming haughtily.

"Torg's in the room beside you there, Ming, old boy! Trask? He's probably being measured for his new robes of office! It ain't no secret that Trask is a damned good friend of Varry's and only stayed on to ingratiate himself into your good graces! How d'ya think that Flash Gordon and the prince knew practically your every move, pal?" laughed Jett Black, one of Spike's partners and a fellow 'cowboy'.

"And you're even more of a dumbass than I took ya for, little monkey, if you think that any of us are afraid of Vicious! Spikey meant that he's got a score to settle with the creep and so does almost everyone else aboard this tub!" chuckled Faye Valentine, who was one-fourth of the Bebop squadron.

"Faye Faye! Little man needs a shave! Hello there, Old Grand-Dad!" said a small red-headed waif who was hanging upside down from some mysterious pipe on my cousin's TARDIS.

I never did learn all of Edward Appledore's names but the young tow-headed schoolgirl was a whiz with computers and electronics and she was the final cog in the Bebop wheel as well. Like her beloved Faye Faye Valentine, Ed too was a 'cowgirl' bounty hunter and she too was from Terra same as Faye albeit not from as ancient a time as the older 'cowgirl'.

No! I won't get drawn into that one! The last person who made an 'old lady' reference to Miss Valentine was on crutches for a week! Faye might be small but she packs as deadly a wallop as our own 'fearless leader' Boss Lady O'Halloran does!

"Excuse me, please but could someone please tell me whither this conveyance is bound?" asked Ming very courteously.

"Gallifrey, little guy. That's where Old Man Yamamoto and his soul reapers join up with the UNIT and ISSP forces and you'll be transferred to another 3WA ship for the trip to Kurestan on Alderaan where you will be tried before the High Court of the Federation of Galaxies. You must answer for your crimes, son!" laughed Spike Steigel.

"And may Kami have mercy on your soul, brother!" chuckled the big guy with the metal arm, Jett Black.

"No! I am not going to, how you say it, 'take the rap' for all of these crimes! John Berringer, Lord Vicious, Lord Oakenshield must pay as well! Why, they even have spies on the Gallifreyans' own High Council and within the Federation Senate!" sobbed Ming and Faye collected Ed and left the room. She had no wish to see a grown dictator bawl like a newborn infant!

Spike tramped on his cigarette butt and ignited another one. Then he grabbed Jett and sprinted for the lift stations.

"What's the rush, old buddy? He was about to start squirmin' and cryin' fer his Mommy, Spike!" said Jett.

Spike ignored him and yelled into his comm badge. As he spoke, Jett became aware of what Ming's last words might mean to everyone in the hundreds of systems in the dozen galaxies of the Federation!

"Put through a comm relay to Poppet, the Commander, Major Allison Prydonia on the 'Daedalus', dammit! Jo! Tell the Doctor- Huh? I don't give a monkey's tartlet which one of 'em! Tell him to tell Alley Cat that she had better get Harry (Sullivan), the kid captain (Toshiro Hitsugaya) and those UNIT guys aboard the 'Dae' quick!

"Why? Because we dunno who we can trust in the Senate or the High Council! Hell! Vicious, Berringer, Sutek, Ming and Oakbrain may have spies in the ISSP and UNIT too! They definitely have spies on Gallifrey and Alderaan! Ming just let that lil gem slip out when he was whining about being just a legitimate dictator!

"Huh? Yeah, he's safe enough for now but Harry, the Brigadier and Toshie could be grabbed as hostages and so could Mrs Solo in Kurestan! Jett and me are on our way up. Huh? Faye and Ed are up there now? Well, Faye can confirm what I just told ya. Talk to ya soon. TTFN. Steigel out." Spike finished and spit out his cigarette butt. He trampled it underfoot and ignited another one.

He and Jett dashed into the TARDIS's bridge room where my cousin assured them that he had just comm relayed Allison and that she had given him carte blanche authority to order UNIT, ISSP, the reapers and any other Federation forces needed to immediately board the 'Daedalus' and place themselves at my disposal.

I was certain sure that would not go over very well with Alistair Lethbridge Stewart!

He was a 'by the book' officer and a stern taskmaster but, like my cousin always told us, the Brig should be used to his antics by now!

When they first met, Lethbridge Stewart was a mere Colonel in the new UNIT force and the Doctor was #2 the 'Little Fellow'. By the time he was promoted to Brigadier, #3 the 'Fussy Guy' was UNIT's 'scientific advisor' and when my own dear cousin, #4 came along, Sergeant John Benton had been promoted to Warrant Officer ranking.

"Liz! ETA for Gallifrey?" demanded the Doctor and Elizabeth Shaw began checking her calculations with #6 Doctor, the 'Mad Hatter' who clucked a few times and shook his head until-

"Well? Will it be the next Century before I get an answer, dammit?" swore the tall Doctor with the long purple coat, outlandish scarf and battered Trilby hat.

"Another hour, Doctor. I make it (Liz glanced at her wrist chromo) 1500 hours. That means three o'clock this afternoon, Miladies. Not to worry. You'll pick up military time before you know it. By the way, Doctor, did you remember to recharge the TARDIS's fuel cells last time we were at UNIT HQ on Terra?" said Liz and the Doctor got very annoyed.

"Of course I did, child! Do you think I am as loony as the 'Mad hatter' there looks?" howled my dear cousin angrily.

"Steady on there, old boy! There! You made me pour tea all over Mrs Gordon's nice clean frock! Where are those cleaner 'droids when one needs them? Let me get a cloth from the kitchen." replied #6 Doctor.

"Mrs Gordon? My Mama's here too?" yelled Mark, holding up his mug.

"Just coffee, Mama! They call it java here! Honest! I ain't drinkin', ma'am! Ask Jonathan!" yelped Mark Gordon.

"Relax. He meant Dale, Flash's wife." said Sarah who was playing 'whist' with Sherlock and John Watson, Joe Friday and Billy Gannon. Guess who was winning?

"And we do not have 'droids on the TARDIS, remember? A quarter past two? Is that all? I do wish that 'Matilda' could go a little faster. Anyone care for a 'jelly baby'?" said #4 Doctor and Jamie MacCrimmon ran across, treading on Leila's toes.

"Ouch! Watch it, Scotty! I'm wearing open-toed sandals, dammit!" yelled the jungle girl from 'Seve Team'.

"Doctor! I just remembered that the 'Lil Guy' needed more speed once and he pulled out a few o' them there rod thingys and we got to where we were goin' in jig time!" explained the big hulking Scotsman from ancient Terra's 'Jacobite Rebellions' era.

"Jamie! You promised never to tell anyone that I did that!" squeaked #2 Doctor.

"Tattletale. Wow! I got 'gin'! I win!" giggled Jo Grant.

"We are playing 'whist', young lady, not gin rummy." explained Dr Watson while Mr Holmes snickered.

"You did what?!" howled #4 Doctor while #2 Doctor wrung his hands and hung his head, wishing that 'Shenron' the wishing dragon was in season!

"Another half hour to go unless you want to give it a go, Doctor. Maybe just one or two?" asked Liz and #4 Doctor finally gave in.

He opened the cabinet doors below Liz's slender legs and very carefully pulled a curious looking green 'stick' almost all the way towards him. As soon as this had been done, the 'stick' began to glow with all the colours of the rainbow and they all felt the TARDIS accellerate!

"Nope. We'll still need five more 'lightys' of thrust, Doc." advised Liz Shaw, her eyes glued to the speed boards.

"One more rod should do it and stop calling me 'Doc'." he replied and repeated his actions with a second 'stick' although this one was red instead of green in hue. This time the burst of speed knocked all of them for a loop!

"That did the trick, Doctor! An extra fifteen 'lightys' means we'll be on Gallifrey in another few minutes! Well done indeed! Congratulations, Doctor. Brace yourselves! I'm touching down in the 'Citadel' courtyard. There! Safe and sound!" said Liz.

"Excuse me but what is a 'lighty', Mistress Shaw?" asked Auntie Agatha Skychaser.

"Huh? Sorry, mum, Milady. It's short for 'lightyear'. The distance it takes light to travel from the sun to the Earth in an entire solar year. I forget the exact speed but light travels at the rate of 186 million miles per second so have Sherlock do the math for ya if you really want to know. Excuse me while I open the doors for the reapers." said Liz.

"Auntie! What's wrong? Smelling salts, Dr Watson! My auntie has fainted!" shouted Varran.

"Captain Yamamoto? Take your officers and go to the 'transporter room'. Sarah and Jo will 'beam' all of you over to my cousin's starship. The Bebops will be bringing Ming to join you. Hurry up, Spike! Off you go!" said #4 Doctor.

I had advised them a few minutes before they had landed that Harry, Toshie, the Brigadier and his UNIT cadre, Johnny Raven and his ISSP contingent had beamed aboard the 'Dae' along with 'Grandfather' Casterlein.

"I cannot go. I get airsick. I'll vomit all over you!" whined Ming and why this bozo had been tagged 'merciless' was beyond me!

Eventually everyone who was to accompany us had been beamed over to the 'Daedalus'. The others were to be transported back home to 'Shimougou' aboard my cousin's TARDIS. It came as no surprise to us that Doctors #1 and #2 as well as #5 had opted to go along on the voyage as well. Surprisingly #3, #6 and #7 had decided to accompany me all the way to Alderaan.

First, however, my cousin had a private meeting on Gallifrey with Acting Lord President Barusa, John Raven, the Brigadier and a few others while some of the Federation higher-ups used vidconferencing vidscreens to take part in the discussions. There was really no way of weeding out the spies and they all hoped to high heaven that none of the attendees of this secret briefing were any of those spies!

"Until further notice, our High Council of Time Lords and Ladies will hold no more meetings. Might I suggest that the Federation Senate in Kurestan, the ISSP High Courts and the 3WA agree not to meet as well?" said the pompous Lord Barusa who was Lord Prez of Gallifrey only because my cousin, the real electee Prez, had chosen not to serve and had appointed Lord Barusa as Acting Lord Prez in his absence. However, all saw the wisdom in his suggestion and they all adopted it immediately.

"What about Ming's trial?" howled my cousin, pounding his fist on the table. After all, he had transported the criminal all the way back here and Ming was now on his way to stand trial in Kurestan, wasn't he?

"Postponed indefinitely, gentlemen and ladies, by my order. That is final." announced the newly elected Supreme Commander of the 'UG', Princess Leia Organa Skywalker Solo in a tone that clearly said that she would not argue the point any further.

"Ming will be confined to a 'time loop', within a 'time corridor', inside of a 'zero room' on an old disused TARDIS which will be marooned on 'Workoh' in the 'Omega Chi Galaxy' until such time as his trial is reconvened. That is my final decision." said the 'God' of the 3WA, Vittorio Franciscus Xavier Galadriel.

My poor cousin was in for a shock if he thought that the 'Daedalus' was going back home!

I had a mission to complete and we had to find a dead world as soon as possible. I hated taking the time for this side trip to Kurestan with crybaby down below but Mr Garner had-

My thoughts were interrupted by a gentle trilling in my comm badge.

"Prydonia here. Speak please." I said while I hunted for the table lighter. Odo is probably 'collecting' again. I really should have Lord Ivanhoe discipline him.

"Van Helsing, Love. Got a comm relay for you from Chuckie. He's on vidscreen four. At his request, I scrambled it. Van Helsing out." trilled my comm relay officer who had headed up 'Vampires Anonymous' way back when on Terra.

"Good afternoon, sir. Something I can do for you, Mr Garner?" I asked the image of the poor harried looking older fellow on my vidscreen.

"Good afternoon, Allison, my dear. Have you changed course for Alderaan yet?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Not yet, sir. I was just about to-" I replied. He motioned me back to my sofa.

"Don't. Transfer you prisoner to Admiral Zero's 'Liberator' when he gets to Gallifrey. He should be there by six tonight so relax and have your dinner. Everyone who was to provide a guard mount for him will accompany Ming. That is, with the exception of the UNIT commander and his staff who will remain with you in case you need assistance in completing your main mission." said my own Boss Man and I started to worry.

"Why the change in plans, sir? Has something happened?" I asked and Uncle Chuckie lit a cigarette and poured himself a drink. I found some matches and lit my own cheroot and poured out more java. He is stalling I thought to myself.

"It's Vicious. He's sprung Sutek, Khan, Berringer, Oakenshield and Lord Azaran from Seto Kaiba. He's pilfered 'Starcrusher', John's old starship cruiser and he's headed your way! His ETA there is tomorrow at six AM, your time. That gives you about half a solar days' head start before he comes after you!

"Ming is necessary for their plans, whatever the Hell they might be, Poppet. Somehow Vicious has found out that Ming's aboard your 'Dae' so we are gonna use that to our own advantage. If he's chasing you, maybe he'll ignore the 'Lib' which will be ferrying Ming to us here on Alderaan." said Mr Garner, swallowing several 'Hydroxylein' capsules and washing them down with more liquor. The guy must have a cast iron gut!

"Then what about my quest? We cannot very well stop and search every few days if we are supposed to be a prisoner transport unit, sir. What exactly are my orders?" I demanded with folded arms.

"Make all possible speed after you have offloaded Ming to the 'Lib'. Head for the 'Omega Chi Quadrant'. It's clear over the other side of the Universe I know but that's where 'Workoh' is, the Amazon firebrand's home world. I want you to get there and 'cloak' the 'Dae'." he replied mysteriously.

"Then what, sir?" I asked. He gulped and swallowed a few times before answering me.

"Then you wait for word from Zach (Zero) that Ming is safe and sound here with us. The reason UNIT is going along for the ride with you is because I want you to 'cloak' and 'decloak' while leading Vicious into a trap that has been set by the IGSC (InterGalactic Space Command) where you will arrest everyone aboard the 'Starcrusher' and transport the lot of 'em back to Seto K!" thundered the usually soft-spoken Charles Augustus Milverton Gardner.

"He is an idiot. The man is nothing more than a raving lunatic, Major." whispered Colonel Peabody into my ear. He had quietly entered my sitting room and sat down in an easy chair across from me. Did he not realize that before a gentleman entered a lady's rooms he was supposed to knock on the portal? I ignored his insults to our superior.

"Who is in charge on 'Workoh', sir? I assume they will make contact with me? (He nodded) Well?" I asked and I was a little miffed at him.

"Sorry but because there may be a leak I am not permitted to tell you that, my dear. Rest assured that as soon as you have arrived, you will be contacted. For now, just have a nice relaxing dinner and tell that white mutt that he had better watch his mouth. I am still his superior officer as are you, Brigadier Prydonia. (I looked at him in shock) No mistake, Allie. Your promotion came from 'God' himself! Not your Angel's 'boss', our own 'God' Galadriel. Congratulations, Brigadier. You have more than earned those pips on your epaulettes! Time for my tea and here's Fiona with it now. Take care and come home safely. Garner out." he said and I dropped my cheroot on Mr Peabody's tail!

"Ouch! Be careful, you clumsy oaf! I only have one tail, unlike you and your cousin's 'regenns'!" snapped the cute poochie.

"What did you call me just now, Lieutenant Peabody?" I asked very quietly.

"I apologize, madam. However, I am a colonel." he said disdainfully and I grinned.

"Nothing is forever, Mr P. However, I will overlook it this time as I was partly to blame, Colonel." I replied.

Dinner was a hushed affair with even the demons and Saiyaans on their best behaviours. Just before 1800 hours or six PM, Nami announced the sighting of the 'Liberator'. In a few more minutes, Fleet Admiral Zachary Taylor Zero stepped aboard and saluted me.

"Admiral Zero reporting, Brigadier, ma'am." he said and I waved off the formalities. He hastily explained his orders to me while Ming was being transferred to the 'Lib'. I noticed that besides the usual cuffs and shackles, the little pest was blindfolded!

That was cruel and inhuman treatment of a prisoner and against Article 49-A, Paragraph 17 of the 'Galactic Code of War' and I said so at the top of my lungs!

"Pipe down, Briggy. After our last fracas, he had his scientists implant vidcams behind one of his eyes. I don't want the little Hellion vid-televising my route back to Vicious. Besides which he's been sedated and will probably sleep for the whole voyage to Kurestan. If you don't mind, Solo wants to hitch a ride with me so he can see his new bride? (I nodded ny OK) Then could I have a mug o' java while we wait? I want to be gone as soon as possible same as you, Lovey." said Zach.

I did the honours and before I could stop him, he had gobbled up the last of Whitey's 'cookies'. Well, nothing in them that would hurt him so why tell him eh?

"Be careful, kid. 'Omega Chi Quad' is hostile territory. Even the Boss Lady shuns the place where she grew up until she was ten. I ain't supposed to tell ya but when you get to 'Workoh', you'll be met by a Ninja kid named Sai. I'll bet Garner forgot to give you the password? (I looked confused) Sai will use the name 'Uzimaki' and you will reply by saying 'Akatsuke' (Ah-Cot-Skee). Forget that word and he will kill you, Allie. He has all the details of the trap. It's a good one even if I did set up the details. Yeah? It's open! Come in!" said Zach Zero when someone gently tapped on my portal.

The portal slid aside with a swishing sound and his exec, Major Marina Oki, a striking brunette of some 30 summers, entered and saluted us.

"Sir! The prisoner and his guards are aboard, sir. Captain (Molly) Eastwood is ready for liftoff, sir." she snapped off efficiently.

"Time for us to go, Lovey. Good luck and come home to us safely. Let's go, Mari!" said Zach and they were gone. Zoe Morton came in next and conferred with Mr Peabody. Then she turned to me.

"Why are we headed for the 'Adonis Arch', mum? Neither 'Darius' nor 'Zarana' are that far out." said my chief navvy.

"We are headed for the 'Omega Chi Quadrant', that is why, Captain Morton. Lay in a course for the Arch. We are lifting off in five minutes. Colonel? Join me on the bridge." I commanded and both Beta Zoid and doggie were in awe of me.

I usually asked or requested, however, this time I was ordering and I sounded like I wanted no arguments either!

"Jonathan, take over as co-pilot. Colonel Solo has left with the Admiral. Gene, our destination is the 'Adonis Arch'. Lift off in forty-five seconds. Cpt Van Helsing? Announce that all hands are to strap in and hold on. Well? Were not my orders clear enough for you?" I snapped while strapping myself into my command chair.

"Doctor? We're moving!" cried Sarah Jane Smith who was in her TARDIS bedroom changing into more practical attire than the Medieval garb of a high born lady which Auntie Agatha Skychaser had lent to her.

"Relax, Sarah. It's just your imagination. See? The TARDIS's pylon is motionless." chuckled my cousin.

"Not us, Doc! The 'Daedalus' we're on is moving and bloody fast too!" yelled Liz Shaw, racing back to her own bedroom. The poor kid had run out wearing a very flimsy short kimono bathrobe!

"What can my cousin be thinking? The Brigadier and UNIT personnel are still aboard! I'll soon sort out this mess. Coming, Sarah?" called #4 Doctor, striding off his TARDIS and into my own 'star room'. Sarah had to run to keep up with him. He strode straight to the lift, took it down to the main level and strode up to my bridge room.

"Allison Prydonia! Where do you think you are going? Alderaan is in the opposite direction!" howled my cousin angrily.

"Good Heavens! We are bound for the 'Adonis Arch', Doctor! Course is laid in for the 'Omega Chi Quad'!" cried Liz who had changed into a normal flightsuit and deck boots.

"What is our destination, dammit?" yelled the Doctor.

"None of your darned business, Cousin Doctor. I am under new orders." I snapped. I motioned to Jon Harlock and Neko Olson.

"Escort anyone who is not part of this flight crew off of my bridge, Chief." I commanded. The Doctor, Sarah, Liz and Jo reluctantly walked back towards the dining room. I was fast becoming a real Simon Legree, folks!

Johnny Watson talked me into a game of some sort he called 'snooker' and everyone else called 'pool' so after dinner we both repaired to the games area of the rec room. He was immaculately turned out in dinner clothes a la Victorian Era London on Terra while I looked like a slob wearing a sweatshirt two sizes too large for me and dungarees. My feet were stuck in sneakers without socks or stockings.

Buzz Murdoch had lent me a black leather motorcycle jacket and Todd Stiles had given me one of his New England Patriots NFL Championship caps which he told me he had paid close to a hundred dollars for back on Kagura!

That was 50 U-Creds using Universal currency and still very expensive but he told me that he and Buzz had watched the Patriots win SuperBowl CCXXXVII (237) five or six years ago and he was lucky to find one at all at any price!

"Be quiet, Holmes! She'll hear you! I know she looks like a ragamuffin but that must be the style these days. For Heavens sake, don't make a scene, old boy! I say! That jacket and cap are quite becoming, Major. Don't you think so, Holmes?" said Dr Watson.

"She looks like her own doggie's dinner as you well know, Watson. Still, perhaps it is the latest fad in these parts. Well? Which one of you starts? Better start it off, Watson. I do not believe our Allison knows how to play. Do you, my dear?" chortled Sherlock Holmes, stuffing more shag in his Calabash pipe and firing up the smelly mess.

The object of the game seemed to be to knock little balls into little holes in the table. For some reason half of the balls had stripes on them and there was an extra white ball called a 'cue ball'! Funny because that was what the Boss Lady called the scientist who headed up the 3WA's research department. Dr CueBall the Screw ball was what she called the gentleman.

When my turn came, I took a good grip on the white ball and with a mighty shove, I pushed it so hard that all of the other balls were scattered all over the floor! Johnny got very red in the face while Mr Holmes howled with glee.

"Here. Let me show ya how to do it, Alley Cat." said Billy Gannon kindly.

He selected a long stick and then he rubbed some dusty stuff onto its end. Then he held the stick almost like Captain Stevens held his stasis rifle on guard duty at the 'Citadel' and drew it back towards himself and then smoothly shoved it forward until the dusty end hit the white ball which made the black ball marked with an '8' to drop into one of the holes! I clapped my hands delightedly.

Billy hung his head. Why? Was not the object of the game to put the balls in the holes?

"How the Hell'd I know they were playing 'Eight Ball', Joe?" grumbled the California detective.

"Two players, Allison. One gets the lower numbered balls, the 'solids' which are marked consecutively '1' to '7. The other player gets the higher numbered balls, the 'stripes' which are marked consecutively '9' to '15'. The idea is for the one player to get all of his balls into the 'pockets' before his opponent does the same with his. Then he or she must put that '8' ball into a 'pocket' last of all to win the game. That's 'Eight Ball', Poppet. Understand?" explained Professor Sir Hiram MacDougal and I nodded.

I must have 'got it' because I did the same things three times in a row and upset Todd, Buzz and Joe in turn. Dr Watson and Mr Holmes were playing some game called 'Faro' but when Dr Mike Morton told me it involved gambling, I did not want to play it ever! 'Grandfather' told me that gambling was evil and that I must never wager or bet!

Sir Integra strolled in, hands in her trousers pockets and announced that she had just had a comm relay from Admiral Zero.

"Zach called. He's spotted the 'outer markers' and should sight the 'inner markers' before midnight. If all goes according to Hoyle, he'll deliver Ming to the Feds before dawn. Who's winning tonight? Somebody clean ya again, Doc? That why you're playin' 'Faro' with Sher?" chuckled the Hellsing leader.

"Put that dashed thing away before you hurt someone with it, Mr Zaraki! That, sir, is an order!" yelled Colonel Peabody.

"Kenny! Stop playin' with your 'zampatou', darn it! It ain't our fault that Old Man Yammy made us stay behind as protection for the Major! Come and have a milkshake and some of these here cookies that Granny Rockabelle just baked!" called Yashiru, the small pink-haired tomboy kid.

"Oh OK! I'm gonna take a walk around the ship. Don't get sick again, Yashy. Granny Clampett's still got that oily junk you hate." laughed Captain Kenpachi Zaraki. Yashy made a face, she hated castor oil!

"This is only my third plate of cookies and my fourth shake I'll have ya know!" she shouted after him.

"Sixth shake and fourth plate of cookies but whom is counting?" corrected #6 Doctor, the 'Mad Hatter'.

"Time for little girls to be in bed, kids." said Jo Grant, tonight's babysitter. As there were no more 'takers' and I was bored with this 'snooker' game, I helped Jo with the little ones. Yashy, like me, was much older than she appeared but she loved being treated like a kid unlike Captain Toshie. The others liked when I helped to tuck them in because of the bedtime stories I always told them.

Our resident storyteller, James Rockett was with his sister Jessie aboard the 'Liberator' as extra security so I was tagged.

I told the kids a tale about my dear Cousin Doctor. You may know it already as it was vidded on the vidscreens as 'Deadly Assassin'. Since the adventure is currently being tele-vidded, I will only say that it involved my dear cousin's search for the 'Great Key of Rathelon' and a certain nefarious scheme by a rogue time lord to control time itself!

The kids fell asleep before I had finished it since the middle part is a mite boring for children. Jo and I likewise dozed off and I was rudely awakened from my dreams of- Well, that is another story, folks.

"Sorry to wake ya up, Commander Brigadier but it's 0500 I mean 5 o'clock in the morning and there's something on them there scanning thingamajiggys! Miss Morton told Jonathan and he rousted me and told me to get you to the bridge room like yesterday!

"I'll wait out here while you make yerself decent and- Oho! So ya didn't put on yer jammies last night, huh? OK. Follow me, ma'am. Who the Dickens is this 'Vicious' dude anyway?" grumbled Mark Gordon, yawning. Is that all this bunch ever did- sleep?

I rubbed the sleep sand out of my eyes and slipped 'Sharon' into my sweatshirt's pocket. Golly! Was I ever picking up some bad habits from my new friends! On Gallifrey, only the 'Praetorian Guard' in the 'Citadel' were permitted to carry arms and only 'stasis' weapons at that!

Rally 'Cat' Vincent pointed to the scanning vidscreens and indicated a big grey coloured 'blob' with a much larger red coloured cigar-shaped 'blob' almost directly behind it. Rally tapped the greyish thing with her unlit cheroot. Zoe was standing behind me and peering over my shoulder.

"That's us, the 'Daedalus', ma'am." she said. Zoe touched a gloved fingertip to the red thing behind us.

"That has got to be the 'Starcrusher', the starship that Vicious swiped, mum. Don't worry. It's not that close. It's still a good hundred 'lightys' behind us. Now, do we ignore it? Speed up a bit? Slow down and allow it to catch up? 'Cloak'? What are your orders, mum?" demanded the Plutonian navigations expert quietly.

"How far away is the 'Adonis Arch', Zoe?" I asked.

"Not far, mum. Another half a solar hour. It's a mere 'wormhole' in space. We'll be through it and in the 'Omega Chi Quadrant' before 0600 hours, six AM." she replied softly. Was it possible that Vicious could hear us speaking?

"Yes. Anything above a soft voice on this bridge can be picked up by Vicious's 'space microphones' so please keep your voice down, Commander." replied the Beta Zoid from Pluto.

"And then how far away is this 'Workoh' planet? After we leave the 'Arch', Captain." I whispered. Zoe Morton calculated swiftly on her PDO unit before answering me.

"ETA at our present speed- 0930 hours or half past nine later on this morning, mum." she replied softly.

"Tell me this, Zoe. On our present course, would Mr Vicious think we are headed for the Arch? (Zoe nodded) There is no way that he might guess that we are bound somewhere else?" I asked.

"Nope. There's nothing out this way except the 'Adonis', Al." said Rally, lowering her voice to a whisper. This was like a Terran submarine playing cat and mouse with a WWII destroyer battleship!

"No change in our course, Navvy. Do not speed up or slow down. Ignore the 'Starcrusher' behind us. We must do nothing to scare him off. In less than one solar hour, Admiral Zero will reach Kurestan with his prisoner. I do not believe that Vicious could catch up with him now but I have no idea of that huge craft's speed either.

"When we exit the Arch, make certain sure that Mr Vicious knows we are heading towards this 'Workoh' world. I will watch our approach from the 'star room'. Inform me when we reach 'Workoh'. I want to be here when we make planetfall. There will be no 'cloaking' without my authorization. Does everyone understand that? (They both nodded) Make sure that the pilots know this as well. Thank you both. Carry on." I said and then I exited the 'nav room' through the portals that led to the back hallway.

Even on 100 K magnification, the 'Adonis Arch' still looked as far away as it had a few hours ago! Of course! Space travel was really a form of time travel. Lady Xerxes Kamforden would have a fit if she thought that I had forgotten that basic law of quantum mechanics! She had drummed it into my skull enough times during my freshman era on Galli!

"Commander? Gene says we have just entered the 'Arch'. I thought I would mention it in case you thought that the Arch had vanished from your 'window' up there. I am sending your breakfast up with Margo and Dale. Morton out." trilled Zoe.

"Thanks. I am famished, dear. Prydonia out." I trilled back using my comm badge.

Breakfast was a real omelet, toast, java and fruit. No! I will not tell you how many helpings I had! Suffice it to say I 'pigged out' to quote Bulma Brief! Suddenly the Arch was back!

"Al? Zoe. Gene says we just exited the Arch. It should be visible to you again. 0600, mum. If all has gone according to plan, Zach Zero should have arrived at Kurestan with Ming in his brig. Mr Garner won't allow him to break comm relay silence and you know why too. (The spies of course) We are turning hard to port and heading for 'Workoh'. We are now within the 'Omega Chi Quad'. Mum? Sure we shouldn't 'cloak' yet? Over." trilled my chief navvy.

"Negative! There are too many possible worlds and moons out here and we cannot risk Mr Vicious guessing wrong! He must follow us all the way to 'Workoh' and then follow us all the way to its 'Dark Side' before we beging playing 'Ducks and Drakes' with him by 'cloaking' and 'decloaking'. Please advise me when Mr Starwind is ready to 'touch down'. Understood? Over." I trilled as softly as I could. The 'star room's acoustics made even a whisper sound like 'Dog Boy's shouts!

I composed more of my report to Mr Garner on my PDO and debated sending for Sarah, my new yeoman secretary. However, I opted against this plan because Sarah had looked doggie tired as had Jo Grant and Liz Shaw. Ace Johnson and Mae Hopkins, the 'Blaster' and the 'Bomber' respectively were in the arsenol exploring and 'shopping' for new explosive goodies and weapons.

"Hullo there, Poppet. Now will you tell me where the devil we are going and why? Here. Have a 'humbug' or a 'jellie baby'?" chuckled my dear cousin, #4 Doctor jovially. I made a 'keep quiet' sign with my finger to my lips and he dropped his voice a fraction.

"Why are we whispering, Allison?" he asked curiously.

"Because, dear Cousin Doctor, Mr Vicious is using something called a 'space microphone' and it amplifies anything above a whisper on this ship especially in this room. I hastily explained our postion and my new mission to him. I finished his 'humbugs' and then I started on his sack of 'jellie babies'. Yeah, I just had breakfast. So? I told you I was getting to be a little piggie.

The portal swished aside and a grinning 'Angel' Jonathan Snith strolled into the 'star room'.

"Gene didn't want to chance using the comm badges so I came up here to tell you that we are about to make planetfall. Hurry or you'll miss the 'touch down' on 'Workoh'. Coming, Doctor?" whispered Jonny and we quickly followed him to the lifts.

"Any special instructions, mum? Before I make 'TD', I mean." asked Gene Starwind, my pilot. Jonny was filling in as co-pilot since Han Solo had opted to travel to Alderaan with Zach's 'Liberator' so he could visit his bride of half a year.

"Just land this craft, Colonel. If Mr P is correct, Mr Vicious will land as well. As soon as he does, 'cloak' us and head for the 'Dark Side' of this world. If the 'Starcrusher' deviates away from us, 'decloak' us just long enough for Mr V to spot us again before you again 'cloak' us. Lead him on a merry chase until we are contacted. We are leading Mr Vicious and his friends into a trap, an ambush which has already been set up by the 'ISSP', the 'KASP' and the 'IGSC'. Take it nice and easy, guys. Let us go down, Colonel Starwind." I said softly and we began to descend causing my tummy to rumble.

"Down and safe, ma'am." said Gene.

"Oho! Here comes His Nibs and his purloined craft. He is landing not ten clicks (10 thousand metres) away from us, Brig!" whispered Zoe Morton from the 'nav room' next door to the bridge.

"OK. Understood. 'Cloak' us, Gene. Zoe? Feed Gene the co-ordinates for this planet's 'Dark Side'. Not too fast, Colonel! We want the mouse to follow the cat. Do not lose 'Starcrusher', sir." I said and we disappeared from Mr V's vidscreens or so I hoped!

"Dammit! I could have sworn the bitch was there, Lord Vicious!" snarled Sutek from his seat at the scanners.

"She is still there, milord. They have 'cloaking' abilities." explained Khan.

"Do we really need that little crybaby, Vicious?" snapped Zoron Oakenshield angrily.

"Oh shut up, Dumbhead! Of course we need the little pest! Otherwise, do you think V would have dragged us all the way to 'Omega Chi Q', halfway across the known Universes?" grumbled Johnny Berringer.

"Aha! I told you! There she is! She must be low on fuel reserves so she cannot hold the 'cloak' for too long. Steer due West, Sapphy." said Khan.

"Aye. Aye, sir." replied Star Sapphire, the evil sorceress mage who was pilotong for the gang.

"But there's nothing on the 'Dark Side', milord! Nothing at all!" whined Shade, the evil magician who was acting a navigator for the others.

"Then why, pray tell, is the bitch going that way, Magic Man? Didn't our Senate spy tell us that there was a damned good chance that Ming would be marooned on a faroff world and wasn't 'Omega Chi' mentioned more than once, dammit?" growled Vicious.

"Damn! She has 'cloaked' again! Sapphy! Put us down in that little clearing amongst those rocks! With your permission, milord?" said Johnny Berringer and Vicious nodded curtly.

"Princess? He's landed in that copse of trees by the rocks. Think he might have put two and two together, Jonny?" asked my pilot but my exec shook his head.

"Not according to my 'boss', he hasn't, Gene. Stay cool, man." replied Jonny Smith.

"Commander? This is Olson. Someone is trying to use our transporters to 'beam' aboard. What gives? Over." trilled Neko Olson in a whisper. With Ari off duty, the nekomata/neko/human/trill whatever was filling in as transporter officer.

"From where, Kitty Cat?" demanded my cousin anxiously.

"From directly below us, deep in the 'Dark Side', sir. Should I allow the 'beaming' and isolate them? Over." she whispered.

"That's probably our contact, Allison. Tell her to allow the 'beam', Poppet." said my cousin.

"Affirmative. Allow them to transport aboard and beam whomsoever it might be directly to my 'ready room' with a Level 6 'energy barrier shield' around him or her with a two metre radius. I am going there now. Prydonia out. Come along, cousin." I trilled and then my cousin and I dashed to my 'ready room'.

"I see that it is true after all. A woman is commanding the 'Daedalus'! Know this. I am remaining behind this laughable 'barrier' because Yamato Sensei has ordered me not to destroy it. However, if you do not answer me correctly, I will kill you, Commander Prydonia! Uzimaki." said a tall skinny boy in black Ninja attire. Peeking over his shoulder was a katana blade!

"Akatsuke!" I shouted and then thought better of it when my couson slapped his hand across my big mouth!

"Correct." replied a grinning Sai. With a snap of his fingers, our Level 6 'barrier' vanished in a puff of smoke! He handed us a vidmap with several things drawn upon it.

"Follow this map to the 'X' marked on it. Make certain sure that Lord Vicious follows you there." said Sai quietly.

"Then what, Sai?" I asked and the kid's eyebrows raised perceptibly.

"Then you simply 'cloak' your ship and continue on your original mission, madam. I am sorry but I am not permitted to divulge anything else to you or anyone else on this ship. Now, please have me 'beamed' back down. The return co-ordinates have already been programmed for your transport lady. Perhaps our trails may across again someday, madam, sir. Goodbye." said the kid and I told Neko to 'beam' him back down.

"He's down again, mum. Mum? His programmed co-ordinates just disappeared from my boards! Niki doesn't know them either, mum. Over." trilled Jonny Harlock's weapons officer on his own 'Botany Bay 2' starship.

"Thanks a lot, Neko. I expected something like that to occur. Prydonia out." I trilled and then I sat down at my desk while my dear cousin sprawled out in a chair and put his feet up on my big oval conference table! Manners!

"If I were you, Poppet, I wouldn't spare the hyperdrives in getting out of this quadrant. Our part of this mission has ended. Now we can go home." chortled Cousin Doctor.

"No, we cannot. Unless you know of a 'colonizable' world near the 'Aquarian Galaxy'?" I asked him impishly. He smiled.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask me for some help, Allison. Of course I know of a few 'dead' worlds in decent quads. First, let's get back through the Arch and into civilized space. The longer we stay here in 'Omega Chi', the more vulnerable we are to pirates, brigands and goodness knows what else, Poppet." said my cousin and he sounded and looked like he was dead serious too!

The klaxon sounded and my cousin reached across and hit the release panel. The 'man in black' who saved California from the crooked politicians in the 19th Century on ancient Terra walked into my ready room and collapsed into a chair. I waited and when he said nothing, I spoke.

"You wanted something, Senor Zorro?" I asked and he nodded.

"I hesitate to bring more bad news to the bonita senorita but I fear I am losing my mind." he replied. My cousin was making the 'ga ga' sign by pointing to his head and spinning his index finger. I ignored him and continued.

"I realize that this has been a long voyage, Senor, however, you may be hust homesick for Los Angeles. Last week, 'Kitten' swore she had seen Bill, her old friend from Chicago-" I began but he waved off my explanations.

"But I did see him, Senorita Boss! I swear I saw Hernando de Soto, my old Alcalde! Not only that but Sergeant Mendoso and several of his troopers were with him! I saw my own, I mean Senor Alejandro de la Vega and Senorita Victoria Escalante and some of the villagers as well! As I said, I am going 'loco' like Senor Pancho would say!" wailed the masked guardian of the peace.

I was about to speak when my comm badge vibrated softly.

"Excuse me, sirs. Yes? Prydonia speaking. Calm down, Liz! You say there is a tall bearded gentleman in uniform is on the bridge? And he is on horseback? Troopers? A fat sergeant? A knockout brunette and a tall mustached gentleman also on horseback? Never mind. I think I know what has happened. I am coming over. Prydonia out." I trilled.

I turned to ask Zorro and the Doctor if they cared to accompany me across to the bridge but they had already left! I dashed across the hallway and onto my bridge where-

"Arrest everyone, Sergeant Mendoso! They have bewitched all of us! Stand aside, witch!" shouted the idiot on the white horse who just had to be this fool Alcalde or mayor of old LA! Damn! I had forgotten 'Sharon'!

Leila and Jamie were covering the newbies with ion cannons and blasters. Neko ran in, both cannons drawn and immediately shoved me behind her.

"Identify yourself, sir. Tell me how you come to be aboard my starship, sir." I asked quietly. Hernando placed his hand on his sword hilt when-

"I would not advise you to draw steel here, Alcalde. There are forces here that would make our cannons look like pop-guns." chuckled Zorro. He had not yet drawn his Toledo blade from its sheath. The older guy's eyes popped and he drew his sabre. Zorro did as well.

"Mendoso! What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Arrest Zorro! Arrest the lot of 'em! That's an order!" shouted the bearded lunatic angrily. Zorro stood his ground while Mendoso was looking around the room for someplace to hide!

"Lancers! Arrest I mean lay down your arms! Madre de Dios! (Mother of God!) Where are we, Alcalde? I do not think we are in Los Angeles (Ahn-hey-less) no more! I am scared, Alcalde, sir!" cried the panic-stricken sergeant, tossing down his blade and cartridge belts. His men did the same and at last, de Soto dropped his own sabre and scowled at me! What did I do to him?

"So! You choose to harbour a fugitive from justice, eh? You wish to disobey the law? You will pay dearly for this insolence, Senora whoever you are! Sergeant! Consider yourself under arrest for disobeying my orders! That goes for you lancers as well! Do not blame me for not being able to protect Senorita Escalante and our good citizens! I-" snapped the Alcalde.

"Oh, shut the Hell up, Whiskerpuss! Drop that pistol too! All of ya! Climb down off those horses now! Liz! Jo! Sarah! Dale! Alana! Take those nags downstairs to the bays. Get Pancho and Cisco to help ya. Make sure they are fed and watered. Where do ya want 'em taken, Boss? The brig?" growled Neko Olson.

"Stand down! Lower your weapons and that is an order! I believe that we would all be more comfortable down in the rec room. I think that the dear sergeant needs a drink. I know I need one. Not to worry, Cousin Doctor. I never touch anything stronger than java. Zorro? Will you please escort our visitors belowdecks to the bar? I will join you presently. Dismissed!" I said and as usual, the newcomers were impressed! My seeming youth or the fact that I was a mere female? Take your pick.

"Name yer poison, folks! Welcome to the 'Daedalus'. Sorry but I dunno exactly where we are in the Universes offhand." chuckled the barkeep of the day, Mark Gordon. Assisting him was my cousin's old pal, Prince Varran of 'Arcadia' or 'Mongo' or both. I never did learn exactly what kingdom this guy really ruled. The bearded buffoon slapped his hand down on the bar top.

"Drinks are on me, boys! Order up! My treat!" yelled Gramps, plunking down a silver peso. That would not even have covered a single beverage in this Century, not even on 'Dantoonine'! However, everything aboard was 'non gratis' I mean free so the regulars just laughed and went back to drinking. We had only 'Synthenol' beverages anyway which meant no real alcohol liquors. Mark served the ladies first much to Mr Peabody's chagrin.

"Take it easy, my dear sir. You will soon get used to the place." consoled the cute white doggie in a smart looking dark business suit, spats, monocle and twirling a sword stick 'cane'. Senor de Soto stared at him goggle-eyed.

"You're a dog! Dog's can't talk!" he shouted, spilling wine on the floor which was hastily mopped up by a cleaner 'droid which appeared out of nowhere and vanished just as quickly.

"I suppose that cat's cannot talk either, Buster?" snapped Artemis, the other 'Mooney' neko or cat if you prefer.

"We are all bewitched! Never fear! Your Alcalde will save you from these sorcerers!" yelled de Soto.

"No more drinks for Grandpa, Your Highness. He musta had a few afore he got here! I'm flaggin' this guy!" whispered Mark.

"Zorro, my old friend! You can tell Heimie. Where are we really?" asked Sergeant Mendoso who had been drinking steadily for over an hour!

"I swear that all I gave him were 'Shirley Temples', Mark! He hasn't had a drop of booze! Honest!" said Varran.

"Zorro told me that guy gets wasted on food, not drink, Yer Highness." chuckled Mark Gordon. I held out my empty java mug and Varran refilled it with minty mocha java. I was on my fourth soft pretzel when my dear cousin told me that it was high time we were leaving this quadrant.

"I'll handle the explanations, Allison. Gene can't lift off without your orders, Poppet. Off you go." he said and I nodded, drained my fifth or sixth mug of java and took my leave of the group.

"Lift off as soon as Dynamo's ready to go, Gene. He was repairing the 'warp core' after we hand landed. I want us off of 'Workoh' and through the Arch as soon as you can manage it. My cousin's explaining things to the newbies down in the rec room. Better turn on the 'strap in' signs, Jonny." I said as soon as I had entered the bridge and I sat down in my command chair and strapped myself into it.

"Find a seat and strap in, guys and ladies! The 'strap in' sign is lit and that means we are lifting off very soon! Swallow hard a couple of times because a G force of almost 6 is a little hard on the body! The bar is closed until this ship is on 'George'!" announced Mark Gordon. Then he grabbed the Prince and sat him down in an easy chair beside the bar and strapped him in tight. Mark then strapped himself in when Angie gave him the thumbs up sign that everyone in the rec room was ready to go.

"OK, Jonathan! We're all set to go down here in the bar!" bellowed the big guy into his comm badge which deafened us up on the bridge! Would they never realize that those badges amplified their voices?

Gene listened to his comm badge a second and nodded to Jonny when he got the 'go ahead' from Dynamo. We lifted up smoothly and five minutes later we blasted through the Arch at 15 Warp. Ten minutes later we exited it and headed back towards 'Dariabar XII' and our interrupted mission. My cousin had promised me that he knew of a 'jim dandy' world ripe for the Genesis 'seed' and I sure as heck hoped he was right! I really wanted to get home to 'Shimougou' for Kurisumasu or Christmas as you Terrans say.

Home? Strange that I was already thinking of 'Shim' as my new home. I mean I had never been there before save for the huge spaceport tower in 'Furool' or Foo-Lon City on the Eastern coast of the planet. We Gallis celebrated the holiday of course but we did things a lot differently there than on other worlds. Ours was all pomp and ceremonies and as boring as the Dickens! I was looking forward to a fun holiday for the very first time ever!

"Hullo there, Poppet. We are through the Arch and headfing back towards 'D 12', I take it?" my cousin asked innocently.

"OK. You promised, cousin mine. Where is this 'dead' world that is supposed to be 'ready to colonize'?" I demanded and he smiled.

"Steer due Southwest for a hundred and twenty five 'lightys' once we reach 'D 12's 'outer markers'. You will find an uncharted world I found several millennia ago. I named it 'Victorine' after your dear mother, Allison. It was dead then and it was still the same five solar years ago while I was still traveling with Romana. You know, my love, except for the hair colouring and its style as well as your, ahem, height, you are as like to her as two peas in a pod. When do we reach those markers, Poppet?" asked my cousin.

"Tomorrow evening after supper, around 1900 hours (7 PM), Doctor." answered Zoe Morton who had come through from her nav room to check a gauge with Jonny Smith. I was busy musing about my dear mother who had disappeared during my 8oth year while I was yet a child. I appeared aoutwardly to be about eight Terran years of age! I never did discover what had happened to her.

I had asked 'Grandfather' Casterlein and Lord Barusa and Lady Vanessa many times but they had always changed the subject whenever I had brought up the question. I was determined to find out and I knew that asking my cousin would be more 'hemmin' and hawin' as Granny Moses-Clampett would have said. However, I knew that he had brought aboard the 'Great Book of Rathelon' with him and I had seen him conceal it on his TARDIS.

"Ooh! I have such a ghastly headache! I think I will lie down for a bit. If I am needed, I will be in my quarters." I told my bridge crew and then I strolled back to my rooms and sealed the portals. A second later and I had entered 'Kaw-Lija' and stepped into 'Maggie's control room.

I strode swiftly through several rooms and located a hidden panel which revealed a set of dusty old steps leading down below. The stairwell twisted and turned this way and that until I had descended the equivalent of 35 floors or levels. I found the ancient safe and knelt down beside it.

Oddo, the mischievous dwarf from 12th Century Terran Britain had taught me how to 'crack' a safe one dull day on my cousin's TARDIS and I strained to recall his instructions. First, use the sanded paper on my fingertips. Next, place my ear next to the safe's door. Next, 'feel' the 'tumblers' with my fingers and listen for the numbers to 'click' into place and note them and the number of turns necessary to get to them.

Now, simply spin the 'tumblers' the correct number of times and stop at the noted numbers and-

The damned thing won't open! Oh yeah, turn the handle clockwise and pull. What a load of junk! Aha! The big book of our founder! Everything ever done by any time lord or lady was written down in this thing. I carried it to a small deal table and sat down. I tapped a small switch on the table and the room was flooded with light!

I opened the ancient tome and checked the index for 'Prydonia', my clan. Wowie! Hundreds of names! Skim down to the 'V's. No! Uncle Barry (Barusa) had once told me her real name was 'Katrina' so back up to the 'K's! Aha! There it is! 'Katrina Wilhelmina Victorine Ophelia Daggerrand, her maiden name, Prydonia.

Huh? Husband's name- David Wilhelm Vincente Kristopher Rathelon? Lord and founder of the Gallifreyan time lords? He is or was my real grandfather? Then why am I named Allison? Time lords and ladies are always named after family members! Aha! My grandmama is or was Seras Victoria Allison Dracul Daggerrand Rathelon?!

So! I was related to royalty both on Galli and on Terra? I was related to 'Police Girl' and Lord Alucard of 'Hellsing'? Oh well, at least I knew the origins of my own name at long last! Now to see what had happened to my dear mother!

I swiftly riffled back to page MMMCCCCIV (3404 was several hundred millions of millennia ago!) and began speed reading. I had no idea when my cousin would realize that time folks like us rarely ever get 'headaches' and NEVER before they reach their second century mark! I am 130, remember?

'- and today, my dear daughter-in-law Vicky of Prydonia disappeared while on a routine fact-finding mission to the world of 'Arcadia' where she was taken hostage by that system's emporer, Ming whom is known as the Merciless.'

"NO! It cannot be! She was taken by that monster! What happened next?" I shouted involuntarily.

"Poppet! I didn't think it was necessary to warn you about the 'Great Book'! Only very senior time lords and ladies are permitted to read that tome! However, now you know! That was why I was so reluctant to be sent to fetch that monster from 'Mongo'! I do not know how many times during that voyage back to 'Gallifrey' with the worm that I yearned to squeeze his scrawny neck betwixt me fingers! How many times did I long to feel his blood on my hands!

"So would you if Vicky had been your wife, my dear daughter! No. I am not your 'cousin'. I am your father! Read no farther! I cannot bear it! Shall I tell you the rest? Very well. He tortured my beloved wife forcing her to spend all of her own dozen 'regenerations' until she reached the 12th! That was when he, when he, when he- had, had, had my dear one condemned as a sorceress and she was burned alive! I did not find out from Rathelon, your grandfather and her father-in-law for several long centuries!

"By that time, because we were considering allowing 'Mongo' to join the 'Federation of Galaxies', now the 'United Galactic Federation of Galaxies' of which the '3WA' is an integral part, Ming was 'pardoned' for his many crimes against humanity on many worlds! Now the bastard is to be judged for the crimes he has committed since the atrocities he commited against your dear mother and again I am forced to abide by 'Galactic Law' and he again slips through my fingers!

"We never intended for you to ever know the awful truth, my child! Now, I must ask that you swear never ever to reveal the truth to anyone else ever! The needs of the many outweight the needs of the few or, in this case, the one! I'll bet you know which of Mr Dickens's books that quote comes from? I suggested it to him for that tale of London and Paris while he was writing all about Monsieur Carton.

"Do you swear by the time lords' code of ethics, my dear one?" My father was in tears and shaking uncontrollably and I too was sobbing like a schoolgirl! Of course I swore and now, you who are reading this many millennia in the future, I ask that you too swear never ever to reveal these words to anyone!

I gently pried the tome loose from under Father's head and carefully wrapped it in a piece of dark linen before returning it reverently to the safe and relocking it. Then, using the phaser gun I had borrowed from Lady Kiva Nerese, commander of the 'USS Coriander' of 'Starfleet', I fused the lock so that nobody could ever reopen that safe!

"Father? Does this mean that you will still be only my dear 'cousin'?" I wailed. He grinned back at me and shook his head.

"For the nonce. However, before your next birthday, Poppet, I swear by the scared book itself that I will reveal myself as your widowed father. I may as well since most of 'Gallifrey' knows the truth anyhow. Any news on Ming's sentence yet?" he asked and I frowned.

"Supreme Commander Lady Solo is putting his trial on 'hold' until the spies are rooted out of the Senate! Perhaps Diana's 'Shadow Daddy' (LeMont Cranston and the goddess Approdite were Diana Prince aka 'Wonder Girl's parents) will soon expose these spies in the Senate and on the High Council." I replied and he accompanied me back up the winding stairs and through 'Maggie' and 'Kaw-Lija' and back onto 'Daedalus' and my bridge.

I was so ashamed of myself for bringing up such painful memories for my poor Papa! Well, if I had not have done so, I would not have found out that my 'cousin' was really my dear father, would I? Dammit all! Now I too longed to throttle that demon bastard Ming!

Imagine! Forcing Mama to spend all 12 of her 'regenns' and then such a horribly painful death to have to endure! My Doctor Father tapped my arm and beckoned me to follow him. He led the way and I followed him back to my ready room office behind the bridge and nav room. He sealed the portals and then he took a strange implement from his pocket that resembled an ancient Terran remote control box! He waved it all around the room and, apparently satisfied, he pocketed the gadget.

"Please sit down, Poppet. There are some more things that you have the right to know." he said. I obediently sat down on a chair at the huge table. He sat down beside me and then swiveled his chair to face me.

"The Supreme Commander at Kurestan knows everything that I told you on 'Maggie' with the exception of your parentage. You may trust that Leia Solo will judge Ming fairly and he will be sentenced accordingly after being prosecuted to the fullest extent that 'Galactic Law' will allow.

"In his case, the death penalty is a very real possibility. Furthermore-" he began before I burted out-

"NO! He must suffer the same way poor Mama was forced to suffer by that monster, Father! Death is too good for the fiend!" I screamed. If this room were not sound-proof, I would have had the entire crew in there with us.

"I know it hurts, child but the high courts of Kurestan are administrators of the law, not butchers and certainly not the 'Spanish Inquisition', little Allison. Still, there is the possibility that he may be executed. Whatever way the courts decide, we must be prepared to accept the sentence, Poppet.

"It is high time that you started acting your age, young lady. I mean your real age, your 'Gallifreyan' age. You are a member of the High Council, you are the first 'Galli' to be recruited into the 3WA, you have achieved the highest ranking ever attained by any 'Galli' citizen, you are a direct descendant of our sovereign Lord of all time lords and lastly, you are my daughter.

"If you had really known her, you would know that your mother would never approve of the death penalty or torture for anyone, no matter what the circumstances. I knew Vicky a Helluva lot longer than you did, child. Now, dry your eyes, blow your nose and start acting like a Brigadier and complete this mission.

"I assure you that we will be back on 'Shim' in plenty of time for you and the others to go Kurisumasu shopping. That is something that all girls, pardon me, women, love to do- even on 'Gallifrey'. My goodness, look at the time! I missed lunch and now it's almost time for supper!

"Oh and do your old Dad a favour? For once on this mission, dress like a lady, for me? You look like a ragamuffin from the 'Soul Society's 'Rukkan District'! I'll give you ten minutes to make yourself presentable before I call for you in your quarters and escort my daughter to dinner. Until five, Poppet." he said, repocketing his wristchromo. My Dad hated wearing a watch and he felt that those big Hunter pocket watches were too old-fashioned!

I made the mistake of mentioning to the 'shopping duet' of Rio DelCroix and Fllay Allster that my 'cousin' wanted me to look more modern ladylike and they insisted on helping me to get ready! Way to go, girl,eh?

"She needs a smart pants suit like Margo and Faye usually wear. Even Dale wears one!" insisted Rio.

"Are you nuts? The Doc wants her in a dress or a gown! Let's go see what's in 'Maggie's closets!" yelped Fllaysie.

My Dad called for me promptly at five and when I didn't answer his klaxon peal, he let himself in and began to play with 'Whitey'. It was another ten whole minutes before I was finally outfitted to my two seamstresses' satisfaction! I apologized for being so late but Dad's mouth was wide open and he was speechless!

Huh? It was just a simple black dinner gown with dark coloured stockings and high-heeled black pumps! I carried a small what the girls had called an 'evening bag' and draped around my finery was an ankle length white cloak trimmed in silver which Angela de Roncesvalles had given me for my birthday. I hoped I would not trip over the thing or step on my ankle length hair!

"You are so beautiful, my dear child. I am very proud to be your father, Poppet. Shall we go?" he said gallantly and offered me his arm which I took. Luckily for us, Rio and Fllaysie were also playing dressup and were still exploring Maggie's extensive wardrobes so they ahd not caught Dad's slip-up! We strolled into the dining hall and there was a deadly silence!

Everyone stood up without Mr Popo's usual bellowing of 'Brigadier in the room!' for once! Goku, Vegeta, InuYasha and Kouga were fighting over who was going to hold a chair for me. Mr Peabody beat them all to the punch and I sat down. My newfound Daddy seated himself beside me.

"That era's dinner gown never goes out of fashion, kiddo." whispered Margo Lane with a wink. I found out later that Margo had purchased the ensemble I was wearing in AD 1921 New York City on ancient Terra.

Wonder of wonders! There were no food fights and Miss Higurashi did not have to 'sit' Dog Boy even once! We had a civilized dinner for the very first time aboard my 'Daedalus'! Do not worry. It only lasted through dinner at which I did not 'pig out' as per usual. I was learning that ladies do not eat like there would be no tomorrow nor were they ever expected to be on time by their gentleman callers! So much to learn!

I got up after dinner and so did all the gentlemen at the table including Mark, Jonny, Joe, Billy Boy, Todd, Buzz, the real cowboys and the galactic ones! Kouga held my chair while InuYasha insisted on helping me to rise and the Saiyaans escorted me back to my quarters! My father was very amused indeed!

A tap came on my portal around eight and Dad entered. I was still wearing my borrowed gown and was just about to change into my ordinary 'slob' clothes but he insisted that we take a 'stroll' around the decks and he was adamant that I remain a 'lady' at least until bedtime! Of course we time ladies were used to wearing dresses and cloaks.

However, we wore rather drab attire save for special ceremonial rites! Our 'dresses' resembled sacks like old-fashioned Catholic nuns used to wear! Suddenly I giggled and Dad asked me what was the joke?

"I was just recalling a story that Mr Garner had told us once about an old mission that the Boss and the Duchess had been on many years ago. It seemed that on this world all women were required to wear old-fashioned dresses, not hot pants or trousers. He showed us a vidphoto of the Boss Lady attired in a dress and she was not a happy camper! The Duchess was beside her superior and she was posing for the shot. They looked so funny, Daddy!" I replied and he suddenly grabbed my arm!

"Poppet! Although I am your father, nobody else aboard this contraption of yours knows this fact. It will be in our best interests if we do not reveal this fact to anyone at this time. A slip like you just made could have dire consequences. Ming kidnapped Vicky because he wanted to force my hand as the time lords' Lord President! When I refused to assist him in his diabolical plans of Universal supremacy, he had my dear one murdered in cold blood!

"What do you suppose would happen if someone like Vicious or Khan or even Barringer found out that you were my child? I don't even want to speculate on what Sutek might do should he ever discover my secret! Poppet, they would not hesitate to kidnap or even force you to expend your 'regenns' before killing you! Dammit girl! You must remember not to forget that to everyone else, even on 'Gallifrey', that we are 'cousins' and nothing else! Ah, the 'star room'! I want to see where we are at present. Why don't you 'rep up' some wine for me and some java for yourself? I could do with a fresh sack of 'jelly babies' and a few sacks of 'humbugs' as well." said my dear father/cousin and he was in deadly earnest about keeping my big mouth shut!

I adroitly changed the subject by asking Daddy about this 'special' dead world or moon of his.

"It's called 'Victorine' and when I visited there back in '47 (AD 2247. We are in the 23rd Century, remember?) there was not a single living thing or organism or even a germ there, Poppet." he replied grimly. I sensed there was something he was not telling me and I frowned.

"Funny that there should be a dead world so close to so much life, Cousin Doctor. 'Dariabar XII' is teeming with people or it was when Auntie Helena visited her relatives there." I said and now it was his turn to frown.

"Not funny at all, child. Dead and destitute of life is how Sutek usually leaves a planet after he has drained off its life forces." explained the Doctor and I was in shock! It must have shown on my face because he popped a 'humbug' into his mouth and then offered one to me. Of course he knew they were my favourite sweet. Well, he was my Daddy, right?

"Anyway, it all works out for the best. Soon 'Victorine' will again be teeming with life and ready to be colonized. After you terraform it with that 'Project EDEN seed', you can map it onto the vid star charts and then return evryone home to your new world of 'Shimougou' in plenty of time for Kurisumasu. Everyone will have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2257 after all. Won't that be nice, Poppet? (He raised his wine glass) Here's to the conclusion of my girl's first successful mission! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Well done, Allie!" he chortled and I toasted him with my java mug.

"What about Mr Murphy, sir?" I asked mysteriously and he seemed all asea.

"Who's Murphy?" he demanded. I giggled.

"I do not know exactly. However, Auntie Kei is always complaining about his laws! She always says hi first law is that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. I just hope he's nice to me for my first real mission." I laughed and so did Daddy.

We spent the remainder of our evening studying the stars. By silent mutual consent, we avoided speaking about Ming or Mama any more that night. At midnight, he yawned and said something about 'good little girls' belonging in bed and dreaming weet dreams. He suggested one last promenade around the decks before we turned in. I agreed but I insisted that we make one final check on the flight crew before we retired. He reluctantly agreed.

"Poppet, you must learn not only to delegate authority to others but to trust those persons to whom you have entrusted your authority. Gene Starwind is perfectly capable of piloting this starship without any help from you." he scolded me mildly but I still frowned.

"I have no doubt along those lines, sir. However, his co-pilot is a mere 'Angel' (Jonathan Smith, my exec, was filling in as co-pilot while General Solo was on Alderaan with his bride) and not used to these systems. I will only stay a minute or two. Afterwards, I promise to be a good girl and go to my bunk, OK?" I replied and he nodded abstractedly. He was studying a watercolour painting on the bulkhead wall outside of Engineering.

Out came his 'hand lens' or 'magnifying glass' which Mr Holmes had given to him for his birthday last SeptOct. He squinted through it and 'oohed' and 'ahhed' so much that I almost laughed. You see, I knew whom had painted this picture but I doubted that my dear father knew this fact.

"Good brush strokes, child. Early 18th Century Terra, I believe. John Lynch? No, I think not. Aha! A Benjamin West! You know I advised him once on a watercolour he was doing for Carpenter's Hall in old Philadelphia, the early seat of American government in Mr Billy Penn's state of Pennsylvania. By the by, that name translates into 'Penn's Woods', you know? A fine piece of workmanship. Not very many craftsmen of Ben's ilk around these days." he explained and this time, I did burst out laughing! He looked pained so I hastened to explain.

"Rin, Dog Boy's brother Sess's ward? She asked Kaggie Higurashi for some paints and papers last week and then she painted that lovely wooded scene all by herself. To think a child's watercolour fooled the venerable art expert into thinking it was a Benjamin West classic! Too much, man!" I replied. I was not really gloating. Honest!

"Anyone can make a mistake, Poppet. Besides, that's a damned good still life no matter who painted it. Well, we had best not dawdle here in this drafty corridor. You'll catch your death in that gown, child." he said and we took the lift down to the command deck where we had soon been assured by Colonel Starwind that everything was 'ship shape', whatever that meant! Daddy seemed satisfied so I thanked the whole flight crew and we both retired for the evening.

The following day and night dragged on and on until the chromo on my bulkhead wall struck the hour of seven in the evening. I was in my quarters playing with Whitey and Luna while Artemis complained about his dinner. He was used to filet mignon and caviar. However, 'Mooney' had told me that she was a spoiled brat and that I was to feed her and Luna plain old cat food. Milady Arty mewed and howled until I finally relented and repped up some sturgeon roe (fish eggs) and some choice steaks (filet mignon) to shut her up!

I had made plenty so Whitey and Luna dug in as well. I tried both of these exotic dishes and I must admit that the filet mignon was delicious. However, the caviar tasted gross to quote Rio DelCroix! Yuck! Angie later explained to me that one must acquire a taste for many dishes and caviar was one of them.

I was still hungry even though it was scarcely two hours since I had eaten my dinner. 'Eating for two, my dear girl?' was what Margo had asked me but I did not understand this ancient Terran lady. Fllay Allster was kind enough to provide a transalation and I got very red in the face indeed! I was about to rep up a Philly cheesesteak when my comm badge vibrated.

"Yes? Prydonia speaking. What is it? Over." I trilled.

"Starwind here, Princess. 'Dariabar's 'outer markers' have just been sighted. Orders, mum? Over." he trilled.

"Steer us due Southwest for 125 'lightys' (light years) exactly. According to Da- I mean, my cousin doctor, we should reach 'Victorine', our destination, before evening tomorrow. Need me for anything on the bridge, Colonel? Over." I trilled.

"Relax, Princess and leave the flying to us. Have a nice evening, mum. Starwind out." he trilled.

"Thanks. Prydonia out." I trilled. I had just picked up my PDO to continue the exciting vidnovel about the diamond mines of King Solomon's in Africa on ancient Terra when my klaxon chimed. It was a quarter to eight by my wristchromo.

"Come. It is unlatched." I called and my portals slid aside to admit my executive officer who was supposed to be our co-pilot for this shift. I must have looked cross because the 'Angel' hastened to explain.

"Forgive me, Allison for this intrusion. I asked Mark to spell me for a breather. I just wanted you to know that I too feel your pain. It must have been terrible to find out about your dear mother and the atrocities inflicted upon her my this Ming character. However, my 'boss' has always told me that people must grieve a loss and then move on to other things, Cousin Major. We just wanted you to know that both of us, my 'boss' and I, are always here for you. Now I think I had best go and rescue Gene from another one of Mark's police 'war stories'- You wanted to ask me something, ma'am?" said Jonny Smith.

"How is it that this 'boss' of yours knows the intimate details of my family and knows all about my business, sir?" I demanded a trifle angrily, I am ashamed to admit!

"We also know that #4 is not your cousin, dear. We know that he is your father and yes, we do know all about your poor late mother and her sufferings at the hand of this Ming guy. However, you must forgive him and pray for his soul to find peace. That is the only way that your soul too will find peace, my dear one. How do we know? That I am not yet at liberty to share with you, Poppet Victorine. Well, g'night, Brig. Pleasant dreams." he replied and I was as confused as heck! I was about to say something else but he was gone and my portal was again closed.

"How'd she take the news?" whispered Mark Gordon, vacating his seat for Jonathan Smith.

"I dunno, Mark. How would you take it? Better get some sleep, pal. We'll be driving on a real road sooner than you think." replied Jonny very quietly. (Hey! We wouldn't be doing any exploring until the day after tomorrow! I thought for certain sure that Allie had acquainted Jonny and Mark with that fact)!

OK guys! Allie said it's high time that we checked in on our own 'Fearless Leader' and the 'Duchess' back home at Takachiho Academy on Shimougou so away we go as a certain rotund Terran comedian from New York City would have said-

"Dammit all, Airhead! Did you have to buy out the mall? Did you at least remember to get those extra power packs we needed and those vidsoftware programs that Rock (Obajime) asked you to get? Ya did? That's something anyway. By the way, I am NOT getting dolled up to play Father Christmas's elf with you! I don't care if you promised Chrono I would or not!

"I'm a headmistress, dammit, not a Ventigan! You're not gonna leave all that junk in here, are ya? Whatta ya mean ya ran outta room at our place? Look, Dumbass! Outta the goodness o' my heart, I let ya move in with me and Marrie (Brigadier Marlene Angel) while your dump at 'Krillin Estates' is bein' redecorated. When Alley Cat gets back from her mission, we'll have Kome (Sawaguchi) and Kami (God) knows who else crashin' with us!

"However, I am gonna put my boot down on your junkin' up the flat with prezzies fer Kurisumasu (Christmas)! Oh yeah, if Doc 4 don't get back in time, who's gonna be Father Christmas? Who? You didn't ask himself ta do it? Please tell me you did not con Vittorio into playing the bearded mummer's freak! Ain't he got enough to worry about with Ming and his galactic solution already? He said what?

"He actually wants to play St Nicky? Yeah, I know you love playin' elf but I don't! Furthermore-" snapped 'She Who WILL Be Obeyed' angrily. What else she was about to regale poor Yuri Donovan with was drowned out by the klaxon chiming of the office's main portals.

"C'mon in, dammit! If you can squeeze through the junk all over the floor, that is!" she growled and the portals parted to admit a bespectacled Lt Kain Furey. He smiled at the two ladies and then saluted. For once, Yuri ignored his salute. Of course, the Boss never saluted anyhow!

"Sorry to disturb you, mum but this vidwire just came for you from Kurestan HQ. Looks important too so I jogged over ere with it as soon as I could." he said, handing the redhead a coded signal.

"Would you please put your finger on this ribbon, Kain?" asked Yuri sweetly. He looked flustered like e usually did around the 'Deadly Dynamic Duo'.

"With your permission, of course, Marshall O'Halloran?" she added and Kei waved him away.

"Take him with my compliments, Dingbat. Dammit! I still refuse! I won't do it! I won't!" screeched the Boss Lady and Kain Furey smiled.

"I was told to tell you that if you had any questions about those orders to have you call Alderaan. The vid number is '447XT', mum. Sorry about that, Miss D. Yes, I'd love some tea. Shall I be 'Mother' today? Ooh! Snickerdoodles! May I? Thank you very much, mum." said the lieutenant, helping himself to cookies and pouring out tea.

"Gimme Alderaan '447X-Ray, Tango' and make it snappy, dammit! What's my vidcred number? Wait a sec. Yuri? What's my vidcred ID number? OK. Thanks. Yeah, it's 'Kilo, Orion, Hotel, 1, Juliet, 31'. Yeah. This IS Grand Marshall O'Halloran, ya Dumbass! Just get me the bloody vidnumber, OK? Yeah, thanks.

"Hullo. Who the Hell's this? Oh, it's you Fiona (MacCrimmon). Where's Charlie? Well, get him already! You're damned right it's important! Hullo? Oh, hiya Charlie. Hey, is this vidwire on the level? He did? 'God' himself eh? OK, I don't like it but I'll do it but only 'cause he wants me to do it, Charlie. The 'package' get there yet?

"Yesterday? Good. Whatta ya mean, Her Nibs ain't gonna put him on trial yet? OK! Then comm relay me back on the 'scrambler', Charlie. OK. Say bye bye to Fiona for me. Ciao! O'Halloran out." she said gruffly and tossed the vidphone towards the table where it would have shattered into a zillion pieces had not the ever alert Kain Furey deftly caught it and returned the vidphone to its cradle.

"Honestly Hellcat, ya gotta be more careful! Mr Dithers said that if he has to replace that vidphone again, he was gonna charge us for it! Just because you run this school does not mean that you can treat the place like you treat your home! Thanks Kain. I wondered where those 'sticky strip nails' got to! Stop making a face, Reds! I told you we were decorating for the holidays whether you liked it or not! Oh, nust you go, Kain? Already? Yeah, I guess perhaps you'd better if Revy (Robert) is 'OD' (Officer of the Day) at HQ." said Yuri and Kain took his leave.

"Prezzie for ya, Captain. It ain't really official until 'Kurisumasu Ibu' (Christmas Eve) so don't put on them 'railroad tracks' yet. Congrats, pal o' mine. Ya sure as Hell earned 'em and then some. Sayonara fer now. See ya, Furey." growled the Boss, tossing the befuddled lad a silver double bars insignia. Promotions came in add ways in the 3WA.

"Have a nice day and congratulations, Kainy." cooed Yuri sweetly and she waved him goodbye.

"Kainy? Give me a break, Vacuumhead! Don't ya know he's got a thing fer the 'Blonde Bomber' ('Gunsmith Cat' Minnie Mae 'Kitten' Hopkins, our demolitions expert. She was currently serving on the 'Daedalus' with her partner Rally 'Cat' Vincent.) and as soon as the 'Dae' gets here, he's gonna 'pop the question'?" chuckled the redhead with an impish grin which her roomie ignored and continued wrapping up gifts.

The klaxon sounded again and then a tall, jolly gent in a white lab coat entered the office and sat down without being invited.

"Good morning, ladies or is it afternoon? No matter. Wolfie (Wolf Larson was a research scientist with the 3WA 'R&D' department) and I just came up with a real beauty this time, my dearies! Take a look at this! Pretty, no?" said Dr Alexander Cue Ball (Kei called him Cue Ball the Screw Ball but well she is our leader).

He profferred a kawaii (lovely) amethyst ring set with a girasol opal. Kei reached for it and then thought better of it.

"What's it do, Doc?" she demanded.

"What do you think it does, Leibchen (Child)? It blows things up." he answered with a chuckle.

"Then give it to the Vacuumhead. Here's an early prezzie fer ya, kiddo." laughed the Boss Lady.

"No thank you very much indeed, Doctor! My finger still hurts from the last one you gave us to test for you, sir!" howled Yuri.

"Allow me to demonstrate? Please?" he begged.

"In here? The last one blew a hole in a two metres thick wall at that prison in the 'Aries Quad'! Take it to the ranges iff ya wanna play with yer damned toy!" rumbled Keirran O'Halloran.

"Oh, watch carefully." he said and he walked to one of the huge windows and opened it much to Yuri's dismay. Then he tossed the 'ring' at the huge pyramid on the esplanade beside the giant fountain.

The violet-maned minx vixen dove under a desk. The scientist and the Boss remained standing. There was no explosion! Instead, the 'ring' struck the ancient pyramid which had once housed the most fabulous treasure trove in all the Universes and became a gigantic 'viewer and enlarger' which effectively 'blew up' the giant structure!

"Well? I told you it would 'blow things up', didn't I?" chortled the older guy while the Boss laughed and laughed. The 'Duchess' crawled out from under the desk with an embarrassing look on her pretty face! She did put on a good bravado front though or so she thought.

"I wasn't really frightened, sir. It was just- er uh-" stammered a flustered proctor or vice principal of the Academy and her face was turning beet red. Kei kept right on guffawing until both the scientist and Yuri joined in. Then the Boss stopped and looked Cue Ball square in the eyes.

"OK. Nice trick, Doc. What good is it though? How can we possibly use the damned thing on a mission?" she demanded with folded arms and one booted foot on a chair rung.

"Yeah, how does making things larger help us, Doc?" asked Yuri curiously. He shrugged his shoulders and lit a cheroot.

"Don't ask me, Sweetie. I just invent 'em. It's up to you guys to find a use for 'em. Almost lunchtime. Would you ladies allow me to escort you to the dining hall? I believe today we are having LaSagna with peppers and beef! Yummy! Shall we?" asked the taller gentleman, linking arms with the Lovely Angels.

"Thanks but no thanks, Doc. Come back when you invent us something useful. See ya!" said the Boss, giving the poor guy the 'bun's rush' out of her office. As she shoved him out the portal, he collided with a chunky and somewhat older gentleman dressed in a dark pinstripe 20th Century Terran suit!

"I say! Steady on, sir. How many have you had today, sir? It's not even ten o'clock in the morning!" said the newcomer, assisting the scientist to his feet. The doctor thanked him and then beat a hasty retreat to the lift stations.

"Oh, it's you huh? C'mon in, Mr Mason. Where's yer better half and yer trained puppy dog?" asked Kei gruffly.

"Thank you, Madam Marshall. Miss Street (Della was Perry's secretary and gal Friday) and Mr Drake (Paul was Perry's private detective) are shooting 18 holes at Old St Andrew's this morning." explained the 20th Century Terran California defense attorney.

"Would you like some tea or java, Mr Mason? We had some scones but piggy there ate all of them." cooed Yuri sweetly. Kei ignored the insinuations as usual.

"Siddown, Counselor if you can find a spot, that is?" growled the school's headmistress and Mr Mason placed his hat, stick and gloves on Kei's overladen desk where they promptly fell onto the floor. He sat down on what Yuri hoped was one of the divans and accepted a mug of mocha java loaded with clotted cream and sugar. Kei tossed him a half eaten bag of cookies.

"OK. You have yer goodies and java, Perry. What the Hell do ya want with us? Yuri! Can ya stop wrapping presents for a second? What's ya got there, Perry?" asked the redhead, leaning across her precariously laden desk to see the vid documents that Mr Mason had pulled from his pocket. Mr mason just could not get used to no longer needing a briefcase in this time era on this faroff world.

Perhaps I should explain that Della and Paul were playing golf on the holodeck which had been made to resemble the real famous Terran golf course in Scotland. Now, let's see what Perry's up to, guys.

"According to your 'Galactic Law', any tourist has the right to leave 'Shimougou' and return to his or her home whenever he or she wishes so to do. Therefore, I demand that you immediately return Della, Paul and myself along with Lt Trask and Mr Hamilton Burger to 20th Century Los Angeles in the American state of California in the year of AD 1974 in the month of January without delay, Madam!" said Perry matter-of-factly. He handed a vid copy to the Boss and another to Yuri.

Yuri glanced at it and then tossed it on the floor! Kei looked at her copy and then threw it on her desk and began laughing!

"How do you suggest we return a bunch of fictional characters to a world that no longer exists for them, Perry?" she guffawed while her proctor looked annoyed. Mr Mason was quite indignant!

"My dear madam! Are you implying that Miss Street, Mr Drake, Lt Trask, Mr Burger and I, myself are NOT real flesh and blood persons? That we do NOT exist at all? With all due respect, Madam Marshall, how much of that rotgut liquor have you had this morning?" snapped the famed attorney angrily.

Yuri Donovan got up and, without saying a single word, she walked over to the vid TV receiving monitor and snapped it on.

"Channel XX478. Program number MMXV Repeat 165." ordered the Boss quietly. Then she pointed to the broadcast image from ancient Terra. It was 'The Case of the Spurious Spinster', Yuri's favourite and there was Mr Mason haranguing Mr Burger in the crowded courtroom!

"I rest my case, Counselor Mason. 'Nuff said." stated the redhead and she sat down behind her desk and placed her booted heels atop the clutter on her desk, most of which crashed to the floor with the replicator unit.

"I stand corrected, Madam O'Halloran. Then I take it we are all marooned here in this city?" he asked woodenly and Yuri nodded.

"Dipstick! Did ya forget Alley Cat's mission she's on with that dingbat cousin o' hers? Not to worry, Perry. You will soon be starting a brand new life on a spankin' new world." explained the firebrand Hellcat, lighting a cheroot and ignoring Perry's lighter. He sighed and lit a cigarette for himself.

"That is, er, as soon as Major Prydonia finds you one, sir." admitted the violet-maned minx vixen shamefacedly.

"Besides, this is not such a bad place to be living, is it, Mr Mason?" she added brightly and Perry grinned at her.

"To tell you the truth, Admiral Donovan, I was looking forward to taking that fishing trip to the Caatskills with Hamilton very much even if it is just a simulation of the actual lake in New York." he admitted sheepishly.

The portals swished open and a tall guy in old-fashioned Terran golfing attire ran in followed by a striking brunette who was quite cute in Nordic sweater and slacks. She was lugging two bags of golf clubs which she dropped on the floor and mopped her brow with a red kerchief.

"Perry! I've been looking all over the school for you! If your ball goes in the water, don't you lose that hole? Della says it's only a one-shot penalty and you get to drop a new ball and continue the hole!" howled Mr Paul Drake while Miss Della Street giggled and lit a cigarette for herself. Paul helped himself to Perry's java while Yuri poured tea for Della.

"Paul, I told you that it was in our era that they used 'match play' hole by hole rules. In the '70's (1970's) 'stroke play' came into being and so Della is right. A one-stroke penalty and drop a new ball. Then continue the hole. However, where on Terra did you two find water at St Andrew's?" asked Perry, helping himself to a doughnut and swallowing the last of his java.

"Her Nibs here insisted that we change courses to some cute course in Jersey called 'Baltusrol'! It was the 11th, wasn't it, Della? (She nodded wearily and went back to chatting with Yuri.) See? Just like a woman! Always changing her mind like that idiot broad in the 'Dirty Pair'!" snapped Paul.

WHAM! WHAM! "That's 'Lovely Angels', dammit!" chorused the headmistress and her proctor while they socked poor Paul Drake in both of his jaws' maxillas simultaneously.

"I warned you to watch your mouth around here, Paul." cooed Della sweetly while Perry looked daggers at Paul.

"Aren't we in enough trouble around here, Paul? Do you have to get us in more hot water?" moaned Perry. Della patted the big lawyer's shoulder and poured him a cup of tea.

"Well? All this crap aside, Perry. What's the verdict?" demanded the detective.

"Yeah, Boss. When can we go back home? I miss being a secretary." complained the pouting brunette.

Before Perry could frame a reply, the vidphone trilled.

"Answer the viddie, Stupid! It might be imporrtant!" yelped Yuri to her superior who was hunting through the junk on the floor for the offending instrument.

"OK! I will as soon as I find the damned thing, Vacuumhead! You and your junk, dammit! There it is! Yeah? Hullo? Unh huh. This is me. What's up? Ya don't say? Ya did huh? Where? How far from there? Sure. See ya then. O'Halloran out." she said and then threw the vidphone back on the floor.

She turned to Mr Mason, Paul and Della. Kei looked just like the cat that had eaten the canary!

END of Chapter 3. Chapter 4 'Victory on Victorine' or 'When Can We Move Out?' coming very very soon.

Please Read/Review/Suggest away, my friends! Story Teller Guy and the Boss man are always ready to listen- Brig Mar.


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